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Today is Monday, April 28.

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Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Fayetteville teen poisoned grandma's collards over cellphone suspension Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 2001 A Russian rocket launched from Central Asia with the first space tourist aboard. The crew consisted of California businessman Dennis Tito and two cosmonauts. The destination was the international space station.
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A fellow who is always declaring he's no fool usually has his suspicions. --- Wilson Mizner (1876 - 1933)
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I was working in a scrap yard during summer vacation at engineering university. I used to work repairing construction equipment. One afternoon, I was taking apart a piling hammer that had some very large bolts holding it together. One of the nuts had corroded on to the bolt; to free it I started heating the nut with an oxy-acetylene torch. As I was doing this, one of the dimmest apprentices I have ever known came along. He asked me what I was doing. I patiently explained that if I heated the nut it would grow larger and release its grip on the bolt so I could then remove it. "So things get larger when they get hot, do they?" he asked. Suddenly, an idea flashed into my mind. "Yes," I said, "that's why days are longer in summer and shorter in winter." There was a long pause, then his face cleared. "You know, I always wondered about that," he said.
This lady is giving a party for her granddaughter, and has gone all out. She had a caterer, band, and a hired clown. Just before the party starts, two bums show up looking for a handout. Feeling sorry for the bums, the woman tells them that they can get a meal if they will chop some wood out back. Gratefully, they head to the rear of the house. Guests arrive, and all is going well with the children having a wonderful time. But the clown has not shown up, and finally, the clown calls to report that he is stuck in traffic, and will probably not make the party at all. The woman is very disappointed and unsuccessfully tries to entertain the children herself. She happens to look out the window and sees one of the bums doing cartwheels across the lawn. She watches in awe as he swings from tree branches, does midair flips, and leaps high in the air. She speaks to the other bum and says, "What your friend is doing is absolutely marvellous. I have never seen such a thing. Do you think your friend would consider repeating this performance for the children at the party? I would pay him $50!" The bum replies, "Well, I dunno. Let me ask him. "HEY Neil! FOR $50, WOULD YOU CHOP OFF ANOTHER TOE?"
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Thanks to dad for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version This one bloomed today.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Tyt'ana Lisa-Nicole Johnson, 17, Fayetteville, N.C. Fayetteville teen poisoned grandma's collards over cellphone suspension A Fayetteville teen was arrested Thursday and accused of spiking her grandmother's Easter dinner with insecticide, according to an arrest warrant. Tyt'ana Lisa-Nicole Johnson, 17, of 206 Harrison St., was charged with two counts of attempted first-degree murder. She was being held Friday in the Cumberland County jail under a $500,000 bond. According to a warrant, Johnson tried to kill Gaylon Moody on Sunday by pouring insecticide and termite killer into a pot of collard greens cooking on the stove, knowing that Moody planned to eat them. Moody said it was payback after she confiscated her granddaughter's cellphone for a week. "I just couldn’t understand it," Moody said Friday. "Over a cellphone, you want to kill somebody?" She said she cooked her collard greens and the rest of dinner before heading off to church for Easter services. Later, she and friend Clifton Evans sat down to eat. "About an hour and a half later, we started getting sick," she said. "My fingers started feeling numb, (and it spread to) my chest, my face, my mouth." They tried to drive to Cape Fear Valley Medical Center but weren't able to. "We were staggering like we were intoxicated, but neither one of us drank," she said. "You couldn’t smell it. You couldn’t taste it," Evans said. "We couldn’t even stand up we were so weak." A friend of Moody's who overheard Johnson making suspicious comments about sickening her grandmother rushed over and drove Moody and Evans to the hospital, where they were treated and spent the night. On Wednesday, Moody said, she found an empty pesticide bottle in a cabinet at home, and she and Evans confronted her granddaughter, who confessed to the poisoning. "She said, 'Mr. Evans, I didn’t mean to make you sick. I was trying to get back at grandma,'" Evans said. "They got her locked up, but she needs help. Seriously, something's wrong with her. People don’t do that over cellphones." Tech Support Pits From: R Re: Earthlink blocking newsletters? Dear Webby Is Earthlink blocking newsletters? None of them come through any more. What is going on? R Dear R Most likely you told Earthlink to use their totally idiotic anti-spam program, that requires everybody, who wants to send mail to you, to fill out their form and get onto THEIR mailing list. Naturally, newsletters are too smart for that crap and don't fall for it. Absolutely NO newsletter will fall for that. Actually,they can't. Newsletter programs send out the newsletters, but have no ability to fill forms. You have to either turn that moron-malfunction OFF, or figure a way to whitelist the sender addresses of all the newsletters,that you are subscribed to. I would recommend that you do that soonest. Most newsletters will dump you,if they get 3 of those dumb auto-responses. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Remedy for Stinky Feet To remedy stinky toes, soak your feet in a pail of warm black tea many times. Wear sandals and air your feet. By Dorothy from Durban, KZN Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
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Morris had just reached the airport in the nick of time to catch the plane for their two-week's vacation in France. "I wish we'd brought the refrigerator with us," said Morris. "What on earth for?" asked the wife. "I've left our airline tickets on it."
Jill and John boarded a crowded subway car on their way home to Brooklyn. Standing next to them was a man who'd clearly had a liquid lunch. When the doors opened at the next station, the man tumbled out and landed flat on his back. John rushed to his side, picked him up, and hauled him back into the car. As the train was pulling away, the man mumbled to Jill and John, "That wasch my schtop. I alwaysch fall out there!"

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Today in 
0357 Constantius II visited Rome for the first time.
1282 Villagers in Palermo led a revolt against French 
 rule in Sicily.
1686 The first volume of Isaac Newton's "Principia Mathamatic"
1789 A mutiny on the British ship Bounty took place when a rebel 
 crew took the ship and set sail to Pitcairn Island. The mutineers 
 left Captain W. Bligh and 18 sailors adrift.
1818 U.S. President James Monroe proclaimed naval disarmament 
 on the Great Lakes and Lake Champlain.
1896 The Addressograph was patented by J.S. Duncan.
1902 A revolution broke out in the Dominican Republic.
1910 First night air flight was performed by Claude 
 Grahame-White in England.
1914 W.H. Carrier patented the design of his air conditioner.
1916 The British declared martial law throughout Ireland.
1920 Azerbaijan joined the USSR.
1932 The yellow fever vaccine for humans was announced.
1937 The first animated-cartoon electric sign was displayed on 
 a building on Broadway in New York City. It was created by 
 Douglas Leight.
1945 Benito Mussolini and his mistress Clara Petacci were 
 executed by Italian partisans as they attempted to flee 
 the country.
1947 Norwegian anthropologist Thor Heyerdahl and five others 
 set out in a balsa wood craft known as Kon Tiki to prove 
 that Peruvian Indians could have settled in Polynesia. The 
 trip began in Peru and took 101 days to complete the crossing 
 of the Pacific Ocean.
1952 The U.S. occupation of Japan officially ended when a 
 treaty with the U.S. and 47 other countries went into effect.
1953 French troops evacuated northern Laos.
1965 The U.S. Army and Marines invaded the Dominican Republic 
 to evacuate Americans.
1967 Muhammad Ali refused induction into the U.S. Army and 
 was stripped of boxing title. He cited religious grounds 
 for his refusal.
1969 Charles de Gaulle resigned as president of France.
1974 The last Americans were evacuated from Saigon.
1985 The largest sand castle in the world was completed 
 near St. Petersburg, FL. It was four stories tall.
1988 In Maui, HI, one flight attendant was killed when the 
 fuselage of a Boeing 737 ripped open in mid-flight.
1989 Mobil announced that they were divesting from South Africa 
 because congressional restrictions were too costly.
1997 A worldwide treaty to ban chemical weapons took effect. Russia 
 and other countries such as Iraq and North Korea did not sign.
2001 A Russian rocket launched from Central Asia with the 
 first space tourist aboard. The crew consisted of California 
 businessman Dennis Tito and two cosmonauts. The destination 
 was the international space station. 
2014  smiled.

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