Why not Norton? 




Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, May 8.


Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to two SC women who assaulted and tasered the father of their kids. Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1956 Alfred E. Neuman appeared on the cover of "Mad Magazine" for the first time.
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You need only reflect that one of the best ways to get yourself a reputation as a dangerous citizen these days is to go about repeating the very phrases which our founding fathers used in the struggle for independence. --- Charles Austin Beard (1874 - 1948)
Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! (Opens in a new tab, you don't lose this page)
At the end of their first date, a young man takes his favorite girl home. Emboldened by the night, he decides to try for that important first kiss. With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and, smiling, he says to her, "Darling, how 'bout a goodnight kiss?" Horrified, she replies, "Are you mad? My parents will see us!" "Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?" "No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?" "Oh come on, there's nobody around, they're all sleeping!" "No way. It's just too risky!" "Oh please, please, I like you so much!!" "No, no, and no. I like you too, but I just can't!" "Oh yes you can. Please?" "NO, no. I just can't." "Pleeeeease?..." Out of the blue, ! the porch light goes on, and the girl's sister shows up in her pajamas, hair disheveled. In a sleepy voice the sister says: "Dad says to go ahead and give him a kiss. Or I can do it. Or if need be, he'll come down himself and do it. But for crying out loud tell him to take his hand off the intercom button!"
Speedy Morris was the basketball coach at LaSalle and they were having a pretty good season. One morning he was shaving and the phone rang. His wife answered it and called out to him that Sports Illustrated wanted to talk to him. Coach Morris was excited that his team was apparently about to receive national recognition in this famous sports maga- zine. As a matter of fact, he was so excited that he cut himself with his razor. Covered with blood and shaving lather and running downstairs to the phone, he tripped and fell down the stairs. Finally, bleeding and bruised, he made it to the phone and breath- lessly said, "Hello?" The voice on the other end asked, "Is this Speedy Morris?" "Yes, yes!" he replied excitedly. Then the voice continued, "Mr. Morris, for just seventy-five cents an issue, we can give you a one-year subscription to Sports Illustrated."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Tabitha Martin, 23 and Courtney Littlejohn, 23 in Spartanburg, South Carolina Baby Mamas In Tag-Team Taser Assault Of Daddy A South Carolina man was pummeled and tased yesterday afternoon by his “baby’s mama” and his “other baby’s mama,” who teamed up to ambush and assault the father of their children since he “has a new girlfriend,” cops report. According to a Spartanburg Police Department report, Rodrick Tucker, 21, told officers that Tabitha Martin, 23, invited him to her apartment Tuesday. Tucker, who described Martin as his “baby’s mama,” added that when he arrived at the residence, Martin invited him into the bedroom. Tucker told police that “once he was lying on the bed” in Martin’s apartment, Courtney Littlejohn--his “other baby’s mama”--entered the bedroom. Tucker, who was likely expecting an afternoon delight, quickly became the target of a tag-team attack. The women, Tucker told police, yanked him off the bed and began “repeatedly punching him in the face and head.” After escaping the bedroom, Tucker said he was “again knocked to the floor.” He added that Littlejohn, 23, “sat on top of him, not allowing him to get up.” Tucker said that “both females began to tase him several times with a stun-gun.” After again freeing himself from the pair’s clutches, Tucker said that he “picked up his baby, thinking the ladies would stop attacking him” while he was holding the small human shield. That was a miscalculation on Tucker’s part. The women, he said, “continued to swing at him until he finally gave the baby to Ms. Martin,” police reported. Tucker, who fled the home after handing over the baby, told cops that he believed Martin and Littlejohn “were mad at him because he has a new girlfriend.” A check of Tucker’s Facebook page reveals a May 1 update indicating that he is now in a new romantic relationship. Tucker lists his occupation as “Certified Sex Specialist” in the “About” section of his Facebook page. Along with taking Tucker’s statement, police photographed his “injuries and torn clothing.” Martin and Littlejohn have been arrested on Wednesday, May 7. Bail has not been set yet. Tech Support Pits From: Carol Re: Why not Norton ? Dear Webby Thank you for the prompt response. What do you recommend rather than Norton, and why does it need a special removal tool? Thanks for the great job you are doing. Carol Dear Carol Norton hides stuff in places where you can't easily remove it without that special removal tool. It does not do a clean un-install and in some cases has required formatting to completely get rid of it. That's why experienced techs don't recommend it. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Beach Rocks Inside Vases I keep my fresh flowers longer by putting them in stones I've collected at the beach. The jar is decorated with rub on decals. When flowers die, I clean off rocks, add shells and leave it. By Moonseekerjade from Onset, MA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
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No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Groan Alert: Ben Kenobi and Luke Flyswatter are having a Chinese supper. Ben picks up the chopsticks and starts eating. Luke is having problems, there is food over his face, his clothes, and the table, but not much in his mouth. "What should I do?" he asks Ben. "Use the forks, Luke!"
The worried housewife sprang to the telephone when it rang and listened with relief to the kindly voice in her ear. "How are you, darling?" she said. "What kind of a day are you having?" "Oh, mother," said the housewife, breaking into bitter tears, "I've had such a bad day. The baby won't eat and the washing machine broke down. I haven't had a chance to go shopping, and besides, I've just sprained my ankle and I have to hobble around. On top of that, the house is a mess and I'm supposed to have two couples to dinner tonight." The mother was shocked and was at once all sympathy. "Oh, darling," she said, "sit down, relax, and close your eyes. I'll be over in half an hour. I'll do your shopping, clean up the house, and cook your dinner for you. I'll feed the baby and I'll call a repairman I know who'll be at your house to fix the washing machine promptly. Now stop crying. I'll do everything. In fact, I'll even call George at the office and tell him he ought to come home and help out for once." "George?" said the housewife. "Who's George?" "Why, George! Your husband!....Is this 223-1374? "No, this is 223-1375." "Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I have the wrong number." There was a short pause and the housewife said, "Does this mean you're not coming over?"

» Island of Shells

Today in 
1096 Peter the Hermit and his army reached Hungary. 
 They passed through without incident.
1450 Jack Cade's Rebellion-Kentishmen revolted against 
 King Henry VI.
1541 Hernando de Soto reached the Mississippi River. 
 He called it Rio de Espiritu Santo.
1794 Antoine Lavoisier was executed by guillotine. He was 
 the French chemist who discovered oxygen.
1794 The United States Post Office was established.
1846 The first major battle of the Mexican War was fought. 
 The battle occurred in Palo Alto, TX.
1847 The rubber tire was patented by Robert W. Thompson.
1879 George Selden applied for the first automobile patent.
1886 Pharmacist Dr. John Styth Pemberton invented what would 
 later be called "Coca-Cola."
1904 U.S. Marines landed in Tangier to protect the Belgian 
 legation.
1914 The U.S. Congress passed a Joint Resolution that 
 designated the second Sunday in May as Mother's Day.
1919 The first transatlantic flight took-off by a 
 navy seaplane.
1921 Sweden abolished capital punishment.
1933 Gandhi began a hunger strike to protest British 
 oppression in India.
1943 The Germans suppressed a revolt by Polish Jews and 
 eventually destroyed the Warsaw Ghetto.
1945 U.S. President Harry Truman announced that World War II 
 had ended in Europe.
1956 Alfred E. Neuman appeared on the cover of "Mad Magazine" 
 for the first time.
1960 Diplomatic relations between Cuba and the Soviet Union 
 resumed.
1970 Construction workers broke up an anti-war protest on 
 New York City's Wall Street.
1973 Militant American Indians who had held the South Dakota 
 hamlet of Wounded Knee for 10 weeks surrendered.
1984 The Soviet Union announced that they would not 
 participate in the 1984 Summer Olympics Games in Los Angeles.
1985 "New Coke" was released to the public on the 99th 
 anniversary of Coca-Cola.
1986 Reporters were told that 84,000 people had been evacuated 
 from areas near the Chernobyl nuclear plant in Soviet Ukraine.
1998 A pipe burst leaving a million residents without water 
 in Malaysia's capital area. This added to four days of 
 shortages that 2 million already faced.
1999 The first female cadet graduated from The Citadel 
 military college. 
2014  smiled.


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