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Today is Saturday, May 31.

Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Floriduh man, who got lost after a burglary, andcalled 911 for help. Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1995 Bob Dole singled out Time Warner for "the marketing of evil" in movies and music. Dole later admitted that he had not seen or heard much of what he had been criticizing.
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Famous remarks are very seldom quoted correctly. --- Simeon Strunsky (1879 - 1948),
Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! (Opens in a new tab, you don't lose this page)
Three residents at the Funny-Farm are at the doctor's office for their annual intelligence test. The doctor asks the first man, "What is three times three?" "274," he replies. The doctor asks the second man, "What is three times three?" "Tuesday," replies the second man. The doctor says to the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three times three?" "Nine," says the third man. "That's great!" says the doctor. "How did you get that?" "Easy," says the third man. "I subtracted 274 from Tuesday." Close enough for politics.
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It was a cool spring day. An old man walked out onto a still frozen lake, cut a hole in the ice, dropped in his fishing line, and waited patiently for a bite. He was there for almost an hour, without even a nibble, when a young boy walked out onto the ice, cut a hole in the ice not far from him. The young boy dropped his fishing line and minutes later he hooked a Largemouth Bass. The old man couldn't believe his eyes but chalked it up to plain luck. But, shortly thereafter, the young boy pulled in another large catch. The young boy kept catching fish after fish. Finally, the old man couldn't take it any longer. "Son, I've been here for over an hour without even a nibble. You've been here only a few minutes and have caught a half dozen fish! How do you do it?" The boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rorms rrarm." "What was that?" the old man asked. Again the boy responded, "Roo raf ro reep ra rrorms rarrm." "Look," said the old man, "I can't understand a word you're saying." The boy spit the bait into his hand and said, "You have to keep the worms warm!"
Click on the picture for the large version A psychologist is someone who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl enters the room.
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Reported by Walter, the Stonecarver An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Andrew James Joffe, 24, 945 S. County Rd. Chuluota, Floriduh A man with a warrant called 911 to report himself lost; stolen property found in his backpack 24-year-old Andrew James Joffe of 945 S. County Rd. Chuluota, Florida called the PCSO Emergency Communications Center through 9-1-1 at about 1:50 a.m. this morning to say that he was lost and being chased by wild hogs. He said that he did not know exactly where he was, but that he was walking somewhere along Deen Still Road. Deputies responded to the area and were able to locate Joffe, safe, on Deen Still Road near Sweet Hill Rd, several miles west of US 27. Deputies soon discovered that Joffe had an open warrant for driving with a suspended/revoked driver's license. He was taken into custody. As Joffe's backpack was being inventoried for safe keeping, the deputy found items ranging from electronic equipment, cell phones, ear rings and a GPS device. The GPS was turned on and a "home address" was programmed in the GPS. The home address was not Joffe's; it was a home on Cheshire Way, Davenport, several miles north on US 27, where it was determined that the resident was a victim of a burglary from her car­she was missing her GPS device. Upon questioning, Joffe admitted to deputies that he illegally entering the vehicle and took the GPS. The deputy added two charges, burglary-conveyance and petit theft, and transported him to the jail in Bartow. "We have had people with warrants call us to turn themselves in before, but it's unusual for someone with an active warrant, who just burglarized a car, to get lost and call us for help. In his defense, it does get pretty dark out on Deen Still Road in the middle of the night." --Grady Judd, Sheriff Tech Support Pits From: Enna Re: Sort and save FireFox Bookmarks Dear Webby How can I sort the FireFox bookmarks alphabetically and send them to a clickable HTM file? Thanks Enna Dear Enna Click on Menu (if you have cleaned up the top) or else click on Bookmarks. With the clean top, Bookmarks is now in Menu Don't click on the Bookmarks icon to the right somewhere. That one is a waste of time. So, click on Menu, Bookmarks SHOW ALL BOOKMARKS That opens the Bookmarks Library Yeah! quite neat and nobody ever told you about that! In the Library select the folder of bookmarks, that you want, for example Knitting, Recipes, Dating, Unsorted, Miscellaneous, whatever. IF you have not put the bookmarks into distinctive folders, just open "Bookmarks Menu". There you see all your 69,000 bookmarks. Ckick on VIEW, Sort and choose your sort order, like Name, or Added and the sort order (up or down) Once you got them sorted to your liking, click on Import / Export on the top. This time you select Export. You would use Import, if you want to Import the bookmarks from your hubby's machine. In the Export it asks you for a file name. That is easy. Remember to choose a good location, that you can find again, and an easy to remember and type name. Once that is done, browse to that file, for example file:///c:/bookmarks.html and drag the little icon from theleft of the address bar onto the desktop, or if you have the Bookmarks Toolbar turned on, onto that. To turn the Bookmarks Toolbar on for holding the most often used sites, click on Menu, View, Toolbars and put a checkmark onto Bookmarks. That gives you a narrow strip below the address bar for your most used sites like Weather, HumorLetter, Ophelia, Currencies, etc. That Bookmarks page is a dead snapshot. It does not update on it's own. You will have to repeat that exporting now and then. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Removing a Stripped Screw We all know how frustrating it can be if a screw is stripped and you need to remove it. Well all you have to do is lay a rubber band over stripped screw head, then just use your screwdriver as usual and the rubber band will fit down in the screw head making it possible for you to remove. Easy and fast way to remove a stripped screw! By dorothy wedenoja [162] Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
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No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

After a day of grueling maneuvers under the blazing Texas sun, the platoon stood in front of the barracks. "All right, ladies, think about this," bellowed the drill instructor. "If you could have ten minutes alone, right now, with anyone in the world, who would it be?" Amid much mumbling, one voice was heard from the back row. "My recruiter."
A Minister was walking down the street when he came upon a group of about a dozen boys, all of them between 10 and 12 years of age. The group had surrounded a dog. Concerned lest the boys were hurting the dog, he went over and asked "What are you doing with that dog?" One of the boys replied, "This dog is just an old neighborhood stray. We all want him, but only one of us can take him home. So we've decided that whichever one of us can tell the biggest lie will get to keep the dog." Of course, the reverend was taken aback. "You boys shouldn't be having a contest telling lies!" he exclaimed. He then launched into a ten minute sermon against lying, beginning, "Don't you boys know it's a sin to lie," and ending with, "Why, when I was your age, I never told a lie." There was dead silence for about a minute. Just as the reverend was beginning to think he'd gotten through to them, the smallest boy gave a deep sigh and said, "All right, give him the dog."

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Today in 
1433 Sigismund was crowned emperor of Rome.
1859 In London, Big Ben went into operation.
1870 E.J. DeSemdt patented asphalt.
1884 Dr. John Harvey Kellogg patented "flaked cereal."
1889 In Johnstown, PA, more than 2,200 people died after 
 the South Fork Dam collapsed.
1900 U.S. troops arrived in Peking to help put down the 
 Boxer Rebellion.
1902 The Boer War ended between the Boers of South Africa 
and Great Britain with the Treaty of Vereeniging.
1907 The first taxis arrived in New York City. They were the 
 first in the United States.
1910 The Union of South Africa was founded.
1915 A German zeppelin made an air raid on London.
1927 Ford Motor Company produced the last "Tin Lizzie" in 
 order to begin production of the Model A.
1929 In Beverly, MA, the first U.S. born reindeer were born.
1947 Communists seized control of Hungary.
1961 South Africa became an independent republic.
1962 Adolf Eichmann was hanged in Israel. Eichmann was a 
 Gestapo official and was executed for his actions in the 
 Nazi Holocaust.
1970 An earthquake in Peru killed tens of thousands of people.
1974 Israel and Syria signed an agreement on the Golan Heights.
1977 The trans-Alaska oil pipeline was finished after 3 years 
 of construction.
1979 Zimbabwe proclaimed its independence.
1994 The U.S. announced it was no longer aiming long-range 
 nuclear missiles at targets in the former Soviet Union.
1995 Bob Dole singled out Time Warner for "the marketing of evil" 
 in movies and music. Dole later admitted that he had not seen 
 or heard much of what he had been criticizing.
2003 In North Carolina, Eric Robert Rudolph was captured. 
 He had been on the FBI's 10 Most Wanted list for five years 
 for several bombings including the 1996 Olympic bombing.
2014  smiled.

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