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Today is Monday, June 16.
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Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Floriduh shoplifter, who stuffed seven frozen lobster tails intp her pants Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1963 26-year-old Valentina Tereshkova went into orbit aboard the Vostok 6 spacecraft for three days. She was the first female space traveler.
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The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think. --- Horace Walpole (1717 - 1797)
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Thanks for the harmonica you gave me for Christmas," Little Johnny said to his Uncle Rodney, the first time he saw him after the holidays. "It's the best Christmas present I ever got." "That's great," said his Uncle Rodney. "Do you know how to play it?" "Oh, I don't play it," Little Johnny said. "My mom gives me a dollar a day not to play it during the day and my dad gives me five dollars a week not to play it at night.
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A civil servant is badly hurt falling down the stairs of the Ministry of Absorption in Jerusalem. He is taken to Hadassah hospital where he remains in a coma for several days. Finally, an eye opens and his doctor tells him: "My friend, I have bad news and I have good news. First of all, you'll never be able to work again..." "Nu," muttered the injured bureaucrat. "What's the bad news?"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Nichole Ann Reed, 30, DeLand,Floriduh Floriduh shoplifter stuffed seven frozen lobster tails intp her pants Thawed lobster, frozen pussy A central Florida woman faces petit theft charges after officials say she stuffed seven frozen lobster tails into her pants and walked out of a Publix supermarket without paying for them. A loss prevention officer at the DeLand Publix told police he watched 30-year-old Nichole Ann Reed put the lobster tails into her pants on Wednesday evening. He says she walked around the store before leaving. Police found her about an hour later. Reed told them she went to the store with the intention of stealing the lobster tails, which were valued at $83.99. According to a police report, she said she planned to trade the lobster with a friend to get either a Chinese buffet or the prescription pain medication Dilaudid. She posted $250 bail, over ten times as much as a $7.49 buffet in her town. Tech Support Pits From: Diana Re: No pictures in Gmail Hi, I just love your newsletter. ┬ For about a week now the picture you send doesn't show. ┬ The sentence telling me to click on picture to show it larger is there but no picture to click on. ┬ That happened and how do I get it back? ┬ Thank you in advance. Diana Dear Diana That is part of the North Korean Censors trying to make Gmail less reliable. However, you can still get around their nuisance changes. Click on the sprocket near the right top. Settings Images and move the radio button to Always display external images hit OK, and you should see the images again. The reason I use external images, images stored on my servers, is so that there is less of a load on your ISP. I have done that sine 1994. Just change the settings, and you should see the pictures again. To make sure the snooty do-gooder censors don't put the Humor Letter into Spam, make a filter. Highlight a Humor Letter in the INBOX or SPAM, wherever you find it in Gmail, click on MORE on top, select Make a Filter. What is always the same with the humor letter for about 20 years is FROM is always SUBJECT always starts with Humor: You can use either or both of those criteria. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Baby Powder for Rubber Gloves Here is an easy way to put on rubber gloves. Just sprinkle baby powder inside the gloves. They will slip on very easily. By Aurora CO Awesome Mom [83] Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
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No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

"Mommy, my turtle is dead," the little boy, Futh, sorrowfully told his mother, holding the turtle out to her in his hand. The mother kissed him on the head, then said," That's all right. We'll wrap him in tissue paper, put him in a little box, then have a nice burial ceremony in the back yard. After that, we'll go out for an ice cream soda, and then get you a new pet. "Ice cream?" the little boy said, wiping his tears and smiling, "Oh! Boy!" His mother said, "I don't want you...." Her voice trailed off as she noticed the turtle move. "Futh, you're turtle is not dead after all." "Oh, thit!" the disappointed boy said. "Can I kill it?"
A boy was taking care of his baby sister while his parents went to town shopping. He decided to go fishing and he had to take her along. "I'll never do that again!" he told his mother that evening. "I didn't catch a thing!" "Oh, next time I'm sure she'll be quiet and not scare the fish away," his mother said. The boy said, "It wasn't that. She ate all the bait."

╗ Bears R Us

Today in 
0455 Rome was sacked by the Vandal army.
1487 The War of the Roses ended with the Battle of Stoke.
1567 Mary, Queen of Scots, was imprisoned in Lochleven 
 Castle in Scotland.
1815 Napoleon defeated the Prussians at the Battle of 
 Ligny, Netherlands.
1858 In a speech in Springfield, IL, U.S. Senate candidate 
 Abraham Lincoln said the slavery issue had to be resolved. 
 He declared, "A house divided against itself cannot stand."
1884 At Coney Island, in Brooklyn, NY, the first roller 
 coaster in America opened.
1903 Ford Motor Company was incorporated.
1907 The Russian czar dissolved the Duma in St. Petersburg.
1909 Glenn Hammond Curtiss sold his first airplane, the 
 "Gold Bug" to the New York Aeronautical Society for $5,000.
1922 Henry Berliner accomplished the first American helicopter 
 flight at College Park, MD.
1925 France accepted a German proposal for a security pact.
1932 The ban on Nazi storm troopers was lifted by the von 
 Papen government in Germany.
1940 Marshal Henri-Philippe Petain became the prime minister 
 of the Vichy government of occupied France.
1941 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt ordered the 
 closure of all German consulates in the United States. 
 The deadline was set as July 10.
1952 "Anne Frank: Diary of a Young Girl" was published 
 in the United States.
1955 Pope Pius XII excommunicated Argentine President 
 Juan Peron. The ban was lifted eight years later.
1955 Argentine naval officers launched an attack on 
 President Juan Peron's headquarters. The revolt was 
 suppressed by the army.
1963 26-year-old Valentina Tereshkova went into orbit 
 aboard the Vostok 6 spacecraft for three days. She was 
 the first female space traveler.
1972 Ulrike Meinhof was captured by West German police in 
 Hanover. She was co-founder of the Baader-Meinhof terrorist 
 group and the Red Army Faction (Rote Armee Fraktion).
1976 In Soweto, thousands of school children revolted against 
 the South African government's plan to enforce Afrikaans as 
 the language for instruction in black schools.
1977 Leonid Brezhnev was named the first Soviet president of 
 the USSR. He was the first person to hold the post of 
 president and Communist Party General Secretary.
1978 U.S. President Carter and Panamanian leader Omar 
 Torrijos ratified the Panama Canal treaties.
1981 The "Chicago Tribune" purchased the Chicago Cubs 
 baseball team from the P.K. Wrigley Chewing Gum Company 
 for $20.5 million.
1992 U.S. President George H.W. Bush welcomed Russian 
 President Boris Yeltsin to a meeting in Washington, DC. 
 The two agreed in principle to reduce strategic weapon 
 arsenals by about two-thirds by the year 2003.
1996 Russian voters had their first independent presidential 
 election. Boris Yeltsin was the winner after a run-off.
1999 The U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals said that a 1992 
 federal music piracy law does not prohibit a palm-sized 
 device that can download high-quality digital music files 
 from the Internet and play them at home.
2000 U.S. federal regulators approved the merger of Bell 
 Atlantic and GTE Corp. The merger created the nation's 
 largest local phone company.
2000 U.S. Secretary of Energy Bill Richardson reported that 
 an employee at the Los Alamos National Laboratory in New 
 Mexico had discovered that two computer hard drives were 
2008 California began issuing marriage licenses to same-sex couples.
2014  smiled.

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