No Questions 

Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, June 24.

Have FUN!

Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Florida Wanna-be Goldilocks breaks into house, steals wine, pajamas Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1497 Italian explorer John Cabot, sailing in the service of England, landed in North America on what is now Newfoundland.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
I'm as pure as the driven slush. --- Tallulah Bankhead (1903 - 1968) We cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails. --- Bertha Calloway
Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! (Opens in a new tab, so that you don't lose this page)
Each evening bird lover Tom stood in his backyard, hooting like an owl - and one night, an owl finally called back to him. For a year, the man and his feathered friend hooted back and forth. He even kept a log of the "conversation". Just as he thought he was on the verge of a breakthrough in interspecies communication, his wife had a chat with her next door neighbor. "My husband spends his nights ... calling out to owls," she said. "That's odd," the neighbor replied. "So does my husband!"
Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC! Boost Computer Speed Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows® Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs

Thanks to Kati for bringing back this classic: She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases. On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things. On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candle-light, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of beer. When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left. When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked. People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit. Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move. A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls. Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place. The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back. Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day. She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork. A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home. And to spite the ex-wife, they even took the curtain rods!
>From Nanarina Click on the picture for the large version From the metro Sun
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Chancy Layton, 19, St. Augustine, Floriduh Wanna-be Goldilocks breaks into house, steals wine, pajamas Chancy Layton claims a friend broke into the house where she drank wine and wore pajamas belonging to the owners, who found her asleep when they came home. The only things missing were the three bears. A real-life Goldilocks is accused of breaking, entering and making herself at home in a Florida house Friday night. But while a shower and a soft couch in an empty St. Augustine Beach home might have seemed just right to 19-year old Chancy Layton, her trespass was an unpleasant surprise for the homeowners. The owners returned home early Saturday and told a local news station that they were stunned to find Layton asleep on their couch, wearing their pajamas and surrounded by bottles of their wine. "Not what I expected to see when I walked into my house. We just stood there a bit, looking at each other, like, 'What do we do?'" homeowner Cheryl Petocz told News 4 Jax. "I told her I was calling police. As soon as I said that, she grabbed a few things and ran out the house, out the back door." The nursery rhyme scenario ended with charges of burglary, theft and criminal mischief for the blonde suspect, who left her purse and passport behind when she fled the scene, according to the arrest report. Police caught up with Layton a block away from the house, where she expressed remorse and wanted to return the pajamas she had stolen. Layton told police that a male friend had broken into the house earlier and told her it was empty. Her friend, whom she knew only as "Jeremy," left the balcony door open for Layton to enter, she told police. Layton was later booked into the St. Johns County jail, where she reportedly posted $8,000 bail and was released. Police are still trying to find "Jeremy." Tech Support Pits From: Re: No Question today Dear Webby Dear Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Soda Crackers to Keep Salad Fresh When having a salad, put the dressing on only the portion served. The remaining salad can kept fresh by wrapping soda crackers in a paper towel and placing them in the bowl. Cling wrap the container to seal out the moisture. This trick will extend the life of the remaining salad. By Dave from Oshawa, Ontario Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Swampy Marsh, the young Australian father-to-be, is waiting anxiously outside the maternity ward where his wife is having their first baby. He is pacing the floor when the nurse comes out and says, "You have a little boy, Mr. Marsh, but you had better go out and have a cup of coffee, because there may be another one." Swampy turns a little pale and leaves. Some time later he phones the hospital and is told that he the father of twins, but the nurse cautions, "There is another on the way, so call back later." At that Swampy decides that coffee is not strong enough, so he goes to a bar and has some beer. When he phones the hospital again he is told that the third baby has arrived and a fourth is on the way. White-faced, he stumbles to the bar and orders a double scotch. Twenty minutes later, he tries to phone again, but he is so drunk that he dials the wrong number and gets the recorded cricket game score. When they pick him up off the floor the recording is still going strong: "The score is ninety-six all out," says the voice, "and the last one was a duck."
Bob took his 4 year old Josh, out to McDonald's for dinner one evening for a "guy night". As they were eating hamburgers, Josh asked "Daddy, what are these little things on the hamburger buns?" He responded that they were tiny seeds and were ok to eat. Josh was quiet for a couple of minutes and obviously in deep thought. Finally, Josh looked up and said, "Dad, if we go home and plant these seeds in our backyard, we will have enough hamburgers to last forever."

» Beer Can House

Today in 
1314 Scottish forces led by Robert the Bruce won over 
 Edward II of England at the Battle of Bannockburn 
 in Scotland.
1340 The English fleet defeated the French fleet at 
 Sluys, off the Flemish coast.
1497 Italian explorer John Cabot, sailing in the service 
 of England, landed in North America on what is now 
1509 Henry VIII was crowned King of England.
1664 New Jersey, named after the Isle of Jersey, was founded.
1675 King Philip's War began when Indians massacre colonists 
 at Swansee, Plymouth colony.
1717 The Freemasons were founded in London.
1793 The first republican constitution in France was adopted.
1812 Napoleon crossed the Nieman River and invaded Russia.
1844 Charles Goodyear was granted U.S. patent #3,633 for 
 vulcanized rubber.
1859 At the Battle of Solferino, also known as the Battle 
 of the Three Sovereigns, the French army led by Napoleon 
 III defeated the Austrian army under Franz Joseph I in 
 northern Italy.
1861 Federal gunboats attacked Confederate batteries at 
 Mathias Point, Virginia.
1862 U.S. intervention saved the British and French at 
 the Dagu forts in China.
1910 The Japanese army invaded Korea.
1913 Greece and Serbia annulled their alliance with Bulgaria 
 following border disputes over Macedonia and Thrace.
1931 The Soviet Union and Afghanistan signed a treaty of neutrality.
1940 France signed an armistice with Italy.
1941 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt pledged all possible support 
 to the Soviet Union.
1948 The Soviet Union began the Berlin Blockade.
1955 Soviet MIG's down a U.S. Navy patrol plane over the Bering Strait.
1968 "Resurrection City," a shantytown constructed as part of the Poor 
 People's March on Washington D.C., was closed down by authorities.
1970 The U.S. Senate voted overwhelmingly to repeal the 
 Gulf of Tonkin Resolution.
1997 The U.S. Air Force released a report on the "Roswell Incident," 
 suggesting the alien bodies witnesses reported seeing in 1947 were 
 actually life-sized dummies.
1998 AT&T Corp. struck a deal to buy cable TV giant Tele-
 Communications Inc. for $31.7 billion.
2002 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that juries, not judges, 
 must make the decision to give a convicted killer the 
 death penalty.
2002 A painting from Monet's Waterlilies series sold for 
 $20.2 million.
2010 Apple released the iPhone 4. 
2014  smiled.

[ view entry ] ( 11 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3.1 / 1163 )

<<First <Back | 53 | 54 | 55 | 56 | 57 | 58 | 59 | 60 | 61 | 62 | Next> Last>>