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Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, July 11.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Have FUN!

Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Floriduh woman for carrying crack in her vagina Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1962 The first transatlantic TV transmission was sent through the Telstar I satellite.
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Laws are like sausages. It's better not to see them being made. --- Otto von Bismarck (1815 - 1898)
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An old fellow was snoozing away contentedly when he was startled awake by the doorbell. He staggered off the couch to make his way to the door. There stood a gorgeous young woman. "Oh my goodness," the pretty young thing exclaimed, "I'm at the wrong house." "Sweetheart, you're at the right house," the old guy assured her. "But you're seventy years too late."
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I was listening to a lady who called a radio pastor. The pastor was a wise, grandfatherly gentleman who has that calm reassuring voice that can melt all fear. The lady, who was obviously crying, said, "Pastor, I was born blind, and I've been blind all my life. I don't mind being blind but I have some well meaning friends who tell me that if I had more faith I could be healed." The pastor asked her, "Tell me, do you carry one of those white tipped canes?" "Yes I do," she replied. "Then the next time someone says that, whack them over the head with the cane," He said. "Then tell them 'If they had more faith that wouldn't hurt!'"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jennifer Crosby, 42, Indian River County, Floriduh Hiding Crack Cocaine In Her Vagina A Florida woman accused of hiding crack cocaine in her vagina had her plans foiled by the foil allegedly used to wrap the drugs. Jennifer Renee Crosby, 42, was arrested June 24 in Indian River County after authorities pulled over her companion, Robert William King, because it appeared that their green Chrysler had a window tint violation. Things escalated quickly. When investigators asked King, 47, for his license, registration and proof of insurance, King allegedly replied, "I don’t have a license! I’m habitual!” according to Officers noticed Crosby was nervously shaking and asked her if she was carrying drugs. At first she said no, but when the investigator called for a female deputy to come to the scene, she allegedly said, "I have drugs up my vagina," according to an arrest report obtained by The Smoking Gun. Crosby was given a latex glove to wear while she removed the alleged crack cocaine. During her retrieval efforts, she told police, "Ouch! The foil is hurting the inside of my vagina," reports. A field test of the substance confirmed that it was crack cocaine. The narcotic and $3,743 in cash were booked as evidence. Crosby was arrested and charged with possession of cocaine and drug paraphernalia and King was arrested on a habitual traffic offender charge. Tech Support Pits This item was forwarded by Ophelia From: Jim Re: Can not watch flash movies I tried to watch your Bonus Movie but it had the Adobe Player screen where you have to accept or deny.....It wouldn't do either and wouldn't play. Sorry bout that! Have a GREAT day... Jim Dear Jim Yeah, I know Adobe is a pain in the nuisance. Right-Click on the movie, select Global Settings, and let it take 10 Mb of temporary storage. After that it should work OK. Ophelia Thanks, Ophelia!
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Daily tip from Using Any Vacuum Cleaner Bag A pack of 3 vacuum cleaner bags costs $10.00 & tax. That's over $3.50 for one bag! I never buy the original bags anymore. Instead, I buy any bags that are roughly the same size at yard sales and Thrift Stores. Salvation Army has baskets full of those bags in all sizes, for 25 cents a bag! Before I discard a full bag, I remove the cardboard piece that fits my model of vacuum. I remove the cardboard piece of the Thrift store bags, heat up my glue gun, and glue the original piece from the used bag in place. I have reused the same pieces about 30 times each. This is saving me more than $150 a year! If the bags were not exactly the same size as the originals, it has not made any difference. The important piece is the cardboard fitting. This is way more hygienic than opening a full bag, cleaning it out and resealing it, as some people do. Just remove that cardboard piece shortly before you throw the full bag in the dumpster. No mess, no dust. It takes only seconds to make, after the glue gun is heated up. Source: I came up with that myself, tried it out and it worked perfectly. Doing this since 8 years now. By Tanja V. [1] Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
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No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour long wait, it finally took off. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," she explained. "Oh, and it took a while to fix it," said the passenger. "Not exactly." replied the stewardess, "It just took us a bit to find a deaf pilot."
Old Granny went to her doctor to see what could be done about her constipation. "It's terrible," she said, "I haven't moved my bowels in a week." "I see. Have you done anything about it?" asked the doctor. "Naturally," she replied, "I sit in the bathroom for a half-hour in the morning and again at night." "No," the doctor said, "I mean do you take anything?" "Naturally," she answered, "I take a book."

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Today in 
1346 Charles IV of Luxembourg was elected Holy Roman Emperor 
 in Germany.
1533 Henry VIII, who divorced his wife and became head of the 
 church of England, was excommunicated from the Catholic Church 
 by Pope Clement VII.
1786 Morocco agreed to stop attacking American ships in the 
 Mediterranean for a payment of $10,000.
1804 The United States' first secretary of the treasury, Alexander Hamilton, 
 was killed by Vice President Aaron Burr in a duel.
1864 In the U.S., Confederate forces led by Gen. Jubal Early began an 
 invasion of Washington, DC. They turned back the next day.
1918 Enrico Caruso recorded "Over There" written by George M. Cohan.
1934 U.S. President Franklin Delano Roosevelt became the first American 
 chief executive to travel through the Panama Canal while in office.
1962 The first transatlantic TV transmission was sent through the 
 Telstar I satellite.
1972 U.S. forces broke the 95-day siege at An Loc in Vietnam.
1979 The abandoned U.S. space station Skylab returned to Earth. It burned 
up in the atmosphere and showered debris over the Indian Ocean and Australia.
1985 Dr. H. Harlan Stone announced that he had used zippers for stitches 
 on 28 patients. The zippers were used when he thought he may have to 
1995 Full diplomatic relations were established between the United States 
 and Vietnam.
1999 A U.S. Air Force jet flew over the Antarctic and dropped off 
 emergency medical supplies for Dr. Jerri Nelson after she had discovered 
 a lump in her breast. Nelson was at the Amundsen-Scott South Pole 
 Research Center.
2000 The video "Jaws," the Anniversary Collector's Edition, was released.
2000 Liam Neeson broke his pelvis after hitting a deer with his Harley 
Davidson motorcycle. 
2014  smiled.

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