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Today is Tuesday, September 23

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Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Wisconsin father, who used dog shock collar on girl Details at Boneheads Today, in 1779 John Paul Jones, commander of the American warship Bon Homme, was quoted as saying "I have not yet begun to fight!"
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A poem is never finished, only abandoned. --- Paul Valery (1871 - 1945) The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it. --- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
Miss Prussy was going over mischievous Melvin Messpot's records with his anxious parents. On one page was the statement, "Melvin used fowl language today." Mr. Messpot, hoping to put the teacher in a bad light, snickered, "Ha! You spelled foul wrong." Miss Prussy corrected, "No, I meant F-O-W-L. Your child called me a big pile of chicken shit."
Two Mexicans are riding along Pacific Coast Highway on a motorcycle. They break down and start hitching a lift. A friendly trucker stops to see if he can help and the Mexicans ask him for a lift. He tells them he has no room in as he is carrying 20,000 bowling balls. The Mexicans put it to the driver that if they can manage to fit in the back with their bike will he take them and he agrees. They manage to squeeze themselves and their motorbike into the back of the trailer, so the driver shuts the doors and gets on his way. By this time he is really late and so puts his foot down. Sure enough the Highway Patrol pulls him over for speeding. The good officer asks the driver what he is carrying to which he replies jokingly-- "Mexican eggs". The policeman obviously doesn't believe this so wants to take a look. He opens the back door and quickly shuts it and locks it. He gets on his radio and calls for immediate backup from as many officers as possible. The dispatcher asks what emergency he has that requires so many officers. "I've got a Tractor-trailer here with 20,000 Mexican eggs in it - 2 have hatched and they have already managed to steal a motorcycle.
Click through for the large picture Hot Rod Nellie!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Zachary Kacmar, 28, Wisconsin Father Used Dog Shock Collar On Girl A Wisconsin man faces child abuse charges after police said he used a shock collar meant for dogs on his 7-year-old daughter. Zachary Kacmar, 28, was arrested after his wife called police on Sept. 10 following an Aug. 30 incident in which the couple's daughter complained that she'd been shocked with the collar. WISN reports: The child told investigators that her father placed their dog's shock collar around her neck and said "Let's see if this fits." She said that Kacmar then pushed a button on a remote control, shocking her in the neck. The child took the collar off and ran upstairs to tell her mother. The shock left a mark on the girl's neck, the Sheboygan Press reports. According to WITI, the woman told police she took photos of the girl's injuries, and that her husband tried to delete them. She said she wasn't going to alert authorities at first, but changed her mind after talking with her pastor. At first, Kacmar told police that his daughter wanted to feel how it felt to be shocked, and had put the collar on herself, and pressed the button. He later admitted to shocking the girl but said he was surprised and upset it actually shocked her. He said he didn't consider the consequences of his actions. Kacmar faces up to six years in prison if he is convicted. Tech Support Pits From: Francyne Re: How to get rid of MyWebSearch Dear Webby, I recently moved and have a startup page that I did not want. Can't find it to uninstall it. It's MyWebSearchHome page. Can you tell me how to get rid of it? Still enjoy your newsletter, although I don't get to see it often. F. Dear Francyne I have now added your new address to the Humor Letter list. That "MyWebSearch" is evil shit! It CAN be removed, but as with most malware, removal is not that easy. Here is a 14 step illustrated tutorial: Don't get sidetracked by any of the ads interspersed in the tutorial! That is probably how you got infected in the first place. Another tutorial for removing that evil shit is here: Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Use White Rain Shampoo As Body Wash If you have hard water (or not), shower with White Rain Shampoo. It's the cheapest and best lathering shampoo I know of. They have so many great fragrances to choose from. Feel really great after this, wash hair and body, at the same time. Saves money and time! By Dorothy from New Creek, WV http://www.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A woman loses both ears in an accident. A plastic surgeon she consults tells her that ear transplants are still in the testing stage, but he will do what he can. The woman undergoes the operation, and after a time she returns to the surgeon's office to have the bandages removed and the stitches taken out. After examining her, the doctor tells her everything seems to have gone well, and she seems pleased with his work. The next day, however, she calls the plastic surgeon in a rage. "You know what you did?" she screams. "You gave me a man's ears." "Well," says the surgeon, "an ear is an ear. What's wrong? Can't you hear?" "I hear everything," she says. "The problem is I don't understand anything I'm told."
Since this is their first party and the wife hasn't done much cooking, the husband suggests they order out for Chinese food and she could bake a cake for dessert. She agrees, but on Friday afternoon, the wife calls her husband in tears. "The only recipe I can find is for a cake that will feed four," she says. "Why don't you just double the recipe?" her husband asks. Just before quitting time the husband gets another call from her, and this time she is frantic. "I just can't do it," she says. "It's impossible." "Now, now, what's the matter?" "Well, I doubled everything, just like you said," she tells him, "and it's ready to go in the oven." "Then what's the problem?" he asks. The wife sobs. "The book says that the cake must be baked at 350 degrees. I've checked the oven and it doesn't go up to 700 degrees!"

Harvesting your garden

Today in 
1642 The first commencement at Harvard College, in Cambridge, 
 MA, was held. 
1779 John Paul Jones, commander of the American warship 
 Bon Homme, was quoted as saying "I have not yet begun 
 to fight!"
1780 John Andre, a British spy, was captured with papers 
 revealing that Benedict Arnold was going to surrender 
 West Point, NY, to the British. 
1806 The Corps of Discovery, the Lewis and Clark expedition, 
 reached St. Louis, MO, and ended the trip to the 
 Pacific Northwest. 
1846 Astronomer Johann Gottfried Galle discovered the planet Neptune. 
1912 "Keystone Comedy" by Mack Sennett was released. 
1930 Flashbulbs were patented by Johannes Ostermeier. 
1951 The first transcontinental telecast was received on the 
 west coast. The show "Crusade for Freedom" was broadcast by 
 CBS-TV from New York. 
1952 The first Pay Television sporting event took place. The 
 Marciano-Walcott fight was seen in 49 theaters in 31 cities. 
1957 Nine black students withdrew from Little Rock Central 
 High School in Arkansas due to the white mob outside. 
1962 "The Jetsons" premiered on ABC-TV. It was the first 
 program on the network to be carried in color. 
1973 Overthrown Argentine president Juan Peron was returned 
 to power. He had been overthrown in 1955. His wife, Eva 
 Duarte, was the subject of the musical "Evita." 
1986 Japanese newspapers quoted Prime Minister Yasuhiro 
 Nakasone as saying that minorities lowered the "intelligence 
 level" of America. 
1990 Iraq publicly threatened to destroy Middle East oil 
 fields and to attack Israel if any nation tried to force 
 it from Kuwait. 
1991 U.N. weapons inspectors find documents detailing Iraq's 
 secret nuclear weapons program. The find in Baghdad triggered 
 a standoff with authorities in Iraq. 
1993 The Israeli parliament ratified the Israel-PLO accord. 
1993 Blacks were allowed a role in the South African government 
 after a parliamentary vote. 
1999 A 17-month-old girl fell 230 feet from the Capilano 
 Suspension Bridge in North Vancouver, British Columbia. The 
 girl had bruises but no broken limbs from the fall onto 
 a rocky ledge. 
2014  smiled.

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