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Today is Friday, September 26
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Floriduh woman, who drove around with 5 months old baby in the trunk of the car, to avoide a ticket for not having a car seat. Details at Boneheads Today, in 1985 Shamu was born at Sea World in Orlando, FL. Shamu was the first killer whale to survive being born in captivity.
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A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once. --- Phyllis Diller
In a small town in the Northeast, there is a rather sizable factory that hires only married men. Concerned that the factory might be practicing discrimination, a local woman calls on the manager and asks him, "Why is it you limit your employees to married men? Is it because you think women are weak? Dumb? Cantankerous? What?" "You might think women are like that, ma'am," the manager replied. "However my reason is because our employees are used to obeying orders, are accustomed to being shoved around, know how to keep their mouths shut and don't pout when I yell at them."
An aged farmer and his wife are leaning against the edge of their pigpen when the old woman wistfully recalls that the next week will mark their golden wedding anniversary. "Let's have a party, Homer," she suggests. "We can kill a pig." The farmer scratches his grizzled head. "Gee," he says, "I don't see why the pig should take the blame for something that happened 50 years ago."
Click through for the large picture Dragonblood Tree, Yemen
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Breona Synclair Watkins, 19, Broward, Floriduh Woman drove with baby in trunk Fearful that she would get ticketed for not having a car seat, a Florida woman, 19, drove around early yesterday with her five-month-old baby inside the trunk of her car, police allege. After spotting a passing 2005 Dodge Stratus with one of its headlights out, Broward Sheriff’s Office deputies sought to pull over the vehicle around 1 AM. The motorist, later identified as Breona Synclair Watkins, continued driving for several blocks before stopping her vehicle. When a deputy asked Watkins why she did not immediately stop the car, “she said she has never been pulled over before,” according to a sheriff’s report. After giving deputies a false name, Watkins subsequently “advised that that she lied about her name because she does not have a license.” Watkins was then arrested and placed in a patrol car. During the stop, a second cop “heard crying from the vehicle and there was no child in the vehicle.” Upon opening the trunk, an investigator found Watkins’s baby inside. The infant was atop a “large pair of bush cutting shears” and was surrounded by other potentially dangerous items, like a tire iron, a rusty hanger, a fuel pump, and plastic bags. While being questioned, Watkins said that the baby had been in the lap of a 14-year-old male passenger (whose mother owns the Dodge). But when cops tried to initiate a traffic stop, she directed the boy to stash the baby in the trunk “through the rear seat opening which folds down.” Cops noted that during the 15 minutes prior to the baby’s discovery, Watkins and the boy did not tell deputies that “there was a 5 month old child alone in the enclosed trunk.” Watkins, investigators added, “did not want to get a ticket for having her child not in a car seat.” For trying to avoid a ticket, Watkins was charged with felony child cruelty, resisting an officer, driving without a license, and four vehicular charges. The Lauderdale Lakes resident is being held in the county jail in lieu of $7000 bond. Tech Support Pits From: Daniel Re: Animations in email daniel o'donnell wrote: I am unable to find where I can get a back issue Dear Daniel There are no back issues. I am already writing tomorrow's issue. To read previous issues go to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can scroll back many years. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Grow celery hearts on your windowsill Grow celery hearts on your windowsill this winter. It's easy and they're pretty and delicious. Next time you buy a stalk of celery, cut the heel off about an inch from the bottom. That is, cut across the stalk so you have a crosswise slice off the end. Then do what we used to do with avocado pits - stick a few toothpicks in the side, fill a glass almost to the top with water, and rest the celery heel with toothpicks on the rim of the glass so that the bottom of the heel is just touching the water. Keep the water at that level, and after a week or so, you'll have little celery hearts sprouting from the middle of the heel. They keep sprouting for weeks. By Jantoo from Kenosha Co, WI http://www. thriftyfun.com/

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

The old family doctor still makes house calls. One afternoon he is called to a house where a housewife is in terrible pain. He goes into the bedroom to examine her. The doctor comes out of the bedroom after only a minute and asks her husband, "Do you have a hammer?" The puzzled husband goes to the garage and returns with a hammer. The doctor thanks him and goes back into the bedroom. A minute later, he comes out and asks, "Do you have a chisel?" The husband gets him one. In the next 10 minutes, the doctor asks for and receives a pair of pliers, a screwdriver and a hacksaw. The last request gets to the man. "What are you doing to my wife?" "Not a thing," replies the doctor. "I can't get my instrument bag open."
Three ministers are having lunch one day and complain about sudden infestations of bats in their churches. "I've had those things in my loft and attic all summer," one says. "I've tried everything -- noise, spray, cats. Nothing seems to scare them away." "Yeah, me too," the second minister says. "I've got hundreds living in my belfry and in the attic. I've even had the place fumigated and they won't go away." "I had a problem with them, too," the third minister says. "But I baptized all mine and made them members of the church and put collection plates up there. Haven't seen one back since."
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» Too Cute

Today in 
1777 Philadelphia was occupied by British troops during the 
 American Revolutionary War. 
1908 In "The Saturday Evening Post" an ad for the Edison 
 Phonograph appeared. 
1914 The U.S. Federal Trade Commission was established. 
1918 During World War I, the Meuse-Argonne offensive against 
 the Germans began. It was the final Allied offensive on the 
 western front. 
1950 U.N. troops recaptured the South Korean capital of Seoul 
 from the North Koreans during the Korean Conflict. 
1960 The first televised debate between presidential candidates 
 Richard M. Nixon and John F. Kennedy took place in Chicago, IL. 
1962 "The Beverly Hillbillies" premiered on CBS-TV. 
1964 "Gilligan's Island" premiered on CBS-TV. 
1969 "The Brady Bunch" series premiered on ABC-TV. 
1980 The Cuban government abruptly closed Mariel Harbor to 
 end the freedom flotilla of Cuban refugees that began the 
 previous April. 
1981 The Boeing 767 made its maiden flight in Everett, WA. 
1985 Shamu was born at Sea World in Orlando, FL. Shamu was 
 the first killer whale to survive being born in captivity. 
1991 Four men and four women began their two-year stay inside 
 the "Biosphere II." The project was intended to develop 
 technology for future space colonies. 
1993 The eight people who had stayed in "Biosphere II" emerged 
 from their sealed off environment. 
1995 The warring factions of Bosnia agreed on guidelines for 
 elections and a future government. 
2000 The U.S. House of Representatives passed the Born-Alive 
 Infants Protection Act. The act states that an infant would 
 be considered to have been born alive if he or she is 
 completely extracted or expelled from the mother and breathes 
 and has a beating heart and definite movement of the 
 voluntary muscles. 
2000 Slobodan Milosevic conceded that Vojislav Kostunica had 
 won Yugoslavia's presidential election and declared a runoff. 
 The declared runoff prompted mass protests. 
2001 In Kabul, Afghanistan, the abandoned U.S. Embassy was 
 stormed by protesters. It was the largest anti-Amercian 
 protest since the terror attacks on New York City and 
 Washington, DC, on September 11. 
2001 Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat and Israeli Foreign 
 Minister Shimon Peres announced plans to formalize a 
 cease-fire and end a year of fighting in the region. 
2014  smiled.


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