Best Connection 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, October 8

Thank you, Robert!

Tomorrow I have to go to Calgary for more injections into
the eyeballs. That means no Friday, Saturday or Sunday 
newsletters will get sent out.

Have FUN!

Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Connecticut druggie, who brought 50 grams of pot to court Details at Boneheads Today, in 1966 - The U.S. Government declared that LSD was dangerous and an illegal substance.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Advertisements... contain the only truths to be relied on in a newspaper. --- Thomas Jefferson (1743 - 1826) In modern America, anyone who attempts to write satirically about the events of the day finds it difficult to concoct a situation so bizarre that it may not actually come to pass while the article is still on the presses. --- Calvin Trillin (1935 - ) You can observe a lot just by watching. --- Yogi Berra
Passengers aboard a luxurious cruise ship were having a great time when a beautiful young woman fell overboard. Immediately there was an 80 year old man in the water, who rescued her. The crew pulled them both out of the treacherous waters. The captain was grateful as well as astonished that such a white-haired old man performed such an act of bravery. That night a banquet was given in honor of the ship's elderly hero. He was called forward to receive an award and was asked to say a few words. He said, "Once I was in the water, it was no big deal. But I sure am curious about who pushed me overboard."
As with many funerals, it was a cloudy, rainy day. The deceased was a little old lady who had devoted her entire married life to nagging at her poor husband. When the graveside service had no more than terminated, there was a tremendous burst of thunder accompanied by a distant lightning bolt and more rumbling thunder. The little old man looked at his priest and calmly said, "Sounds like SHE has been told where to go."
Click through for the large picture Elk in the morning
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Richard Thompson, 32, of Stamford, Connecticut Drug Suspect Brought 50 Grams Of Pot To Court FORT LEE Port Authority police on Thursday arrested a man who brought marijuana to the borough court -- where he was scheduled to appear on charges including marijuana possession, the agency said. Richard Thompson, 32, of Stamford, Connecticut, showed up at court around 10:20 a.m. with a backpack, according to police spokesman Joe Pentangelo. As part of standard security screenings, officials opened the bag and discovered less than 50 grams of marijuana inside. They also found two packages of rolling papers and an unrolled cigar wrapper often re-used to smoke marijuana, Pentangelo said. Port Authority Police Officer Steve Pisciotta arrested Thompson on charges of having marijuana and drug paraphernalia, the spokesman added. Thompson was apparently no stranger to the Port Authority officer. Pisciotta arrested the accused May 16 at the George Washington Bridge on charges of driving under the influence, driving with a suspended license and having marijuana in his car, police said. In December, Port Authority police made a similar arrest at the same court when another man was allegedly caught with marijuana after he showed up to answer a different pot possession charge. Tech Support Pits From: Ormond Re: Most reliable connection Dear Webby, What is the most reliable connection? I don't really need very high speed, but for my on-line credit card order processing, I need 100% reliability. I am not an AOLer, so I don't have a religious hangup requiring things to be free or the absolute cheapest. I can write it off as a business expense anyway. Ormond Dear Ormond If you can get it, cable is quite reliable nowadays. Second best is DSL. DSL CAN be fairly fast, but often slows down. The reason South Korea has an average connection speed of over 20 Mbps is because there every house and shack has cable, and a cable Internet connection. Dial-Up is a good back-up. Most ISPs give you a dial-up number to use in case of problems with DSL. The problem is, usually dial-up uses the same phone line. If a drunk hit a telephone pole and knocked your line off, dial-up is out too. You CAN get an Air-Card, which is basically a cell-phone modem, but every one I know, who uses those occasionally, complains about their cost. With today's cell-phones you can check your email and do your banking, if you have to. In some countries like Nigeria over 90% of the population just use cell phones to get onto the Internet and don't even have computers. I would not use that metyhod, but in an emergency, it would work OK. Personally, if I could get cable, I would. DSL is what I have been using for a dozen years. Most of the time it is reliable enough, but I have had to fall back to Dial-Up occasionally. Satellite Internet connection is worst of all. Any rain storm will knock you off, and for uploading you have to use slow dial-up. It is also the most expensive method. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Using an Old Window Frame I was given this old frame, and decided to make it look realistic. I put a cut up poster behind the places where the panes were, and it looks like I am gazing out into a serene waterfall in the woods. Some of my snail collections are on it, and for the photo, I would have taken them off. However, I have cats, and everything in this house is glued down! But, this may inspire some of you just the same. By Sandi/Poor But Proud http://www.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A man observed a sign in the window of a restaurant that read "Unique Breakfast", so he walked in and sat down. The waitress brought him his coffee and asked him what he wanted. "What's your 'Unique Breakfast'?" he asked inquisitively. "Baked tongue of chicken," she replied proudly. "Baked tongue of chicken? Do you have ANY idea how disgusting that is? I would never even consider eating anything that came out of a chicken's mouth!" the man fumed. Undaunted, the waitress asked, "Well, what would you like then, sir?" The man replied, "Just bring me some scrambled eggs."
Thanks to Bob for this revelation: My wife uses fabric softener. I never knew what that stuff was for. Then I noticed women were coming up to me, they'd sniff, exclaim, "Married!", and walk off. So, gents, that's how they mark their territory! You can take off that ring, but it's hard to get that "April fresh scent" out of your clothes.


Today in 
1895 - The Berliner Gramophone Company was founded in 
 Philadelphia, PA. 
1915 - During World War I, the Battle of Loos concluded. 
1919 - The first transcontinental air race in the U.S. began. 
1945 - U.S. President Truman announced that only Britain 
 and Canada would be given the secret to the atomic bomb. 
1950 - U.N. forces crossed into North Korea from South Korea. 
1966 - The U.S. Government declared that LSD was dangerous 
 and an illegal substance. 
1970 - Soviet author Alexander Solzhenitsyn won the Nobel 
 Prize for literature. 
1982 - In Poland, all labor organizations, including Solidarity, 
 were banned. 
1991 - A slave burial site was found by construction workers 
 in lower Manhattan. The "Negro Burial Ground" had been closed 
 in 1790. Over a dozen skeletons were found. 
1993 - The U.S. government issued a report absolving the FBI 
 of any wrongdoing in its final assault in Waco, TX, on the 
 Branch Davidian compound. The fire that ended the siege 
 killed as many as 85 people. 
1996 - Pope John Paul II underwent a successful operation 
 to remove his inflamed appendix. 
1998 - Taliban forces attacked Iranian border posts. Iran 
 said that three border posts were destroyed before the 
 Taliban forces were forced to retreat. The Taliban of 
 Afghanistan denied the event occurred. 
1998 - Canada and Netherlands were voted into the 
 U.N. Security Council. 
2001 - Two Russian cosmonauts made the first spacewalk to be conducted 
 outside of the international space station without a shuttle present. 
2002 - A federal judge approved U.S. President George W. Bush's request 
 to reopen West Coast ports, to end a caustic 10-day labor lockout. 
 The lockout was costing the U.S. economy an estimated $1 billion to 
 $2 billion a day. 
2003 - China announced that it would have a human crew orbit the Earth 
 briefly on October 15. 
2003 - Vietnam and the United States reached a tentative agreement that 
 would allow the first commercial flights between the two countries 
 since the end of the Vietnam War. 
2004 - The first-ever direct presidential elections were held in 
2014  smiled.

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