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Today is Monday, October 27

Have FUN!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a 500 lb perp in Florida, trying to resist arrest. Details at Boneheads Today, in 1925 Fred Waller received a patent for water skis.
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In inner-party politics, these methods lead, as we shall yet see, to this: the party organization substitutes itself for the party, the central committee substitutes itself for the organization, and, finally, a "dictator" substitutes himself for the central committee. --- Leon Trotsky (1879-1940) Russian revolutionary ------------ Sounds familiar! There are two types of people-- those who come into a room and say, 'Well, here I am!' and those who come in and say, 'Ah, there you are.' --- Frederick L Collins Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards. --- Benjamin Franklin A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. --- Milton Berle
A mother looked out a window and saw Johnny playing church with their three kittens. He had them lined up and was preaching to them. The mother turned around to do some work. A while later she heard meowing and scratching on the door. She went to the window and saw Johnny baptizing the kittens. She opened the window and said, "Johnny, stop that! You'll drown those kittens." Johnny looked at her and said with much conviction in his voice: "They should had thought of that before they joined my church."
"Here's something that will really make you feel grown up," said a father to his teenage daughter, "Your very own phone bill."
While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, "are there any gators around here?!" "Naw," the man hollered back, "Ain't been any for years!" Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming toward the shore. As he got closer to shore he shouted to the guy again "What did you do to get rid of the gators?" "We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said. "The sharks got 'em all."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD Howard Hendrix, 45, of Apopka, Florida 500-pound Suspect Doesn't Fit Into Florida Patrol Car The scales of justice can handle Howard Hendrix and his domestic disturbance charge, but Florida deputies had problems arresting and transporting the heavy suspect. At 500 pounds, the 6-foot-tall Hendrix was too big to fit into a Volusia Count patrol car. The solution was to summon a prisoner transport van to haul Hendrix to the Volusia County Branch Jail in Daytona Beach on Sunday, according to the Orlando Sentinel. Before that, Hendrix, 45, of Apopka, Florida, used his size to resist arrest in other ways. Hendrix sat down on the floor and challenged officers to move him. He also allegedly kicked a deputy in the leg, according to police documents obtained by the Daytona Beach News-Journal. The dispute began when Hendrix' girlfriend told deputies that during an argument he had cornered her in the garage and slapped her shoulder and face, poked her in the chest, and spit into her face, according to He allegedly punched a hole in her wall too. When deputies arrived, Hendrix had showered and was naked. Investigators said he smelled of alcohol, and had glassy eyes and slurred speech, reports. Hendrix was charged with battery on a law enforcement officer, criminal mischief, resisting an officer without violence, battery causing bodily harm and driving under the influence, according to the Miami Herald. He is being held on $5,000 bond. Tech Support Pits From: Bunny Re: Not getting subscription Hi Webby, This mail says my double-opt in was successful but I haven't gotten the Humour Letter yet. I checked spam and all folders. Still don't see it. My old mail is going away on Halloween because is closing down their dialup and I'm not close enough for their dsl. Was hoping to move my sub to gmail, but I'm confused about it working. Bunny Dear Bunny You are definitely in the list. Second last one to subscribe. If you don't get the Monday issue by sun-up, check Spam and Trash. You might have to make a filter in Gmail to keep it from dumping mail from The people running Gmail apparently don't like getting mail and figure it is better to dump too much stuff, than not enough; and that everybody should get good at making filters. Once you have about a hundred filters, Gmail is excellent. However, it is definitely not something to just subscribe to and let it run as is. In the meantime, you can browse to to read the current issue, or to to read previous issues. You can scroll back to almost the stone ages, but don't let that stop you from making filters. On rural Dial-Up getting the Humor Letter in the mail is a lot faster than browsing for it. You will probably also have to change the setting in Gmail to always display images. By default, that is often turned off. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A woman passed out and her husband,Bubba, called 911. The operator said they would send someone out right away and asked, "Where do you live?" Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive." The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?" There was a long pause and finally, Bubba said, "How about I drag her over to Oak Street and you can meet us there?"
Daily tip from "Soft Wrap" Presents For A Green Christmas My family always has a chore of finding correct size boxes for Christmas gifts, and then having to break them down afterward for the recycle bins. This year, we have pledged to "soft wrap" every gift. There will be no more boxes, and no chore we all dislike. Let us all save planet Earth! By Avis from Boulder, CO You can also save boxes and re-use them. Make a rule to, if at all possible, send the boxes back to the sender next Christmas. It is quite fun to see how many back and forth trips a box can endure. Some people, who hate fruitcakes, don't even open the box, that they know contains a fossilized fruitcake. They just stick another address label on it, and put it into the garage, ready to send back next Christmas. Personally, I like fruitcake, but when I get one, I save the box for next December. it is always a treat to recognize a box. Have FUN! DearWebby
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A man passed out in a dead faint as he came out of his front door onto the porch. Someone called 911. When the paramedics arrived, they helped him regain consciousness and asked if he knew what caused him to faint. "It was enough to make anybody faint," he said. "My son asked me for the keys to the garage, and instead of driving the car out, he came out with the lawn mower."
During a Law school lecture, the 'Audi alteramparten' rule was explained. Translated it means, "To hear the other party". After discussing the subject at great length, the lecturer asked if anyone didn't understand the rule. A man in the back of the class said, "Yes, my wife."
The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building. Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute. The substitute wanted to know what to play. "Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently. "But, you'll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances." During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up." At that moment, the substitute organist played "The Star Spangled Banner." And that is how the substitute became the regular organist!

Cow Bells

Today in 
1659 William Robinson and Marmaduke Stevenson became the 
 first Quakers to be executed in America. 
1795 The United States and Spain signed the Treaty of San 
 Lorenzo. The treaty is also known as "Pinckney's Treaty." 
1858 Roland Macy opened Macy's Department Store in New York 
 City. It was Macy's eighth business adventure, the other 
 seven failed. 
1878 The Manhattan Savings Bank in New York City was robbed 
 of over $3,000,000. The robbery was credited to George 
 "Western" Leslie even though there was not enough evidence 
 to convict him, only two of his associates were convicted. 
1904 The New York subway system officially opened. It was 
 the first rapid-transit subway system in America. 
1925 Fred Waller received a patent for water skis. 
1927 The first newsreel featuring sound was released in 
 New York. 
1938 Du Pont announced "nylon" as the new name for its new 
 synthetic yarn. 
1954 Marilyn Monroe and Joe DiMaggio were divorced. They 
 had been married on January 14, 1954. 
1962 The Soviet Union adds to the Cuban Missile Crisis by 
 calling for the dismantling of U.S. missile basis in Turkey. 
 U.S. President Kennedy agreed to the new aspect of the agreement. 
1994 The U.S. Justice Department announced that the U.S. prison 
 population had exceeded one million for the first time in 
 American history. 
2002 Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva was elected president of Brazil 
 in a runoff. He was the country's first elected leftist leader. 
2003 Bank of America Corp. announced it had agreed to buy 
 FleetBoston Financial Corp. The deal created the second largest 
 banking company in the U.S.
2014  smiled.

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