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Today is Monday, November 3

Thank you, Dennis!

Have FUN!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to an Alabama Subway Robber, who claimed failed 'Jared Diet' as excuse Details at Boneheads Today, in 1957 Sputnik II was launched by the Soviet Union. It was the second manmade satellite to be put into orbit and was the first to put an animal into space, a dog named Laika.
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Human beings are the only creatures that allow their children to come back home. --- Bill Cosby (1937 - )
During taxi, the crew of a US Airways departure flight to Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. The irate lady who had the ground controller's spot at that moment screamed, "US Air 2771, where are you going? I told you to turn right on 'Charlie' taxiway; you turned right on 'Delta.' Stop right there! I know it's difficult to tell the difference between C's & D's, but get it right!" Continuing her lashing to the embarrassed crew, "You've screwed everything up; it'll take forever to sort this out. You stay right there and don't move until I tell you to! Then, I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?" The humbled crew responded, "Yes, Ma'am." The ground control frequency went terribly silent; no one wanted to engage the irate ground controller in her current state. Tension in every cockpit at La Guardia was running high. Then an unknown male pilot broke the silence and asked, "Wasn't I almost married to you once?"
Official sign near door: Door Alarmed. Handprinted sign nearby: Window frightened.
A man walks out into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Vince." "Who?" "Vince Sabio. There's a guy who did everything right. Like my coming along when you needed a cab. It would have happened like that to Vince every single time." "There are always a few clouds over everybody." "Not Vince. He was a terrific athlete. He could have gone on the pro tour in tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star." "He was something, huh?" "He had a memory like a trap. Could remember everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which fork to eat with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole neighborhood blacks out." "No wonder you remember him." "Well, I never actually met Vince." "Then how do you know so much about him?" "I married his widow."
Thanks to Dawn for this picture Click through for the large picture
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD Zachary Torrance, 18, Hueytown, Alabama Alabama Subway Robber, who claimed failed 'Jared Diet' as excuse A man accused of robbing four Alabama Subway sandwich shops allegedly confessed he wanted revenge as a disgruntled customer. He was mad that the "Jared Diet" didn't work for him and wanted his money back, according to police. Zachary Torrance, 18, was arrested Thursday night and charged with first-degree robbery for a robbery the previous day at the Hueytown Subway. Torrance allegedly entered the store around 8:42 p.m. and demanded the cashier open the register, according to a post on the Hueytown Police Department's Facebook page. Surveillance video shows a man later identified as Torrance taking money from the register and fleeing the store. Torrance was arrested after a citizen saw the robbery footage and recognized the suspect from shopping at the Hueytown Walmart. Hueytown police tracked down Torrance, who was wearing the same clothes and shoes as the robbery suspect, Alabamas13.com reports. Hueytown Police Chief Chuck Hagler said Torrance admitted to the Hueytown holdup, and gave a bizarre motive. "I don't know if he was kidding or not, but he said he had tried the Jared diet and it hadn't worked for him so he wanted his money back,'' Hagler told Al.com. The "Jared Diet" Torrance allegedly mentioned is a weight-loss plan created by Jared Fogle, who, in 1998 and 1999, went from 425 pounds to 180 pounds with a daily diet that focused on two low-fat sandwiches purchased at Subway. He famously appeared in commercials for Subway touting his physical transformation. Torrance is currently in the Jefferson County Jail on $250,000. Torrance is suspected of robbing three other Subways in Birmingham, Midfield and Adamsville, and will be charged for those robberies at a later date. Tech Support Pits From: Jay Re: Zoomable fonts Dear Webby! I know you have used zoomable fonts for ages, but my webmaster insists that is not necessary if a computer is set up right. Well, my computer is set up the way I like it, and I can hardly read the pages on my company site. How do you make your fonts so that they can be zoomed? What do you suggest. Jay Dear Jay Using a word Processor and saving a WORD document as a web page is not the same as creating it with HTML. The same goes for kids using FrontPage. Basic stuff looks OK with it, but it's not quite up to standard and will bite you sooner or later. I would recommend that you get somebody who will do your site properly, instead of implying that your computer is not set up right. That page you sent me to is useless. When I see something that is too small to read comfortably, and that can't be zoomed to a decent size, I'm out of there and on my way to a competitor. I have a hunch most people browse that way. Have FUN! DearWebby
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This is a real oldie, from the days when Windows came on a stack of floppy disks. An unfailingly polite lady called to ask for help with a Windows installation that had gone terribly wrong. Customer: "I brought my Windows disks from work to install them on my home computer." Training stresses that we are "not the Software Police," so I let the little act of piracy slide. Tech Support: "Umm-hmm. What happened?" Customer: "As I put each disk in it turns out they weren't initialized." Tech Support: "Do you remember the message exactly, ma'am?" Customer: (proudly) "I wrote it down. 'This is not a Macintosh disk. Would you like to initialize it?'" Tech Support: "Er, what happened next?" Customer: "After they were initialized, all the disks appeared to be blank. And now I brought them back to work, and I can't read them in the A: drive; the PC wants to format them. And this is our only set of Windows disks for the whole office. Did I do something wrong?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com George Forman Grill to Make Bear Paws I have little counter space so everything on it has to be a useful appliance! I regularly make grilled cheese or grilled vegetables on an open George Forman grill or zucchini fritters on it. This weekend, I decided to try to make waffles! I just used my Bisquick for the batter and poured a small circle onto the upper portion of the heated grill and let it run down the grill a bit. Don't add too much! I did close it and turned the waffles after the top was slightly browned in some areas. They turned out looking like Bear Paws to me so that's what I now call them! You could name them Pet Paws or Monster Claws. By Dee [157] http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Out in space two alien forms are speaking with each other. The first spaceman says, "The dominant life forms on the earth planet have developed satellite-based weapons." The second alien, who looks exactly like the first, asks, "Are they an emerging intelligence?" The first spaceman says, "I don't think so...They have them aimed at themselves."
A nurse at my hospital received a call from an anxious patient. "I'm diabetic and I'm afraid I've had too much sugar today." the caller said. "Are you light-headed?" my colleague asked. "No," the caller answered, "I'm a brunette."

7 Wonders to Modern World

Today in 
1507 Leonardo DaVinci was commissioned by the husband of 
 Lisa Gherardini to paint her. The work is known as the 
 Mona Lisa. 
1631 The Reverend John Eliot arrived in the Massachusetts 
 Bay Colony. He was the first Protestant minister to 
 dedicate himself to the conversion of Native Americans 
 to Christianity. 
1839 The first Opium War between China and Britain erupted.
 China did not want Opium Trade, Britain demanded it, and won.
1892 The first automatic telephone went into service at 
 LaPorte, IN. The device was invented by Almon Strowger. 
1903 Panama proclaimed its independence from Columbia. 
1911 Chevrolet Motor Car Company was founded by Louis 
 Chevrolet and William C. Durant. 
1941 U.S. Ambassador to Japan John Grew warned that the 
 Japanese may be planning a sudden attack on the U.S. 
1957 Sputnik II was launched by the Soviet Union. It was 
 the second manmade satellite to be put into orbit and 
 was the first to put an animal into space, a dog named 
1973 The U.S. launched the Mariner 10 spacecraft. 
 On March 29, 1974 it became the first spacecraft to reach 
 the planet Mercury. 
1979 Five members of the Communist Workers' Party are shot 
 to death in broad daylight at an anti-Ku Klux Klan rally 
 in Greensboro, NC. Eight others were wounded. 
1986 The Ash-Shiraa, pro-Syrian Lebanese magazine, first 
 broke the story of U.S. arms sales to Iran to secure the 
 release of seven American hostages. The story turned 
 into the Iran-Contra affair. 
1987 China told the U.S. that it would halt the sale of 
 arms to Iran. 
1991 Israeli and Palestinian representatives held their 
 first-ever face-to-face talks in Madrid, Spain. 
1994 Susan Smith of Union, SC, was arrested for drowning 
 her two sons. Nine days earlier Smith had claimed that 
 the children had been abducted by a black carjacker. 
1995 U.S. President Clinton dedicated a memorial at Arlington 
 National Cemetery to the 270 victims of the bombing of 
 Pan Am Flight 103. 
1998 A state-run newspaper in Iraq urged the country to prepare 
 to battle "the U.S. monster." 
1998 Minnesota elected Jesse "The Body" Ventura, a former pro 
 wrestler, as its governor. 
2003 In Kabul, Afghanistan, a post-Taliban draft constitution 
 was unveiled.
2014  smiled.

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