How to zoom fonts 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, November 4

If you are in the US, get out and vote!
If you are in Illinois, vote early and vote often!
If you are in Florida, vote and try again a few times.

Have FUN!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a man in Florida arrested wearing 'Go Directly to Jail' t-shirt Details at Boneheads Today, in 1979 Iranian militants seized the U.S. embassy in Tehran and took 63 Americans hostage (90 total hostages). The militants, mostly students, demanded that the U.S. send the former shah back to Iran to stand trial. Many hostages were later released, but 52 were held for the next 14 months.
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One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory. --- Rita Mae Brown Against logic there is no armor like ignorance. --- Laurence J. Peter "According to a new study, polar bears will probably be ex- tinct by the year 2050. So enjoy eating them while you can." --- Dave Letterman
Benjamin is in the midst of a long dry spell in Las Vegas. Eventually he gambles away all his money and has to borrow a quarter from another gambler just to use the men's room. He finds a stall that happens to be open and pockets the quarter. Believing that his luck has finally changed, he puts the quarter in a slot machine and hits the jackpot. He takes his winnings and goes to the blackjack table and turns his modest winnings into a million dollars. Wealthy beyond his wildest dreams, Benjamin goes on the lecture circuit, where he tells his incredible story. He tells his audiences that he will always be eternally grateful to his benefactor, and if he ever finds the man, he will share his fortune with him. After months of speaking, a man in the audience jumps up and says, "I'm that man. I was the one who gave you the quarter." "Yes, I ! remember you well, but you aren't the one I'm looking for. I am looking for the guy who left the stall door open!"
The young suitor was determined to win the heart of the woman he wanted to marry, in spite of her rejection of his proposal. He began what can only be called a "Campaign" and sent her a token of his affection every day for a month to her house. The plan was successful too -- the young lady fell in love with the UPS man.
On my first day working at the gas station, I watched a senior co-worker measure the level of gasoline in the under- ground tanks by lowering a giant measuring stick down into them. "What would happen if I threw a lit match into the hole?" I joked. "It would go out," he replied very matter-of-factly. "Really?" I asked, surprised to hear that. "Is there a lack of oxygen down there or some safety device that would extinguish it before the fumes ignited?" "No," my co-worker continued. "The force from the explosion would blow out the match."
Thanks to Dawn for this picture Click through for the large picture Oak Mountain State Park Alabama
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD Micah Dailey, 20, of Cape Coral, Floriduh Man arrested wearing 'Go Directly to Jail' t-shirt A man from Florida was arrested while wearing a Monopoly- themed t-shirt with the words 'Go Directly to Jail' printed across it. Micah Dailey was dressed accordingly for his mugshot after being nabbed for possession of marijuana of no more than 20 grams and possession of drug paraphernalia, according to the Lee County Sheriff's Department. Unfortunately for the suspect, he didn't have a get-out-of-jail-free card in his back pocket and was instead forced to post $6,500 bail. "It had an element of humor to it," Sgt. Scott Lineberger told The New York Daily News, which first reported the story. Tech Support Pits From: Ruth Re: Zooming fonts Dear Webby! You write about zoomable fonts as if everbody knew how to zoom them. Maybe you explained that at one time, but that must have been before I subscribed. Can you please tell us again? Ruth Dear Ruth On most browsers like Chrome or FireFox, you just hold down CTRL and turn the scroll wheel on the mouse. On Internet Explorer you hold down CTRL and hit the + or the - on the keyboard. CTRL and + and - work on Chrome and FireFox too, but are rather klutzy compared to just using CTRL and the scroll wheel. CTRL plus Scroll Wheel zooms pictures too, not just fonts. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Two fathers-to-be met in the maternity waiting room. "Can you believe this? The first day of our vacation, and she goes into labor!" The second one looks at the first and says, "What do you have to complain about? This is our honeymoon!"
Daily tip from Buy Halloween Candy After Halloween I asked my husband last night, what is the best time to buy Halloween candy, and he said the day after Halloween. I had to laugh because that is "All Saints Day." By Carol L. from South Bend, IN
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Two youngsters were walking home from Sunday School, each deep in his own thoughts. Finally one said, "What do you think about all this devil business we studied today?" The other boy replied thoughtfully, "Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. This is probably just your Dad, too."
One of my first duties as an Air Force officer was to set up a field medical-training program at our hospital. I conducted a class in triage -- sorting out battlefield casualties according to the likelihood of survival. We had applied theatrical makeup to several airmen to simulate different wounds. Pointing to one of the "casualties," I said to the group, "This man has severe brain damage. What would you do with him?" A reply from the back of the class: "Make him an officer!"


Today in 
1846 A patent for an artificial leg to Benjamin Palmer.
1847 Scottish obstetrician James Young Simpson discovered 
 the anethestic qualities of chloroform. 
1880 James and John Ritty patented the first cash register. 
1922 In Egypt, Howard Carter discovered the entry of the 
 lost tomb of Pharaoh Tutankhamen. 
1939 During World War II, the U.S. modified its neutrality 
 stance with the Neutrality Act of 1939. The new policy 
 allowed cash-and-carry purchases of arms by belligerents. 
1939 At the 40th National Automobile Show the first 
 air-conditioned car was put on display. 
1942 During World War II, Axis forces retreated from El 
 Alamein in North Africa. It was a major victory for the 
1952 In the United States, the National Security Agency 
 (NSA) was established. 
1956 Soviet forces enter Hungary in order to suppress the 
 uprising that had begun on October 23, 1956. 
1965 Lee Ann Roberts Breedlove became the first woman to 
 exceed 300 mph when she went 308.5 mph. 
1979 Iranian militants seized the U.S. embassy in Tehran 
 and took 63 Americans hostage (90 total hostages). The 
 militants, mostly students, demanded that the U.S. send 
 the former shah back to Iran to stand trial. Many hostages 
 were later released, but 52 were held for the next 14 months. 
1981 The second scheduled flight of the space shuttle Columbia 
 was canceled with only 31 seconds left in the countdown. 
1984 Nicaragua held its first free elections in 56 years. 
1989 About a million East Germans filled the streets of East 
 Berlin in a pro-democracy rally. 
1990 Iraq issued a statement saying it was prepared to fight 
 a "dangerous war" rather than give up Kuwait. 
1991 Ronald Reagan opened his presidential library in Simi 
 Valley, CA. The dedication ceremony was attended by President 
 Bush and former U.S. presidents Jimmy Carter, Gerald R. Ford 
 and Richard M. Nixon. It was the 1st gathering of 5 U.S. 
 chief executives. 
1995 Israeli Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin, 73 years old, was 
 assassinated by right-wing Israeli Yigal Amir after attending 
 a peace rally. 
1999 The United Nations imposed economic sanctions against the 
 Taliban that controlled most of Afghanistan. The sanctions 
 were imposed because the Taliban had refused to turn over 
 Osama bin Laden, who had been charged with masterminding the 
 1998 bombings of the U.S. embassies in Kenya and Tanzania. 
2001 Hurrican Michelle hit Cuba destroying crops and thousands 
 of homes. The United States made the gesture of sending 
 humanitarian aid. On December 16, 2001, Cuba received the 
 first commercial food shipment from the U.S. in nearly 40 years. 
2014  smiled.

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