W7 Log-off sound 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, November 7
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Have FUN!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Floriduh man arrested for 
shooting neighbor over dog poop
Detailacs at Boneheads

Today, in 
1837 In Alton, IL, abolitionist printer Elijah P. Lovejoy was 
 shot to death by a mob (supporters of slavery) while trying 
 to protect his printing shop from a third destruction. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Charm is the quality in others that makes us more satisfied with ourselves. --- Henri-Frédéric Amiel ______________________________________________________ The following quotations are taken from official court records across the nation, showing how funny and embarrassing it is for recorders to operate at all times in courts of law. * Lawyer: "Was that the same nose you broke as a child?" * Witness: "I only have one, you know." * Lawyer: "Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?" * Witness: "By death." * Lawyer: "And by whose death was it terminated?" * Accused, Defending His Own Case: "Did you get a good look at my face when I took your purse?" The defendant was found guilty and sentenced to ten years in jail. * Lawyer: "What is your birth day?" * Witness: "July 15th." * Lawyer: "What year?" * Witness: "Every year." * Lawyer: "Can you tell us what was stolen from your house?" * Witness: "There was a rifle that belonged to my father that was stolen from the hall closet." * Lawyer: "Can you identify the rifle?" * Witness: "Yes. There was something written on the side of it." * Lawyer: "And what did the writing say?" * Witness: "'Winchester'!" * Lawyer: "What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?" * Witness: "Gucci sweats and Reeboks." * Lawyer: "Can you describe what the person who attacked you looked like?" * Witness: "No. He was wearing a mask." * Lawyer: "What was he wearing under the mask?" * Witness: "Er...his face." * Lawyer: "This myasthenia gravis -- does it affect your memory at all?" * Witness: "Yes." * Lawyer: "And in what ways does it affect your memory?" * Witness: "I forget." * Lawyer: "You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?" * Lawyer: "How old is your son, the one living with you?" * Witness: "Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which." * Lawyer: "How long has he lived with you?" * Witness: "Forty-five years." * Lawyer: "What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?" * Witness: "He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'" * Lawyer: "And why did that upset you?" * Witness: "My name is Susan." * Lawyer: "Sir, what is your IQ?" * Witness: "Well, I can see pretty well, I think." * Lawyer: "Did you blow your horn or anything?" * Witness: "After the accident?" * Lawyer: "Before the accident." * Witness: "Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it." * Lawyer: "Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?" * Witness: "Yes." * Lawyer: "Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?" * Witness: "Yes, sir." * Lawyer: "What did she say?" * Witness: "'What disco am I at?'" * Lawyer: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?" * Witness: "No." * Lawyer: "Did you check for blood pressure?" * Witness: "No." * Lawyer: "Did you check for breathing?" * Witness: "No." * Lawyer: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?" * Witness: "No." * Lawyer: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?" * Witness: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar." * Lawyer: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?" * Witness: "Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere." * Lawyer: "How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?" * Lawyer: "And you check your radar unit frequently?" * Officer: "Yes, I do." * Lawyer: "And was your radar unit functioning correctly at the time you had the plaintiff on radar?" * Officer: "Yes, it was malfunctioning correctly." * Lawyer: "What happened then?" * Witness: "He told me, he says, 'I have to kill you because you can identify me.'" * Lawyer: "Did he kill you?" * Witness: "No." * Lawyer: "Now sir, I'm sure you are an intelligent and honest man--" * Witness: "Thank you. If I weren't under oath, I'd return the compliment." * Lawyer: "You were there until the time you left, is that true?" * Lawyer: "So you were gone until you returned?" * Lawyer: "The youngest son, the 20 year old, how old is he?" * Lawyer: "Were you alone or by yourself?" * Lawyer: "How long have you been a French Canadian?" * Witness: "He was about medium height and had a beard." * Lawyer: "Was this a male or a female?" * Lawyer: "Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?" * Witness: "I went to Europe, sir." * Lawyer: "And you took your new wife?" * Lawyer: "I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture." * Witness: "That's me." * Lawyer: "Were you present when that picture was taken?" * Lawyer: "Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?" * Lawyer: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? * Witness: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question? ______________________________________________________ Five Jewish men who influenced the history of Western civilization. Moses said the law is everything. Jesus said love is everything. Marx said capital is everything. Freud said sex is everything. Einstein said everything is relative. ______________________________________________________ A city slicker was driving too fast when he came over a hill and encountered a flock of chickens in the middle of the country road. He slammed on the brakes and scattered the flock, but ran over the rooster. Wanting to do the right thing, he stopped at the farmhouse to report what had happened. When the old farmer came to the door, the motorist confessed, "I just ran over your rooster, but I'm willing to replace him". "Fine", said the farmer. "Let me hear you crow". ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Dawn for this picture Click through for the large picture Arkansas. Do you see the two people in the picture? ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to

Joshame Sewell, Floriduh man arrested for shooting neighbor over dog poop A man in Tampa, Florida, is behind bars and accused of shooting his neighbor because of an argument over dog poop. Police said that on October 24 Joshame Sewell, 20, argued with his neighbor, Donte Roberson, 30 because Robertson's dog defecated in Sewell's yard. Sewell was so enraged that he allegedly grabbed a rifle and shot the dog's owner several times in the leg and once in the right hand, MyFoxTampaBay reports. Then Sewell fled the scene. He managed to elude capture until Sunday afternoon, when he was arrested in Belle Glade, Florida, nearly 200 miles away, ABC Action News reports. As of Monday, Sewell was being held at the Palm Beach County Jail, awaiting extradition to Hillsborough County, according to the Tampa Tribune. Roberson is recovering at the Tampa General Hospital.

Tech Support Pits
From: Bill Re: Change Log-Off sound in Windows 7 Dear Webby! That really works! I do appreciate the effort you put in to find this solution for me. I have been trying for weeks but came up with nothing. Now..... if I could find a similar solution for the "logoff" sound, I would be ecstatic. Thanks again. Bill Dear Bill Some say you should be able to do it through the Control Panel, but that method does not work with my version of W7. I am still searching for a method, that will work with all versions of W7. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A woman and her five year old daughter were in a checkout line at a grocery store, when the young one became upset about something. She announced, "As soon as we get home I'm going to run away." Well, of course the best thing for the mother to do was to let her child come to her own realization that it wouldn't work, so she asked her, "Why wait until you get home. Why don't you just run away from here?" The child was ready with an answer, "Because I don't know my way to grandma's house from here."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Crust Cover from Metal Pie Plate With the holidays coming and after wasting countless strips of aluminum foil just to cover my pie crusts when baking, I tried cutting up an old aluminum pie pan to place over my pie crusts while baking. It worked! Use craft scissors and cut cleanly so you leave no sharp edges. I would suggest you wear work gloves and possibly use needle nose pliers to bend down and crimp closed the cut ends after cutting the circle out of the bottom just to guarantee no cuts! I intend to reuse these again and again. By Dee [160] http://www.thriftyfun.com/ ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
______________________________________________________ Once there was a man who prided himself on having all of the latest gadgets for his car. One day a young man pulled up alongside his car in an old, beat up VW and waved a sheet of fax paper, yelling, "Look what I've got!" Not to be outdone, the man had a fax installed in his car that very afternoon. The next time he saw the VW, it was parked and the windows seemed to be steamed up. The man rapped on a window and when the young man appeared, waved a sheet of fax paper at him and said, "I've got one too." The young man gave him a disdainful look and said, "You got me out of the shower just to tell me that?" ______________________________________________________ It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came over the campus intercom: "The students who have parked their cars on the right side of Circle drive need to move their cars off Circle drive to facititate snow plowing." Half an hour later: "The 2700 students who left to move seventeen cars may return to classes now." They did not hear the second announcement in the pub across the street.

Heavy snow looks like this

Today in 
1637 Anne Hutchinson, the first female religious leader in 
 the American colonies, was banished from the Massachusetts 
 Bay Colony for heresy. 
1811 The Shawnee Indians of chief Tecumseh were defeated 
 by William Henry Harrison at the Battle of Wabash (or Tippecanoe). 
1837 In Alton, IL, abolitionist printer Elijah P. Lovejoy was 
 shot to death by a mob (supporters of slavery) while trying 
 to protect his printing shop from a third destruction. 
1874 The Republican party of the U.S. was first symbolized 
 as an elephant in a cartoon by Thomas Nast in Harper's Weekly. 
1876 The cigarette manufacturing machine was patented by 
 Albert H. Hook. 
1893 The state of Colorado granted its women the right to vote. 
1895 The last spike was driven into Canada's first 
 transcontinental railway in the mountains of British Columbia. 
1917 Russia's Bolshevik Revolution took place. The provisional 
 government of Alexander Kerensky was overthrown by forces led 
 by Vladimir Ilyich Lenin. 
1918 During World War I, a false report through the United Press 
 announced that an armistice had been signed. 
1933 Voters in Pennsylvania eliminated sports from Pennsylvanian 
 "Blue Laws." 
1940 The middle section of the Tacoma Narrows Bridge in Washington 
 state collapsed during a windstorm. The suspension bridge had 
 opened to traffic on July 1, 1940. 
1944 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt became the first 
 person to win a fourth term as president. 
1965 The "Pillsbury Dough Boy" debuted in television commercials. 
1967 Carl Stokes was elected the first black mayor Cleveland, OH, 
 becoming the first black mayor of a major city. 
1967 The U.S. Selective Service Commission announced that college 
 students arrested in anti-war demonstrations would lose their 
 draft deferments. 
1973 The U.S. Congress over-rode President Nixon's veto of the 
 War Powers Act, which limits a chief executive's power to wage 
 war without congressional approval. 
1985 The Colombian army stormed the country's Palace of Justice. 
 The siege claimed the lives of 100 people, including 11 Supreme 
 Court Justices. The Palace had been seized by leftist guerrillas 
 belonging to the April 19 Movement. 
1987 Tunisia's president Habib Bourguiba was overthrown. He had 
 been president since the country's independence in 1956. 
1988 Sugar Ray Leonard knocked out Donnie LaLonde. 
1989 L. Douglas Wilder won the governor's race in Virginia, 
 becoming the first elected African-American state governor 
 in U.S. history. 
1989 David Dinkins was elected and become New York City's 
 first African-American mayor. 
1991 Magic Johnson (NBA) announced that he had tested 
 positive for the virus that causes AIDS, and that he was 
 retiring from basketball. 
1991 Pro- and anti-Communists rallies took place in Moscow 
 on the 74th anniversary of the Bolshevik Revolution. 
1995 In a Japanese courtroom, three U.S. military men admitted 
 to the rape of a 12-year-old Okinawan schoolgirl. 
2000 Hillary Rodham Clinton made history as the first president's 
 wife to win public office. The state of New York elected her to 
 the U.S. Senate. (New York) 
2001 The new .BIZ domain extension was officially launched. 
2001 After a 16-month stoppage the Concorde resumed flying.
2014  smiled.

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