Return Key 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, November 12

Have FUN!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Massachusetts man, who got arrested for dual 
attempted murder over dog poop dispute
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1859 The first flying trapeze act was performed by Jules 
 Leotard at Cirque Napoleon in Paris, France. He was also 
 the designer of the garment that is named after him.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
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Being a woman is a terribly difficult task since it consists principally in dealing with men. --- Joseph Conrad (1857 - 1924) A proverb is a short sentence based on long experience. --- Miguel de Cervantes ______________________________________________________ At long last the good-humored boss was compelled to call Fisk into his office. "It has not escaped my attention," he pointed out, "that every time there's a home game at the stadium you have to take your aunt to the doctor." "You know you're right, sir," exclaimed Fisk. "I didn't realize it. You don't suppose she's faking it, do you?" ______________________________________________________ A woman goes to the local psychic in hopes of contacting her dearly departed grandmother. The psychic's eyelids begin fluttering, her hands float up above the table, and she begins moaning. Eventually, a coherent voice emanates saying, "Granddaughter? Are you there?" The woman, wide-eyed and on the edge of her seat, responds, "Grandmother? Is that you?" "Yes granddaughter, it's me." "It's really, really you, grandmother?", the woman repeats. "Yes, it's really me, granddaughter." The woman looks puzzled, "You're sure it's you, grandmother?" "Yes, granddaughter, I'm sure it's me." The woman pauses a moment, "Grandmother, I have just one question for you." "Anything, my child." "Grandmother, when did you learn to speak English?" ______________________________________________________ >From Dora We had built our dream house several years ago, and furnished it with quality pieces as we could afford them. Now the delivery truck carrying the last purchase, a new bedroom suite, was pulling into the driveway. "Finally!" I exclaimed, flinging open the front door as the driver walked up to the house. "I've been waiting twelve years for this!" "Don't blame me, lady," he said. "I just got the order this morning." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Dawn for this picture Click through for the large picture Georgia ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Michael Valentin, Attempted Double Homicide After Dog-Poop Dispute in Massachusetts A dispute between neighbors about a dog's bodily waste in Springfield, Massachusetts, has resulted in a tenant being charged with felony assault and attempted murder. Michael Valentin, 33, was arrested Saturday for allegedly stabbing a 46-year-old woman and her 23-year-old daughter. Police said the attacks stemmed from an argument between Valentin and the victims about their pit bull, which Valentin said had defecated on the rear stairs and in the side yard, MassLive reports. The deputies first showed up at the apartment building around 9:30 a.m. and sought to resolve the problem with the help of the landlord. After they left, Valentin allegedly erupted into violence by attacking his second floor neighbors. The mother was stabbed several times in the back while the daughter was stabbed in the face and neck. The mother was taken to the hospital with injuries that are not life-threatening, and has been upgraded from critical to stable condition, according to The daughter is reportedly in good condition. Valentin was arrested and charged with armed assault with intent to murder, mayhem as well as assault and battery with a dangerous weapon, according to the Associated Press. Tech Support Pits From: Sharon Re: Return Key Dear Webby! Dear Webby, I keep seeing soemthing that says to use the "return" key to get back to something previoulsy viewed. What is the retuen key? I susally use the back arrow button on the taskbar. Just curious. Thanks again. Sharon Dear Sharon With electric typewriters, that's the Carriage Return key that looks like the Enter key on a computer keyboard. Some silly bozos call the BackSpace key a "Return key". That is usually due to too much booze and/or dope and not remembering that the phrase is supposed to be: To return to the previous page, hit the Backspace key. By the way, in the really old days, before electric typewriters, you had to slap the carriage to return it to the right. That led to a few hilarious moments when typists switched to Wang Word Processors, IBM DisplayWrite or PCs, as you can see in this movie. Return! Have FUN! DearWebby
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A woman went to her doctor's office where she was seen by a young new doctor. After about four minutes in the examination room, the doctor told her she was pregnant. She burst out screaming and ran down the hallway. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was. She told him her story. After listening, he had her sit down and relax in another room. The doctor marched down the hallway to the first doctor and demanded: "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Smith is 59 years old, has four grown children, seven grandchildren and you told her she was pregnant?!?! The new doctor continued writing on his clipboard and without looking up said, "Does she still have the hiccups?"
Daily tip from Egg Crates for Veggie Storage Use egg crates as a base for vegetables. If a veggie becomes "weepy" before you can use it, it won't drip onto the others. Cut the crates to fit your basket or shelf. Extra: Because you can ripen tomatoes in a brown paper bag, the cardboard crates are great for green tomatoes. By Kelli [17] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
______________________________________________________ Two guys are drinking in a bar. One says, “Did you know that lions have sex 10 to 15 times a night?” “Dang,” says his friend, “and I just joined The Elks!!” ______________________________________________________ A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?" "I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill, at after hours, over-time rate." The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills. When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.


Today in 
1799 Andrew Ellicott Douglass witnesses the Leonids meteor 
 shower from a ship off the Florida Keys. 
1859 The first flying trapeze act was performed by Jules 
 Leotard at Cirque Napoleon in Paris, France. He was also 
 the designer of the garment that is named after him. 
1918 Austria and Czechoslovakia were declared independent 
1921 Representatives of nine nations gathered for the start 
 of the Washington Conference for Limitation of Armaments. 
1927 Joseph Stalin became the undisputed ruler of the Soviet Union. 
 Leon Trotsky was expelled from the Communist Party leading to 
 Stalin coming to power. 
1931 Maple Leaf Gardens opened in Toronto, Ontario, Canada.
1942 During World War II, naval battle of Guadalcanal began 
 between Japanese and American forces. The Americans won a major 
1944 During World War II, the German battleship "Tirpitz" was 
 sunk off the coast of Norway. 
1948 The war crimes tribunal sentenced Japanese Premier Hideki 
 Tojo and six other World War II Japanese leaders to death. 
1954 Ellis Island, the immigration station in New York Harbor, 
 closed after processing more than 20 million immigrants since 1892. 
1979 U.S. President Carter ordered a halt to all oil imports from 
 Iran in response to 63 Americans being taken hostage at the U.S. 
 embassy in Tehran, Iran on November 4. 
1980 The U.S. space probe Voyager I came within 77,000 miles of 
 Saturn while transmitting data back to Earth. 
1984 Space shuttle astronauts Dale Gardner and Joe Allen snared 
 the Palapa B-2 satellite in history's first space salvage. 
1987 The American Medical Association issued a policy statement 
 that said it was unethical for a doctor to refuse to treat 
 someone solely because that person had AIDS or was HIV-positive. 
1990 Japanese Emperor Akihito formally assumed the 
 Chrysanthemum Throne. 
1995 The space shuttle Atlantis blasted off on a mission to dock 
 with the Russian space station Mir. 
1997 The UN Security Council imposed new sanctions on Iraq for 
 constraints being placed on UN arms inspectors. 
1997 Ramzi Yousef was found guilty of masterminding the 1993 
 bombing of the World Trade Center. 
1998 Daimler-Benz completed a merger with Chrysler to form 
 Daimler-Chrysler AG. 
2001 American Airlines flight 587 crashed just minutes after 
 take off from Kennedy Airport in New York. The Airbus A300 
 crashed into the Rockaway Beach section of Queens. All 260 
 people aboard were killed. 
2001 It was reported that the Northern Alliance had taken the 
 Kabul, Afghanistan, from the ruling Taliban. The Norther 
 Alliance at this point was reported to have control over 
 most of the northern areas of Afghanistan. 
2002 Stan Lee filed a lawsuit against Marvel Entertainment Inc. 
 that claimed the company had cheated him out of millions of 
 dollars in movie profits related to the 2002 movie 
 "Spider-Man." Lee was the creator of Spider-Man, the Incredible 
 Hulk and Daredevil. 
2013 A series of portraits of Lucian Freud by the British 
 painter Francis Bacon known as Three Studies of Lucian Freud 
 sold for $142.4 million at an auction in New York City. 
2014  smiled.

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