MS-Office 2003 vs 2007 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, November 13

Have FUN!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to 
Michael Brown's mother named as robbery attacker
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1805 Johann Georg Lehner, a Viennese butcher, invented a 
 recipe and called it the "frankfurter." It became known as
 the "Wiener".
More of what happened on this day in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! PayPal The safer, easier way to pay online!
PayPal The safer, easier way to pay online!
Rogues are preferable to imbeciles because they sometimes take a rest. --- Alexandre Dumas (1802 - 1870) ______________________________________________________ A middle-aged woman was driving through a school zone when a policeman pulled her over for speeding. As he was giving her the ticket, she said, "How come I always get a ticket and everyone else gets a warning? Is it my face?" "No, ma'am," explained the officer, "it's your foot." ______________________________________________________ A kind-hearted motorist saw a man struggling to change a tire alongside the highway, and pulled over to see whether he could help. The man had a very red face, and a dark smear across it where he'd wiped off sweat with dirty hands. His tie was undone and his shirt collar askew, and it was clear he had also wiped his hands on his once-white shirt. Close to him stood an immaculately neat woman who was speaking in quick, agitated tones. "Hello, there," said the motorist. "Say, I've changed a lot of tires . . . maybe I can help here." "You sure can," the man with the flat tire replied wearily. "My wife is an expert, too. If you will just do all the arguing with her about how this tire ought to be changed, I can concentrate on the dirty work and get the job done." ______________________________________________________ You never know when a little blessing will pop up in your life. Just the other day I was running late for work and probably doing about 15 miles over the limit when some dud pulled right in front of me. I didn't have the opportunity to pull around him and was forced to slow way down. Let me put it this way...I yelled a few things I wouldn't care to reprint here. Just then we rolled through an intersection and there was a cop in a police cruiser pointing his radar gun at oncoming traffic as plain as can be. 60 seconds earlier and he would have pinched me for sure. So I actually apologized to the guy in front of me...even though he couldn't hear it...or the stuff I was yelling at him earlier, but I felt he deserved it for saving me from that ticket. In fact, he saved me a lot of frustration and aggravation, because that one little bit of luck really improved my mood for the rest of the day. ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Walter, the Stonecarver, for this picture ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Lesley McSpadden, 34, Ferguson, Missouri Michael Brown's mother named as robbery attacker NOVEMBER 6--A police report detailing a fight last month between members of Michael Brown’s family over the sale of commemorative t-shirts identifies the late teenager’s mother as one of the “attackers” who beat and robbed vendors selling the merchandise from a tent in a Ferguson, Missouri parking lot. A copy of the Ferguson Police Department report was provided yesterday by city attorney Stephanie Karr. When TSG requested the document two weeks ago, Karr noted that Brown’s mother, Lesley McSpadden, was “described in the report” and had “specifically requested that the report be withheld from the media.” Karr added, “Knowing this, do you still want a copy of the report?” The violent October 18 ransacking--which police have classified as felony armed robbery--remains under active investigation, said Karr. “No charges have been filed yet and no decision about charges will be made until the investigation is concluded,” the lawyer told TSG yesterday. Since they were not charged for looting white businesses in August, it could get very complicated if they were charged for looting and robbing relatives. The police probe of the attack, which left one victim hospitalized, is occurring at the same time a grand jury is weighing possible criminal charges against the Ferguson cop who shot the unarmed Brown during an August confrontation. According to the report, Pearlie Gordon, 54, and two men were selling “Justice for Mike Brown” merchandise on a Saturday afternoon when “a large group of about 20-30 subjects ‘jumped out of vehicles and rushed them.’” Gordon is the mother-in-law of Michael Brown Sr., McSpadden's ex-husband. Gordon told police that McSpadden, 34, approached her and said, “You can’t sell this shit.” Gordon replied, according to the report, that “unless McSpadden could produce documentation stating that she had a patent on her son’s name she (Gordon) was going to continue to sell her merchandise.” McSpadden’s mother, Desureia Harris, began to rip down t-shirts hanging on a line, Gordon told officers. Then, she added, other members of McSpadden’s mob began “tearing her booth apart.” Gordon said that during the melee she was repeatedly struck in the head and knocked to the ground. At one point, Gordon recalled, she heard McSpadden “yell to an unknown subject, ‘That’s Calvina’s mom, get her ass.” [Calvina is the first name of Michael Brown Sr.'s wife.] “McSpadden then ran up and punched Gordon,” according to the report. Gordon’s male associates were also beaten--reportedly with a pipe--during the confrontation, and one of the men was transported by EMS workers to a local hospital for treatment of “injuries sustained during the assault.” Gordon identified McSpadden (seen above), McSpadden's spouse, Harris, and several others as the “attackers.” More than $1500 in merchandise and $400 in cash “was stolen by McSpadden’s mob”, who fled before police arrived, the report notes. A witness whose name was redacted from the report told cops that she watched the attack from her car while at a red signal. The woman said she saw several individuals enter the tent from opposite sides and begin “assaulting (punching) the vendors.” That witness has since disappeared. Tech Support Pits From: Kelly Re: MS Office 2003 and 2007 Dear Webby! Dear Webby, I got both 2003 and 2007 mixed up on my computer, which is a hand-me-down, or up, from my son. I get along with 2003, if I have to, but hate 2007. 2007 is apparently a trial version, but Microsoft says the only way to uninstall it is to buy the 2007 or 2010 CD. Why would I buy 2007, just to get rid of the silly crap? What do you recommend? Kelly Dear Kelly A lot of people feel the same way about 2007, and even 2003. Personally, if I don't use Corel Quattro or Open Office Calc, I use Excel 2000. After all, I just want to get work done, not gush about how pwetty the new version is. Corel Quattro is not free. It is part of Corel Office. You can get older versions of Corel office on ebay for $10 - $15. No real changes between the versions. Open Office, of course is free. You get it at Most of Europe and Asia, and a lot of big companies here have switched to Open Office. When they have 500, 1000, or 5000 computers, the cost of Microsoft Office versus the free Open Office makes a big difference. Open Office is close enough to Microsoft Office, that you can easily adjust your habits to it. Open Office picks up Microsoft Office files, and even saves them back in that format, if you want. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! PayPal The safer, easier way to pay online!
PayPal The safer, easier way to pay online!
Jim strolls into the paint section of a hardware store and walks up to the assistant. "I'd like a pint of canary-colored paint," he says. "Certainly," says the clerk. "Mind if I ask why you need it?" "My parakeet," says Jim. "See, I want to enter him in a canary contest. He sings so sweetly that I know he's sure to win." "Well, you can't do that!" the assistant says. "The chemicals in the paint will almost certainly kill the poor thing!" "No, they won't," Jim replies. "Listen, Buddy, I'll bet you ten bucks your parakeet dies if you try to paint him." "You're on!" says Jim. Two days later Jim comes back looking very sheepish and puts ten dollars on the counter in front of the clerk. "So the paint killed your bird?" "Indirectly," Jim says. "He seemed to handle the paint okay, but he didn't survive the sanding between coats." ------- Should have used dye. No need to sand clothes and feathers between dunking.
Daily tip from Egg Crates for Veggie Storage Use egg crates as a base for vegetables. If a veggie becomes "weepy" before you can use it, it won't drip onto the others. Cut the crates to fit your basket or shelf. Extra: Because you can ripen tomatoes in a brown paper bag, the cardboard crates are great for green tomatoes. By Kelli [17] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
______________________________________________________ Airman Johnson was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance. It wasn't long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Johnson had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, which had never happened before. Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the room and listened to Johnson's sales pitch. Johnson explained the basics of the GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said: "If you have GI Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don't have GI insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the government only has to pay a maximum of $6000." "Now," he concluded, "which bunch do you think they are going to send into battle first?" ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Nina from Oz for this story: Neville the Aborigine had been out of work for a long time and when he was offered the job at the council as a garbage collector he decided to take it up. On his first day things were going great until he arrived at one house and noticed there was no wheelie bin out the front. Neville thought to himself, "I wanna do a good job and not get fired from here but if they find out I missed one house then I will get fired." So he went up to the door and knocked on it. To his surprise it was a fellow Aborigine who answered. Neville breathed a sigh of relief and said to the other bloke, "Where's ya bin?" The man replied, "I bin on 'olidays." Neville then said, "Na, mate, where's ya BIN?" "I bin on 'olidays I tell ya," was the reply. Neville, slightly frustrated, says, "Na, ya silly idiot. Where's ya Wheelie Bin?" The other bloke looked round to see who might be listening. "Well," he said. "I weally bin in jail but I'm tellin' everyone I bin on 'olidays, eh!"


Today in 
1775 During the American Revolution, U.S. forces captured 
1789 Benjamin Franklin wrote a letter to a friend in which 
 he said, "In this world nothing can be said to be certain, 
 except death and taxes." 
1805 Johann Georg Lehner, a Viennese butcher, invented a 
 recipe and called it the "frankfurter." It became known as
 the "Wiener".
1927 The Holland Tunnel opened to the public, providing 
 access between New York City and New Jersey beneath the 
 Hudson River.
1933 In Austin, MN, the first sit-down labor strike in 
 America took place. 
1942 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt signed a measure 
 lowering the minimum draft age from 21 to 18. 
1956 The U.S. Supreme Court struck down laws calling for 
 racial segregation on public buses. 
1971 The U.S. spacecraft Mariner 9 became the first spacecraft 
 to orbit another planet, Mars. 
1977 The comic strip "Li'l Abner" by Al Capp appeared in 
 newspapers for the last time. 
1982 The Vietnam Veterans Memorial was dedicated in Washington
1984 A libel suit against Time, Inc. by former Israeli Defense 
 Minister Ariel Sharon went to trial in New York. 
1986 U.S. President Ronald Reagan publicly acknowledged that 
 the U.S. had sent "defensive weapons and spare parts" to Iran. 
 He denied that the shipments were sent to free hostages, but 
 that they had been sent to improve relations. 
1994 Sweden voted to join the European Union. 
1998 "The Wizard of Oz" was released on the big screen by 
 Warner Bros. 59 years after its original release. 
1998 Monica Lewinsky signed a deal with St. Martin's Press 
 for the North American rights to her story about her affair 
 with U.S. President Bill Clinton. 
2001 U.S. President George W. Bush signed an executive order 
 that would allow for military tribunals to try any foreigners 
 captured with connections to the terrorist attacks on the 
 United States on September 11, 2001. It was the first time 
 since World War II that a president had taken such action. 
2009 NASA announced that water had been discoved on the moon. 
2014  smiled.

[ view entry ] ( 13 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 1237 )

<<First <Back | 49 | 50 | 51 | 52 | 53 | 54 | 55 | 56 | 57 | 58 | Next> Last>>