How difficult is Open Office? 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, November 16

Have FUN!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Tennessee man for being the world's
worst deadbeat dad with 26 kids.
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1973 U.S. President Nixon signed the Alaska Pipeline measure 
 into law. That pipeline is still working well.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
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The average person's idea of a good sermon is one that goes over his head and hits a neighbor. --- Socratex ______________________________________________________ A young man was talking to a girl that he had just met, and asked her name. "I don't want to tell you," she said, "I'm named after both of my parents, and it's kind of embarrassing." "Well, what could be so bad about that?" the young man asked. "My mother's name is Eliza, and my father's name is Ferdinand." the girl answered. "Well, those are nice names" the guy replied. "It would be if they wouldn't have named me FerdEliza!" ______________________________________________________ I was on vacation, playing the slot machines. It was my first time in a casino, and I wasn't sure how the machines operated. "Excuse me." I said to a casino employee. "How does this work?" The worker showed me how to insert a bill, hit the spin button, and operate the release handle. "And where does the money come out?" I asked. He smiled and motioned to a far wall before saying, "Usually at the ATM." ______________________________________________________ Officers at a military installation were being lectured about a new computer. The training officer said the computer was able to withstand nuclear and chemical attacks. Suddenly, he saw that one of the officers had a cup of coffee and yelled, "There will be no eating or drinking in this room! You'll have to get rid of that coffee." The officer said meekly, "Sure, but why?" "Because a coffee spill could short the keyboard and wipe out all of the data!" ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Jean for this picture: Click through for the big picture Lilac-Breasted Roller ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Terry Turnage 50 Memphis, Tennessee Worst Deadbeat Dad Now Has 26 Kids The Tennessee deadbeat who has fathered 26 children with 20 different women has again been ordered by a judge to make child support payments, this time for a two-year-old Arkansas boy, court records show. Terry Turnage, a 50-year-old Memphis resident, was ordered this month to pay $60 per week to Miesha Davis, mother of the pair’s son Ja’Voin. The support order came as a result of a paternity complaint filed on Davis’s behalf by Arkansas’s Office of Child Support Enforcement. A Circuit Court judge also ordered Turnage to “maintain health care insurance” for the child “when reasonably available” through his employer, and pay $365 in court fees. In addition to Davis, two other Arkansas women have recently secured child support orders against Turnage, who has gained notoriety for impregnating assorted Tennessee women (many of whom also have secured child support orders to which Turnage has failed to adhere). According to Arkansas court records, state officials have filed income withholding notices with a Memphis company that operates a McDonald’s restaurant where Turnage has supposedly worked (and earned $247.28 weekly). However, it appears that Turnage has a stake in a Forrest City, Arkansas nightclub that lists its owner as Turnage’s son, Terry Jr.. The elder Turnage is a regular at Club Envy, where he last month hosted a two-day party celebrating his 50th birthday. The club’s address is listed as Turnage’s residence in some court papers. In addition to his assorted child support cases, Turnage is facing a felony charge of making terroristic threats. Investigators allege that Turnage threatened a Forrest City businessman from whom he had purchased an automobile that did not run any more. In a June 2 written statement, the victim told cops that Turnage warned that if he did not have the Chevrolet repaired and delivered to the Club Envy parking lot, “he would shoot me or my wife.” The man added that Turnage “led me to believe that he had a gun and that he was willing and able to carry through” on his repeated threats. Turnage, who is unwilling to support his offspring, paid the businessman $10,000 in cash for the 2005 Corvette. If convicted of the felony charge, Turnage faces a maximum of six years in state prison. He is being represented by a public defender after filing an “affidavit of indigency” in late-September. Tech Support Pits From: Karen Re: How difficult is Open Office? Dear Webby! I know you like Open Office. How difficult is it to learn how to use it? I just need a woprd processor, spreadsheet, and the occasional PowerPoint presentation. Thanks Karen Dear Karen It's about the same as Microsoft Office, picks up Open Standard and Microsoft proprietary files and saves them in whatever format you select. Changing from Microsoft Office to Open Office is about as difficult as changing browsers, for example changing from Internet Explorer, when that has security problems, to FireFox or Chrome. Some menu items are in different places, and a few commands have names, that make more sense. Not a big deal at all. Sure, for a few days you'll be slowed down a bit, until you get used to the new locations of some of the menu selections, but I found it very intuitive and no problem at all. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Most people assume WWJD is for "What would Jesus do?" But the initials really stand for "What would Jesus drive?" One theory is that Jesus would tool around in an old Plymouth because "the Bible says God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in a Fury." But in Psalm 83, the Almighty clearly owns a Pontiac and a Geo. The passage urges the Lord to "pursue your enemies with your Tempest and terrify them with your Storm." Perhaps God favors Dodge pickup trucks, because Moses' followers are warned not to go up a mountain "until the Ram's horn sounds a long blast." Some scholars insist that Jesus drove a Honda but didn't like to talk about it. As proof, they cite a verse in St. John's gospel where Christ tells the crowd, "For I did not speak of my own Accord." Meanwhile, Moses rode an old British motorcycle, as evidenced by a Bible passage declaring that "the roar of Moses' Triumph is heard in the hills." Joshua drove a Triumph sports car with a hole in its muffler: "Joshua's Triumph was heard throughout the land."And, following the Master's lead, the Apostles car pooled in a Honda: "The Apostles were in one Accord."
Daily tip from Aluminum Foil as Alternative to Fabric Sheets A ball of aluminum foil to prevent static in the dryer. If you don't have fabric sheets or just don't want to buy them, try using aluminum foil instead! Crumple up a sheet of aluminum foil into a ball and toss it into the dryer. It eliminates static cling, lasts a long, long time, and costs practically nothing! By Marilyn from Colfax, LA ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
______________________________________________________ A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a sudden he said out loud, "Lord grant me one wish." Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish". The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii, so I can drive over anytime I want to." The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the logistics of that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify me." The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I have been married and divorced four times. All of my wives said that I am uncaring and insensitive. I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say "nothing" and how I can make a woman truly happy." After a few minutes God said, "Do you want two lanes or four on that bridge?" ______________________________________________________ John asks his wife, Mary what she wants to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary. "Would you like a new Mink Coat?" he asks. "Not really," says Mary. "Well how about a new Mercedes sports car?" says John. "No," she responds. "What about a new vacation home in the country?" he suggests. She again rejects his offer with a "No thanks." "Well what would you like for your anniversary?" John asks. "John, I'd like a divorce," answers Mary. "Sorry, I wasn't planning to spend quite that much," says John.

Hurricane season almost done

Today in 
1776 British troops captured Fort Washington during the 
 American Revolution. 
1864 Union Gen. William T. Sherman and his troops began 
 their "March to the Sea" during the U.S. Civil War. 
1885 Canadian rebel Louis Riel was executed for high treason. 
1915 Coca-Cola had its prototype for a countoured bottle 
 patented. The bottle made its commercial debut the next year. 
1933 The United States and the Soviet Union established 
 diplomatic relations for the first time. 
1952 In the Peanuts comic strip, Lucy first held a football 
 for Charlie Brown. 
1969 The U.S. Army announced that several had been charged 
 with massacre and the subsequent cover-up in the My Lai 
 massacre in Vietnam on March 16, 1968. 
1973 Skylab 3 carrying a crew of three astronauts, was launched 
 from Cape Canaveral, FL, on an 84-day mission. 
1973 U.S. President Nixon signed the Alaska Pipeline measure 
 into law. That pipeline is still working well.
1981 A vaccine for hepatitis B was approved. The vaccine had 
 been developed at Merck Institute for Therapeutic Research. 
1985 Colonel Oliver North was put in charge of the shipment 
 of HAWK anti-aircraft missiles to Iran. 
1988 Estonia's parliament declared that the Baltic republic 
 "sovereign," but stopped short of complete independence. 
1997 China released Wei Jingsheng, a pro-democracy dissident 
 from jail for medical reasons. He had been incarcerated 
 for almost 18 years. 
1998 In Burlington, WIsconsin, five high school students, 
 aged 15 to 16, were arrested in an alleged plot to kill a 
 carefully selected group of teachers and students. 
1998 It was announced that Monica Lewinsky had signed a 
 deal for the North American rights to a book about her 
 affair with U.S. President Clinton. 
1998 The U.S. Supreme Court said that union members could 
 file discrimination lawsuits against employers even when 
 labor contracts require arbitration. 
1999 Chrica Adams, the pregnant girlfriend of Rae Carruth, 
 was shot four times in her car. She died a month later 
 from her wounds. The baby survived. Carruth was sentenced 
 to a minimum of 18 years and 11 months in prison for his 
 role in the murder. 
2000 Bill Clinton became the first serving U.S. president 
 to visit Communist Vietnam. 
2004 A NASA unmanned "scramjet" (X-43A) reached a speed of 
 nearly 10 times the speed of sound above the Pacific Ocean.
2014  smiled.

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