Static remedy 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, November 18

Have FUN!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Balloon-wielding man busted after rampage 
at Fort Pierce auto dealer
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1477 William Caxton produced "Dictes or Sayengis of the 
 Philosophres," which was the first book to be printed in England. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
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Cynics regarded everybody as equally corrupt... Idealists regarded everybody as equally corrupt, except themselves. --- Robert Anton Wilson ______________________________________________________ An older lady was expecting a gentleman friend to call on her later in the day. She was nervous because her eyesight was failing and was afraid her friend might reject her because she was less than perfect. So, she came up with a plan to prove to him that she could see perfectly. She put a straight pin in a tree that was about 200 feet from her front porch. When her beau arrived, they sat in the porch swing and were talking when she suddenly stopped the conversation and asked, "Is that a pin sticking in that tree?" Her friend squinted his eyes and said, "I don't see a thing." "Well, I'm going to go see," she said as she jumped up, ran toward the tree, and collided with a cow. ______________________________________________________ When I stopped the bus to pick up Chris for preschool, I noticed an older woman hugging him as he left the house. "Is that your grandmother?" I asked. "Yes," Chris said. "She's come to visit us for Christmas." "How nice," I said. "Where does she live?" "At the airport," Chris replied. "Whenever we want her, we just go out there and get her." ______________________________________________________ Marge was telling her friend Grace how she gets her son out of bed in the morning. "I just open his door and toss the cat on his bed. He sleeps with his dog." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Jean for this picture: Click through for the big picture Tearoom in Llanrwst, North Wales ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to James Touchstone, 48, Fort Pierce, Florida Balloon-wielding man busted after rampage at Fort Pierce auto dealer A man accused of running around a car dealership with balloons after downing a bottle of booze and possibly chasing people with a machete was arrested, according to statements in a recently released arrest affidavit. The case against James Touchstone, 48, began about 5:45 p.m. as a St. Lucie County Sheriff’s deputy went to the listed address of a Kia dealership on South U.S. 1 to help with an impaired driver, the affidavit states. The deputy spotted a Kia Sorrento with a damaged fender in the parking lot. The doors were open and an empty bottle of Seagram’s gin was on the floorboard. Touchstone, who smelled of booze, was in custody outside another deputy’s vehicle “yelling profanities and attempting to flee,” the affidavit states. Touchstone yelled that he’d imbibed “a bottle of alcohol but has been off crack for three years,” the affidavit states. Meanwhile, witnesses said Touchstone pulled in the parking lot and started cursing and throwing things at customers and staff members. “He then ran across the street to (another) dealership, grabbed some balloons, returned and started to run around the parking lot with the balloons in hand while yelling at anyone he came in contact with,” the affidavit states. After Touchstone, listed as a “violent felony offender of special concern,” was put in the back of a patrol car, he kicked out the rear passenger window. A passenger in Touchstone’s vehicle told investigators that Touchstone hit a light pole in a parking lot in the area of Avenue M and North 13th Street. That person also said Touchstone got a machete and chased people at a gas station. Touchstone, of Wilton Manors, was arrested on charges including criminal mischief, DUI, driving while license suspended, habitual offender and resist officer without much violence. Tech Support Pits From: Dianne Re: Get rid of static Dear Webby! DearWebby tell ur readers that if they ad a table spoon to their water bucker or whatever they use to mop floors, to ad some liquid fabric softner to prevent shocks. Dianne Dear Dianne That is an easy enough remedy and well worth trying, if somebody gets shocks. Have FUN! DearWebby
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The physics professor, checking to see how many people had actually read the assignment, asked "What are the two types of light?" The lab fell quiet until a small voice came from the back of the room, "Uhhh, Bud and Coors?"
Daily tip from Tip: Use Scrubbing Bubbles for Hard Water Spots My husband read so many solutions on removing hard water spots on windows, but nothing ever worked for him. The windshield on our motor home was so stained from the water that would run down it, that we tried everything on the market just like so many others. We bought so many products from acid wash, scrub with SOS, to Comet. I always use Scrubbing Bubbles for everything in my house. I told my husband for so long to try Scrubbing Bubbles but he always told me, "No that isn't going to work", until one day when he was frantic, he did try Scrubbing Bubbles along with extra fine steel wool. He couldn't believe his eyes. The glass is crystal clear and just like new. Now he won't use anything else just like I won't use any other product except for Scrubbing Bubbles inside. So every one who is at their worst with hard water spots please use this product. It really does work. I know this sounds like a infomercial, just try for yourself. Scrubbing Bubbles Fan! By Peewee the Cat and Family from San Bernardino ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
______________________________________________________ A man was in his usual place, sitting at the table, reading the newspaper during breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress who was about to marry a football player, who was known primarily for his lack of brains and common sense. He turned to his wife with a look of bewilderment on his face and said, "I'll never understand why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives" His wife said, "Why, thank you, dear!" ______________________________________________________ After the holidays and all those delightful, seasonal treats, a husband stepped on one of those penny scales that tells your fortune and weight. He dropped in a coin and eagerly read the results. "Listen to this," he said to his wife, showing her a small, white card. "It says I'm energetic, bright, resourceful and an absolutely fantastic lover." "Yeah," his wife nodded, "and it has your weight wrong, too. Looks like you picked up the card from the previous user."

Whitewater Adrenaline Rush: Extreme Kayaking

Today in 
1477 William Caxton produced "Dictes or Sayengis of the 
 Philosophres," which was the first book to be printed in England. 
1820 Captain Nathaniel Palmer became the first American to sight 
 the continent of Antarctica. 
1865 Samuel L. Clemens published "The Celebrated Jumping Frog 
 of Calaveras County" under the pen name "Mark Twain" in the 
 New York "Saturday Press." 
1883 The U.S. and Canada adopted a system of standard time zones. 
1903 The U.S. and Panama signed a treaty that granted the U.S. 
 rights to build the Panama Canal. 
1916 Douglas Haig, commander of the British Expeditionary Force 
 in World War I, called off the Battle of the Somme in France. 
 The offensive began on July 1, 1916. 
1928 The first successful sound-synchronized animated cartoon 
 premiered in New York. It was Walt Disney's "Steamboat Willie," 
 starring Mickey Mouse. 
1936 Germany and Italy recognized the Spanish government of 
 Francisco Franco. 
1966 U.S. Roman Catholic bishops did away with the rule against 
 eating meat on Fridays. 
1969 Apollo 12 astronauts Charles "Pete" Conrad Jr. and 
 Alan L. Bean landed on the lunar surface during the second 
 manned mission to the moon. 
1976 The parliament of Spain approved a bill that established 
 a democracy after 37 years of dictatorship. 
1983 Argentina announced its ability to produce enriched uranium 
 for use in nuclear weapons. 
1987 CBS Inc. announced it had agreed to sell its record 
 division to Sony Corp. for about $2 billion. 
1988 U.S. President Reagan signed major legislation provided 
 the death penalty for drug traffickers who kill. 
1993 The U.S. House of Representatives joined the U.S. Senate 
 in approving legislation aimed at protecting abortion 
 facilities, staff and patients. 
1993 Representatives from 21 South African political parties 
 approved a new constitution. 
1997 First Union Corp. announced its purchase of CoreStates 
 Financial Corp. for $16.1 billion.
2014  smiled.

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