Alternative to Office 365 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, December 9

Have FUN!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Florida woman, who butt-dialled 911 and confessed her
shoplifting and meth making. And then thought getting 
mug shotted in jail was a good time to get a glamor shot.
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1960 Sperry Rand Corporation unveiled a new computer, known as 
 "Univac 1107." 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
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America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week. --- Evan Esar (1899 - 1995) ______________________________________________________ Three paramedics were boasting about improvements in their respective ambulance team's response times. "Since we installed our new satellite navigation system," bragged the first one, "we cut our emergency response time by ten percent." The other paramedics nodded in approval. "Not bad," the second paramedic commented. "But by using a computer model of traffic patterns, we've cut our average ERT by 20 percent." Again, the other team members gave their congratulations, until the third paramedic said, "That's nothing! Since our ambulance driver passed the bar exam, we've cut our emergency response time in half!" ______________________________________________________ Little Susie came running into the house after school one day, shouting, "Daddy! Daddy! I got a 100 in school today!" "That's great, Sweetheart," said her daddy. "Come in the living room and tell me about it." "Well," began the confession, "I got 50 in spelling, 30 in math, and 20 in science." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Brenda for this pictureof one of her horses: Click through for the big picture Silvers Moon Queen, young Tennessee Walking Horse Mare Brenda's site is at ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to mugging for her mugshot in jail Ashley Malcolm, 25 Oak Hill, Florida Pocket dial to 9-1-1 leads to arrest of Volusia County shoplifting suspect A pocket dial to 9-1-1 by an Oak Hill woman who admittedly stole from a New Smyrna Beach Wal-Mart helped authorities track down the suspect, according to the call released by the Volusia County Sheriff’s Office. Ashley Malcolm, 25, was in the process of hopping into her getaway vehicle when the call to 9-1-1 began Tuesday afternoon, authorities said. Malcolm orders her friend to get into the truck and drive away from the store at 3155 State Road 44, according to the call, which is longer than 18 minutes. “Slow the [expletive] down,” Malcolm tells the driver. “Please just drive normal.” Throughout the call, Malcolm can be heard barking orders to her friend on which streets to take. When the unidentified friend yells at Malcolm to stop yelling at him, Malcolm snaps at him. “You’re not in trouble right now,” shesays. “You had nothing to do with it. You weren’t inside Wal-Mart stealing.” Malcolm goes on to tell her friend that all they have is his license tag number, and she can just tell police she asked for a ride and that he had no knowledge of her plans. The woman also talks about the chemicals in the truck to make methamphetamine, which she said she does not want to get arrested for, according to her 9-1-1 call. After authorities tracked down the truck, Malcolm was charged with retail theft and unlawful possession of chemicals, records show. She was being held Friday evening in the Volusia County Branch Jail on $3,000 bail. The driver was not arrested. Tech Support Pits From: Lynne Re: Office 365 Dear Webby Dear Webby, We are senior’s and we have been searching for an office program that has all the Microsoft programs – outlook, publisher, excel, word etc. that is within our pocketbook range We have come across the program “Office 365”. Have you heard of this program? It sounds too good to be true!! Do you know the pro’s and con’s. We have read that it is Cloud based, we haven’t Cloud for anything yet. Is it safe?? We have learned so much from your web page. It has been always easy to understand the answers from you. Have a Merry Christmas and the best ever year ahead!! Minnesota Grams Dear Lynne Office365 is just the name for the current Microsoft Office. Microsoft is trying to come up to the same level as Open Office. The biggest difference is that Open Office is free, Microsoft Office 365 is expensive. While Europe and Asia has been using Open Office for many years, in NorthAmerica a lot of people are still tied to Microsoft. However, there is no need to be afraid. You can pick up your Excel files with Open Office Calc, and even save them back as Excel files. The same goes for WORD docs. You simply use Writer. Open Office is at For email you can use Thunderbird It too is free, or Gmail, or ProtinMail, or even Eudora, like I have been using since 1993. You are totally free to use whichever email program you want, even the silly Incredimail with their emoticons. Re Cloud, don't let the con artists confuse you with fashionable catch-words. If your email is webmail at Comcast, like it has been for the last 20 years, then it is "on the cloud". Ho, hum. No big deal. When your ISP allows you a web page, or a few, and you keep stuff up there, that is "on the cloud". If you use ANY online back-up or sync service, that is "on the cloud." When you want a picture or article from the Humor Letter from 5 years ago, you look in the archive at That is "on the cloud". Basically, anything, that is not on your computer, is "on the cloud". Old hat, everybody has been using it for decades, just a fashionable catch phrase. "On the cloud" has some importance when somebody works from many different places and computers, and needs access to their documents from all those different computers. It is no big deal, just rather slow compared to having the documents on your computer. Even Google Docs work like that, and have for years. Cloud is just a fashionable catch phrase used by some used car salesmen and Microsoft. New and improved air in the muffler of Microsoft Office 365! Just use Open Office and save your money for something else. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Hailey, 4, heard a thunderstorm rumbling overhead and asked her parents and grandparents to listen to it. After the thunder stopped, Hailey told everyone to be quiet for a minute and she began to pray and asked God to stop the thunder and lightning. Immediately after she said "Amen," another clap of thunder was heard. Hailey looked up towards heaven and said, "You're not listening!"
Daily tip from Removing a Sticky Residue Lemon essential oil removes sticky residues quickly and easily. Put 4 drops of the lemon essential oil onto a cotton ball. Hold the cotton ball onto the sticky residue for a couple seconds then rub in a circular motion until the residue is gone. I have successfully used this method for removing two sided tape from metal and also sticky residue from labels. By StellaBell [149] If you can't find that fancy Lemon Essential Oil, WD40 works well too. Have FUN! DearWQebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
______________________________________________________ "Look at ME!" boasted the fit old man to a group of young people. "Every morning I do fifty push-ups, do fifty sit-ups, and walk two miles. I'm fit as a fiddle! And you want to know why? I don't smoke, I don't drink, I don't stay up late, and I don't chase after women!" He smiled at them, teeth white, eyes glittering, "And tomorrow, I'm going to celebrate my 95th birthday!" "Oh, really?" drawled one of the young onlookers, "How? With a bare naked bran muffin?" ______________________________________________________ He loved living in Staten Island, but he wasn't crazy about the ferry. Miss a ferry late at night, and you have to spend the next hour or so wandering the deserted streets of lower Manhattan. So when he spotted a ferry no more than fifteen feet from the dock, he decided he wouldn't subject himself to an hour's wait. He made a running leap and landed on his hands and knees, a little bruised maybe, but safe on deck. He got up, brushed himself off, and announced proudly to a bystander, "Well, I made that one, didn't I?' "Sure did," the bystander said. "But you should have waited a minute or two. The ferry is just about to dock."

Yultide Eggnog Cupcakes

Today in 
1625 The Treaty of the Hague was signed by England and the 
 Netherlands. The agreement was to subsidize Christian IV 
 of Denmark in his campaign in Germany. 
1783 The first executions at Newgate Prison took place. 
1854 Alfred Lord Tennyson's poem, "The Charge of the Light 
 Brigade," was published in England. 
1879 Thomas Edison organized the Edison Ore Milling Company.
1884 Levant M. Richardson received a patent for the 
 ball-bearing roller skate. 
1914 The Edison Phonograph Works was destroyed by fire. 
1917 Turkish troops surrendered Jerusalem to British troops 
 led by Viscount Allenby. 
1940 During World War II, British troops opened their first 
 major offensive in North Africa. 
1940 The Longines Watch Company signed for the first FM 
 radio advertising contract with experimental station 
 W2XOR in New York City. 
1941 China declared war on Japan, Germany and Italy. 
1955 Sugar Ray Robinson knocked out Carl Olson and 
 regained his world middleweight boxing title. 
1958 In Indianapolis, IN, Robert H.W. Welch Jr. and 
 11 other men met to form the anti-Communist John Birch Society. 
1960 Sperry Rand Corporation unveiled a new computer, known as 
 "Univac 1107." 
1962 "Lawrence of Arabia," by David Lean had its world 
 premiere in London. 
1975 U.S. President Gerald R. Ford signed a $2.3 billion 
 seasonal loan authorization to prevent New York City from 
 having to default. 
1984 Iranian security men seized control of the plane ending 
 a five-day hijacking of a Kuwaiti jetliner, which was parked 
 at the Tehran airport. 
1985 In Argentina, five former military junta members received 
 sentences in prison for their roles in the "dirty war" in 
 which nearly 9,000 people had "disappeared." 
1987 West Bank Palestinians launched an intifada (uprising) 
 against Israeli occupation. 
1987 In the Gaza Strip, an Israeli patrol attacked the 
 Jabliya refugee camp. 
1990 Lech Walesa won Poland's first direct presidential 
 election in the country's history. 
1990 Slobodan Milosovic was elected president in Serbia's 
 first free elections in 50 years. 
1990 The first American hostages to be released by Iraq 
 began arriving in the U.S. 
1991 European Community leaders agreed to begin using a 
 single currency in 1999. 
1992 Britain's Prince Charles and Princess Diana announced 
 their separation. 
1992 Clair George, former CIA spy chief, was convicted of 
 lying to the U.S. Congress about the Iran-Contra affair. 
 U.S. President George H.W. Bush later pardoned George. 
1992 U.S. troops arrived in Mogadishu, Somalia, to oversee 
 delivery of international food aid, in operation 'Restore Hope'. 
1993 The U.S. Air Force destroyed the first of 500 Minuteman II 
 missile silos that were marked for elimination under an arms 
 control treaty. 
1993 Astronauts aboard the space shuttle Endeavor completed 
 repairs to the Hubble Space Telescope. 
1993 At Princeton University in New Jersey, scientists produced 
 a controlled fusion reaction equivalent to 3 million watts. 
1994 Representatives of the Irish Republican Army and the 
 British government opened peace talks in Northern Ireland. 
1994 U.S. President Clinton fired Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders 
 after learning that she had told a conference that masturbation 
 should be discussed in school as a part of human sexuality. 
1996 UN Secretary General Boutros-Ghali approved a deal 
 allowing Iraq to resume its exports of oil and easing the 
 UN trade embargo imposed on Iraq in 1990. 
2002 United Airlines filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy after 
 losing $4 billion in the previos two years. It was the 
 sixth largest bankruptcy filing. 
2003 In Australia, thieves broke into a home and stole two 
 300-year-old etchings by Rembrandt. The 4-by-4-inch 
 etchings, a self-portait and a depiction of the artist's 
 mother, were valued around $518,000.
2014  smiled.

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