Excel versus Calc 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, December 10

Have FUN!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Louisiana Teen Killed By Train 
After Putting Coins On Tracks and 
putting his head too close
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1953 Hugh Hefner published the first "Playboy" magazine 
 with an investment of $7,600. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
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Conscience is what makes a boy tell his mother before his sister does. --- Evan Esar (1899 - 1995) Any fool can make a rule, and any fool will mind it. --- Henry David Thoreau (1817 - 1862) ______________________________________________________ On a recent evening a family sat in a darkened theater waiting to see the latest hit movie. As the screen lit up with a flashy ad for the theater's concession stand, they noticed the sound was missing. The unexpected silence continued for several moments. Then out of the darkness, an irritated voice in the crowd demanded, "Okay, who's got the remote?" ______________________________________________________ God created the mule, and told him, "You will be mule, working constantly from dusk to dawn, carrying heavy loads on your back. You will eat grass and you lack intelligence. You will live for 40 years." The mule answered, "To live like this for 40 years is too much. Please, give me no more than 20." And it was so. Then God created the dog, and told him, "You will hold vigilance over the dwellings of Man, to whom you will be his greatest companion. You will eat his table scraps and live for 30 years." And the dog responded, "Lord, to live 30 years as a dog is too much. Please, no more than 15 years." And it was so. God then created the monkey, and told him, "You are Monkey. You shall swing from tree to tree, acting like an idiot. You will be funny, and you shall live for 20 years." And the monkey responded, "Lord, to live 20 years as the clown of the world is too much. Please, Lord, give me no more than 10 years." And it was so. Finally, God created Man and told him, "You are Man, the only rational being that walks the earth. You will use your intelligence to have mastery over the creatures of the world. You will dominate the earth and live for 20 years." And the man responded, "Lord, to be Man for only 20 years is too little. Please, Lord, give me the 20 years the mule refused, the 15 years the dog refused, and the 10 years the monkey rejected." And it was so. And so God made Man to live 20 years as a man, then marry and live 20 years like a mule working and carrying heavy loads on his back. Then, he is to have children and live 15 years as a dog, guarding his house and eating the leftovers after they empty the pantry; then, in his old age, to live 10 years as a monkey, acting like a clown to amuse his grandchildren. ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Walter the Stonecarver for this picture: Click through for the big picture early morning, Rome airport, returning from a marble buying trip. Cell phone shot from the shuttle bus. If you want a really different Christmas present, check out Walter's "Dolce Mio". Not too late for shipping! ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and a Darwin Award goes to Brandt Torres 17 LIVONIA, La Louisiana Teen Killed By Train After Putting Coins On Tracks and putting his head too close A Louisiana teenager playing a game with friends on train tracks was killed this weekend when some equipment threw him under one of the cars. Law enforcement officials tell The Advocate that 17-year-old Brandt Torres and three friends had been placing coins on train tracks to watch them be crushed early Sunday. Torres lay on the ground inches from the passing cars. A ladder hanging off one of the cars caught him, tossing him under the train. He was just south of a Union Pacific rail yard in Livonia, and he died about 1:30 a.m. --------------- When I was about 6 or 7 I watched bigger kids, who had coins, put them on the rails. I didn't have coins, so I tried it with little rocks. I was crazy, not stupid, so I stood well back. Then a railroader caught me and beat the crap out of me, and claimed the hole in the wall on the second floor of the train station was from a rock put on the rails by a snot-nosed kid, and flung by a locomotive. I was quite impressed, and never did it again. Years later I found out the hole in the brick wall was from an American plane in WWII wasting ammo before fleeing into nearby Switzerland. That was 8 miles from Switzerland. So, if you see a snotnosed kid putting stuff onto the rails, do him a favor and beat the crap out of him! Tech Support Pits From: Tim Re: Excel versus Calc Dear Webby What is the difference between Microsoft Excel and Open Office Calc? Tim Dear Tim It is mostly a religious issue. Neither side is willing to listen to facts. Either program can handle your spreadsheet needs quite nicely. The difference I can see is that Open Office Calc can pick up old Excel spreadsheets quite nicely, work on them and even save them back in Excel format, not just in it's own Open Format. If you work in a mixed or international environment where you might encounter Excel, Lotus, Quattro, Calc, etc., then the choice is clear: Then you need Calc. However, if all you ever work on is the stuff on your own machine, then it makes absolutley no difference which spreadsheet program you pick, except that Calc is part of Open Office and is free. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Pete and Gladys were looking at a new living room suite in the furniture store. Pete said to the salesman, "We really like it, but I don't think we can afford it." The salesman said, "You just make a small down payment, and then you don't make another payment for six months." Gladys wheeled around with her hands on her hips and said, "Who told you about us?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Sorry, no new tips, just wanna-be novels. Removing a Sticky Residue Lemon essential oil removes sticky residues quickly and easily. Put 4 drops of the lemon essential oil onto a cotton ball. Hold the cotton ball onto the sticky residue for a couple seconds then rub in a circular motion until the residue is gone. I have successfully used this method for removing two sided tape from metal and also sticky residue from labels. By StellaBell [149] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
______________________________________________________ A store manager overheard a clerk saying to a customer, "No, ma'am, we haven't had any for some weeks now, and it doesn't look as if we'll be getting any soon." Alarmed by what was being said, the manager rushed over to the customer who was walking out the door and said, "That isn't true, ma'am. Of course, we'll have some soon. In fact, I have placed an order for them a couple of weeks ago." Then the manager drew the clerk aside and growled, "Never, never, never, never say we don't have something. If we don't have it, say we ordered it and it's on its way. Now, what was it she asked about?" "Rapes in the parking lot." ______________________________________________________ A college professor asked his class a question. "If Philadelphia is 100 miles from New York and Chicago is 1000 miles from Philadelphia and Los Angles is 2000 miles from Chicago, how old am I?" One student in the back of the class raised his hand and when called upon said "Professor you're 44." The Professor said "You're absolutely correct, but tell me, how did you arrive at the answer so quickly?" The student said. "You see professor, I have a brother, he's 22, and he's half nuts."

Original Players

Today in 
1520 Martin Luther publicly burned the papal edict. The 
 papacy demanded that he recant or face excommunication. 
 Luther refused and was formally expelled from the church 
 in January 1521. 
1845 British civil engineer Robert Thompson patented the 
 first pneumatic tires. 
1898 A treaty was signed in Paris that officially ended 
 the Spanish-American War. Also, Cuba became independent 
 of Spain. 
1901 The first Nobel prizes were awarded. 
1906 U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt became the first 
 American to be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize, for 
 helping mediate an end to the Russo-Japanese War. 
1939 The National Football League's attendance exeeded 1 
 million in a season for the first time. 
1941 Japan invaded the Philippines. 
1941 The Royal Naval battleships Prince of Wales and 
 Repulse were sunk by Japanese aircraft in the Battle of 
1953 Hugh Hefner published the first "Playboy" magazine 
 with an investment of $7,600. 
1958 The first domestic passenger jet flight took place in 
 the U.S. when 111 passengers flew from New York to Miami 
 on a National Airlines Boeing 707. 
1982 The Law of the Sea Convention was signed by 118 countries 
 in Montego Bay, Jamaica. 23 nations and the U.S. were excluded. 
1990 The U.S. Food & Drug Administration approved Norplant, 
 a long-acting contraceptive implant. 
1993 The crew of the space shuttle Endeavor deployed the 
 repaired Hubble Space Telescope into Earth's orbit. 
1995 The first U.S. Marines arrived in the Bosnian capital of 
 Sarajevo to join NATO soldiers sent to enforce peace in the 
 former Yugoslavia. 
1996 South Africa's President Mandela signed into law a new 
 democratic constitution, completing the country's transition 
 from white-minority rule to a non-racial democracy. 
1998 Six astronauts opened the doors to the new international 
 space station 250 miles above the Earth's surface. 
1998 The Palestinian leadership scrapped constitutional 
 clauses that rejected Israel's existence. 
1999 After three years under suspicion of being a spy for 
 China, computer scientist Wen Ho Lee was arrested. He was 
 charged with removing secrets from the Los Alamos weapons 
 lab. Lee later pled guilty to one count of downloading 
 restricted data to tape and was freed. The other 58 
 counts were dropped. 
2003 The U.S. barred firms based in certain countries, 
 opponents of the Iraq war, from bidding on Iraqi 
 reconstruction projects. The ban did not prevent companies 
 from winning subcontracts. 
2007 Cristina Fernandez was sworn in as Argentina's first 
 elected female president.
2014  smiled.

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