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Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, December 12
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Have FUN!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Wisconsin beer-battered man 
who blamed beer- battered fish
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
2001 In Beverly Hills, CA, actress Winona Ryder was arrested at 
 Saks Fifth Avenue for shoplifting and possessing pharmaceutical 
 drugs without a prescription. The numerous items of clothing 
 and hair accessories were valued at $4,760. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
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We always like those who admire us; we do not always like those whom we admire. --- Francois de La Rochefoucauld (1613 - 1680) ______________________________________________________ A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a pre-med student interrupted him. "Why do we have to learn this stuff?" one young man blurted out. "To save lives," the professor responded before continuing the lecture. A few minutes later the student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?" The professor stared at the student for a long time without saying a word and then continued. "Physics saves lives," he said, "because it keeps the idiots out of medical school." ______________________________________________________ A sergeant was passing the barracks after lights out, when he heard some voices from inside. He slammed open the door, and screamed: Listen, you guys! A few minutes ago, you all heard me say good night. What you must realize, is that when I say "Good Night," what I really mean is "SHUT TH F*** UP!!!" The room instantly fell silent. But after a few seconds, a small voice could be heard from somewhere in the far back of the dark room: "Good Night, Sergeant" ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Nanarina for this picture: Click through for the big picture ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to John Przybyla 75 ADAMS COUNTY, Wisconsin Beer-Battered Man Blames Beer- Battered Fish Motorist with nine DWI collars offered unique excuse to deputy DECEMBER 10--During a recent traffic stop, a Wisconsin motorist who has nine prior drunk driving convictions on his record explained that the reason a sheriff’s deputy smelled booze on his breath was because he had just eaten beer-battered fish at lunch. John Przybyla was pulled over by a cop who spotted the 75-year-old’s vehicle driving erratically. When the Adams County Sheriff’s Office deputy approached Przybyla--who was driving on a revoked license--he recognized the “smell of of an intoxicating beverage emitting from his breath.” Przybyla’s eyes were also bloodshot and glossy, according to a police report detailing the 2:30 PM traffic stop. During field sobriety tests, Przybyla “showed impairment.” Additionally, Deputy Brian Loewenhagen found an open can of Red Dog Beer on the truck’s passenger seat. When the deputy asked Przybyla (seen above) how much alcohol he had consumed, “John said he had not been drinking,” adding that he was heading home after attending a fish fry. Przybyla, Deputy Loewenhagen reported, “said he wasn’t drinking and had beer battered fish.” Przybyla, who himself appeared to be beer battered, was arrested after failing the field sobriety tests. While a Breathalyzer test recorded Przybyla’s blood alcohol content at .062--below the .08 limit--his history of DWI convictions prohibits him from driving with a BAC above .02. Along with his tenth drunk driving charge, Przybyla was booked on several other counts, including driving with a revoked license and possessing an open can of beer in a motor vehicle. Przybyla, who lives in the village of Friendship, is next scheduled for a January 21 court appearance. Tech Support Pits From: Fran Re: Is Chrome OK as the main browser? Dear Webby Is Chrome OK as the main browser? It seems to take some getting used to, but after that is pretty good. Fran Dear Fran Yes, Chrome is quite OK as the main browser, but don't get carried away un-installing FireFox! There are occasions, when you do need FireFox on the side. It is safe to UnInstall Internet Explorer, whenever they have a security issue, and forgetting to re-install it, but occasionally, about 1 % of the time, you do need FireFox. They don't clash or cause problems and co-exist nicely side by side. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Dear Ma and Pa: Am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Army beats working for old man Minch. Tell them to join up quick before all the places are filled. I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m.( but am getting so I like to sleep late. All you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine some things -- no hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing. The guys have to shave, but they say it is not bad in warm water, and after I thumped a few of them, they don't tell nobody about why I don't need to shave. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, beef, ham steak, fried eggplant, pie and regular food, but you can always sit between two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you till noon, when you get fed. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much. We go on "route marches," which, the Sgt. says, are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it is not my place to tell him different. A "route march" is a casual stroll about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys all get sore feet and we ride back in trucks. The country is nice, but awful flat. The Sgt. is like a schoolteacher. He nags some. The Capt. is like the school board. Kernels. and Generals just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why, the bull's-eye is near big as a chipmonk and don't move and it ain't shooting at you, like the Higsett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it, you don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes. Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer and Mary to hurry and join before others get onto this setup and come stampeding in. Your loving daughter, Pat
Daily tip from Inexpensive But Thoughtful Gifts Here are a few of my ideas for inexpensive but thoughtful gifts. A box of chocolates with a homemade card that says you're just too sweet for words. Give out cards with homemade coupons for neighbors, like one free night of babysitting, etc. depending on the needs of the person you're giving it to. Buy a tea towel and dish rag with a tag that says enjoy your new washer and dryer. Family theme boxes, for movie night add a movie, popcorn packages, and 2 litre of pop. You can do car wash baskets with items from dollar store like sponges, cleaning fluid, wax, etc. Use your imagination. Chocolate boxes with coffee mug, various chocolates, a book, and book mark, maybe a candle. By Tracy C. from Brockville, Ontario ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
______________________________________________________ Great Comeback This has got to be the all-time classic comeback. This is a recount of a National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a female broadcaster, and US Army General Reinwald who's about to sponsor a boy scout troop visiting his military installation. (Note: While this has been presented as a "true story" for several years, some people dispute that it actually happened). FEMALE INTERVIEWER: "So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?" GENERAL REINWALD: "We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting." FEMALE INTERVIEWER: "Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?" GENERAL REINWALD: "I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range." FEMALE INTERVIEWER: "Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?" GENERAL REINWALD: "I don't see how, ....we will be teaching them proper rifle range discipline before they ever touch a firearm." FEMALE INTERVIEWER: "But you're equipping them to become violent killers." GENERAL REINWALD: "Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute. How much do you charge? The radio went silent and the interview ended. ______________________________________________________ THE DVD PLAYER had conked out and we weren't able to watch the movie we'd rented. Then my husband had a brilliant idea: "Why don't we use the PlayStation?" We pushed all the buttons, but couldn't get it to work, so we gave up and went upstairs. We were reading in bed when our 17-year-old son appeared in our doorway. "Someone left a dirty DVD in my PlayStation," he said. "We were trying to watch a movie on it," my husband admitted, "but we couldn't get past the parental control screen." "What a shame," our son said as he smiled and closed the door.

Original Players

Today in 
1792 In Vienna, 22-year-old Ludwig van Beethoven received 
 one of his first lessons in music composition from Franz 
 Joseph Haydn. 
1800 Washington, DC, was established as the capital of the 
 United States. 
1896 Guglielmo Marconi gave the first public demonstration 
 of radio at Toynbee Hall, London. 
1897 The comic strip"The Katzenjammer Kids" (Hans and Fritz), 
 by Rudolph Dirks, appeared in the New York Journal for the 
 first time. 
1899 George Grant patented the wooden golf tee. 
1900 Charles M. Schwab formed the United States Steel 
1901 The first radio signal to cross the Atlantic was 
 picked up near St. John's Newfoundland, by inventor 
 Guglielmo Marconi. 
1915 The first all-metal aircraft, the German Junkers 
 J1, made its first flight. 
1917 Father Edward Flanagan opened Boys Town in Nebraska. 
1925 The "Motel Inn," the first motel in the world, opened 
 in San Luis Obispo, CA. 
1937 Japanese aircraft sank the U.S. gunboat "Panay" on 
 China's Yangtze River. Japan apologized for the attack, 
 and paid $2.2 million in reparations. 
1947 The United Mine Workers union withdrew from the 
 American Federation of Labor. 
1951 The U.S. Navy Department announced that the world's 
 first nuclear powered submarine would become the sixth 
 ship to bear the name Nautilus. 
1955 It was announced that the Ford Foundation gave 
 $500,000,000 to private hospitals, colleges and medical 
1955 British engineer Christopher Cockerell patented the 
 first hovercraft. 
1963 Kenya gained its independence from Britain. 
1975 Sara Jane Moore pled guilty to a charge of trying to 
 kill U.S. President Ford in San Francisco the previous 
1982 20,000 women encircled Greenham Common air base in 
 Britain in protest against proposed site of U.S. Cruise 
 missiles there. 
1983 Car bombs were set off in front of the French and U.S. 
 embassies in Kuwait City. Shiite extremists were responsible 
 for the five deaths and 86 wounded. 
1984 In a telephone conversation with U.S. President Reagan, 
 William J. Schroeder complained of a delay in his Social 
 Security benefits. Schroeder received a check the following day. 
1985 248 American soldiers and eight crewmembers were killed 
 when an Arrow Air charter crashed in Gander, Newfoundland 
 after takeoff. 
1989 Britain forcibly removed 51 Vietnamese from Hong Kong 
 and returned them to their homeland. 
1989 Leona Helmsley was fined $7 million and sentenced to 
 four years in prison for tax evasion. 
1994 The Brazilian Supreme Court acquitted former President 
 Fernando Collor de Mello of corruption charges that had 
 forced him to resign in 1992. 
1995 The U.S. Senate stopped a constitutional amendment 
 giving Congress authority to outlaw flag burning and other 
 forms of desecration against the American flag. 
1995 Two French airmen shot down over Bosnia arrived home 
 after almost four months of being held captive by the 
 Bosnian Serbs. 
1997 Ilich Ramirez Sanchez, the international terrorist 
 known as "Carlos the Jackal," went on trial in Paris on 
 charges of killing two French investigators and a 
 Lebanese national. He was convicted and sentenced to 
 life in prison. 
1997 The U.S. Justice Department ordered Microsoft to sell 
 its Internet browser separately from its Windows operating 
 system to prevent it from building a monopoly of Web 
 access programs. 
1998 The House Judiciary Committee rejected censure, and 
 approved the final article of impeachment against U.S. 
 President Clinton. The case was submitted to the full 
 House for a verdict. 
2000 The U.S. Supreme Court found that the recount ordered by 
 the Florida Supreme Court in the 2000 U.S. Presidential 
 election was unconstitutional. U.S. Vice President Al Gore 
 conceded the election to Texas Gov. George W. Bush the next day. 
2000 Timothy McVeigh, over the objections of his lawyers, 
 abandoned his final round of appeals and asked that his 
 execution be set within 120 days. McVeigh was convicted of the 
 April 1995 truck bombing of the Alfred P. Murrah Fedal 
 Building in Oklahoma City, OK, that killed 168 and injured 500. 
2001 Gerardo Hernandez was sentenced to life in prison for being 
 the leader of a Cuban spy ring. His conviction was based on his 
 role in the infiltration of U.S. military bases and in the 
 deaths of four Cuban-Americans whose planes were shot down 
 five years before. 
2001 In Beverly Hills, CA, actress Winona Ryder was arrested at 
 Saks Fifth Avenue for shoplifting and possessing pharmaceutical 
 drugs without a prescription. The numerous items of clothing 
 and hair accessories were valued at $4,760. 
2002 North Korea announced that it would reactivate a nuclear 
 power plant that U.S. officials believed was being used to 
 develop weapons.
2014  smiled.

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