Good Morning, ,

Today is Sunday, December 28

Have FUN!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Florida driver trying to impersonate a cop
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1869 William E. Semple, of Mt. Vernon, OH, patented an 
 acceptable chewing gum. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The United States Congress, like a lot of rich people, lives in two houses. --- John Green ______________________________________________________ It was their fifth anniversary, and Sandra and Michael had just returned from the movies. Sandra was feeling romantic. "Will you love me when my hair has turned to silver?" she crooned. "Why not?" Michael grunted. "Didn't I love you through hundred and fourteen other shades?" ______________________________________________________ Once there was a little boy that lived in the country. They had to use an outhouse, and the little boy hated it because it was hot in the summer and cold in the winter and stank all the time. The outhouse was sitting on the bank of a creek and the boy determined that one day he would push that outhouse into the creek. One day after a spring rain, the creek was swollen so the little boy decided today was the day to push the outhouse into the creek. So he got a large pole and started pushing. Finally, the outhouse toppled into the creek and floated away. That night his dad told him they were going to the woodshed after supper. Knowing that meant a spanking, the little boy asked why. Dad replied, "Someone pushed the outhouse into the creek today. It was you, wasn't it son?" The boy answered "Yes father". Then he thought a moment and said, "Dad, I read in school today that George Washington chopped down a cherry tree and didn't get into trouble because he told the truth." The dad replied, "Well, son, George Washington's father wasn't in the cherry tree." ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to James Buck, 23 Spring Hill, Florida Florida driver impersonating officer had 'Let's Be Cops' DVD Deputies arrested a driver and charged him with impersonating an officer after he allegedly tried pulling over a motorist that almost collided with his car on Christmas night. Hernando County sheriff's deputies got a call from someone saying that a reckless driver in an SUV nearly hit him in Spring Hill, Florida. After the near crash, the caller said the SUV driver chased him with flashing lights at a high speed and was trying to get him to pull over, according to WTSP. Deputies eventually caught up with James Buck and they discovered several items of law-enforcement paraphernalia. Affixed to the 23-year-old's SUV was a sticker saying "Department of Defense registered vehicle," a police interceptor emblem often seen on official patrol cars and accessories like L.E.D. lights and a siren or public address speaker. A shield-style badge was hanging from his rearview mirror and another was in Buck's wallet, deputies said. Buck allegedly told deputies that he added the police lights and other faux law-enforcement gear to his truck so "no one would mess with him," according to WESH. It's possible that Buck has criminally bad taste in movies too. Deputies said they found a "Let's Be Cops" DVD inside his truck. The 2014 buddy-cop flick stars Damon Wayans, Jr. and Jake Johnon as two wannabe Los Angeles policemen. It was poorly received by critics. Buck was charged with one count of fraud of impersonating a law enforcement officer and remained in jail on Friday afternoon, according to Hernando County sheriff's office records. Tech Support Pits From: Susan Re: Decrapifier Dear Webby Hello again, I was reading in a computer magizine's list of '20 downloads you can't do without'...CCleaner is the first on the list. (I got that years ago after you recommended it) The next on the list is called PC De-Crapyfier (also free). I am curious but would appreciate your oppinion on this download. Where do I get it without a bunch of bad stuff added? Thank you. Susan Dear Susan Most new machines come with all kinds of crap pre-loaded. In addition to that, as you seem to have noticed, many programs come with undesired extras thrown in as payload. Decrapifier gets rid of all that crap. You can get it without ANY payload right from the people who created it at You will be surprised at all the crap it finds on your computer. It is quite civilized. First it makes a restore point, then it shows you lists of stuff. If you have never used it, or not used it for years, put a checkmark on it for removal. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Saving Leftover Egg Yolks or Whites With all the holiday cooking, there is bound to be some that use only half the egg. I have one now that used only 6 whites. Rather then wasting them or scrambling to make some other recipe, you may save either your white or yolks separately in individual ice cube trays. Whites are fine as is but you need to add a little sugar OR salt to your yolks before freezing. I use salt since it's used in so many recipes. Then just pop them out and let them defrost when you need them! They keep for at least three months. Happy Baking! By Dee [186] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
______________________________________________________ Thanks to Arvid for this report: I decided to stop worrying about my wife's driving and take advantage of it. I got one of those bumper stickers that say, "How's my driving?" and put a 900 number on it. At 50 cents a call, I've been making about $38 a week. ______________________________________________________ "So, what's the matter? I thought you just got back from a nice relaxing fishing trip with your husband." "Oh, everything went wrong: First he said I talked so loud I would scare the fish. Then he said I was using the wrong bait; and then that I was reeling in too soon. "All that might have been all right; but then, to make matters worse, I ended up catching twelve fish and he caught none!"

Food Safety

Today in 
1065 Westminster Abbey was consecrated under Edward the Confessor. 
1694 Queen Mary II of England died after five years of joint rule 
 with her husband, King William III. 
1836 Mexico's independence was recognized by Spain. 
1869 William E. Semple, of Mt. Vernon, OH, patented an 
 acceptable chewing gum. 
1877 John Stevens applied for a patent for his flour-rolling mill, 
 which boosted production by 70%. 
1879 In Dundee, Scotland the central portion of the Tay Bridge 
 collapsed as a train was passing over it. 75 people were killed. 
1908 An earthquake killed over 75,000 at Messina in Sicily. 
1912 The first municipally-owned street cars were used on the 
 streets of San Francisco, CA. 
1917 The New York Evening Mail published a facetious essay by 
 H.L. Mencken on the history of bathtubs in America. 
1937 The Irish Free State became the Republic of Ireland when a new 
 constitution established the country as a sovereign state under 
 the name of Eire. 
1945 The U.S. Congress officially recognized the "Pledge of Allegiance." 
1964 Initial filming of the movie "Dr. Zhivago" began on location near 
 Madrid, Spain. The movies total running time is 197 minutes. 
1973 Alexander Solzhenitsyn published "Gulag Archipelago," an expose 
 of the Soviet prison system. 
1981 Elizabeth Jordan Carr, the first American test-tube baby, was 
 born in Norfolk, VA. 
1982 Nevell Johnson Jr. was mortally wounded by a police officer 
 in a Miami video arcade. The event set off three days of race 
 related disturbances that left another man dead. 
1989 Alexander Dubcek, who had been expelled from the Communist 
 Party in 1970, was elected speaker of the Czech parliament. 
1991 Nine people died in a rush to get into a basketball game 
 at City College in New York. 
1995 Pressure from German prosecutors investigating pornography 
 forced CompuServe to set a precedent by blocking access to 
 sex-oriented newsgroups on the Internet for its customers. 
2000 U.S. District Court Judge Matsch held a hearing to ensure 
 that confessed Oklahoma City bomber Timothy McVeigh understood 
 that he was dropping his appeals. McVeigh said that he wanted 
 an execution date set but wanted to reserve the right to seek 
 presidential clemency. 
2014  smiled.

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