Using the value from the TODAY function in Excel 

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Today is Monday, January 26

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You miss 100 percent of the shots you never take. --- Wayne Gretzky (1961 - ) People everywhere confuse what they read in newspapers with news. --- A. J. Liebling (1904 - 1963) ______________________________________________________ Samuel's mother once gave him two sweaters for Chanukah. The next time he visited, he made sure to wear one. As hee entered her home, instead of the expected smile, she said, "What's the matter? You didn't like the other one?" ______________________________________________________ If you have amnesia and experience deja-vue at the same time, does that mean you have forgotten this stuff before? ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Roy for this picture: Click through for the big picture BringBeer
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Nathaniel Follette, 31, Madera, California Californian looks as stupid in mug shot as he is A man arrested for riding his bicycle inside a supermarket really showd how stupid he is. Nathaniel Follette, 31, was arrested Sunday afternoon after after refusing to stop riding his bicycle inside the Rancho San Miguel Market in Madera, California. At first, the store manager and onsite security guard tried to deal with the situation themselves, but Follette allegedly responded by threatening them with a pocket knife. When officers arrived on scene, the suspect was still holding the knife, according to to a post on the Madera Police Department’s Facebook page. Follette was taken into custody, but was not happy about it, according to authorities. Follette decided to express his displeasure by posing for his mug shot with his eyes crossed and his tongue partially stuck out, ABC News reports. Police weren't amused. Follette now faces charges for resisting arrest and exhibiting a deadly weapon, according to the New York Daily News. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Eno Re: Today formula in Excel Dear Webby, Yes, the voting is still stuck in yesteryear. I got nan Excel question for you. I need the value for today to use in a formula, to get the number of days between a fixed date and today, but it does not seem to work. How do I get that? Eno Dear Eno To get the value for today, use "today()", without the quotes, of course. However, there is something peculiar and unfinished about that function. You can't subtract today from a date. DUH! Almost ever user of Excel has been cussing about that for the last 20 years. Seems when they cloned Excel from Quattro, they messed up a bit. =3/5/2015-(TODAY()) does not work, no matter how you modify that. You have to put the far date, 3/5/2015 in my example, into a cell way over to the right or into a fixed header, for example Z1, then make the formula =$Z$1-TODAY() You will get a date, which is useless for your purpose. Format that cell or column for general numbers, no decimal, and you get the number of days between today and the target date. I use a similar formula to tell me how many days I got for writing recurring invoices. =IF(Z7<$AF$1,(Z7-TODAY()),"") For those of you new to Excel, here is the rundown: IF the next invoice date for Client 7 in Z7 in smaller than the posting date in AF1, then show the number of days between posting date and today, or else show a blank cell. If you have one client per row, you can copy that formula down one column, and change the font color to red. If the cell is blank, then that client's invoice is not due before the next posting date. If the cell shows a red number, that is the number of days you got for writing an invoice. Save that to your cheat sheet. If you use Excel, sooner or later you WILL need that trick, or part of it. "Posting Dates" are the dates, when invoices or payrolls are uploaded or sent to Printing, if they are not uploaded or printed one at a time, as they are written. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Pots and Kitchen Utensils as Toys My son loves to get ahold of my mom's pot and potato masher when he visits her. I didn't want to give him mine and have to continually take them away to use them. So I decided to buy a few items at Goodwill and let him have his own set. He loves them! By lalala... [557] ______________________________________________________ A new arrival, about to enter hospital, saw two white coated doctors searching through the flower beds. "Excuse me," he said, "have you lost something?" "No," replied one of the doctors. "We're doing a big operation today, but we are rather low on anesthetics, so we need a good size rock.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married. One broom was, of course, the bride broom and the other the groom broom. The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was lovely. After the wedding at the wedding dinner, the bride broom leaned over and said to the groom broom "I think I am going to have a little whisk broom!!!" "IMPOSSIBLE!!" said the groom broom. " We haven't even swept together!" _____________________________________________________ Mary was having a tough day and had stretched herself out on the couch to do a bit of what she thought to be well-deserved complaining and self-pitying. She moaned to her mom and brother, "Nobody loves me. The whole world hates me!" Her brother, busily occupied playing a game, hardly looked up at her and passed on this encouraging word: "That's not true, Mary. Not everybody hates you. Lots of people don't even know you yet."
Who would have thought such beauty was lurking in a soap bubble waiting for freezing weather to show up.

Today in 
1500 Vicente Yáńez Pinzón discovered Brazil. 
1736 Stanislaus I formally abdicated as King of Poland. 
1784 In a letter to his daughter, Benjamin Franklin expressed 
 unhappiness over the eagle as the symbol of America. He 
 wanted the symbol to be the turkey. 
1788 The first European settlers in Australia, led by Captain 
 Arthur Phillip, landed in what became known as Sydney. 
 The group had first settled at Botany Bay eight days before. 
 This day is celebrated as Australia Day. 
1827 Peru seceded from Colombia in protest against Simón 
 Bolívar's alleged tyranny. 
1841 Britain formally occupied Hong Kong, which the Chinese 
 had ceded to the British. 
1875 George F. Green patented the electric dental drill for 
 sawing, filing, dressing and polishing teeth. 
1905 The Cullinan diamond, at 3,106.75 carats, was found 
 by Captain Wells at the Premier Mine, near Pretoria, 
 South Africa. 
1911 Inventor Glenn H. Curtiss flew the first successful 
1939 In the Spanish Civil War, Franco's forces, with Italian 
 aid, took Barcelona. 
1942 The first American expeditionary force to go to Europe 
 during World War II went ashore in Northern Ireland. 
1950 India officially proclaimed itself a republic as 
 Rajendra Prasad took the oath of office as president. 
1962 The U.S. launched Ranger 3 to land scientific instruments 
 on the moon. The probe missed its target by about 22,000 miles. 
1965 Hindi was made the official language of India. 
1969 California was declared a disaster area after two days of 
 flooding and mudslides. 
1972 In Hermsdorf, Czechoslovakia, a JAT Yugoslav Airlines 
 flight crashed after the detonation of a bomb in the forward 
 cargo hold killing 27 people. The bomb was believed to have 
 been placed on the plane by a Croatian extremist group. Vesna 
 Vulovic, a stewardess, survived after falling 33,000 feet in 
 the tail section. She broke both legs and became paralyzed 
 from the waist down. 
1992 Russian president Boris Yeltsin announced that his country 
 would stop targeting U.S. cities with nuclear weapons. 
1994 In Sydney, Australia, a young man lunged at and fired two 
 blank shots at Britain's Prince Charles. 
1998 U.S. President Clinton denied having an affair with a 
 former White House intern, saying "I did not have sexual 
 relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky." 
1999 Saddam Hussein vowed revenge against the U.S. in response 
 to air-strikes that reportedly killed civilians. The strikes 
 were U.S. planes defending themselves against anti-aircraft fire. 
2001 Near Ciudad Boliva, Venezuela, twenty four people were killed 
 when a 50-year-old DC-3 crashed. 
2009 The first trial at the International Criminal Court was held. 
 Former Union of Congolese Patriots leader Thomas Lubanga was 
 accused of training child soldiers to kill, pillage, and rape. 
2009 The Icelandic government and banking system collapsed. Prime 
 Minister Geir Haarde resigned. 
2015  smiled.

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