More dates in Excel 

Good Morning, ,

Today is Tuesday, January 27

Isn't it funny how mother Earth schedules the nicest 
blizzards to coincide with gullible warming conferences?

And how the most traffic disruptions and 
plane cancellations are always in areas, 
where the most Obamites and AlGorians live?

Al Gore and all his wanna-be Carbon Tax administrators
are at a Gullible Warming conference in Davos, Switzerland,
burning fossil fuel like it is going out of style with 
over 250 private and chartered jets. Davos had to "borrow"
a nearby military airport to park and refuel all those

I read that on the US Eastcoast they cancelled over 3500 
flights before today's breakfast. Probably over 4000 by now.
And Cuomo announced that all traffic in New York City and
13 counties will be shut down at 11 PM, if they can keep 
the roads open that long. 
After 11 PM only "undocumented shoppers" and snowplows.
So much for Gullible Warming!

Interplanetary News:
Mother Nature on Earth requires a Hernia Transplant 
after laughing her butt off!

Have FUN!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to 
Braveheart Tattooed serial shoplifter in Ohio
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
2003 Altria Group, Inc. became the name of the parent company 
 of Kraft Foods, Philip Morris USA, Philip Morris International 
 and Philip Morris Capital Corporation. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
If everything seems under control, you're not going fast enough --- Mario Andretti (1940 - ) He who praises you for what you lack wishes to take from you what you have. --- Don Juan Manuel (1282 - 1349) ______________________________________________________ A demanding woman was busy giving the patient clerk a difficult time. Nothing the clerk produced was exactly what the woman wanted. In a fit of exasperation, the pernickety woman said in annoyance, "Isn't there a smarter clerk to serve me?" "No," said the clerk. "When the smarter clerk saw you coming, he ran and took an early lunch!" ______________________________________________________ A man was giving a speech at his lodge meeting. He got a bit carried away and talked for two hours. Finally, he realized what he had done and said, "I'm sorry I talked so long. I left my watch at home." A voice from the back of the room replied, "There's a calendar on the wall, below the clock." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Roy for this picture: Click through for the big picture Burma
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Christopher Peters 21 Columbus Ohio Wannabe Braveheart caught shoplifting 8 times in 2014 Peters, 21, has been dubbed the “Braveheart Bandit” because of a blue tattoo across his face. According to the city attorney’s office, Peters was caught stealing eight times in 2014. He is currently wanted on three outstanding warrants. A news release states that Peters stole more than $322 worth of merchandise from Home Depot in March, a $380 vacuum cleaner from Anderson’s in April, and additional Dysons valued at $849 from Target. In April, he stole $220 worth of clothes from Old Navy. Security video shows Peters filling up a shopping cart with the Dyson vacuum. “This is a phenomenon across the United States. It’s well known the Dyson is a high value item that is stolen and re-sold,” says Assistant Columbus Attorney Bill Hedrick. Peters was convicted of the crime, but prosecutors say he’s at it again. Peters’ face tattoo resembles the paint of Mel Gibson’s character in the movie Braveheart. “I would call a professional shoplifter who chooses to get a blue triangle tattooed across his face stupid rather than brave, but we believe he was going for the William Wallace Braveheart look,” said Hedrick. “Peters should be easy to identify so we are hoping the public can help us track him down.” ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Michael Re: DATEVALUE formula in Excel Dear Webby, In today’s newsletter you said: =3/5/2015-(TODAY()) does not work, no matter how you modify that. How about this: =DATEVALUE(“3/5/2015”)-TODAY() Aloha, -mkr Dear Michael As usual, you are right. I totally forgot about DATEVALUE. In cases, where the posting date is used only once, that would work fine. Usually, though, the posting date is common for large numbers of rows, and putting it just once into a corner of the fixed header row makes it easier for me than doing a search/replace for the date between the quotes on a large number of rows. Spreadsheet formulas encourage laziness and shortcuts. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Furniture Polish to Keep Shower Walls Clean After I clean my shower walls and get them all clean, I take my run of the mill furniture polish and I shine my shower walls all nice and pretty. I like to get the pretty lemon smelling stuff to make it smell cleaner in there. I then shine the walls with the furniture wax. You can use Turtle wax as well, but it is more work. Make sure you do not get any on the tub or you will fall and get hurt. This will keep your shower clean with no soap scum residue at all. Eventually it will wear off and will have to be redone. But there will be much more time between cleanings. By Kimberly [7] ______________________________________________________ Wanting to be married, a couple came to the county courthouse in Virginia..They accidentally walked up to the offices where hunting licenses are sold. "We're from out-of-state," said the prospective groom. "Can we get a license?" The clerk replied, "No, not if you are fom-out-of state, but I can give you a three-day permit."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
An American tourist refused to be too greatly impressed with the masterpieces at the Louvre. "We've got plenty of priceless canvasses in the United States too," he declared. "I know," said the guide. "Rembrandt painted seven hundred pictures in his lifetime, and America has at least ten thousand of each." _____________________________________________________ An engineer, a psychologist, and a theologian were hunting in the wilderness of northern Canada. Suddenly, the temperature dropped and a furious snowstorm was upon them. They came across an isolated cabin, far removed from any town. The hunters had heard that the locals in the area were quite hospitable, so they knocked on the door to ask permission to rest. No one answered their knocks, but they discovered the cabin was unlocked and they entered. It was a simple place ... 2 rooms with a minimum of furniture and household equipment. Nothing was unusual about the cabin except the stove. It was large, pot-bellied, and made of cast-iron. What was strange about it was its location ... it was suspended in midair by wires attached to the ceiling beams. "Fascinating," said the psychologist. "It is obvious that this lonely trapper, isolated from humanity, has elevated this stove so that he can curl up under it and vicariously experience a return to the womb." "Nonsense!" replied the engineer. "The man is practicing the laws of thermodynamics. By elevating his stove, he has discovered a way to distribute the radiation heat more evenly throughout the cabin." "With all due respect," interrupted the theologian, "I'm sure that hanging his stove from the ceiling has religious meaning. Fire LIFTED UP has been a religious symbol for centuries." The three debated the point for several hours without resolving the issue. When the trapper finally returned, they immediately asked him why he had hung his heavy pot-bellied stove from the ceiling. His answer was succinct. "I had plenty of wire, but not much stove pipe."
Sand painting, awesome talent!

Today in 
1606 The trial of Guy Fawkes and his fellow conspirators 
 began. They were executed on January 31. 
1880 Thomas Edison patented the electric incandescent lamp. 
1900 In China, foreign diplomats in Peking, fearing a revolt, 
 demanded that the imperial government discipline the Boxer rebels. 
1926 John Baird, a Scottish inventor, demonstrated a pictorial 
 transmission machine called television. 
1943 During World War II, the first all American air raid 
 against Germany took place when about 50 bombers attacked 
1944 The Soviet Union announced that the two year German 
 siege of Leningrad had come to an end. 
1945 Soviet troops liberated the Nazi concentration camps 
 Auschwitz and Birkenau in Poland. 
1948 Wire Recording Corporation of America announced the 
 first magnetic tape recorder. The ‘Wireway’ machine with 
 a built-in oscillator sold for $149.50. 
1951 In the U.S., atomic testing in the Nevada desert began 
 as an Air Force plane dropped a one-kiloton bomb on 
 Frenchman Flats. 
1967 At Cape Kennedy, FL, astronauts Virgil I. "Gus" Grissom, 
 Edward H. White and Roger B. Chaffee died in a flash fire 
 during a test aboard their Apollo I spacecraft. 
1967 More than 60 nations signed the Outer Space Treaty which 
 banned the orbiting of nuclear weapons and placing weapons 
 on celestial bodies or space stations. 
1973 The Vietnam peace accords were signed in Paris. 
1977 The Vatican reaffirmed the Roman Catholic Church's ban 
 on female priests. 
1981 U.S. President Reagan greeted the 52 former American 
 hostages released by Iran at the White House. 
1984 Wayne Gretzky set a National Hockey League (NHL) record 
 for consecutive game scoring. He ended the streak at 51 games. 
1985 The Coca-Cola Company, of Atlanta, GA, announced a plan 
 to sell its soft drinks in the Soviet Union. 
1992 Former world boxing champion Mike Tyson went on trial 
 for allegedly raping an 18-year-old contestant in the 1991 
 Miss Black America Contest. 
1996 Mahamane Ousmane, the first democratically elected 
 president of Niger, was overthrown by a military coup. 
 Colonel Ibrahim Bare Mainassara declared himself head 
 of state. 
1997 It was revealed that French national museums were 
 holding nearly 2,000 works of art stolen from Jews by the 
 Nazis during World War II. 
1998 U.S. First Lady Hillary Rodham Clinton appeared on NBC's 
 "Today" show. She charged that the allegations against her 
 husband were the work of a "vast right-wing conspiracy." 
1999 The U.S. Senate blocked dismissal of the impeachment 
 case against President Clinton and voted for new testimony 
 from Monica Lewinsky and two other witnesses. 
2002 A series of explosions occurred at a military dump in 
 Lagos, Nigeria. More than 1,000 people were killed in the 
 blast and in the attempt to escape. 
2003 Altria Group, Inc. became the name of the parent company 
 of Kraft Foods, Philip Morris USA, Philip Morris International 
 and Philip Morris Capital Corporation. 
2010 Steve Jobs unveiled the Apple iPad.
2015  smiled.

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