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Good Morning, ,

Today is Wednesday, January 28

Have FUN!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to 
a Florida mother, who drove drunk with four kids in the car.
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1788 The first British penal settlement was founded at 
 Botany Bay, Australia
More of what happened on this day in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Very little is known of the Canadian country since it is rarely visited by anyone but the Queen and illiterate sport fishermen. --- P. J. O'Rourke (1947 - ) Where all think alike, no one thinks very much. --- Walter Lippmann (1889 - 1974) ______________________________________________________ Customer: I'm trying to connect to the Internet with your CD, but it just doesn't work. What am I doing wrong? Tech sup: OK, you've got the CD in the CD drive, right? Customer: Yeah.... Tech sup: And what sort of computer are you using? Customer: Computer? Oh no, I haven't got a computer. It's in the CD player and all I get is weird noises. Listen..... Tech sup: Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!! ______________________________________________________ A Priest at a Church picnic was staring at a member of his parish wearing the tiniest of bikinis. A Nun walked over and said, "Shame on you Father, staring at that woman like that!" The Priest replied, "Sister Mary Elizabeth, I know that you are on a diet, and yet I saw you ogling the buffet." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Roy for this picture: Click through for the big picture Lake Louise
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Angela Renee Woodworth, 45, of 17 Meadows Drive, Interlachen Florida Kids Flee From Car Because Of Florida Mom's Drunk Driving An Interlachen woman was arrested Tuesday night on multiple charges after her child and three of his friends ran into a Gainesville Steak ‘n Shake and told a customer that the mother was driving drunk and that they jumped out of the car in fear, according to an arrest report. Angela Renee Woodworth, 45, of 17 Meadows Drive, was charged with possession of drug paraphernalia, possession of less than 20 grams of marijuana and four counts of child neglect, the Gainesville Police Department reported. The incident occurred at the restaurant at 3714 SW 42nd St. about 8:30 p.m. The report states that a customer called 911 regarding the comments of the children who ran inside and began crying. When an officer arrived the children -- all age 11 -- appeared to be terrified, the report states. The woman’s son told police that they had been to a park, a Chinese restaurant, bowling and to the mall. Woodworth drank two pitchers of beer at the bowling alley and a margarita at Ruby Tuesday at the mall, the boy told police. As they left the mall, he told police, she was swerving all over the road and hit a pole, the report states. They jumped out when she stopped the car. The other children all gave the same account. Police said Woodworth said she had one pitcher of beer but denied going to Ruby Tuesday. The report states her speech was slurred, she smelled of alcohol and she was “obviously intoxicated.” She was not charged with drunk driving. Her car was wrecked. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Andy Re: FireFox causes shutdowns Dear Webby, I an a very happy subscriber to both yours and Ophelia's newsletters. Some time ago, I foolishly allowed Firefox to upgrade me to a newer version. I now have windows shutdowns. I did stop auto upgrades. I am now being asked to upgrade to a new version that promises to stop the shutdowns. Is there another browser that is comparable to the good old firefox? What do you think? Andy Dear Andy I use Chrome most of the time, and FireFox for printing. Use PC Mechanic to fix your registry and performance problems, and there won't be any shutdowns. It is at http://webby.com/PCmechanic I shut down when I have to because of program updates about once a month, and Chrome and Firefox work well side by side. I use the current versions of both of those. Only with Skype do I refuse updates beyond Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Napkins as Placemats Save money by using two square napkins for each placemat. Napkins were 25 cents a pack. By teenaS [1] ______________________________________________________ A Sunday School teacher of pre-schoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth. He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred for real. He asked his class, "Where is Jesus today?" Steven raised his hand and said, "He's in heaven." Mary was called on and answered, "He's in my heart." Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, "I know, I know! He's in our bathroom!!!" The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response. The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. Finally, he gathered his wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew this. Little Johnny said, "Well... every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells, "Jesus Christ!!, are you still in there !!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
>From Gina Hi Webby, Have you still got your Irish Fruitcake recipe somewhere ? I lost the URL for it. Gina=== I sure do. The permanent location for it is at http://webby.com/humor/irish-fruitcake.html _____________________________________________________ A man passed out in a dead faint as he came out of his front door onto the porch. Someone called 911. When the paramedics arrived, they helped him regain consciousness and asked if he knew what caused him to faint. "It was enough to make anybody faint," he said. "My son asked me for the keys to the garage, and instead of driving the car out, he came out with the SNOW SHOVEL !"
500 people dancing in the sky. Bet this took a lot of practice!

Today in 
1521 The Diet of Worms began, at which Protestant reformer 
 Luther was declared an outlaw by the Roman Catholic church. 
1547 England's King Henry VIII died. He was succeeded by 
 his 9 year-old son, Edward VI. 
1788 The first British penal settlement was founded at 
 Botany Bay, Australia
1807 London's Pall Mall became the first street lit by 
1871 France surrendered in the Franco-Prussian War. 
1878 The first telephone switchboard was installed in 
 New Haven, CT. 
1902 The Carnegie Institution was established in 
 Washington, DC. It began with a gift of $10 million 
 from Andrew Carnegie. 
1909 The United States ended direct control over Cuba. 
1915 The Coast Guard was created by an act of the U.S. 
 Congress to fight contraband trade and aid distressed 
 vessels at sea. 
1918 The Bolsheviks occupied Helsinki, Finland. 
1935 Iceland became the first country to introduce 
 legalized abortion. 
1945 During World War II, Allied supplies began reaching 
 China over the newly reopened Burma Road. 
1958 Construction began on first private thorium-uranium 
 nuclear reactor. 
1965 General Motors reported the biggest profit of any 
 U.S. company in history. 
1980 Six Americans who had fled the U.S. embassy in Tehran, 
 Iran, on November 4, 1979, left Iran using false Canadian 
 diplomatic passports. The Americans had been hidden at 
 the Canadian embassy in Tehran. 
1982 Italian anti-terrorism forces rescued U.S. Brigadier 
 General James L. Dozier. 42 days before he had been 
 kidnapped by the Red Brigades. 
1986 The U.S. space shuttle Challenger exploded just after 
 takeoff. All seven of its crewmembers were killed. 
1998 In Manilla, Philippines, gunmen held at least 400 
 children and teachers for several hours at an 
 elementary school. 
1999 Ford Motor Company announced the purchase of Sweden's 
 Volvo AB for $6.45 billion. 
2002 Toys R Us Inc. announced that it would be closing 27 
 Toys R Us stores and 37 Kids R Us stores in order to cut 
 costs and boost operating profits.
2015  smiled.

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