She is stagnant 

Good Morning, ,

Today is Thursday, January 29

Have FUN!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to 
a Florida man who asked a cop to borrow his gun
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
 face of Leonardo DeVinci's Mona Lisa was caused by a 
 "...facial paralysis resulting from a swollen nerve 
 behind the ear." 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Democracy consists of choosing your dictators, after they've told you what you think it is you want to hear. --- Alan Corenk ______________________________________________________ Trying to control her frizzy and dry hair, Kay treated her scalp with olive oil before washing it. Worried that the oil might leave an odor other than that her hair obviously needed it, she washed her hair several times with strong soap. That night when Kay went to bed, she leaned over to her husband and asked, "Do I smell like olive oil?" "Why ?" he asked, pulling back. "Do I smell like Popeye?" ______________________________________________________ Two priests were riding very fast on a motorcycle. They were stopped promptly by a policeman, who said, "What do you think you are doing? You were going mighty fast there, Father." The priest says, "We were just taking the bike for a spin...see how it runs." The policeman shakes his head. "Im going to have to give you a ticket. Driving like that isn't safe. What if you have an accident?" The priests say, "Don't worry, my son. Jesus is with us." The policeman says, "In that case, I have to book you. Three on a motorcycle falls under reckless driving." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Roy for this picture: Click through for the big picture
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Deondrae Hall 38 Boynton Beach Florida Asked a cop to borrow his gun “Hey, let me use your gun!” Deondrae Hall asked a Florida detective walking into the Boynton Beach Police Department headquarters. “I need to use your gun to take care of some niggas who robbed me,” Hall explained. When his request was turned down by the cop, Hall petitioned a second officer who was leaving the precinct. “Hey I need to use your gun!,” he said. Those inquiries early Thursday morning resulted in the arrest of the 38-year-old Hall on a variety of criminal charges, according to a police report. Hall--who had been arguing with another man when he asked for a gun--was obviously intoxicated, noted cops, who added that the questions Hall posed “were not fitting for a person within his normal facilities to be asking a police officer.” After removing Hall “from his bicycle in which he straddled,” police arrested him for public intoxication. A subsequent search of Hall turned up a small bag of cocaine, for which he was charged with narcotics possession. Hall was also charged with corruption by threat for berating the two cops who declined to loan him their service revolvers. “I have a Glock 40 for your pussy ass bitch!” and “Fuck you juicy pussy cracker bitch!” were two of Hall’s comments. Hall was released Saturday from the Palm Beach County jail on $5000 bond and told to go borrow a gun somewhere else. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Joan Re: Windows Installer Dear Webby, Hope that you can provide a solution to my problem . I have a Toshiba Quismo  64 bit - Ultimate Vista 2008. The windows Installer has stopped operating - suddenly. Have been unable to locate it on my machine. Rest of the machine works well . Lacking the windows installer - I cannot download the windows updates or other programs and install them on the computer. Is it possible to find a substitution on the net that will help solve the problem. Many thanks for all the help that you have provided your followers. An avid follower for many years. Joan Dear Joan Here it is: Usually the cause of that fairly important file disappearing is a virus, that does not want you to download a decent anti-malware program. Run Malwarebytes and McAfee to clean up. You might have to download and install the Windows Installer first, before you can install anything else. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Rice Ice Pack This is a simple and quick project. We keep ours in the freezer and they are always ready for the large amount of boo-boos in our house. They always seem to make the kids feel better. You can use scraps of material, since you don't need too much. For this pack, I used an old t-shirt. You can make them any size you would like. By Becky [11] ______________________________________________________ A girl walked up to the information desk in a hospital and asked to see the "upturn". "I think you mean the 'intern', don't you?" asked the nurse on duty. "Whatever," said the girl. "I want to have a 'contamination.'" "You mean 'examination,'" the nurse corrected her. "Whatever, I want to go to the 'fraternity ward,' anyway." "I'm sure you mean the maternity ward." To which the girl replied: "Upturn, intern; contamination, examination, fraternity, maternity.... what's the difference? All I know is I haven't demonstrated in two months, and I think I'm stagnant."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
A Catholic priest, a Protestant minister, and a Jewish rabbi were discussing when life begins. "Life begins," said the priest, "at the moment of fertilization. That is when God instills the spark of life into the fetus." "We believe," said the minister, "that life begins at birth, because that is when the baby becomes an individual and is capable of making its own decisions and must learn about sin." "You've both got it wrong," said the rabbi. "Life begins when the children have graduated from college and moved out of the house." _____________________________________________________ A man in a hurry taking his 8-year-old son to school, made a turn at a red light where it was prohibited. "Uh-oh, I just made an illegal turn!" the man said. "Aw, Dad, it's okay" the son said. " The police car right behind us did the same thing."
Creative Photography

Today in 
1820 Britain's King George III died insane at Windsor Castle. 
1848 Greenwich Mean Time was adopted by Scotland. 
1886 The first successful petrol-driven motorcar, built by 
 Karl Benz, was patented. 
1916 In World War I, Paris was bombed by German zeppelins 
 for the first time. 
1924 R. Taylor patented the ice cream cone rolling machine. 
1940 The W. Atlee Burpee Seed Company displayed the first 
 tetraploid flowers at the New York City Flower Show. 
1949 "The Newport News" was commissioned as the first 
 air-conditioned naval ship in Virginia. 
1963 Britain was refused entry into the EEC. 
1979 U.S. President Carter formally welcomed Chinese 
 Vice Premier Deng Xiaoping to the White House. The 
 visit followed the establishment of diplomatic relations. 
1987 "Physician’s Weekly" announced that the smile on the 
 face of Leonardo DeVinci's Mona Lisa was caused by a 
 "...facial paralysis resulting from a swollen nerve 
 behind the ear." 
1990 Joseph Hazelwood, the former skipper of the Exxon 
 Valdez, went on trial in Anchorage, AK, on charges that 
 stemmed from America's worst oil spill. Hazelwood was 
 later acquitted of all the major charges and was 
 convicted of a misdemeanor. 
1996 French President Jacques Chirac announced the 
 "definitive end" to nuclear testing. 
1996 La Fenice, the 204 year old opera house in Venice, 
 was destroyed by fire. Arson was suspected. 
1997 America Online agreed to give refunds to frustrated 
 customers under threat of lawsuits across the country. 
 Customers were unable to log on after AOL offered a 
 flat $19.95-a-month rate. 
1998 A bomb exploded at an abortion clinic in Birmingham, 
 AL, killing an off-duty policeman and severely wounding 
 a nurse. Eric Rudolph was charged with this bombing and 
 three other attacks in Atlanta. 
1999 The U.S. Senate delivered subpoenas for Monica 
 Lewinsky and two presidential advisers for private, 
 videotaped testimony in the impeachment trial. 
2001 In Indonesia, thousands of student protesters stormed 
 the parliament property and demanded that President 
 Abdurrahman Wahid quit due to his alleged involvement 
 in two corruption scandals. Wahid announced that he 
 would not resign.
2015  smiled.

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