Printing envelopes in Open Office 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, February 22

Have FUN!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to two
boneheads, who Poured Water On Road 
To Hide New Jersey DWI Crash
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1630 Quadequine introduced popcorn to English colonists 
 at their first Thanksgiving dinner.
More of what happened on this day in history at History

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Only sick music makes money today. --- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844 - 1900) An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex. --- Aldous Huxley (1894 - 1963) ______________________________________________________ While carpenters were working outside the old house a woman had just bought, she busied myself with indoor cleaning. She had just finished washing the floor when one of the workmen asked to use the bathroom. With dismay she looked from his muddy boots to her newly scrubbed floors. "Just a minute," She said, thinking of a quick solution. "I'll put down some newspapers." "That's all right, lady," he responded. "I'm already house trained." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Rheta for this one: Hi Webby: Heres one for you ok? A puzzled expression ran riot over Joanne's face. "An ID ten T error? What's that ... in case I need to fix it again??" He gave her a grin... ;-) ... "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?" "No," replied Joanne. "Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out." (She wrote...) I D 1 0 T ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Brian Byers, 20 Alexander Zambenedetti, 20, Sparta, New Jersey Poured Water On Road To Hide New Jersey DWI Crash A New Jersey man who allegedly crashed while driving drunk is also accused of making an icy patch the road in an attempt to make the accident look as if it were caused by dangerous road conditions. A friend is accused of drunkenly helping with the plan that could have put other motorists at risk, police said. Police in Sparta, New Jersey, arrested Brian Byers, 20, on Saturday, several hours after he allegedly drove through a stop sign and crashed a 2001 black BMW into a guard rail, reports. After the accident, police said Byers drove the car, which was registered to a family member, to his house about a mile away. Byers allegedly went back to the accident scene with a friend, Alexander Zambenedetti, 20, and two five-gallon buckets filled with water. Police said the duo poured the water over the intersection to create a black ice slick on the road, according to NBC New York. Sparta Police officer C.J. Grauerholz discovered the accident when he saw Byers walking towards a car that was idling in the middle of the road. The officer saw Zambenedetti in the driver's seat without a shirt even though the temperature was 1 degree F. (-17 C) Zambenedetti told the officer his shirt got soaked after he fell down. The officer noted two five-gallon buckets in the car that still had some water in them, reports. Investigators said the men intended to report the accident was because of the black ice and not because of Byers' alleged drinking. Police said the ice was so bad the Department of Public Works had to dump a half ton of salt to make the street safe, according to Byers was charged with driving while intoxicated, careless driving, failure to stop at a stop sign, leaving the scene of an accident, failure to report an accident and disorderly conduct for creating a dangerous condition by purposely icing the intersection, police said. Zambenedetti initially denied operating the car even though he was in the driver's seat and the engine was running, according to the New Jersey Herald. Zambenedetti failed a variety of field sobriety tests and got charged with driving while intoxicated, careless driving and failure to wear a seatbelt. The two were released a few hours later to sober adults, and are due in court on Thursday. 4______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Sharon Re: Lost W8 number Dear Webby, I purchased a window 8 in 2013, in 2014 warranty was up, didn't renew....No to long after machine acted up to go to settings to input number, number wasn't where it should have been. contacted HP and they said they could give me number for a price...sorry but I already paid for windows 8 when I purchased machine....Please any help would be appreciated if u can tell me how to fix this problem... updates can not be updated...I will never buy a HP again, this is my 6th computer never had any problem from them... first HP.. Thank you for anything u can help me with... Sharon Dear Sharon Join the club of those, who will never buy from HP ever again. I don't have your number either, quite obviously. You will have to contact Microsoft about that number. Their support is not as useless as HP's. Use Skype to call them, otherwise they will run down your phone battery. Good Luck! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Removing Ink Stains from your Coach Purse This is so very simple. I wish I had figured this out a long time ago. I had 100's of ink stains on the inside of my Coach bags. I had never tried to get them out, until the other day. I had an alcohol swab and began to rub and rub. Eventually all, YES ALL, of the ink marks came out. I couldn't believe it. You will need a lot of alcohol swabs or just buy a bottle of rubbing alcohol and a thin cloth. You have to work at it for a little bit, but it works. Now I'm ready to sell what was once ready to throw out! I'll definitely get more money. By melissa25 [2] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
An old Jewish woman has been invited to help screen a movie for the rating it willl carry. The movie is a remake of a Roman Gladiator-type movie. In the middle of the movie is a scene where the Romans are feeding people to the lions. The little old lady hits the buzzer she's been given, which stops the movie. The attendant comes down to her chair and says, "Yes, ma'am?" "This movie should be rated 'R'," she says, "because those Jews are being fed to the lions!" The attendant says, "Ma'am, those are Christians, not Jews." "Oh..... Ok. Well, start the movie up again." A few minutes later she again presses the buzzer. The attendant comes down to her chair. "Yes ma'am?" She points to the screen. "Those lions over there... they're not eating!" _____________________________________________________ A painter, whitewashing the inner walls of a country outhouse, had the misfortune to fall through the opening and land in the muck at the bottom. He shouted, "Fire! Fire! Fire!" at the top of his lungs. The local fire department responded with alacrity, sirens blaring as they approached the privy. "Where's the fire?" called the chief. "No fire," replied the painter as they pulled him out of the hole. "But if I had yelled about what is down here, would you have rescued me?"
Dental Clinics around the world.

Today in 
1630 Quadequine introduced popcorn to English colonists 
 at their first Thanksgiving dinner.
1819 Spain ceded Florida to the United States.
1855 The U.S. Congress voted to appropriate $200,000 for 
 continuance of the work on the Washington Monument. The 
 next morning the resolution was tabled and it would be 
 21 years before the Congress would vote on funds again. 
 Work was continued by the Know-Nothing Party in charge 
 of the project.
1865 Tennessee adopted a new constitution that abolished 
1879 In Utica, NY, Frank W. Woolworth opened his first 
 5 and 10-cent store.
1885 The Washington Monument was officially dedicated 
 in Washington, DC. It opened to the public in 1889.
1920 The first dog race track to use an imitation rabbit 
 opened in Emeryville, CA.
1994 The U.S. Justice Department charged Aldrich Ames and 
 his wife with selling national secrets to the Soviet Union. 
 Ames was later convicted to life in prison. Ames' wife 
 received a 5-year prison term.
1997 Scottish scientist Ian Wilmut and colleagues announced 
 that an adult sheep had been successfully cloned. Dolly 
 was actually born on July 5, 1996. Dolly was the first 
 mammal to have been successfully cloned from an adult cell.
2015  smiled.

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