Envelope p[rinting in Open Office 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, February 23

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Today's Bonehead Award goes to two
Naked Woman Arrested For Roadway Antics
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1574 France began the 5th holy war against the Huguenots 
  (French Protestants)
More of what happened on this day in history at History

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If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
That's the funny thing about havin' a kid. They come with their own set of problems; make everything else you were worried about seem kinda silly. --- Greg Garcia The mind of a bigot is like the pupil of the eye. The more light you shine on it, the more it will contract. --- Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr. (1841 - 1935) ______________________________________________________ A fifth generation farmer has determined that his son will be the first in their family to go to college. So he and the wife save every penny for years and when the big day comes for junior to leave for school, the old man is the proudest he's ever been. After the first semester junior comes home for Christmas break and the old man sits him down for a talk. "Well, boy, you been at school for three months now, I want you to tell me some of that fancy book learnin'." So junior says, "My favorite class is math, pa. Just last week we learned a new formula: Pi r squared." At hearing this the old man screws up his eyes and smacks his forehead, "Dog gone-it! I spent all that money on schooling and all you can tell me is Pi r squared? Why everybody know pie are round...CORNBREADS are squared!" ______________________________________________________ Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all. ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture Elk Crossing under highway
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Amy Carter, 31, Orlando, Florida Naked Woman Arrested For Roadway Antics After stripping off her clothes, a Florida woman walked into traffic, where she performed a lewd act before climbing atop a Lexus and jumping and stomping on the occupied vehicle’s roof and hood, cops allege. Amie Carter, 31, “appeared to be under the influence of a unknown substance," according to an Orlando Police Department report detailing her antics Sunday night. "She appeared in an altered mental state, displaying extremely irrational and volatile behavior." Responding to a 911 call about a “reported naked woman climbing on top of cars and walking in traffic,” cops found Carter attempting to mount a vehicle stopped at a traffic light. After officers wrestled an uncooperative Carter out of the roadway, they “secured her in handcuffs and covered her in a blanket.” Sarah Carlson, a passenger in the Lexus, told police that Carter approached the vehicle and “fondled herself in front of the car” before climbing on the auto. Carter then allegedly “started stomping” on the vehicle’s hood, said Carlson, who added that Carter also threw a cell phone at the car behind the Lexus. Carlson’s husband told cops that Carter left dents in his car’s roof and hood, damage he estimated at upwards of $1500. Carter, seen above, was arrested for criminal mischief and exposure of sexual organs. She was booked into the Orange County jail, where she remains locked up in lieu of $1100 bond. According to court records, Carter’s rap sheet includes prior arrests for narcotics possession, theft, resisting arrest, burglary, drunk driving, and possession of drug paraphernalia. 4______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Walter Re: Envelope printing in Open Office Dear Webby, thanks as always for your unfailing help! I installed Open office 4.1.1 on my new Toshiba Windows 8.1 and can't figure out where to click to print an envelope when all the information is inserted after using the 'Insert' and 'Envelope' fields. Also how can I have my return address appear as the default one, as it does in 'Word.' Walter Dear Walter Printing envelopes is rough on laser printers, so the few times a year I need envelopes nowadays, I just write them by hand. However, here is the info re envelope printing: Open Office Envelope printing To make your return address appear as the default, you would normally use a header. Usually headers are more than just a return address and include a logo or picture. You have complete control over that. If necessary, look up "Headers". Good Luck! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Sweet Cornbread http://www.thriftyfun.com/Sweet-Cornbread.html ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
Joe sets Jim up to go on a blind date with a friend of his. But Jim is a little worried about going out with someone he's never seen before. "What do I do if she's ugly and scary?" says Jim, "I'll be stuck with her all night." "Don't worry," Joe says, "just go up to her door and meet her first. If you like what you see, then everything goes as planned. If you don't just shout 'Aaaaaauuuggghhh!' and fake an asthma attack." So that night, Jim knocks at the girl's door and when she comes out he is awe-struck at how beautiful and sexy she is. He's about to speak when the girl suddenly shouts: ..."Aaaaaauuuggghhh!" _____________________________________________________ Breaking Up Is Hard To Do... (especially when you share the same major!) PSYCHOLOGY Girl accuses guy of just using her as a substitute for his Mother. SOCIOLOGY Each claims to have been oppressed in the relationship. ARCHAEOLOGY One tries to bury the past, and accuses the other of trying to dig it up. THEATRE "OH! Life is... ENDED... as we KNOW it!" BIOLOGY "You just wanted to get in my genes!" PHYSICS Both resign themselves to the fact that what goes up must come down. JOURNALISM "Today was the end of an era. Jack, 19, and Jill, 18, called an end to their relationship of 2 weeks..." WOMEN'S STUDIES "HE did it!" BUSINESS Both decide that they're spending way too much money together, and that it's simply cheaper to be single. HISTORY Each party argues the breakup was caused by something the other party did in the past. GEOGRAPHY Both people decide to simply move far away to avoid each other. ANATOMY "I never liked your body anyway." LAW The party of the second part, having allegedly partied with a party of the third part, is hereby given notice by the party of the first part, to henceforth vacate the premises. ECONOMICS One party demands more than the other can supply.
Dental Clinics around the world.

Today in 
1574 France began the 5th holy war against the Huguenots.
1660 Charles XI became the king of Sweden.
1813 The first U.S. raw cotton-to-cloth mill was founded 
 in Waltham, MA.
1820 The Cato Street conspiracy was uncovered.
1836 In San Antonio, TX, the siege of the Alamo began.
1847 Santa Anna was defeated at the Battle of Buena Vista 
 in Mexico by U.S. troops under Gen. Zachary.
1861 U.S. President-elect Abraham Lincoln arrived secretly 
 in Washington to take his office after an assassination 
 attempt in Baltimore.
1861 Texas became the 7th state to secede from the Union.
1870 The state of Mississippi was readmitted to the Union.
1883 Alabama became the first U.S. state to enact an 
 antitrust law.
1886 Charles M. Hall completed his invention of aluminum.
1887 The French/Italian Riviera was hit by an earthquake 
 that killed about 2,000.
1896 The Tootsie Roll was introduced by Leo Hirshfield.
1898 In France, Emile Zola was imprisoned for his letter, 
 "J'accuse," which accused the government of anti-Semitism 
 and wrongly jailing Alfred Dreyfus.
1900 The Battle of Hart's Hill took place in South Africa 
 between the Boers and the British army.
1904 The U.S. acquired control of the Panama Canal Zone 
 for $10 million.
1915 Nevada began enforcing convenient divorce law.
1919 The Fascist Party was formed in Italy by Benito Mussolini.
1927 The Federal Radio Commission began assigning frequencies, 
 hours of operation and power allocations for radio 
 broadcasters. 
1940 Russian troops conquered Lasi Island.
1940 Walt Disney's animated movie "Pinocchio" was released.
1945 The 28th Regiment of the Fifth Marine Division of the 
 U.S. Marines reached the top of Mount Surabachi. 
 A photograph of these Marines raising the American 
 flag was taken.
1954 The first mass vaccination of children against 
 polio began in Pittsburgh, PA.
1963 The 24th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was 
 ratified. It prohibited poll taxes in federal elections.
1966 The Bitar government in Syria was ended with a 
 military coup.
1970 Guyana became a republic.
1974 The Symbionese Liberation Army demanded $4 million 
 more for the release of Patty Hearst. Hearst had been 
 kidnapped on February 4th.
1980 Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini declared that Iran's 
 new parliament would have to decide the fate of the 
 hostages taken on November 4, 1979, at the U.S. 
 embassy in Tehran.
1991 During the Persian Gulf War, ground forces crossed 
 the border of Saudi Arabia into the country of Iraq. 
 Less than four days later the war was over due to the 
 surrender or withdraw of Iraqi forces.
1993 Gary Coleman won a $1,280,000 lawsuit against 
 his parents.
1998 In central Florida, tornadoes killed 42 people and 
 damaged and/or destroyed about 2,600 homes and businesses.
1999 White supremacist John William King was found guilty 
 of kidnapping and murdering James Byrd Jr. Byrd was dragged 
 behind a truck for two miles on a country road in Texas.
2000 Robby Knievel made a successful motorcycle jump of 200 
 feet over an oncoming train.
2015  smiled.


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