Bigger Clock 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, March 17

Happy St Patrick's Day!

Have FUN!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to an
Two Floriduh shoplifters abandoned their  3 kids locked
into a car in the Walmart parking lot

Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1776 British forces evacuated Boston to Nova Scotia 
 during the Revolutionary War. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Only the shallow know themselves. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) This is like deja vu all over again. --- Yogi Berra (1925 - ) ______________________________________________________ Daniel walks into a dentist's surgery and says, "Excuse me, can you help me? I think I'm a moth." "You don't need a dentist. You need a psychiatrist." "Yes, I know." "So, why did you come in here?" "The light was on." ______________________________________________________ In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested. ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Tosheba Hope, 30, and Gerald Moultrie, 24, Lauderdale Lakes, Florida Walmart Shoplifters Left Kids In Vehicle -After getting arrested last night for shoplifting at Walmart, a Florida couple failed to mention that their three young children were alone in a locked car in the store’s parking lot, where the youngsters were discovered seven hours after the pair’s jailing. According to investigators, Tosheba Hope, 30, and Gerald Moultrie, 24, drove last night to a Walmart in Lauderdale Lakes. They were accompanied by Hope’s three children (ages two, five, and seven). Moultrie is the father of Hope's youngest child. Around 7 PM, Hope and Moultrie, pictured above, were detained after they allegedly sought to walk out of the retailer with $660 worth of tools and automotive accessories, according to a police report. The couple was subsequently arrested by Broward Sheriff’s Office deputies and charged with grand theft, a felony. After Hope and Moultrie were booked into the county jail, seven hours passed before investigators learned that their three children had been abandoned in the parking lot (Walmart workers spotted the minors and called 911). Deputies located the minors around 2 AM and turned them over to child welfare officials. While distressed, the children were unharmed. In addition to the felony theft rap, the couple is also expected to face child neglect charges. According to court records, Moultrie’s rap sheet includes previous arrests for marijuana possession and driving without a license. During a court appearance this morning, Hope told a judge that she is “probably pregnant” with her fourth child. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ben Re: Bigger clock Dear Webby, the tiny clock in the right bottom corner is too small for my eyes, and there is no way to adjust it's size. All the cute "gadget" clocks are a No-No, because they come with built in hijackers, that take advantage of a big hole, that Microsoft left in there. Yeah, I know. Found out the hard way. What do you use? Ben Dear Ben I use ALARM, a very tiny and perfectly clean little program from It does not go outside and call in the time and hijackers, it just uses the system time, that your machine already has. It looks like a small digital alarm clock: You can use the built in sound, or load any music file you want. You can also select the font and a few other preferences. If you use Arial, 72 point, the time shows in 5/8" size numbers. You can, of course use any size you want. After that, you simply set the time for the alarm to go off. Until that time, it just quietly displays the time. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Angel Winks from for this one: A farmer lived on a quiet rural highway. But a new express- way bypass meant an alarming increase in traffic. In fact, it was so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate of three a day. So he called the sheriff's office and said, "You've got to do something about these people driving so fast and killing all of my chickens." So the next day the sheriff went out and put up a sign that read: SLOW: SCHOOL CROSSING Three days later the farmer called again and said, "You've got to do something about these drivers. The School Crossing sign seems to make them go faster." So, again, the sheriff went out and put up a new sign: SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY No good. So the farmer calls again...and again, everyday for three weeks, but the sheriff just doesn't have time to put up signs every week. Finally, the telephone calls stop and the sheriff becomes very curious. So he drives out to the farmer's house, and just beyond the jam of VERY slow moving traffict he sees a new black sign. Written in large yellow letters on it are the words: NUDIST COLONY ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from TV Dinner Trays As Drawer Organizers I always thought that the trays your t.v. dinner comes in could be useful for something. Then it came to me, drawer organizers! We all have messy drawers, in the kitchen, bathroom, bedroom.... These trays are just so perfect for organizing things. Not only are they free, they make your drawers look so nice! By melissa [99] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A wife chewed out her husband at the company picnic a while back. "Doesn't it embarrass you that people have seen you go up to the buffet table five times?" "Not a bit," the husband replied. "I just tell them I'm filling up the plate for you." _____________________________________________________ ===Thanks to Roland for this one: Dear Friends and Relatives: We have the distinguished honor of being on the committee to raise five thousand dollars for a monument of Bill Clinton. We originally wanted to put him on Mt. Rushmore until we discovered there was not enough room for two more faces. We then decided to erect a statue of Bill Clinton in the Washington, D.C. Hall of Fame. We were in a quandary as to where the statue should be placed. It was not proper to place it beside the statue of George Washington, who never told a lie, or beside Jessie Jackson, who never told the truth, since Bill Clinton could never tell the difference. We finally decided to place it beside Christopher Columbus, the greatest Democrat of them all. He left not knowing where he was going, did not know where he was, returned not knowing where he had been, and did it all on someone else's money. If you are one of the fortunate people who have anything left after taxes, we expect a generous contribution to this worthwhile project. Thank you, Bill Clinton Monument Committee PS: In six months of dedicated fundraising we have already collected a whopping $1.35 so far! ____________________________________________________
Amsterdam Light Festival

Today in 
0461 Bishop Patrick, St. Patrick, died in Saul. Ireland 
 celebrates this day in his honor.
1756 St. Patrick's Day was celebrated in New York City 
 for the first time. The event took place at the Crown 
 and Thistle Tavern. 
1776 British forces evacuated Boston to Nova Scotia 
 during the Revolutionary War. 
1884 In Otay, California, John Joseph Montgomery made the 
 first manned, controlled, heavier-than-air glider flight 
 in the United States. 
1886 20 Blacks were killed in the Carrollton Massacre in 
1891 The British steamer Utopia sank off the coast of 
1909 In France, the communications industry was paralyzed 
 by strikes. 
1910 The Camp Fire Girls organization was founded by Luther 
 and Charlotte Gulick. It was formally presented to the 
 public exactly 2 years later. 
1914 Russia increased the number of active duty military 
 from 460,000 to 1,700,000. 
1930 Al Capone was released from jail. 
1944 During World War II, the U.S. bombed Vienna. 
1950 Scientists at the University of California at Berkeley 
 announced that they had created a new radioactive element. 
 They named it "californium". It is also known as element 98. 
1958 The Vanguard 1 satellite was launched by the U.S. 
1959 The Dalai Lama (Lhama Dhondrub, Tenzin Gyatso) fled Tibet 
 and went to India. 
1962 Moscow asked the U.S. to pull out of South Vietnam. 
1966 A U.S. submarine found a missing H-bomb in the 
 Mediterranean off of Spain. 
1970 The U.S. Army charged 14 officers with suppression of 
 facts in the My Lai massacre case. 
1973 The first American prisoners of war (POWs) were released 
 from the "Hanoi Hilton" in Hanoi, North Vietnam. 
1982 In El Salvador, four Dutch television crewmembers were 
 killed by government troops. 
1985 U.S. President Reagan agreed to a joint study with 
 Canada on acid rain. 
1989 A series of solar flares caused a violent magnetic storm 
 that brought power outages over large regions of Canada. 
1992 In Buenos Aires, 10 people were killed in a suicide 
 car-bomb attack against the Israeli embassy. 
1999 A panel of medical experts concluded that marijuana had 
 medical benefits for people suffering from cancer and AIDS. 
1999 The International Olympic Committee expelled six of its 
 members in the wake of a bribery scandal. 
2000 In Kanungu, Uganda, a fire at a church linked to the 
 cult known as the Movement for the Restoration of the 
 Ten Commandments killed more than 530. On March 31, officials 
 set the number of deaths linked to the cult at more than 900 
 after authorities subsequently found mass graves at various 
 sites linked to the cult. 
2009 The iTunes Music Store reached 800 million applications 
2015  smiled.

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