Easter Site 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, April 2

Have FUN!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to an
Oklahoma Rapist, who allegedly held 
3 teens captive at parents house
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1801 During the Napoleonic Wars, the Danish fleet was 
 destroyed by the British at the Battle of Copenhagen. 
 The Danes were pro-democracy and Britain was against it.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A little learning is a dangerous thing but a lot of ignorance is just as bad. --- Bob Edwards ______________________________________________________ >From Roland Sally was puzzled recently by the odd messages she kept getting on her voice mail. Day after day, all she'd hear, from friends, family, and customers alike, would be their message and then they'd ALL say, "BEEP." We were talking about something else at the moment but I had her check her voice mail message anyway to see if there was a clue. She discovered the solution to the BEEP riddle when she dialed her own phone number. Her message said, "I'm not available right now, so please leave a beep after the message." ______________________________________________________ >From Max Excuses, excuses... Philadelphia's Highway Patrol officers hear all kinds of creative excuses that drivers give for speeding. Here are some of the officers' favorites. By the way, none of them worked. A man told the officer he was rushing to the hospital because had been stung by a bee, and was allergic. "There's the bee right there," he said, pointing to his dashboard. The officer looked. The bee was not only dead, but in an advanced state of decomposition. A man was doing 70 mph on the shoulder of I-95, avoiding the bumper-to-bumper traffic. After a third of a mile, he was stopped by an officer. He jumped out of the car, brushing off his pants, and told the cop he had dropped a cigarette on his lap. "I was looking for a place to park," he explained. A speeder said that he and his wife were trying to have a baby. "My wife is ovulating," he told the officer. "I have to get home right now." An officer stopped a man doing 80 mph. When he asked the driver whether he had seen the speed-limit signs, the man responded, "I went by them so fast I probably missed them." A man going south on I-95 was stopped near Washington Avenue doing 79 mph. "My engine misses, and I'm trying to clean out the carburetor," he told the officer. For good measure, he added, "If I don't go this fast, my car won't go at all." "I'm due in traffic court," one speeder said. "If I'm late they're going to enforce the bench warrant." When an officer told a speeder that the speed limit on the Schuylkill Expressway was 50 mph, the driver responded, "Officer, where have you been? It's 65 now." One speeder said simply, "I'm trying to beat my wife home. Don't ask." An elderly person was stopped after doing 73 mph. When told he was getting a ticket, he asked the officer, "Is there a senior citizen's discount?" ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Gregory Zavala 23, Tuttle, Oklahoma Oklahoma Rapist Allegedly Held 3 Teens Captive At Parents House An Oklahoma man faces kidnapping and rape charges after he held three teenaged girls against their will at his parents' home over the course of two years, police say. Gregory Zavala, 23, is also charged with child sex abuse and assault and battery with a dangerous weapon, according to KFOR. Investigators said Zavala lured each of the three girls to the home in Tuttle, Oklahoma, at different times between 2011 and 2013. Zavala allegedly held the teens captive for months at a time. Zavala reportedly told each girl that he would kill them and their families if they tried to escape. Authorities said two of the girls were 16 and 17 at the time of the kidnapping, and that Zavala sexually abused them on a daily basis. A third victim's age was not disclosed, but police said she was a minor. He was arrested March 19 after police received tips of criminal activity at the house, where Zavala lived with his parents, according to the Grady County Express-Star. Zavala allegedly told one of the victims, who he kept locked in his bedroom from March to May 2011, that he was trying to get her pregnant. The girl told authorities that the suspect raped her many times and that she eventually became pregnant. She was able to escape before giving birth. Another victim, who was held between January and August of 2012, said that Zavala used a belt or his hand to strangle her, and told her that the only way she was leaving his house was "in a body bag." She was also raped multiple times, became pregnant and managed to escape. The third victim in the case was a homeless woman who became Zavala's girlfriend, moving into his parents house in August 2012. According to KOKH: After moving in, the victim tells police Zavala had her vehicle towed. While the two were dating, the victim says Zavala struck her in the head with a hammer during an altercation. The hammer allegedly left a permanent deformity in the woman's skull. Tuttle police are investigating whether a missing 16-year-old who was last seen with Zavala is connected to the case. Zavala is held in Grady County Jail on $2 million bond, and is scheduled to appear in court June 9. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Maryann Re: Easter Hi Dear Webby, Years ago you made a fancy Easter page with all the statues from that place in texas, but I can't find it any more. Did you take it down? Maryann Dear Maryann It's still up there at http://webby.com/humor/i/Easter/ Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ The basketball coach stormed into the University President's office and demanded a raise right then and there. "Please," protested the college President, "you already make more than the entire History department." "Yeah, maybe so, but you don't know what I have to put up with," the coach blustered. "Look, I'll Give you an example." The coach went out into the hall and grabbed a jock who was jogging down the hallway. "Run over to my office and see if I'm there," he ordered. Three minutes later the jock returned, sweaty and out of breath. "You're not there, sir," he reported. "Oh, I see what you mean," conceded the University President, scratching his head. "I would have phoned first." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Mustard for Burn First Aid If you burn yourself, don't run for the ice. Instead, grab the mustard and slather it on the burn. Don't wet it or put ice on it, use the mustard first. You'll be shocked at how quickly it cools the burn and how much it helps the healing process. This also works for a sunburn, just apply a very thin layer. By aubergine [1] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A man went to get his driver's license renewed. The line inched along for almost an hour until the man finally got his license. He inspected his photo for a moment and commented to the clerk, "I was standing in line so long, I ended up looking pretty grouchy in this picture." The clerk looked at his picture closely. "It's okay," she reassured the man. "That's how you're going to look when the cops pull you over anyway." _____________________________________________________ The young teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading. After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked Morris, "Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 25 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 130 degrees, 15 minutes West longitude?" After a confused silence Morris replied, "I guess you'd be eating alone. That's halfway to Hawaii, and I can't swim." ____________________________________________________
There's a jungle inside Vietnam's mammoth cavern. A skyscraper could fit too. And the end is out of sight.

Today in 
1513 Spanish explorer Juan Ponce de Leon sighted Florida.
1801 During the Napoleonic Wars, the Danish fleet was 
 destroyed by the British at the Battle of Copenhagen. 
1872 G.B. Brayton received a patent for the gas-powered 
1889 Charles Hall patented aluminum. 
1905 The Simplon rail tunnel officially opened. The tunnel 
 went under the Alps and linked Switzerland and Italy. 
1910 Karl Harris perfected the process for the artificial 
 synthesis of rubber. 
1917 U.S. President Woodrow Wilson presented a declaration 
 of war against Germany to the U.S. Congress. 
1935 Sir Watson-Watt was granted a patent for RADAR. It had
 been shown in Germany two years before, but not patented. 
1947 The U.N. Security Council voted to appoint the U.S. as 
 trustee for former Japanese-held Pacific Islands. 
1960 France signed an agreement with Madagascar that proclaimed 
 the country an independent state within the French community. 
1963 Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King began the first 
 campaign in Birmingham, AL. 
1966 South Vietnamese troops joined in demonstrations at Hue and 
 Da Nang for an end to military rule. 
1967 In Peking, hundreds of thousands demonstrated against Mao 
 foe Liu Shao-chi. 
1972 Burt Reynolds appeared nude in "Cosmopolitan" magazine. 
1982 Argentina invaded the British-owned Falkland Islands. The 
 following June Britain took the islands back. 
1984 In Jerusalem, three Arab gunmen wounded 48 people when they 
 opened fire into a crowd of shoppers. 
1986 On a TWA airliner flying from Rome to Athens a bomb exploded 
 under a seat killing four Americans. 
1989 General Prosper Avril, Haiti's military leader, survived a 
 coup attempt. The attempt was apparently provoked by Avril's 
 U.S.-backed efforts to fight drug trafficking. 
1990 Iraqi President Saddam Hussein threatened to incinerate half 
 of Israel with chemical weapons if Israel joined a conspiracy 
 against Iraq. 
1992 Mob boss John Gotti was convicted in New York of murder and 
 racketeering. He was later sentenced to life in prison. 
1996 Russia and Belarus signed a treaty that created a political 
 and economic alliance in an effort to reunite the two former 
 Soviet republics. 
1996 Lech Walesa resumed his old job as an electrician at the 
 Gdansk shipyard. He was the former Solidarity union leader who 
 became Poland's first post-war democratic president. 
2002 Israeli troops surrounded the Church of the Nativity. More 
 than 200 Palestinians had taken refuge at the church when Israel 
 invaded Bethlehem. 
2015  smiled.

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