His bank can't cope with FireFox 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, April 22

Tomorrow,  Thursday, April  23, I have to go to Calgary
for eye injections. That means, no Friday, Saturday or 
Sunday issues will get sent out.

Have FUN!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Florida woman arrested for battering 
live-in boyfriend with bowl of 
eggs following breakfast beef
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1500 Portuguese navigator Pedro Alvares Cabral discovered Brazil
More of what happened on this day in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy. --- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) ______________________________________________________ >From Barb UK Suicide Bombers Go On Strike Reported by an English newspaper. Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike on Wednesday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement. The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death would be cut by 25% this April from 72 to 54. A spokesman said that increases in recent years in the number of suicide bombings has resulted in a shortage of virgins in the afterlife. The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs (or B.O.O.M.) responded with a statement saying the move was unacceptable to its members and called for a strike vote. General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much in return but to be treated like this is like a kick in the teeth." Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands , Al Qaeda chief executive Haisheet Mapants explained, "I sympathize with our workers concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands." They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day Jihad in a competitive marketplace. Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditures, or laying people off. I don't like cutting benefits but I'd hate to have to tell 3,000 of my staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up. Spokespersons for the union in the North East of England , Ireland , Wales and the entire Australian continent stated that the change would not hurt their membership as there are so few virgins in their areas anyway. According to some industry sources, the recent drop in the number of suicide bombings has been attributed to the emergence of Scottish singing star, Susan Boyle. Many Muslim Jihadists now know what a virgin looks like and have reconsidered their benefit packages. ______________________________________________________ MacTavish's little boy was being questioned by the teacher during an arithmetic lesson. "If you had five pounds," said the teacher, "and I asked you for the loan of three pounds, how many would you have left?" "Five," said young MacTavish firmly. "Five?" the teacher said "How do you make it five?" "Well," replied young MacTavish "You can ask for a loan of three pounds, but that doesn't mean you will get it." ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture Whitehaven Beach in Australia
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Reported by Walter, The Stonecarver An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Destini Oliver, 22, Palmetto Florida
Woman Arrested For Battering Live-In Boyfriend With Bowl Of Eggs Following Breakfast Beef A dispute over the preparation of breakfast ended yesterday morning with a Florida woman under arrest for battering her live-in boyfriend with a bowl of raw eggs, police report. Destini Oliver, 22, and Lorenzo Dixon, 23, quarreled Sunday in their Palmetto home over Oliver not wanting to cook breakfast, according to a police report. The dispute turned physical when Oliver, seen above, allegedly “threw a bowl of raw eggs” at Dixon, striking him in the back. Cops on the scene reported spotting egg splatter on Dixon, as well as on a wall and a couch. Oliver, pictured above, was arrested for misdemeanor battery and booked into the county jail, where she remains locked up in lieu of $500 bond. Dixon, a salesman at a Ford dealership in Sarasota, was not injured in the egg attack.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Hank Re: Bank can't cope with FireFox Dear Webby, I have used Firefox as my browser for several years. In the last week, I received two notices of "Secure Connection Failed." One was my bank where I use Internet banking. I called the bank and the customer service rep. Told me that I could only use IE. She said Firefox did not come up to standard with their security. Do you know anything about this? I just don't like to use IE. Thanks so much for your help! Regards, hank Dear Hank FireFox is actually more secure, but their system checks for only one browser, the default browser that all the grannies and grampas use, if they don't know any better. There is no point arguing with the idjit. Just use Internet Explorer for that bank, and close it quickly afterward. It is a security hazard. I use Chrome with my bank, Royal Bank Of Canada, and it works fine, but FF works well too. Have not tried Internet Exploder there, and am not going to. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A lady on her first visit to Yellowstone National Park said to her guide, "Look at all those big rocks. Wherever did they come from?" "The glaciers brought them down," said the guide. "But where are the glaciers?" The lady asked. "The glaciers," said the guide in a weary voice, "have gone back for more rocks." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Baked "Hardboiled" Eggs I'll never boil eggs again! I found a recipe online for baked eggs and it's just too simple to ever bother with watching a pot again. Place eggs in a muffin tin or directly on your oven rack. And bake at 325 degrees for 30 minutes. Remove and plunge into an ice water bath, then peel and serve. By aubergine [3] Do you have free electricity? Oven for 30 minutes is expensive! Just get an egg boiler, put half a dozen eggs in, add half a cup of water, and set the timer for 5 minutes. When it DINGs and shuts off, they are done. You can of course also set them for 3 Minute breakfast eggs, with the yolk thick but still runny. An egg boiler uses 1/10 the electricity that your baking uses! Egg cookers are sold by all the companies, that make coffee machines, and are usually $15 - $20. Check Amazon for egg boiler Some even have extra trays for poaching eggs. 5 minutes at 0.35 KW instead of 30 minutes at 1.5 KW Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Two friends, one an optimist and the other a pessimist, could never quite agree on any topic of discussion. One day the optimist decided he had found a good way to pull his friend out of his continual pessimistic thinking. The optimist owned a hunting dog that could walk on water. His plan? Take the pessimist and the dog out duck hunting in a boat. They got out into the middle of the lake, and the optimist brought down a duck. The dog immediately walked out across the water, retrieved the duck, and walked back to the boat. The optimist looked at his pessimistic friend and said, "What do you think about that?" The pessimist replied, "That dog can't swim, can he?" He had to swim back to shore. _____________________________________________________ A guy goes to a doctor and says: "Doctor, my wife has lost her voice a week ago...." "And you are afraid she'll find it again ?" ____________________________________________________
Ethereal Wire Fairy Sculptures, these are beautiful works of art.

Today in 
1500 Portuguese navigator Pedro Alvares Cabral discovered Brazil. 
1509 Henry VIII ascended to the throne of England
1529 Spain and Portugal divided the eastern hemisphere in the 
 Treaty of Saragosa. 
1792 U.S. President George Washington proclaimed American 
 neutrality in the war in Europe. 
1861 Robert E. Lee was named commander of Virginia forces. 
1864 The U.S. Congress passed legislation that allowed the 
 inscription "In God We Trust" to be included on one-cent 
 and two-cent coins. 
1889 At noon, the Oklahoma land rush officially started as 
 thousands of Americans raced for new, unclaimed land. 
1898 The first shot of the Spanish-American war occurred 
 when the USS Nashville captured a Spanish merchant ship. 
1915 At the Second Battle Ypres the Germans became the 
 first country to use poison gas. 
1918 British naval forces attempted to sink block-ships 
 in the German U-boat bases at the Battle of Zeeburgge. 
1930 The U.S., Britain and Japan signed the London Naval 
 Treaty, which regulated submarine warfare and limited 
1931 James G. Ray landed an autogyro on the lawn of the 
 White House. 
1944 During World War II, the Allies launched a major 
 attack against the Japanese in Hollandia, New Guinea. 
1952 An atomic test conducted in Nevada was the first 
 nuclear explosion shown on live network television. 
1954 The U.S. Senate Army-McCarthy televised hearings began. 
1993 The U.S. Holocaust Memorial Museum was dedicated in 
 Washington, DC. 
1997 In Lima, Peru government commandos storm and capture 
 the residence of the Japanese ambassador ending a 126-day 
 hostage crisis. In the rescue 71 hostages were saved. 
 Those killed: one hostage (of a heart attack), two soldiers, 
 and all 14 rebels. 
2002 Filippino President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo ordered a 
 state of emergency in the city of General Santos in 
 response to a series of bombing attacks the day before. 
 The attacks were blamed on Muslim extremists. 
2010 The Boeing X-37 began its first orbital mission. It 
 successfully returned to Earth on December 3, 2010.
2015  smiled.

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