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Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, May 4

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to an 
Oregon Father-Son duo caught of stealing 
$72,000 in health and beauty aids
Details at Boneheads

Today in
1626 Dutch explorer Peter Minuit landed on Manhattan 
 Island. Native Americans later sold the island (20,000 acres) 
 for $24 in cloth and buttons.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
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If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age. --- George Burns (1896 - 1996) ______________________________________________________ Mary and Jane are old friends. They have both been married to their husbands for a long time; Mary is upset because she thinks her husband doesn't find her attractive anymore. "As I get older he doesn't bother to look at me!" Mary cries. "I'm so sorry for you, as I get older my husband says I get more beautiful every day." replies Jane. "Yes, but your husband's an antique dealer!" ______________________________________________________ Jill was selling tickets at the movie house when she got a phone call. This woman said, "How much is a ticket?" Jill said, "Nine dollars." She said, "How much for children?" Jill said, "Same price, nine dollars per seat." She said, "The airlines charge half fare for children." Jill said, "OK, put the kids on a plane somewhere, and you come to the movie. You'll enjoy it a lot more that way." ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture
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Reported by Walter, The Stonecarver An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Robert Stephen Ellwood, 56, Robert William Ellwood, 28, Beaverton, Oregon
Father-Son duo caught of stealing $72,000 in health and beauty aids Rogaine, razors and pregnancy strips are just some of the more than $72,000 worth of health and beauty items an Oregon father and son are accused of stealing from stores in several states across the Northwest. Police in Beaverton on Friday announced the arrest of 56-year-old Robert Stephen Ellwood and his 28-year-old son, Robert William Ellwood, both of Hermiston. The father and son duo targeted a number of retail stores, including Safeway and Albertsons, during an eight-week shoplifting spree in Idaho, Montana, Oregon and Washington, according to police. "They had been stealing thousands of dollars of health and beauty aids," Beaverton police said in a Friday press release. The father and son were arrested after they allegedly sold the stolen merchandise to an undercover investigator. Authorities have charged both men with aggravated theft. They are being held at the Washington County Jail in lieu of a $2,000 bond.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Bonnie Re: Desktop link Dear Webby, My ISP is not very reliable and half the time I don't get my Humor Letter in the email. How can I create a link to it on the desktop, so that that I can just click on that to get the online version? Thanks Bonnie Dear Bonnie Browse to the online version at http://webby.com/humor Look at the address bar, where you had typed the URL. To the left of your typing is a tiny littlle icon. Drag that to an empty spot on your desktop. That's all there is to it. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Ray and Randy were riding the New York City subway when a beggar approaches them asking for spare change. Randy adamantly rejects the man in disgust. Ray, on the other hand, whips out his wallet, pulls out a five, and gladly hands it to the beggar with a smile. The beggar thanks him profusely and continues on to the other passengers. Randy is outraged by his friend's act of generosity. "What on EARTH did you do that for???" shouts Randy. "You know damn well he's only going to use it on booze!!!" Ray replies, "And we weren't?" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Straw for Removing Strawberry Tops I have seen this on Thriftyfun before and have just tried it. It works! Use a straw to remove the cap and stem from strawberries. Poke the straw through the bottom of the strawberry and out the top. The straw will push the cap up making it easy to remove. By Litter Gitter [117] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Henry was very old - in fact, he was about to celebrate his eighty-third birthday. He went to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor gave him a thorough going-over, and then said, "For a man who's about to be eighty-three, you're in marvelous shape. But why a physical just a day before your birthday?" The old man explained that that very afternoon he was going to marry an eighteen-year-old girl. The doctor tried with a great deal of effort to dissuade him. "I'm goin' ahead with it no matter what," the old man said. "Got any other suggestions, Doc?" "Just one. If you want a really peaceful marriage, I suggest that you take in a boarder." The old man thought about it and said that it sounded like a good idea. The next time the doctor met the old man it was at a church fund-raising affair, half a year later. The old man came up to him and said, "Doctor, congratulate me! My wife's pregnant!" The doctor tried to maintain his poise, and said, "Well, so at least you followed my good advice and took in a boarder." "Oh, sure," said the old man, with a wicked grin, "and the boarder's pregnant too!" _____________________________________________________ As the passengers settled in on a West Coast commuter flight, a flight attendant announced, "We'd like you folks to help us welcome our new co-pilot. He'll be performing his first commercial landing for us today, so be sure to give him a big round of applause when we come to a stop." The plane made an extremely bumpy landing, bouncing hard a few times times before smoothing out. Still, the passengers applauded. Then the attendant's voice came over the intercom, "Thanks for flying with us. And don't forget to let our co-pilot know which of his three landings you liked best." ____________________________________________________
Wire mesh sculptures. It never ceases to amaze me the mediums artists find to work with.

Today in 
1471 In England, the Yorkists defeated the Landcastrians 
 at the battle of Tewkesbury in the War of the Roses. 
1493 Alexander VI divided non-Christian world between 
 Spain and Portugal. 
1626 Dutch explorer Peter Minuit landed on Manhattan 
 Island. Native Americans later sold the island (20,000 acres) 
 for $24 in cloth and buttons. 
1715 A French manufacturer debuted the first folding umbrella. 
1814 Napoleon Bonaparte disembarked at Portoferraio on the 
 island of Elba in the Mediterranean. 
1886 A bomb exploded on the fourth day of a workers' strike 
 in Chicago, IL. Eight people died in the violence during 
 violence that day. 
1886 Chichester Bell and Charles S. Tainter patented the 
 gramophone. It was the first practical phonograph. 
1916 Germany agreed to limit its submarine warfare after 
 a demand from U.S. President Wilson. 
1942 The Battle of the Coral Sea commenced as American and 
 Japanese carriers launched their attacks at each other. 
1942 The United States began food rationing. 
1970 The Ohio National Guardsmen opened fire on students 
 during an anti-Vietnam war protest at Kent State University. 
 Four students were killed and nine others were wounded. 
1979 Margaret Thatcher became Britain's first woman PM. 
1987 Live models were used for the first time in Playtex 
 bra ads. 
1994 Israeli Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin and PLO leader 
 Yasser Arafat signed a historic accord on Palestinian 
 autonomy that granted self-rule in the Gaza Strip and Jericho. 
2000 The citizens of London elected their mayor for the first time. 
2010 Pablo Picasso's "Nude, Green Leaves and Bust" sold for 
 $106.5 million.
2015  smiled.


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