Windows 8 not Open Standards Compatible 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, May 11

Have FUN!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a 
Waffle House Masturbator
Details at Boneheads

Today in
1573 Henry of Anjou became the first elected king of Poland. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
You know everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects. --- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935) ______________________________________________________ Two elderly women were out driving in a large car-both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes they came to another intersection and the light was red again and again they went right though. This time the woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention to the road and the next intersection to see what was going on. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right through. So she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row! You could have killed us!" Mildred turned to her and said "Oh, am I driving?" ______________________________________________________ Professor's Definitions Of A Kiss ------------------------------------- Professors of different subjects define the same word in different ways: Prof. of Computer Science: A kiss is a few bits of love compiled into a byte. Prof. of Algebra: A kiss is two divided by nothing. Prof. of Geometry: A kiss is the shortest distance between two straight lines. Prof. of Physics: A kiss is the contraction of mouth due to the expansion of the heart. Prof. of Chemistry: A kiss is the reaction of the interaction between two hearts. Prof. of Zoology: A kiss is the interchange of unisexual salivary bacteria. Prof. of Physiology: A kiss is the juxtaposition of two orbicularis oris muscles in the state of contraction. Prof. of Dentistry: A kiss is infectious and antiseptic. Prof. of Accountancy: A kiss is a credit because it is profitable when returned. Prof. of Economics: A kiss is that thing for which the demand is higher than the supply. Prof. of Statistics: A kiss is an event whose probability depends on the vital statistics of 39-24-36. Prof. of Philosophy: A kiss is the persecution for the child, ecstasy for the youth and homage for the old. Prof. of English: A kiss is a noun that is used as a conjunction; it is more common than proper; it is spoken in the plural and it is applicable to all. Prof. of Engineering: Huh, What? I'm not familiar with that term. ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture Guam
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Emanuel Williams, 36, Macon Georgia
Police Hunting Waffle House Masturbator A Waffle House employee who was videotaped by a fellow worker masturbating inside the open Georgia restaurant is being sought by police on an arrest warrant charging him with public indecency, cops report. Emanuel Williams, 36, is wanted in connection with the incident Monday afternoon in the dining room of a Waffle House in Macon, according to police. Williams, pictured above, is on the Bibb County sex offenders list due to a 1999 rape conviction for which the convicted felon served nearly a decade in state prison. Investigators who watched the video reported that it “clearly” shows Williams masturbating and “has a shot of his penis.” While pleasuring himself, Williams was “sitting at a booth facing a window,” according to a Bibb County Sheriff's Office report. As detailed in a second police report, Williams and a female coworker were the only employees in the eatery Monday when Williams announced that he was preparing to pleasure himself. The woman, who said she was on the phone at the time, told deputies that she did not take Williams seriously. Upon finishing her call, the woman “walked over to the suspect to see if he really was jacking his penis, and he was,” an investigator reported. The woman said that she began recording Williams with her phone because she “knew no one would believe her” when she later recounted the incident. “She stated that as she was recording him, she was telling him the whole time that she was recording him and that he was a pervert,” a deputy noted. “She stated that he responded by saying he wasn't a pervert he was just a freak." The coworker told investigators that when she told Williams that he should not be surprised if the video began circulating, he “stated that he didn’t care.” The woman said that Williams “continued on until he masturbated,” adding that she “told him she hopes he washes his hands.” The video of Williams subsequently was uploaded to Facebook and provided to a local TV news station. Williams was fired immediately after Waffle House corporate officials learned of the video. The restaurant worker told deputies that she decided to formally report the incident after she began receiving threatening Facebook messages from Williams and his girlfriend. The woman said that she was afraid to return to the Waffle House because “she thinks they are going to come to her job and fight her.”
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Walter Re: Live Mail not accepting Open Office documents Dear Webby, here is an update concerning sending a file as an attachment with an email from Open Office in Windows 8.1 All your suggestions unfortunately didn't work. It apparently ain't possible. Two technicians at the Geek Squad spent over an hour trying to make it happen but concluded that there is no email compatibility between 8.1 and Open Office. Be well, live long, and prosper, Walter Dear Walter, I don't have W8 or 8.1. It was Microsoft who claimed that 8.1 works. Now they claim that version 10 might work. The concept for Windows Live Mail was actually quite good, but the implementation obviously is not. You can try calling Microsoft Support, but make sure you use Skype! Otherwise they will waste your time until your phone battery dies. And use a headset. They do. I wouldn't bet on them being helpful or useful, but it would be good to know what excuse they have against Open Standards. If they admit that 8.1 is not Open Standard compliant and does not work, demand version 7 DVD. If they fail to supply one, you can still by Version 7 DVDs at Tiger, NewEgg and Futureshop. The alternative to all that is to install Thunderbird. It is built on the source code of Eudora. It doesn't come with all the goods of Eudora built in, you have to install everything above bare bones funtionality as add-ons. Since you probably never use most of them anyway, that makes the program smaller and faster. Just like Eudora was the standard from 1990 to 2014, when Qualcom killed it, Thunderbird is now taking it's place. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A New York woman was at her hairdresser's on Park Avenue getting her hair styled prior to a trip to Rome with her boyfriend. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded, "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty and full of Italians. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?" "We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!" "Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?" "We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's left bank called Tes ... " "Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks its gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump, the worst hotel in the city! The rooms are small, the service is surly and they're overpriced. So, whatcha doing when you get there?" "We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope." "That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this wacky trip of yours. You're going to need it." A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome. "It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to First Class. The food was wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel -- it was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!" "Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope." "Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me." "Oh, really? What'd he say?" He said, "Where did you get that sorry hairdoo?" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Easy Egg Salad for Sandwiches Next time you are cooking scrambled eggs, cook a double quantity and leave half to cool. These can then be mashed with your preferred mayonnaise and freshly ground black pepper to taste. It saves all the palaver of shelling boiled eggs, and is easier to mix into the bargain. I normally scramble my eggs with salted butter - if you prefer to use only skimmed milk, you may wish to add salt. If I am not planning to use the sandwich filling immediately, I will usually store in the fridge for up to three days, covered with cling film. By Verity Pink [27] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ There's a little fellow named Junior who hangs out at Tim Alley's Grocery Store. The owner Tim doesn't know what Junior's problem is, but the boys like to tease him. They say he is two bricks shy of a load, or two pickles shy of a barrel. To prove it, sometimes they offer Junior his choice between a nickel and a dime. He always takes the nickel, they say, because it's bigger. One day after Junior grabbed the nickel, Tim got him off to one side and said, "Junior, those boys are making fun of you. They think you don't know the dime is worth more than the nickel. Are you grabbing the nickel because it's bigger, or what?" Junior said, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd quit giving me nickles!" _____________________________________________________ A protestant moved into a completely Catholic community. Being good Catholics they welcomed him into their community. But, also because they were good Catholics, they did not eat red meat on Fridays. So, when their neighbor began barbecuing some juicy steak on Friday nights, they began to squirm. They were so annoyed that they went to talk to him about it. After much talk they convinced him to become Catholic. The next Sunday he went to the priest and the priest sprinkled holy water on him and said: You were born Protestant. You were raised Protestant. But now you are Catholic. And so, the next Friday, as the neighbors sat down to eat their fish, they were disturbed by the smell of roast beef coming from the neighboring house. They went over to talk to the new Catholic because he knew he was not supposed to eat beef on Fridays. When they saw him, he was sprinkling pepper on the beef steak saying: You were born a cow. You were raised a cow. But now you are fish. --------- Yes, I know, the Catholics gave up on that no-red-meat-on Fridays, and the next pope might be a woman, maybe even one, who is married to another woman. They are going to hang on to Easter Sunday though, for the time being. ____________________________________________________
Beautiful, odd, strange and lovely trees.

Today in 
0330 Constantinople, previously the town of Byzantium, was founded. 
1573 Henry of Anjou became the first elected king of Poland. 
1647 Peter Stuyvesant arrived in New Amsterdam to become governor. 
1689 French and English naval battle takes place at Bantry Bay. 
1745 French forces defeat an Anglo-Dutch-Hanoverian army at 
1792 The Columbia River was discovered by Captain Robert Gray. 
1857 Indian mutineers seized Delhi from the British. 
1889 Major Joseph Washington Wham takes charge of $28,000 
 in gold and silver to pay troops at various points in the 
 Arizona Territory. The money was stolen in a train robbery. 
1894 Workers at the Pullman Palace Car Company in Illinois 
 went on strike. 
1910 Glacier National Park in Montana was established. 
1927 The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences was founded. 
1934 A severe two-day dust storm stripped the topsoil from 
 the great plains of the U.S. and created a "Dust Bowl." The 
 storm was one of many. 
1944 A major offensive was launched by the allied forces in 
 central Italy. 
1947 The creation of the tubeless tire was announced by the 
 B.F. Goodrich Company. 
1949 Siam changed its name to Thailand. 
1960 Israeli soldiers captured Adolf Eichmann in Buenos Aires. 
1985 More than 50 people died when a flash fire swept a 
 soccer stadium in Bradford, England. 
1995 The Nuclear Nonproliferation Treaty was extended 
 indefinitely. The treaty limited the spread of nuclear 
 material for military purposes. 
1996 An Atlanta-bound ValuJet DC-9 caught fire shortly after 
 takeoff from Miami and crashed into the Florida Everglades. 
 All 110 people on board were killed. 
1997 Garry Kasparov, world chess champion, lost his first 
 ever multi-game match. He lost to IBM's chess computer 
 Deep Blue. It was the first time a computer had beaten a 
 world-champion player. 
1998 India conducted its first underground nuclear tests, 
 in 24 years, three of them. The tests were in violation of 
 a global ban on nuclear testing. 
1998 A French mint produced the first coins of Europe's 
 single currency. The coin is known as the euro. 
2015  smiled.

[ view entry ] ( 14 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3.1 / 772 )

<<First <Back | 43 | 44 | 45 | 46 | 47 | 48 | 49 | 50 | 51 | 52 | Next> Last>>