Internet Radio on dial-up 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, May 13

Have FUN!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a 
Maryland woman after body scanner reveals heroin
in her vagina
Details at Boneheads

Today in
1787 Captain Arthur Phillip left Britain for Australia. He 
 successfully landed eleven ships full of convicts on January 18, 
 1788, at Botany Bay. The group moved north eight days later 
 and settled at Port Jackson. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The only function of economic forecasting is to make astrology look respectable. --- John Kenneth Galbraith (1908 - 2006) ______________________________________________________ "Hello, hello?" shrilled a spinsterish voice over the phone. "Is this the SPCA?" "Yes." "I want you to send somebody over right away." "What's wrong?" "There's a horrid magazine salesman sitting in a tree teasing my dog." ______________________________________________________ The trendy dresser fancied himself quite a romeo, and was delighted to find a note pinned inside a new shirt. It contained a girl's name and address, and asked the recipient to send a photograph. How romantic, he thought to himself, very taken with the idea of this mystery woman so eager to meet him, and promptly mailed off a note and a photo.Heart aflutter, he opened her response. It read, "Thanks for writing. I was just curious to see what kind of guy would buy such a goofy shirt." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to dad for this one: Click through for the big picture This one bloomed last night. To give you an idea how big that flower is, the spines (needles, thorns) are 10 cm (4 inches) ling, and strong enough to hang a coat onn them. The flower lasts just one night, and closes for good in the morning.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Patricia Lee Bembow, Brittany Ann Sapp, 23, Frederick County, Maryland
Body Scanner Reveals Heroin In Woman's Vagina A Maryland woman being processed at jail after her arrest was charged again when a body scanner detected heroin in her vagina. Brittany Ann Sapp, 23, was arrested Saturday after a deputy in Frederick County, Maryland, pulled her over for a traffic violation, according to the Associated Press. During the stop, a K-9 officer sniffed out the presence of narcotics in the car. A search discovered a substance suspected to be heroin, which led to Sapp's arrest, according to Sapp was taken to central booking at the Frederick County Adult Detention Center for processing. While she was there, authorities used a body scanner on her that detected a baggie in her vagina. It contained another 1.7 grams of heroin, reports. She was transferred to a local hospital a short time later after she showed symptoms suggesting that she ingested at least some heroin, MyFoxDC reports. Sapp has been charged with possession of heroin and possession of contraband in a place of confinement, reports. She was released Saturday after posting $25,000 bail, and is due in court June 30.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Mark Re: Internet Radio Dear Webby, We live way out in the sticks and have an extremely limited choice, actually no satisfactory choice of radio station sout here. At times, when I do have time to listen, they usually have some leftwing nuts arguing and trying to make everybody feel guilty about something. Naturally, that is not good for the health of radios. One neighbor listens to some internet radio, and he definitely has decent music all day long. Can I do that with our dial-up? How do I pipe that to the PA that powers all the speakers on the entire farm? Thanks Mark Dear Mark Yes, sure you can. Go to and pick a suitable channel. There are over a Thousand of them. For the connection, have a look on the PA for a blue socket or connection screws, or unused red microphone inputs. Connect from the green sound output on the computer to that. That's all there is to it. By the way, cows are the most peaceful and calm for milking with Classic Country Music. Avoid the modern screechers. With AccuRadio you can rate your favorites and ban screechers. You will have it trained to your liking very quickly. And it is free. To be able to work on your Dial-Up, the music quality is of course not quite as good as from a just bought DVD, but plenty good enough for background, while you are working. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. The lawyer said, "I'm here because my house burned down, and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything." "That's quite a coincidence," said the engineer. "I'm here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything." The lawyer looked somewhat confused. "How do you start a flood?" he asked. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Healthy Banana Cookies (Gluten Free) Don't pitch out those overripe bananas, make some cookies! When freshly baked, these cookies are crispy on the outside and gummy on the inside. When stored in a container, they lose some of the crispness but are still yummy. They are gluten free, healthy, low in sugar and have no added fat. I figured that each cookie has approximately 52 calories. Approximate Time: less than an hour Yield: 9 two inch cookies Ingredients: 1 ripe banana 1 cup crushed Rice Chex 1/3 cup raisins Steps: Preheat oven 350 degrees F. I used my toaster oven. Place banana on a plate and mash it with a fork until mushy. Place Rice Chex in a bowl and crush them with your hands. It takes almost 2 cups to make 1 cup of crushed. Cut each raisin in half (optional). Stir Rice Chex, banana and raisins in a medium mixing bowl until mixed well. Place foil on a small baking sheet and spray it with Pam. Make 9 balls and place them on the foil. Press each ball down until it is cookie shaped. Bake 20 minutes at 350 degrees F or until browned. Remove from pan and cool on a rack. Source: I have seen several versions of this type cookie using oatmeal. I decided to try Rice Chex and found that it has a different taste and different texture. By Litter Gitter [118] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ One day a salesman stopped by the Jammer Jones farm, knocked, and Jammer's wife Frannie came to the door. "Is your husband home, Ma'am?" he asked. "Sure is. He's over to the cow barn." "Well, I got something to show him, Ma'am. Will I have any difficulty finding him?" "Shouldn't have any difficulties... He's the one with the beard and mustache, - and no horns." _____________________________________________________ A southern woman was rushing to get ready for church. She ran frantically throughout her house, tore through her closet, threw her clothes over her head and ran out the door to her car. When she arrived at the church, she saw a man coming towards her. "Tell me," she panted in her southern drawl, "is mass out?" "Nope," the man replied, yer ass is fine, but yer hat's on crooked." ____________________________________________________
This guy is ambidextrous!

Today in 
1607 Jamestown, Virginia, was settled as a colony of England. 
1779 The War of Bavarian Succession ended. 
1787 Captain Arthur Phillip left Britain for Australia. He 
 successfully landed eleven ships full of convicts on January 18, 
 1788, at Botany Bay. The group moved north eight days later 
 and settled at Port Jackson. 
1821 The first practical printing press was patented in the 
 U.S. by Samuel Rust. 
1846 The U.S. declared that war existed with Mexico. 
1861 Britain declared its neutrality in American Civil War. 
1865 The last land engagement of the American Civil War was 
 fought at the Battle of Palmito Ranch in far south Texas, 
 more than a month after Gen. Lee's surrender at Appomattox, VA. 
1873 Ludwig M. Wolf patented the sewing machine lamp holder. 
1880 Thomas Edison tested his experimental electric railway 
 in Menlo Park. 
1888 Slavery was abolished in Brazil. 
1913 Igor Sikorsky flew the first four engine aircraft. 
1917 Near Fatima, Portugal, three peasant children reported 
 seeing a vision of the Virgin Mary. 
1927 "Black Friday" occurred in Germany. 
1949 The first gas turbine to pump natural gas was installed 
 in Wilmar, AR. 
1954 U.S. President Eisenhower signed into law the St. Lawrence 
 Seaway Development Act. 
1958 French troops took control of Algiers. 
1958 U.S. Vice President Nixon's limousine was battered by rocks 
 thrown by anti-U.S. demonstrators in Caracas, Venezuela. 
1975 Hailstones the size of tennis balls hit Wenerville, TN. 
1985 A confrontation between Philadelphia authorities and the 
 radical group MOVE ended as police dropped an explosive onto 
 the group's headquarters. Eleven people died in the fire that 
1998 India did a second round of nuclear tests. The first round 
 had been done 2 days earlier. Within hours the U.S. and Japan 
 imposed tough economic sanctions. India claimed that the tests 
 were necessary to maintain India's national security. 
1999 In Moscow, the impeachment of Russian President Boris 
 Yeltsin began. 
2003 The U.S. government unveiled a newly designed version of the 
 $20 bill. It was the first to be colorized in an effort to stop 
2015  smiled.

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