Why not use Skype for emergency calls? 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, May 14

Thank you very much, Clyde!

Have FUN!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a 
Nebraska Man, who Details at Boneheads

Today in
1264 King Henry III was captured by his brother in law Simon 
 deMontfort at the Battle of Lewes in France. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
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Her own mother lived the latter years of her life in the horrible suspicion that electricity was dripping invisibly all over the house. --- James Thurber (1894 - 1961) That reminds me of a time, when I was working at the copper mine in the Yukon. In winter everybody plugged in their vehicles in the mine parking lot, because you couldn't send a spouse or kid out to start and run it a bit every four hours. Without plug-ins none of the vehicles would start after a twelve hour shift at -40 or colder. Everybody had an assigned spot. Most of us had a 15 foot extension cord permanently plugged in on the rail, and just connected that to a short cable from a power bar sticking out from under the carpet covering the grille, That saved us haviing to wind up and crack a cold cable. One day a new guy asked me if all those short cables from the center rails to empty spots might be leaking electricity into the snow. I suggested to kim to just tie a knot into his cable and he would be quite safe. He did that, and he never got electrocuted. If he is still alive, he probably still does that. ______________________________________________________ A very zealous soul-winning young preacher recently came upon a farmer working in his field. Being concerned about the farmer's soul the preacher asked the man, "Are you laboring in the vineyard of the Lord my good man?" Not even looking at the preacher and continuing his work the farmer replied, "Naw, these are soybeans." "You don't understand," said the preacher. "Are you a Christian?" With the same amount of interest as his previous answer the farmer said, "Nope my name is Jones. You must be lookin for Jim Christian. He lives a mile south of here." The young determined preacher tried again asking the farmer, "Are you lost?" "Naw! I've lived here all my life," answered the farmer. "Are you prepared for the resurrection?" the frustrated preacher asked. This caught the farmer's attention and he asked, "When's it gonna be?" Thinking he had accomplished something the young preacher replied, "It could be today, tomorrow, or the next day." Taking a handkerchief from his back pocket and wiping his brow, the farmer remarked, "Well, don't mention it to my wife. She don't get out much and she'll wanna go all three days." ______________________________________________________ Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a lesson on science. She had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron. Now it was question time and she asked, "My name begins with the letter 'M' and I pick up things. What am I?" A little boy on the front row said, "You're a mother!" ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture One of the two fox pups in the den at the end of my street. The other one is rather shy, possibly because of kids throwing rocks at it. Their den is only 20 feet off the street.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Gursham Gillett, 49, Cozad, Nebraska
Nebraska Man Steals Lawn Mower By Driving It Out The Store A Nebraska man has been accused of stealing a riding lawn mower from a Wal-Mart store and driving it off the lot. The Kearney Hub reports a sheriff's deputy found a man driving the mower Wednesday about 10 miles from the store where it was stolen during the weekend. Forty-nine-year-old Gursham Gillett, of Cozad, was arrested and charged with one count each of theft by shoplifting and criminal mischief. He's accused of stealing the mower from a Wal-Mart Supercenter in Lexington. Security footage shows a man entering the store, fueling up the lawn mower, cutting a chain link fence where the mower was stored and taking off on it. The video shows the man cutting another fence on Interstate 80 before driving out of the camera's view.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Marina Re: Why not Skype to emergency numbers? Dear Webby, Why are there all these dire warnings on Skype to never use it to make any emerfgency calls like 911, etc ? Since Skype is much more reliable than our local phone, that seems very odd to me. Marina Dear Marina 911 and other emergency switchboards use fancy programs to tell exactly where you are, just in case somebody grabs your phone or you pass out and don't finish telling them where you are. If you use Skype, then they can't tell where you are. Also, 1-800 and 911 numbers don't work if your call comes in via the Skype switchboard in Luxembourg. When you dial 911 with a phone, it automatically connects you to the nearest emergency switchboard. Skype does not know where that would be. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day an old Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow rain." The next day it rained. A week later, the Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow storm." The next day there was a hailstorm. "This Indian is incredible," said the director. He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather for the remaining of the shoot. However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian didn't show up for two weeks. Finally the director sent for him. "I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow," said the director, "and I'm depending on you. What will the weather be like?" The Indian shrugged his shoulders. "Don't know," he said. "My TV is broken." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Mark Shower for Correct Temperature If you have a shower and only one tap, you know you get cold water or boiling hot before getting the right temperature. All you have to do is mark the tap with a marker or whiteout once you find the right setting you like. No more freezing cold wake up calls. By coville123 [326] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Linda said: The preacher came to call the other day. He said at my age I should be thinking of the hereafter. I told him, "Oh I do it all the time. No matter where I am, in the parlor, upstairs, in the kitchen, or down in the basement, I ask myself, "Now, what am I here after?" _____________________________________________________ A fellow is talking to his Irish buddy and says, "I gotta stop drinking that Irish whiskey" "How come?" asked his friend. "Because every Saturday night I go out and drink a fifth of the stuff, come home, make mad passionate love to the wife, wake up Sunday morning, and go to church." "What's wrong with that?" the Irishman asks. "A lot of good Irishman go out on Saturday night, drink a fifth of good Irish whiskey, come home, make love to their wife, and go to mass on Sunday." "I know," said his friend, "but I'm Jewish." ____________________________________________________
Don't forget to breathe!

Today in 
1264 King Henry III was captured by his brother in law Simon 
 deMontfort at the Battle of Lewes in France. 
1509 In the Battle of Agnadello, French defeated Venitians 
 in Northern Italy. 
1610 French King Henri IV (Henri de Navarre) was assassinated 
 by a fanatical monk, François Ravillac. 
1643 Louis XIV became King of France at age 4 upon the death 
 of his father, Louis XIII. 
1796 The first smallpox vaccination was given by Edward Jenner. 
1804 William Clark set off the famous expedition from Camp 
 Dubois. A few days later, in St. Louis, Meriwether Lewis 
 joined the group. The group was known as the "Corps of Discovery." 
1811 Paraguay gained independence from Spain. 
1853 Gail Borden applied for a patent for condensed milk. 
1862 The chronograph was patented by Adolphe Nicole. 
1878 The name Vaseline was registered by Robert A. Chesebrough. 
1897 Guglielmo Marconi made the first communication by 
 wireless telegraph. 
1935 The Philippines ratified an independence agreement. 
1940 The Netherlands surrendered to Nazi Germany. 
1942 The British, while retreating from Burma, reached India. 
1948 Prime Minister David Ben-Gurion proclaimed the independent 
 State of Israel as British rule in Palestine came to an end. 
1955 The Warsaw Pact, an Easter European mutual-defense treaty, 
 was signed in Poland by eight communist bloc countries 
 including the Soviet Union. 
1973 Skylab One was launched into orbit around Earth as the 
 first U.S. manned space station. 
1975 U.S. forces raided the Cambodian island of Koh Tang and 
 recaptured the American merchant ship Mayaguez. All 40 crew 
 members were released safely by Cambodia. About 40 U.S. 
 servicemen were killed in the military operation. 
1985 The first McDonald's restaurant became the first 
 fast-food business museum. It is located in Des Plaines, Illinois. 
1988 In the Andean village of Cayara, Peru's military was 
 involved in a massacre of at least 26 peasants. 
1992 Former Soviet President Mikhail S. Gorbachev addressed members 
 of the U.S. Congress, appealing to them to pass a bill to aid the 
 people of the former Soviet Union. 
1996 A tornado hit 80 villages in nothern Bangladesh. More than 440 
 people were killed. 
1998 The Associated Press marked its 150th anniversary. 
1999 North Korea returned the remains of six U.S. soldiers that had 
 been killed during the Korean War. 
2015  smiled.

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