Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, May 20

Thanks for all the birthday wishes!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to an Iowa
Floriduh burglar fell asleep on the couch
Details at Boneheads

Today in
1874 Levi Strauss began marketing blue jeans with copper rivets. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
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If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Here's a rule I recommend: Never practice two vices at once.
--- Tallulah Bankhead (1903 - 1968) 

It is hard enough to remember my opinions, 
without also remembering my reasons for them!
--- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844 - 1900) 

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A young man hired by a supermarket reported for
his first day of work. The manager greeted him
with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a
broom and said, "Your first job will be to sweep
out the store."

"But I'm a university graduate," the young man
replied indignantly.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that," said the
manager. "Here, give me the broom - I'll show
you how."

______________________________________________________

In a traffic court of a large Midwestern city, a
young lady was brought before the judge to
answer for a ticket given her for driving through
a red light. She explained to his honor that she
was a schoolteacher and requested an immediate
disposal of  her case so she could get to the
school on time.

A wild gleam came into the judge's eye.
"You're a schoolteacher, eh?" he said.

"Madam, I shall realize my lifelong ambition.
I've waited years to have a schoolteacher
in this court. Sit down at that table and write 500
times: ‘I drove through a red light even though I
knew it is against the law.' !"

______________________________________________________



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If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!



An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Timothy Bontrager,
26,
Sarasota, 
Florida



Burglar Falls Asleep During Heist

A good night's sleep is essential for success in all things, 
and that apparently includes robbery.

Police in Sarasota, Florida, arrested Timothy Bontrager, 
29, Saturday morning after a homeowner woke up to find him 
sleeping on her couch, WTSP.com reports.

Bontrager allegedly entered the home overnight through an 
unlocked sliding glass door in the rear of the house.
When the homeowner woke up at about 7:20 a.m. and saw the 
suspect, she roused him from his sleep and asked why he 
was there. The suspect apologized and started pacing 
around the home, only to leave when the victim said she 
was calling the police, according to NBC-2.com.

Officers arrived at the home at 8 a.m., at which point the 
victim discovered that her wallet, license, credit cards, 
cash and personal checks were missing, according to 
Bradenton.com.

Police took Bontrager into custody a short time later, but 
he was in shorts, not the pants described by the victim. 
He was arrested after the victim positively identified him, 
Sarasota Patch reports.

The pants were found a few hours later in a wooden area, 
along with the victim's wallet.

Bontrager has been charged with a burglary of an occupied 
dwelling and taken to the Sarasota County Jail. He remains 
in custody on $25,000 bond.
______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Irmgard
Re: What is batch processing?
	
Dear Webby,
You mentioned it again, batch processing. While I can
envision a batch of jam or even moonshine, how does that
apply to resizing pictures? I hope you don't mean writing
bats like we used to in the stone age!
Irmgard

Dear Irmgard
No need to write bats anymore. It's all done with mousing
around now. Select a folder, or a bunch of files, and in
the resizer tell it what the final size should be. Hit OK
and let it rattle down the list.

With most resizers you can even specify whether it should
ov erwrite the original files, or to leave them alone and
put the resized ones somewhere else. 
Most of them also let you automatically rename the resized 
files, give them for example a prefix like 2015, and number
them.

Doing that for a whole batch of selected pictures is what 
is called batch processing. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________

Old man Murphy had worked down at the brewery for years,
but one day he just wasn't paying attention and he tripped on
the walkway and fell over into the beer vat and drowned. The
foreman thought it should be his job to inform the widow
Murphy of her old man's death.

He showed up at the front door and rang the bell. When she
came to the door, he said, "I'm sorry to tell you, but your
poor husband passed away at work today when he fell into
the vat and drowned."

She wept and covered her face with her apron and after a
time, between sobs, she asked, "Tell me, did he suffer?"
"Knowing Murphy like I do, I don't think so," said the
foreman, "He climbed out of the vat  three times to go to the
men's room."



The man looked a little worried when the doctor came in to
administer his annual physical, so the first thing the doctor
did was to ask whether anything was troubling him.
"Well, to tell the truth, Doc, yes," answered the patient.
"You see, I seem to be getting forgetful. No, it's actually
worse than that. I can never remember where I park my car,
where I'm going, or what it is I'm going to do once I get there
-- if I get there. So, I really need your help. What can I do?"

The doctor mused for a moment and considered the real
priorities, then answered in his kindest tones,
"Pay me in advance."

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the  cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Homemade "Croakies" Eyeglass Holders

I'm experimenting with making my own rubber sleeves for 
the metal earpieces by repurposing rubber or vinyl adhesive 
weather stripping. To get them onto your glasses temple/ear 
pieces, cut off a section the desired length. Squeeze a 
couple of drops of dish washing or liquid hand soap into 
the hole at the end of the rubber tube and then slip it 
over your earpiece arm and cut off at other end.
Also you can make a "loop" at the end by cutting a small 
hole into the rubber tube about 2 inches from the end. 
Push out the earpiece, loop the dangling rubber "tail" 
around and reinsert it over the ear piece tip again. You 
may need a drop of dish soap to slide on.
Rubber weather stripping tubes usually come in both black 
or white and one side has a strip of wax paper covering 
the adhesive. The tricky part seems to be how to get rid 
of that sticky adhesive before wearing them. I think 
Goo Gone type solvents can do it. Or if you don't have 
hair, then just let the oil on your skin get at it! In the 
meantime, the sticky stuff may help hold your glasses tight 
to your temples!
By MITCH [8]

Why re-invent the wheel?
Go to Home Depot or Home Hardware and get some Loctite 
Color Guard or Dipit Liquid rubber. Both come in many colors
and also in black, and are a liquid  rubber made for tool
handles. They are extremely tough and made for tools, that
get heavy and daily use in an industrial environment. I have
some tools, that I dipped in the 80's, with the handles 
still soft and grippy.

All you do is wipe oil and grease off the tools, and dip the
handle into the can, then hang the tool up for an hour.
You can do the same with the arms of your glasses.

The Loctite Color Guard is, of course, dishwasher and 
industrial washer proof. DipIt is probably the same, just
a different name on the can. Just look which product is
sold closer to home. Both have good sites with store
locators.

People with arthritis or hand injuries:
Dip the handles of anything from can openers, ladles, 
wooden spoons, even pens into Color Guard, to get a
soft but very grippy handle, that you can grasp firmly 
without having to use painful force.

Have FUN! 
DearWebby
 
______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt 
in confirmation request. 
_____________________________________________________

Apparently some convicts at the Pasco County jail are
so upset about having to wear striped coveralls that
make them look like convicted criminals, that they are
seriously considering taking their business elsewhere
in the future.

_____________________________________________________

Thanks to Rusty for this one:
There were these two elderly people living
in a Florida mobile home park. He was a
widower and she a widow. They had known
one another for a number of years. Now,
one evening there was a community
supper in the big activity center. These two
were at the same table, across from one
another. As the meal went on, he made a
few admiring glances at her and finally
gathered up his courage to ask her,
"Will you marry me?"

After a dramatic pause and precisely six
seconds of 'careful consideration,' she
answered. "Yes. Yes, I will."

The meal ended and with a few more
pleasant exchanges and they went to their
respective places.

Next morning, he was troubled. "Did she
say 'yes' or did she say 'no'?"

He couldn't remember. Try as he would, he
just could not recall. Not even a faint
memory. With trepidation, he went to the
telephone and called her.

First, he explained to her that he didn't
remember as well as he used to. Then he
reviewed the lovely evening past. As he
gained a little more courage, he then
inquired of her,
"When I asked if you would marry me, did
you say 'Yes' or did you say 'No'?"

He was delighted to hear her say, "Why, I
said, 'Yes, yes I will' and I meant it with all
my heart."
Then she continued, "And I am so glad that
you called, because I couldn't remember
who had asked me."

____________________________________________________





I love Norman Rockwell; 
he captured America with a sense 
of humor and truthfulness.  
His legacy will live forever.






Today in 
0325 The Ecumenical council was inaugurated by Emperor 
 Constantine in Nicea, Asia Minor. 
1303 A peace treaty was signed between England and France 
 over the town of Gascony. 
1347 Cola di Rienzo took the title of tribune in Rome. 
1506 In Spain, Christopher Columbus died in poverty. 
1520 Hernando Cortez defeated Spanish troops that had been 
 sent to punish him in Mexico. 
1690 England passed the Act of Grace, forgiving followers 
 of James II. 
1674 John Sobieski became Poland’s first King. 
1774 Britain's Parliament passed the Coercive Acts to 
 punish the American colonists for their increasingly 
 anti-British behavior 
1775 North Carolina became the first colony to declare its 
 independence. This is the date that is on the George state 
 flag even though the date of this event has been questioned. 
1784 The Peace of Versailles ended a war between France, 
 England, and Holland. 
1830 The fountain pen was patented by H.D. Hyde. 
1861 North Carolina became the eleventh state to secede 
 from the Union. 
1874 Levi Strauss began marketing blue jeans with copper rivets. 
1875 The International Bureau of Weights and Measures was 
 established. 
1899 Jacob German of New York City became the first driver to 
 be arrested for speeding. The posted speed limit was 12 miles 
 per hour. 
1902 The U.S. military occupation of Cuba ended. 
1902 Cuba gained its independence from Spain. 
1916 - Norman Rockwell’s first cover on "The Saturday 
 Evening Post" appeared. 
1927 Charles Lindbergh took off from New York to cross the 
 Atlantic for Paris aboard his airplane the "Spirit of St. 
 Louis." The trip took 33 1/2 hours. 
1930 The first airplane was catapulted from a dirigible. 
1932 Amelia Earhart took off to fly solo across the Atlantic 
Ocean. She became the first woman to achieve the feat. 
1939 The first regular air-passenger service across the 
 Atlantic Ocean began with the take-off of the "Yankee Clipper" 
 from Port Washington, New York. 
1941 Germany invaded Crete by air. 
1942 Japan completed the conquest of Burma. 
1961 A white mob attacked the Freedom Riders in Montgomery, AL. 
 The event prompted the federal government to send U.S. marshals. 
1969 U.S. and South Vietnamese forces captured Apbia Mountain, 
 which was referred to as Hamburger Hill. 
1970 100,000 people marched in New York supporting U.S. policies 
 in Vietnam. 
1978 Mavis Hutchinson, at age 53, became the first woman to 
 run across America. It took Hutchinson 69 days to run the 
 3,000 miles. 
1980 The submarine Nautilus was designated as a National 
 Historic Landmark by the U.S. Secretary of the Interior. 
1985 The FBI arrested U.S. Navy Chief Petty Officer John Walker. 
 Walker had begun spying for the Soviet Union in 1968. 
1990 The Hubble Space Telescope sent back its first photographs. 
1996 The U.S. Supreme Court struck down a Colorado measure 
 banning laws that would protect homosexuals from discrimination. 
1999 At Heritage High School in Conyers, GA, a 15-year-old 
 student shot and injured six students. He then surrendered 
 to an assistant principal at the school. 
2010 Scientists announced that they had created a functional 
 synthetic genome. 
2010 Five paintings worth 100 million Euro were stolen from 
 the Musée d'Art Moderne de la Ville de Paris. 
2015  smiled.

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