Windows update taking longer than usual 



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Today is Sunday, May 31

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Woman arrested for biting off a
pit bull’s testicles
Details at Boneheads

Today in
1870 E.J. DeSemdt patented asphalt. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
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If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Historically, the claim of consensus has been the first refuge of scoundrels; it is a way to avoid debate by claiming that the matter is already settled. --- Michael Crichton (1942 - 2008) ______________________________________________________ Canada Day, July 1, and July 4th are approaching rapidly, and it's time to start getting your fireworks together. You got one month! Btw., did you know that in order to encourage interstate travelling in the US every second state forbids fireworks and you have to go to the next state to get them. You can always tell that you are getting close to a state border when you see those firworks sales huts on the side of the freeway. In Canada fireworks are usually regulated locally but rarely enforced unless somebody does something really stupid. However, in this one town, which shall remain nameless, the local dogooders decided to push for a bylaw banning fireworks, even though the only reported accident was when a city council member had forgotten that her hubby had stashed the fireworks in the barbeque to keep them out of the rain and out of the reach of the kids. And she pushed the button to light it and heat it up. The lid apparently is still in orbit. An opponent to the proposed fireworks bylaw erected a sign that read: "ALL dogooders should be blown up" The next morning somebody had spraypainted underneath: "That would do them good" ______________________________________________________ The two young boys were discussing their ailments together in the children's ward. "Are you medical or surgical?" asked the first, who had been in the ward for a week. "I don't know what you mean," replied the second. "It's simple," replied the first. "Were you sick when you came in here? Or did they make you sick when you got here?" ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture Nowadays I choose warmer camp sites.
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Thanks to Walter, the THE Stonecarver for reporting this Bonehead An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Audrey Ranch, 62, MADISON, West Virginia
Woman arrested for biting off a pit bull’s testicles Witnesses told police this week that they pleaded with Boone county resident, Audrey Ranch, 62, to stop hurting her son’s pit bull, but she refused. “Eventually she bit Pedro’s acorns clean off right there in the front yard,” a witness said. “Pedro hightailed it screeching like a wild Indian and when I tried to subdue Audrey, she knocked me out with an old tricycle.” Realizing the police had been called and knowing she had time to hide (it is a 45 minute drive to her house), Mrs. Ranch cut off a length of garden hose, dug a hole and had her son help bury her. She used the garden hose as a breathing apparatus. Officers from the Boone County Sheriff’s Office arrived, unburied Ranch and arrested her without incident. Ranch explained her actions to police: “My son ate all the meat and I had warned him if he ate all the meat, I’d eat his dog.” The dog underwent emergency surgery and is expected to make a recovery. Ranch is facing charges of aggravated animal cruelty. There might be additional charges for knocking out a bystander.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Richard Re: Windows update takes forever Dear Webby I triad that Windows DiskClean that you said should be safe enough. All seemed to be fine, but this morning, after MalwareBytes found an Artemis Trojan and wanted to reboot after deletiing it, Windows did an unauthorized update. The update took over half an hour and had me rather concerned. OK, I'll admit it, it had me quite scared. After a quarter hour I disconnected the external drive and disconnected the modem. Eventually it did finish, and gave me an extremely slow start-up. Is that normal, or some kind of malfunction? Richard Dear Richard You are not the only one, who got hit with that. It seems Microsoft was slowing W7 down to the speed of W8, or some other mysterious and unexplained schenanigans. There is no publicly available excuse for the unusually long update, but even though it is scary, Windows still works afterwards and no data seems to be missing. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ My grand-daddy worked in a blacksmith shop when he was a young fella, and he used to tell me, when I was a little nipper, how he had toughened himself up so he could stand the hard work of blacksmithing. One story was how he had developed his arm and shoulder muscles. As he told it, he would stand outside behind the wood shed, with a 5 pound potato sack in each hand, extend his arms straight out from his sides and hold them there as long as he could. After awhile he tried 10 pound potato sacks, then 50 pound potato sacks and finally he got to where he could lift a 100 pound potato sack in each hand and hold his arms straight out for more than two full minutes. Then, he started putting potatoes in the sacks. ______________________________________________________ Dog looks at human and thinks: "My hero, my friend, my buddy." Cat looks at human and thinks: "My can-opener." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Creative Sink Storage Ideas I have a tip for those of us that still like to do dishes by hand. I was tired of looking at the bottle of dish soap on my sink, so I decides to get a cute pickle dish with 3 sections at the dollar store and place my sink items I use every day in it. I also got a lemon squirt bottle for my dish soap. That way you don't waste as much and no big bottle at your sink. You can use ketchup/mustard any refillable smaller bottle. I know I could put it under my sink, but, with everyone using the sink, it's easier for us. I hope some one can use this idea! By diva53d from Foymount, Ontario I realized some time ago that my Dawn bottle seems to cover itself with a film of soap. Now I fill it into an old shampoo/conditioner bottle with a good pump action squirter. Depending on how hard I hit that pump, I can precision squirt the soap to any part of the sink. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ An old lady had always wanted to travel abroad. Now that she was getting on in years, she thought she would really like to do so before she died. But until now, she'd never even been out of the country. So she began by going in person to the Passport Office and asking how long it would take to have one issued. "You must take the loyalty oath first," responded the passport clerk. "Raise your right hand, please." The old gal raised her right hand. "Do you swear to defend the Constitution of the United States against all its enemies, domestic or foreign?" was the first question. The little old lady's face paled and her voice trembled as she asked in a small voice: "Uhhh... all by myself? Well, I suppose somebody is going to have to start doing that." _____________________________________________________ Tammy and Ann were sitting in church during a rather lengthy sermon. Finally, Tammy turned to Ann and said, "You know, I've been sitting here so long, my butt fell asleep!" Ann turned to her and said, "I know! I heard it snoring!" ____________________________________________________
Exquisite artworks carved from Jade

Today in 
1433 Sigismund was crowned emperor of Rome. 
1859 In London, Big Ben went into operation. 
1870 E.J. DeSemdt patented asphalt. 
1884 Dr. John Harvey Kellogg patented "flaked cereal." 
1889 In Johnstown, PA, more than 2,200 people died after 
 the South Fork Dam collapsed. 
1900 U.S. troops arrived in Peking to help put down the 
 Boxer Rebellion. 
1902 The Boer War ended between the Boers of South Africa 
 and Great Britain with the Treaty of Vereeniging. 
1907 The first taxis arrived in New York City. They were 
 the first in the United States. 
1909 The National Association for the Advancement of Colored 
 People (NAACP) held its first conference. 
1910 The Union of South Africa was founded. 
1915 A German zeppelin made an air raid on London. 
1927 Ford Motor Company produced the last "Tin Lizzie" in 
 order to begin production of the Model A. 
1929 In Beverly, MA, the first U.S. born reindeer were born. 
1943 "Archie" was aired on the Mutual Broadcasting System for 
 the first time. 
1947 Communists seized control of Hungary. 
1955 The U.S. Supreme Court ordered that all states must end 
 racial segregation "with all deliberate speed." 
1961 South Africa became an independent republic. 
1962 Adolf Eichmann was hanged in Israel. Eichmann was a 
 Gestapo official and was executed for his actions in the 
 Nazi Holocaust.
1970 An earthquake in Peru killed tens of thousands of people. 
1974 Israel and Syria signed an agreement on the Golan Heights. 
1977 The trans-Alaska oil pipeline was finished after 3 years 
 of construction. Still works quite well.
1979 Zimbabwe proclaimed its independence. 

1994 The U.S. announced it was no longer aiming long-range nuclear 
 missiles at targets in the former Soviet Union. 
1995 Bob Dole singled out Time Warner for "the marketing of evil" 
 in movies and music. Dole later admitted that he had not seen or 
 heard much of what he had been criticizing. 
2003 In North Carolina, Eric Robert Rudolph was captured. He had been 
 on the FBI's 10 Most Wanted list for five years for several bombings 
 including the 1996 Olympic bombing.He got four consecutive 
 life sentences on a plea bargain to avoid trial and the death 
 sentence.
2015  smiled.


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