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Today is Thursday, June 18

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Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Florida Teacher Busted Selling Acid, Pills To Undercover Cops Details at Boneheads Today in 1863 J.J. Richardson received a patent for the ratchet wrench. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ Adapt or perish, now as ever, is nature's inexorable imperative. --- H. G. Wells (1866 - 1946) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ On still another diet, Sue had lost a few pounds and a lot of her usual sunny disposition. After making a snappish remark to her husband, she apologized and reminded him that he was supposed to stick by her through thick and thin. "I know," he said, dryly, "but thick was a lot easier." ______________________________________________________ The Father, passing thru the son's college town late one night on a business trip, thought he would pay a surprise visit to the boy. Arriving at the fraternity house, he knocked on the door. After several minutes of knocking, a sleepy voice drifted down from a second floor window. "Whaddya want?" "Does Jimmy Duncan live here?" asked the father. "Yeah!" replied the voice. "Just dump him on the front porch and we'll hose him down in the morning." ______________________________________________________ Click through to the big picture Dolomites in South-Tirol, Northern Italy I remember climbing those peaks. ______________________________________________________
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Cheryl Heineman, 45, Kissimmee, Floriduh
Florida Teacher Busted Selling Acid, Pills To Undercover Cops A third grade teacher in Florida was arrested on Wednesday after she allegedly sold Xanax and acid to an undercover police officer. Cheryl Heineman, 45, is charged with multiple counts of sale and delivery of Schedule IV narcotics, according to the Orlando Sentinel. Her alleged partner, 20-year-old Jack Lindsey, was also arrested in the case. Police say they tracked the Central Avenue Elementary School teacher as part of a lengthy narcotics investigation, buying drugs from her on at least three earlier occasions before the arrest this week in Kissimmee. Police recorded each of the drug deals, which typically took place in the parking lot of a shopping center, WKMG reports. School officials said that Heineman, who has worked in the school district for 25 years, has been re-assigned to responsibilities without student contact, pending the investigation, according to WFTV.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: MKR Re: Google Converter Dear Webby, When at my computer or smart phone, I use Google for unit conversion. For example, enter: 100 miles in km at google.com or in the URL in Firefox or Chrome (assuming Google is your default search provider). Google will reply: 100 Mile = 160.934 Kilometer in a nice form, with several drop-down choices for the “from” and “to” units, as well as for the category of conversion. It’s amazing how many different units they offer, and how many different categories. Aloha, -mkr Dear Michael Wow! I didn't know that. It even works from the address bar! And it even does the smart-ass question typical in the days of DOS, when every hobby programmer wrote a converter: "Does yours do pi lightyears into furlongs?" It does. Even furlongs to beard-seconds works! Thanks! DearWebby Beard Second is the distance a Juvenile's beard grows in one second: 5 nano-meters. It used to be 10nm, but Google halved that to 5 nm. Beard-second is used in the design of chips. _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ The drill sergeant making his morning announcements to a group of newcomers in a training camp, stated: "Today, gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. First, the good. Private Peters will be setting the pace on our morning run." With this the platoon was overjoyed and cheered loudly, as Private Peters was overweight and terribly slow. But then the drill sergeant finished his statement: "Now for the bad news. Private Peters will be the driver for my jeep." ______________________________________________________ A man and his wife are walking down the street when he suddenly said, "That lovely girl just looked at me and smiled." "That doesn't surprise me in the slightest," his wife replied. "The first time I saw you I laughed out loud." _________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Don't Substitute for Butter I don't mean to start a war here, but I am 77 and I have eaten butter all my life. I don't do the half measure and I don't add water. If a recipe calls for butter I use it because it is dairy. Who knows what is really in margerine. I remember during WWII when butter was not available and we had to use margarine. Even as a little kid I hated it. I have lived for a long time on butter, in my mashed potatoes and in my pastas while they are cooking. At my house if the instructions say butter I use butter. We scramble our eggs with it. And DH and I are healthy as a pair of horses. By Marty Dick [154] Amen! I use butter even if the recipe calls for some wimpy substitute. And I eat real meat and not some GM weed derived tofu. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach pretty much every day. She wasn't unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing; she would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around furtively, then speak to them. Generally the people would respond negatively and she would wander off, but occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money for something she carried in her bag. The couple assumed she was selling drugs and debated calling the cops, but since they didn't know for sure they just continued to watch her. After a couple of weeks the wife said, "Honey, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic stuff?" He hadn't and said so. Then she said "Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what she's really doing." Well, the plan went off without a hitch and the wife was almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk to her husband and then leave. The man walked up the beach and met his wife at the road. "Well,? Is she selling drugs?" she asked, excitement pouring out with her voice. "No, she's not." he said, enjoying this probably more than he should have. "Well,? What is it, then? What does she do?" his wife fairly shrieked. The man grinned and said, "She's a battery salesman." "A battery salesman?" cried the wife. "Yes," he replied, "She sells 'C' cells by the sea shore!" _____________________________________________________ An 18th century vagabond in England, exhausted and famished, comes on a roadside inn emblazoned with a sign carrying the name "St. George and the Dragon." He knocks on the door, and the innkeeper's wife sticks her head out of a window above the sign. "Could ye spare some victuals?" the man asks. The woman glances at his shabby, dirty clothes. "No," she shouts. "Could I have a pint of ale then?" he asks. "No, I said." "Could I at least use your privy?" "No," she shouts again. "Well, might I please....?" "What now?" the woman screeches, not allowing him to finish. "D'ye suppose that I might have a word with George?" ____________________________________________________
Amazing champion sand sculptures! What talented people this old world has.

Today in 
1155 Frederick I Barbarossa was crowned emperor of Rome. 
1429 French forces defeated the English at the battle of 
 Patay. The English had been retreating after the siege 
 of Orleans. 
1667 The Dutch fleet sailed up the Thames toward London. 
1778 Britain evacuated Philadelphia during the U.S. 
 Revolutionary War. 
1812 The War of 1812 began as the U.S. declared war against 
 Great Britain. The conflict began over trade restrictions. 
1815 At the Battle of Waterloo Napoleon was defeated by an 
 international army under the Duke of Wellington. Napoleon 
 abdicated on June 22. 
1817 London's Waterloo Bridge opened. The bridge, designed 
 by John Rennie, was built over the River Thames. 
1863 J.J. Richardson received a patent for the ratchet wrench. 
1873 Susan B. Anthony was fined $100 for attempting to vote 
 for a U.S. President. 
1898 Atlantic City, NJ, opened its Steel Pier. 
1928 Amelia Earhart became the first woman to fly across the 
 Atlantic Ocean as she completed a flight from Newfoundland 
 to Wales. 
1951 General Vo Nguyen Giap ended his Red River Campaign 
 against the French in Indochina. 
1953 Egypt was proclaimed to be a republic with General 
 Neguib as its first president. 
1959 A Federal Court annulled the Arkansas law allowing 
 school closings to prevent integration. 
1959 The first telecast received from England was broadcast 
 in the U.S. over NBC-TV. 
1979 In Vienna, U.S. President Jimmy Carter and Leonid 
 Brezhnev signed the Strategic Arms Limitation Treaty 2. 
1983 Dr. Sally Ride became the first American woman in space 
 aboard the space shuttle Challenger. 
1998 The Walt Disney Co. purchased a 43% stake in the Web 
 search engine company Infoseek Corp. 
2009 NASA launched the Lunar Reconnaissance Orbiter/LCROSS 
 probes to the Moon. It was the first American lunar mission 
 since Lunar Prospector in 1998. 
2009 Greenland assumed control over its law enforcement, 
 judicial affairs, and natural resources from the Kingdom 
 of Denmark. Greenlandic became the official language. 
2015  smiled.


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