Friday, June 26, 2015, 10:04 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, June 26
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
Thank you, Jospeh
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Have FUN!
DearWebby
______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Indiana toad licker locked up on trespass charge
Details at Boneheads
Today in
1959 U.S. President Eisenhower joined Britain's
Queen Elizabeth II in ceremonies officially opening
the St. Lawrence Seaway.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
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Thank God men cannot as yet fly and lay waste the sky as
well as the earth!
--- Henry David Thoreau (1817 - 1862)
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If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
>From RoseAnn
DearWebby,
a few years ago you had a hilarious piece to
send to people who pester you with chain letters.
Can you send that again ?
Thanks
RoseAnn, Denver, CO
Hi RoseAnn
I saved it onto a web page that time, and it is still at
Club
______________________________________________________
The old man was a witness in a burglary
trial.The defense lawyer asks Sam, "Did you
see my client commit this burglary?"
"Yes," said Sam , "I saw him plainly take the
goods."
The lawyer asks Sam again, "Sam, this
happened at night. Are you sure you saw my
client commit this crime?"
"Yes" says Sam, "I saw him do it."
Then the lawyer asks Sam, "Sam listen, you
are 80 years old and your eyesight probably is
bad. Just how far can you see at night?"
Sam says, "I can see the moon, how far is
that?"
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture:
Click through to the big picture
This Flounder weighed in at 102 kilograms
190 cm long. Tommie Johnsson,the fisherman
felt 'wore out' for two days after the catch
in Scandinavian waters.
______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the
Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Richard Mullins,
41
La Porte,
Indiana
Toad Licker Is Locked Up On Trespass Charge
An Indiana man who was licking a toad while dancing by
himself on an Indiana sidewalk is locked up after
ignoring a trespass warning issued by cops, according to
a police report.
La Porte Police Department officers were called to a bar
early Sunday morning when Richard Mullins, 41, refused
to leave the property after being escorted outside by
security. The barefoot Mullins would not provide
bouncers with ID when he walked into JJ’s Side Out
Bar & Grill, cops reported.
After being steered out of the business--but before police
arrived--Mullins began dancing in the bar’s parking lot.
“The subject then reportedly picked up a toad and was licking
it prior to our arrival,” Officer Vincent Bowman noted.
When questioned by cops, Mullins had a “blank look on his
face but no pupil dilation to suggest he was under the
influence of any drugs.” Officers warned Mullins that if
he returned to the bar’s property he would be arrested.
Mullins seemed to understand the warning, Bowman wrote,
“as when he was dancing he would walk right up to the
property line that we pointed out and then walk back.”
But a few minutes after receiving the trespass warning,
Mullins returned to the bar’s parking lot. When police
subsequently approached Mullins, “he was holding
another toad.”
Charged with misdemeanor trespassing, Mullins was booked
into the La Porte County jail, where he is being held
in advance of a June 30 court appearance.
Since the police report does not identify what kind of
toad Mullins was licking, it is impossible to determine
the amphibian’s potential psychoactive properties or
its toxicity.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Svend
Re: Parrot fish
I just don't buy it, Dear Webby,
Svend
>From Janice
By Pat Cegan | Published September 2, 2012 | Full size is 700 Ă— 559 ... Less
700 x 559 49.6KB
patcegan.wordpress.com
Not photoshopped
Parrot Fish eating coral
Found this guy just a munching away, he ignored me for
most of the time I video'd him
youtube.com 00:23 3 years ago
Janice
Thanks, Janice!
Have Fun!
DearWebby
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______________________________________________________
There were three men at a bar. One man got
drunk and started a fight with the other two
men. The police came and took the drunk guy
to jail.The next day the man went before the
judge. The judge asked the man,
"Where do you work?
"
The man said, "Here and there."
The judge asked the man, "What do you do for
a living?"
The man said, "This and that."
The judge then said, "Take him away."
The man said, "Wait, judge, when will I get
out?"
The judge said to the man, "Sooner or later..."
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The Policeman recently stopped a woman for exceeding
the posted speed limit. He asked the driver her name.
She said, "I'm Mrs. Ladislav Abdulkhashim
Zybkcicraznovskaya from the Republic of
Uzbekistan visiting my daughter in Tallahassee."
The cop put away his summons book and pen,
and said,
"Well... OK... but don't let me catch you speeding again."
------------
Reminds me of my student days. It was common
knowledge there that nobody EVER got arrested while
on Gymnasium Street.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Current Contest Contender!
I liked the many suggestions for using paper towel and
toilet paper rolls to make fire starters. My problem
was that I didn't have a good way to stuff the rolls
and pour or dip them in wax. Then I remembered my camp
craft class where we made paper baskets (this was a
looong time ago!).
Cut paper towel rolls in thirds. Fold one end and make
a cut about 3/4 inches through both layers. Open the
fold up and fold again so that the cut ends are now
on the edges. Make another cut about 3/4 inches and
open up the fold. Fold the four cut edges so they
cover each other (like a box). The paper roll can
now stand up and be filled with dryer lint, sawdust,
etc. Pour the melted wax into the open end.
I also put these on a styrofoam tray (the kind meat
comes on works well) and set my rolls up one against
the other on the tray so that any wax that seeps
through will pool on the tray and not make a mess
of my work surface.
By Joan C. [1]
When I was living and travelling in the bush in the Yukon,
I used to stuff a small ball of newspaper into one end of
the roll, then fill the roll with crushed tiny, dry twigs
from low on spruce trees, and the mossy "beards", and close
the roll with another golf ball size ball of paper.
When travelling by dogsled I used to put one roll inside my
jacket, so that it was nice and warm and had no frost or
snow powder on it. For lighting, I just pull out one of the
end balls a bit and pull it partially apart, and light that.
If there was no frost or windblown snow on the tiny dry
branches at the bottom of trees and bushes, then of course
I used those and saved the roll starter.
Next time you venture beyond the patio and get to a forest,
collect a gunny-sack full of the tiny, dry branches at the
bottom of the trees. They light faster and burn hotter than
waxed dryer lint or even navel lint.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt
in confirmation request. |
_____________________________________________________
Abdicate - v. To give up all hope of ever having a
flat stomach.
Esplanade - v., to attempt an explanation while
drunk.
Willy-nilly - adj., impotent.
Flabbergasted - adj., appalled over how much
weight you have gained.
Negligent - adj., describes a condition in which you
absent-mindedly answer the door in your nightie.
Lymph - v. To walk with a lisp.
Gargoyle-n., an olive-flavored mouthwash.
Bustard - n., a very rude Metrobus driver.
Coffee - n., a person who is coughed upon
Flatulence - n., the emergency vehicle that picks you up
after you are run over by a steamroller.
Balderdash - n., a rapidly receding hairline.
Semantics - n., pranks conducted by young men
studying for the priesthood, including such things as
gluing the pages of the priest's prayer book together just
before vespers.
Rectitude - n., the formal, dignified demeanor assumed
by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
Marionettes - n., residents of Washington D.C. who have
been jerked around by the mayor.
Oyster - n., a person who sprinkles his conversation
with Yiddish expressions.
Circumvent - n., the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the
purpose of obtaining sex.
Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
Tatyr: A lecherous Mr. Potato Head.
Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit
and the recipient who doesn't get it.
Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are
running late.
Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.
Burglesque: A poorly planned break-in. (See: Watergate)
Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all
these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth
explodes and it's like a serious bummer.
Glibido: All talk and no action.
_____________________________________________________
A man answers the phone and has the following
conversation:
"Yes, mother, I've had a hard day. Gladys has been
most difficult - I know I ought to be more firm, but it is
hard. Well, you know how she is.
"Yes, I remember you warned me. I remember you told
me that she was a vile creature who would make my life
miserable and you begged me not to marry her.
"You were perfectly right.
"You want to speak with her? All right."
He looks up from the telephone and calls to his wife in
the next room:
"Gladys, your mother wants to talk to you!"
____________________________________________________
 |
All it takes is imagination
and some work to turn these buses
into rides too cool for school.
|
Today in
1096 Peter the Hermit's crusaders forced their way across
Sava, Hungary.
1243 The Seljuk Turkish army in Asia Minor was wiped
out by the Mongols.
1483 Richard III usurped himself to the English throne.
1794 The French defeated an Austrian army at the Battle
of Fleurus.
1804 The Lewis and Clark Expedition reached the mouth of
the Kansas River after completing a westward trek of
nearly 400 river miles.
1819 The bicycle was patented by W.K. Clarkson, Jr.
1870 The first section of the boardwalk in Atlantic City,
NJ, was opened to the public.
1894 The American Railway Union called a general strike
in sympathy with Pullman workers.
1900 The United States announced that it would send troops
to fight against the Boxer rebellion in China.
1900 A commission that included Dr. Walter Reed began the
fight against the deadly disease yellow fever.
1907 Russia's nobility demanded drastic measures to be
taken against revolutionaries.
1908 Shah Muhammad Ali's forces squelched the reform
elements of Parliament in Persia.
1917 General John "Black Jack" Pershing arrived in France
with the American Expeditionary Force.
1925 Charlie Chaplin's comedy "The Gold Rush" premiered
in Hollywood.
That was the only movie about the Yukon and Alaska, that
I had seen before immigrating and moving to the Yukon.
1924 After eight years of occupation, American troops
left the Dominican Republic.
1936 The Focke-Wulf Fw 61 made its first flight. It is
often considered the first practical helicopter.
1942 The Grumman F6F Hellcat fighter was flown for
the first time.
1945 The U.N. Charter was signed by 50 nations in
San Francisco, CA.
1948 The Berlin Airlift began as the U.S., Britain
and France started ferrying supplies to the isolated
western sector of Berlin.
1951 The Soviet Union proposed a cease-fire in the
Korean War.
1959 U.S. President Eisenhower joined Britain's
Queen Elizabeth II in ceremonies officially opening
the St. Lawrence Seaway.
1961 A Kuwaiti vote opposed Iraq's annexation plans.
1963 U.S. President John Kennedy announced "Ich bin
ein Berliner" (I am a Berliner) at the Berlin Wall.
1971 The U.S. Justice Department issued a warrant for
Daniel Ellsberg, accusing him of giving away the
Pentagon Papers.
1975 Indian Prime Minister Indira Gandhi declared a
state of emergency due to "deep and widespread conspiracy."
1976 The CN (Canadian National) Tower in Toronto, Canada,
opened.
1979 Muhammad Ali, at 37 years old, announced that he was
retiring from boxing.
1981 In Mountain Home, Idaho, Virginia Campbell took her
coupons and rebates and bought $26,460 worth of groceries.
She only paid 67 cents after all the discounts.
1996 The U.S. Supreme Court ordered the Virginia Military
Institute to admit women or forgo state support.
1997 The U.S. Supreme Court struck down the Communications
Decency Act of 1996 that made it illegal to distribute
indecent material on the Internet.
1997 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld state laws that allow
for a ban on doctor-assisted suicides.
1998 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that employers are always
potentially liable for supervisor's sexual misconduct toward
an employee.
2000 Indonesia's President Abdurrahman Wahid declared a state of emergency in the Moluccas due to the escalation of fighting between Christians and Muslims.
2002 WorldCom Inc. filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection.
2015 smiled.
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