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Today is Wednesday, September 2

Have FUN!

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Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
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______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Florida man, who broke into school so he can call grandma. Details at Boneheads Today in 31 B.C. The Roman leader Octavian defeated the alliance of Mark Antony and Cleopatra. Octavian, as Augustus Caesar, became the first Roman emperor. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ When a person can no longer laugh at himself, it is time for others to laugh at him. --- Thomas Szasz Go, and never darken my towels again. --- Groucho Marx (1890 - 1977) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A guy is sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife sneaks up behind him and whacks him on the head with a frying pan. "What was that for?" he says. "That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Marylou written on it," she replies. "Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Marylou was the name of one of the horses I bet on," he explains. She looks satisfied and apologizes. Three days later he's again sitting in his chair reading when she nails him with an even bigger frying pan knocking him out cold. When he comes to, he says, "What the heck was that for?" "Your horse phoned." ______________________________________________________ Once I was sick and I had to go to an ear, nose, and throat doctor to get well. There are ear doctors, nose doctors, throat doctors, gynecologists, proctologists, any place you got a hole, there's a guy who specializes in your hole. They make an entire career out of that hole. And if the ear doctor, nose doctor, throat doctor, gynecologist, or proctologist can't help you, he sends you to a surgeon. Why?... So he can make a new hole! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Janice for this picture: The dragonfly was perched in my friend's yard. It was on a green plant support stake. Myrtle Beach, SC ______________________________________________________ Pete and Gladys were looking at a new living room suite in the furniture store. Pete says to the salesman, "We really like it, but I don't think we can afford it." The salesman says, "You just make a small down payment... then you don't make another payment for six months." Gladys wheeled around with her hands on her hips and demands: "Who told you about us?" _________________________________________________
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Aaron D. Richardson, 19, St. Lucie County Jail, Florida
Florida man broke into school so he can call grandma A Florida man broke into a high school in hopes of finding a phone to call his grandma, according to police in Port St. Lucie. Aaron D. Richardson, 19, was charged Monday night after officials at Treasure Coast High School reported that he had broken into a concession stand and busted a computer, WPTV reports. Officers noticed a damaged fence near the school perimeter as well as the computer, which looked as it had been smashed with a fist or foot. School surveillance videos also showed him climbing the fence and driving a school-owned golf cart around campus, according to WPBF.com. School officials identified the intruder as Richardson, a former student at the school. The suspect was easy to find: He was already at the Port St. Lucie Jail serving time on an unrelated arrest the same night, according to CBS12.com. Police said Richardson told them he entered the school searching for a phone to call his grandmother. When that didn't work, he said he tried to contact her via Facebook on the concession stand computer. That failed, too, so he punched the computer in anger, according to WPTV. Richardson has been charged with trespassing on school property, criminal mischief for damaging the fence, which was valued at approximately $1,254, petit theft for stealing $6 worth of snacks from the concession stand and burglary of the school. Richardson remains in the St. Lucie County Jail on $21,875 bail.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Edith Re: Copyright and other signs Dear Webby, Once upon a time, when I was young and still jail bait, you mentioned a program for generating the Copyright and 1/4 degree symbol, and others like that. Is that still available? Thanks Edith Dear Edith Yes, sure: http://webby.com/char Just drag the tiny icon at the left of the address bar onto your desktop, and you will have an instant link to that page. If you want a program, that installs on your computer and will supply the extra keys without having to type in numbers on the numeric keypad, you can get EXTRA-KEYS at ExtraKeys Hit MORE in the bottom right corner for more symbols. If you have a narrow laptop without a numeric keypad, that program will be your only practical solution, other than highlighting and copying a symbol on my http://webby.com/char page. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Mary was married to Charlie, a male chauvinist. They both worked full time, but he never did anything around the house and certainly not any housework. "That," he declared, "is woman's work!" One evening, Mary arrived home from work to find the children bathed, a load of wash in the washing machine and another in the dryer, dinner on the stove and a beautifully set table, complete with flowers. She was astonished, and she immediately wanted to know what was going on. It turned out that Charlie had read a magazine article that suggested working wives would be more romantically inclined if they weren't so tired from having to do all the housework, in addition to holding down a full-time job. The next day, she couldn't wait to tell her girlfriends at the office. "How did it work out?" they asked. Mary said, "Charlie even cleaned up, helped the kids with their homework, folded the laundry and put everything away. I really enjoyed my evening." "But what about afterward?" her friends wanted to know. "It didn't work out," Mary said. "Charlie was too tired." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Bar Keepers Friend Soft Cleanser for Stoves I love all of the tips posted here, but my solution to this and other kitchen challenges is now Bar Keepers Friend Soft Cleanser. It is a liquid version of the scouring powder made by Bar Keepers. This cream cleans better than the expensive stove top cleaners and does dual duty for stainless steel, other kitchen metals (pots and pans), and hard surfaces. A small sponge, a little bit of this high tech cleanser, a tiny bit of elbow grease, a mini rinse with a moist rag, then a dry buff with a clean kitchen towel makes every surface look like new! By Lisa P. [1] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Officers at a military installation were being lectured about a new computer. The training officer said the computer was able to withstand nuclear and chemical attacks, was shock proof to 60 G, could be driven over and even dropped from a plane. Suddenly, he saw that one of the officers had a cup of coffee and yelled, "There will be no eating or drinking in this room! You'll have to get rid of that coffee." The officer said meekly, "Sure, but why?" "Because a coffee spill could ruin the keyboard." ___________________________________________________

how rednecks warsh their kids
____________________________________________________ Arnie came into school looking somewhat tired and bedraggled, but anxious to explain his nearly one hour tardiness. "Our chickens have been disappearing." He said. "And Pa made up his mind to put a stop to it. But nothing happened for several nights. Then last night about 3 o'clock, Pa got me and Ol' Blue, our dog, and his shot gun, all cocked and loaded, to go out with him to the chicken house to see what was going on." He went on. "Well, Pa sleeps in his birthday suit, and as he bent over to go into the chicken house, Ol' Blue cold-nosed Pa where he didn't expect it. Both barrels went off. Ever since then we've been up a-cleanin' and a-pluckin' more than 50 chickens. I missed the bus and had to walk 3 miles to school." ____________________________________________________
Everyone was born for a reason, a purpose, this good man has found his purpose. It's amazing what a difference one person can make in this old world.

Today, Sept 2, in
31 B.C. The Roman leader Octavian defeated the alliance of 
 Mark Antony and Cleopatra. Octavian, as Augustus Caesar, 
 became the first Roman emperor. 
1666 The Great Fire of London broke out. The fire burned for 
 three days destroying 10,000 buildings including St. Paul's 
 Cathedral. Only 6 people were killed. 
1775 Hannah, the first American war vessel was commissioned 
 by General George Washington. 
1864 During the U.S. Civil War Union forces led by Gen. 
 William T. Sherman occupied Atlanta following the retreat 
 of the Confederates. 
1901 Theodore Roosevelt, then Vice President, said 
 "Speak softly and carry a big stick" in a speech at the 
 Minnesota State Fair. 
1930 The "Question Mark" made the first non-stop flight from 
 Europe to the U.S. The plane was flown by Captain Dieudonne 
 Coste and Maurice Bellonte. 
1938 The first railroad car to be equipped with fluorescent 
 lighting was put into operation on the New York Central railroad. 
1945 Japan surrendered to the U.S. aboard the USS Missouri, ending 
 World War II. The war ended six years and one day after it began. 
1945 Ho Chi Minh declared the independence the Democratic Republic 
 of Vietnam. 
1961 The U.S.S.R. resumed nuclear weapons testing.
1969 NBC-TV canceled "Star Trek." The show had debuted on 9/8/66. 
1985 It was announced that the Titanic had been found on September 
 1 by a U.S. and French expedition 560 miles off Newfoundland. 
 The luxury liner had been missing for 73 years. 
1991 The U.S. formally recognized the independence of Lithuania, 
 Lativa and Estonia. 
1992 The U.S. and Russia agreed to a joint venture to build a 
 space station. 
1996 Muslim rebels and the Philippine government signed a pact 
 formally ending 26-years of insurgency that had killed more 
 than 120,000 people. 
2015  smiled.

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