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Today is Monday, September 14

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______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a British Mom arrested for keeping 12 Bags Of Cocaine for Daughter's Birthday Blowout Details at Boneheads Today, September 13, in 1812 Moscow was set on fire by Russians after Napoleon Bonaparte's troops invaded. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ I just need enough to tide me over until I need more. --- Bill Hoest I once said cynically of a politician, 'He'll doublecross that bridge when he comes to it.' --- Oscar Levant (1906 - 1972) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A woman goes into the local newspaper office to see that the obituary for her recently deceased husband is published. The obit editor informs her that there is a charge of 50 cents per word. She pauses, reflects, and then says well, then, let it read "Fred Brown died." Amused at the woman's thrift, the editor tells her that there is a seven word minimum for all obituaries. She thinks it over and in a few seconds says, "In that case, let it read: 'Fred Brown died: golf clubs for sale.'" ______________________________________________________ Steve wasn't feeling well and so he went to the doctor to get himself checked. After a thorough examination, the doctor said, "Well, Steve, based on my examination, the best thing for you is to cut out all sweets and fatty foods, give up alcohol, and stop smoking." "To be honest with you, Doc," said Steve, "I don't deserve the best. What's the SECOND best?" ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture: Hillsboro Beach, Florida ______________________________________________________ An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender asks him, "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time." The Irishman replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I'm here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the day when we drank together." The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way: He orders three pints and drinks them in turn. One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss." The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs. "Oh, no," he says, "everyone's fine. It's me. I've quit drinking." ______________________________________________________
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Nicola Austen, 37, Maidstone, England
Mom arrested for keeping 12 Bags Of Cocaine for Daughter's Birthday Blowout When Nicola Austen's daughter turned 18 in February, the 37-year-old decided they should celebrate in high style. So, Austen (pictured above) purchased 12 bags of cocaine weighing a total of 8.65 grams, according to prosecutors at Maidstone Crown Court in England. Austen was sentenced earlier this week to a nine-month suspended sentence and 250 hours of unpaid work, South West News Service reports. Prosecutor Craig Evans said Austen and her daughter planned to celebrate the girl's 18th birthday in London. “They were going to London in a limousine and she wanted to make sure they had a good time,” Evans told the court. But mother and daughter missed out on the London high life. On Jan. 31, police stopped by to talk with Austen, who had six previous convictions, one for possessing amphetamine in 2010. After a police dog at the house sniffed out the cocaine, Austen admitted to officers that she got it for her daughter's birthday celebration, according to the Telegraph. Despite the previous convictions, the judge decided not to send Austen to jail because she has a young son who would suffer if she were incarcerated.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Irene Re: Windows search Dear Webby, The built in Windows search is a piece of you know what. The simple mode is asa fragile as a screensaver and quits if a fly lands on the mouse, and the "See More Results" hogs so much memory, that I have to reboot afterwards. It's pathetic! I can't imagine you using it. What do you use instead? Irene Dear Irene I agree with you wholeheartedly. I use SEARCH EVERYTHING. You get it free at Use the x86 version unless you have a 2 TB hard drive full of files. The x86 version uses less RAM. SEARCH EVERYTHING is so good, I would bet that Microsoft will include it in Windows 12. It takes a bit of getting used to. For example, you should specify what type of file you are looking for. If you are looking for a program, select "Executable". If you look for a picture, select "Picture". That REALLY speeds up the search, especially if you have huge hard drives. You can leave it set to "everything". It is still a twenty times faster than the Windows search, but noticeably slower than when you narrow it down to a category. Above all, it is free! Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ After the man received the full treatment - shave, shampoo, manicure, haircut, etc. - he placed Little Johnny in the chair. "I'm going to buy a green tie to wear for the parade," he said. "I'll be back in a few minutes." When Little Johnny's haircut was completed and the man still hadn't returned, the barber said, "Looks like your daddy's forgotten all about you." "That wasn't my daddy," said Little Johnny. "He just walked up, took me by the hand and said, 'Come on, kid, we're gonna get a free haircut!'" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Easy Ice Cream Shell Coating Just 2 ingredients from your kitchen and in 15 seconds you can make an ice cream shell coating. It's healthier and inexpensive! Approximate Time: 15 seconds Ingredients: 1 tsp Nutella or other hazelnut spread 1/2 tsp coconut oil your favorite brand of ice cream Steps: Just mix the Nutella hazelnut spread into the coconut oil at a 2 to 1 ratio. I use 1 teaspoon hazelnut to 1/2 teaspoon coconut oil for one serving. Spoon on top of a bowl of ice cream. I like to spread it out thinly all over the top of the ice cream. That's it! It will start freezing up to form a delicious shell coating within a minute or two. So yummy and the coconut oil makes it a healthier alternative. By Donna [279] If you have read the ingreadients of that hazelnut flavored sugar and margarine spread, or if you are a diabetic and don't want all that much sugar and oil, an alternative is to take half a square of Baker's Semi Sweet chocolate and half a tsp butter, hazelnut-butter, or margarine in a round bottomed cup, microwave it for 50 seconds and immediately stir it with a plastic spoon, and then pour it over two to four ice cream helpings. Done. If you have coated too many helpings, they can be put into the freezer for next treat time. You can, of course, also use peanut butter or almond butter instead of margarine. This coating also works great as a topping for cake. The only thing to keep in mind is to work fast. Everything has to be ready. Reheating a chocolate topping is not a good idea, it can turn coarse and rough looking. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ and a friend were invited to a pot- luck party. Everybody brought a dish. When it came time to serve dessert, the person who prepared it, said the recipe was called "Better Than Sex Cake." After 's friend tasted it, she blurted out, "I sure feel sorry for the person who named this cake!" ___________________________________________________"> src="" align=left>
Victor Borge
____________________________________________________ "Electricity originates inside clouds. There, it forms into lightning, which is attracted to the Earth by golfers. After entering the ground, the electricity hardens into coal, which, when dug up by power companies and burned in big ovens called 'generators,' turns back into electricity. The power company sells it to consumers who use TV sets to transform it into commercials for beer, which passes through the consumers and back into the ground, thus completing what is known as a 'circuit.'" ____________________________________________________
I love these 3D sidewalk chalk paintings, they look almost real.

Today, Sept 13, in
1812 Moscow was set on fire by Russians after Napoleon 
 Bonaparte's troops invaded. 
1814 Francis Scott Key wrote the "Star-Spangled Banner," a 
 poem originally known as "Defense of Fort McHenry," 
 after witnessing the British bombardment of Fort McHenry, 
 MD, during the War of 1812. The song became the official 
 U.S. national anthem on March 3, 1931. 
1847 U.S. forces took control of Mexico City under the 
 leadership of General Winfield Scott. 
1866 George K. Anderson patented the typewriter ribbon. 
1899 In New York City, Henry Bliss became the first automobile 
1901 U.S. President William McKinley died of gunshot wounds 
 inflicted by an assassin. Vice President Theodore Roosevelt, 
 at age 42, succeeded him. 
1915 Carl G. Muench received a patent for Insulit, the first 
 sound-absorbing material to be used in buildings. 
1938 The VS-300 made its first flight. The craft was based 
 on the helicopter technology patented by Igor Sikorsky. 
1940 The Selective Service Act was passed by the U.S. 
 Congress providing the first peacetime draft in the USA. 
1959 Luna II, a Soviet space probe, became the first man-made 
 object on the moon when it crashed on the surface. 
1960 The Organization of the Petroleum Exporting Countries 
 (OPEC) was founded. The core members were Iran, Iraq, Kuwait, 
 Saudi Arabia, and Venezuela. 
1963 Mary Ann Fischer gave birth to America's first surviving 
1972 "The Waltons" premiered on CBS-TV. 
1975 Pope Paul VI declared Mother Elizabeth Ann Bayley Seton 
 the first U.S.-born saint. 
1978 "Mork & Mindy" premiered on ABC-TV. 
1983 The U.S. House of Representatives voted 416-0 in a 
 resolution condemning the Soviet Union for the shooting down 
 of a Korean jet on September 1. 
1984 Joe Kittinger became the first person to fly a balloon 
 solo across the Atlantic Ocean. 
1987 Tony Magnuson cleared 9.5 feet above the top of the U-ramp 
 and set a new skateboard high jump record. 
1998 Israel announced that they had successfully tested its 
 Arrow-2 missile defense system. The system successfully 
 destroyed a simulated target. 
2001 Nintendo released the GameCube home video game console 
 in Japan. 
2001 The FBI released the names of the 19 hijackers that had 
 taken part in the September 11 terror attacks on the U.S. 
2009 Greyhound UK began operations as an hourly service between 
 London and Portsmouth or Southampton.
2015  smiled.

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