Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, September 28.

Have FUN!

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Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Florida man arrested for bigamy announced in church, while wife #1 was present. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, September 26, in 1978 Heavy fighting occurred in Lebanon between Syrian peacekeeping troops and Lebanese Christian militiamen. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ The best way out is always through. --- Robert Frost (1874 - 1963) When you encounter seemingly good advice that contradicts other seemingly good advice, ignore them both. --- Al Franken, ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ One evening a man was very impressed with the meat entree his wife had served. "What did you marinate this in?" he asked. His wife immediately went into a long explanation about how much she loves him and how life wouldn't be the same without him, etc. Eventually, his puzzled expression made her interrupt her answer with a question of her own, " What did you ask me?" She chuckled at his answer and explained, "I thought you asked me if I would marry you again!" As she left the room, he called out, "Well, would you marry me again?" Without hesitation, she said, "Vinegar and barbecue sauce." ______________________________________________________ The preacher, in his Sunday sermon, used "Forgive Your Enemies" as his subject. After a long sermon, he asked how many were willing to forgive their enemies. About half held up their hands. Not satisfied, he continued on for another twenty minutes, repeating his question. This time he received a response of eighty percent. Still unsatisfied, he lectured for fifteen more minutes and repeated his question. With thoughts of Sunday dinner, all responded except one older gentleman in the rear. "Mr. Jones, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?" "I don't have any," replied Mr. Jones. "Mr. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?" "Eighty six," was the reply. "Mr. Jones, please come down in front and tell the congregation how a man can live to eighty six and not have an enemy in the world." The old man teetered down the aisle and slowly turned around. "It's easy. I outlived all them rotten no-good sumbeeches!" ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ At long last the good-humoured boss was compelled to call Fisk into his office. "It has not escaped my attention," he pointed out, "that every time there's a home game at the stadium you have to take your aunt to the doctor." "You know you're right, sir," exclaimed Fisk. "I didn't realize it. You don't suppose she's faking it, do you?" ______________________________________________________
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Thanks to Noella for reporting this bonehead! An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Patrick Celicourt 49, Pine Hills, Floriduh
Florida man arrested for bigamy announced in church, while wife #1 was present. She was at church when she found out. The pastor, standing at the altar in front of everyone, announced her husband, Patrick Celicourt, had married another woman. With the congregation laughing, Mitha Plaisimond ran from the church and started researching. The 57-year-old showed up at the Orange County Sheriff's Office a few days later with copies of the old, and new marriage licenses in hand. Celicourt, 49, is now facing charges of bigamy and making false official statements, records show. He was arrested Wednesday on a warrant and booked into the Orange County Jail. He has since been released on bail. Celicourt and the other woman applied for a marriage license in March, records show. Plaisimond found out in April when the pastor announced the new marriage at the End Time Sabbath Worship Center near Pine Hills where she regularly attended. "When it became time for the announcements on the altar, they announced that my father 'Patrick Celicourt' was newly married to another woman while still being married," the couple's daughter wrote in a Sheriff's Office report. Records show the couple, originally from Haiti, had been married for more than 21 years, have children together and own a home in northwest Orange County. Plaisimond told deputies Celicourt tried to sell the house without her knowing. She had documents to prove that, too. Celicourt filed for a divorce in June, records show. Plaisimond and two of the couple's children filed domestic violence injunctions against Celicourt following the marriage announcement, but each was denied. It is unclear if the pastor knew Celicourt and Plaisimond were still married when the announcement was made.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Eddie Re: IP-TVbox Dear Webby Hi Mr. Webby; Well I went out and bought a "Roku media box" only to see that it was just a bunch of apps that wants you to rent from them - and the so call free movies - were something back from the 50's that no one wants to see - i mean this was soooo bogus - i disconnected this and took it back the next day! Ok, so now I bought a "IP - Tv" box and hooked it up yesterday and got into it - it has a "Ubuntu OS" base system with apps - along with an android system. I like this better than that roku box - now I have a question for you - do you know how to tell what you bought (like a windows computer) - I mean in windows you can right click the monitor icon and it will tell you what the specs are - and or is there a bios in this media box? - I am new to this - so I just want to know if I got what it said! Here is the link on what I bought - IP-TV Box Eddie Dear Eddie I don't think that is computer related, and I don't have a clue about it. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ An old farmer went to town to see a movie. The ticket girl said, "Sir, what is that on your shoulder?" The old farmer said, "That is my pet rooster, Chuckie. Wherever I go, Chuckie goes." "I'm sorry, Sir," said the ticket girl, "We can't allow animals in the theater. Not even a pet chicken." The old farmer went around the corner and stuffed the chicken down his pants. He returned to the booth, bought a ticket and entered the theater. He sat down next to two old emergency room nurses named Mildred and Marge. The movie started and the chicken began to squirm. The old farmer unzipped his pants so Chuckie could stick his head out and watch the movie. "Marge," whispered Mildred. "What?" said Marge. "I think the guy next to me is a pervert." "What makes you think so?" asked Marge. "He unzipped his pants and he has his thing out," whispered Mildred. "Well, don't worry about it," said Marge, "At our age we've seen them all." "Yes," said Mildred, "But this one's eating my popcorn!" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save Ramen Noodle Flavor Packets I empty the packets into clean salt shakers, using each flavour separately. That way, you can use a little to add a bit of spice to many dishes. I pick up shakers at yard sales, so no extra cost! By Faye Dutkiewicz [6] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Fall camping tips: To win the race for fastest set-up on multi-family camping trips, tell your kids that NOBODY gets to go to the outhouse until all your tents are set up and the stuff moved into them. When using a public campground, a tuba placed on your picnic table will keep the campsites on either side vacant. When using a public campground, a violin or viola placed on your picnic table will mysteriously dissappear, and some nearby camp fire will burn extra hot. Wires as used for "strings" on many stringed instruments such as violas make excellent snare wire for catching rabbits, squirrels and night-time raiders of your beer cache. When smoking a fish, don't inhale. A hot rock placed in your sleeping bag will keep your feet warm. Hot enchiladas or pizzas do NOT work. After they permanently melt into your sleeping bag, you will have a permanent cold spot in that location. Lint from your navel makes a handy fire starter. Warning: Remove lint from navel before applying the match. If you set up a tent to be sheltered from the wind while ice-fishing, do NOT sleep in that tent. Somebody will get up at night and step into the hole. Extracting a foot with a sprained ankle firmly wedged into the hole in the ice tends to cause foul language that scares the fish away. If a family member has borrowed your ice auger to drill a fence post hole, it is a good idea to mark and identify that auger with a hack-saw by cutting it into little bitty pieces. That is best done cool and calm, before you carry it up to that mountain lake. Salmon eggs in little pouches made from old pantyhose work better for ice fishing than any other bait or lure, and if you don't get permission to use some bits of pantyhose, remember that salmon eggs are just deluxe caviar at one tenth the cost, and are great with devilled eggs. Building a fire in the dry spot under a tree with overhanging branches is a dumb idea, either the snow will slide off and put your fire out, or the tree will catch on fire. Putting your tent under a tree is also a bad idea, especially in the rain. A tent will shed rain, but the slow, fat drops coming from a tree will spray through and slowly dampen your sleeping bag. Also, a tree will continue to drip long after the rain has stopped. You can compress the diameter of a rolled up sleeping bag by running over it with your car. Tempting as it may be to "just-do-it", it IS considered good manners to tell your mother-in-law to get out of her sleeping bag before that procedure. ___________________________________________________

best of talking animals
____________________________________________________ A burglar went to the bank and pointed a gun on the cashier and said, "Give me all your money, or you'll be GEOGRAPHY!" The cashier laughed and said, "You mean to say HISTORY." The burglar answered, "Dangit, don't change the *subject*!" ____________________________________________________
Be careful, don't fall! 3D street art that looks so real.

Today, Sept 28, in
1066 England was invaded by William the Conqueror who claimed 
 the English throne. 
1542 San Diego, CA, was discovered by Portuguese navigator 
 Juan Rodriguez Cabrillo. 
1687 The Turks surrendered Athens to the Venetians. 
1781 During the Revolutionary War, American forces began the 
 siege on Yorktown, VA. 
1850 The U.S. Navy abolished flogging as a form of punishment. 
1850 U.S. President Millard Fillmore named Brigham Young the 
 first governor of the Utah territory. In 1857, U.S. President 
 James Buchanan removed Young from the position. 
1892 The first nighttime football game in the U.S. took place 
 under electric lights. The game was between the Mansfield State 
 Normal School and the Wyoming Seminary. 
1915 The British defeated the Turks in Mesopotamia at 
1924 The first around-the-world flight was completed by two 
 U.S. Army planes when they landed in Seattle, WA. The trip 
 took 175 days. 
1939 During World War II, Germany and the Soviet Union agreed 
 upon a plan on the division of Poland. 
1955 The World Series was televised in color for the first time. 
 The game was between the New York Yankees and the Brooklyn Dodgers. 
1967 The first black mayor of Washington, DC, Walter Washington, 
 took office. 
1972 Communist China and Japan agreed to re-establish diplomatic 
1978 Heavy fighting occurred in Lebanon between Syrian 
 peacekeeping troops and Lebanese Christian militiamen. 
1978 Don Sherman, editor of Car & Driver, set a new Class E 
 record in Utah. Driving the Mazda RX7 he reached a speed of 
 183.904 mph. 
1990 The Game Boy handheld video game device was released 
 in Europe. 
1991 In response to U.S. President Bush's reduction of U.S. 
 nuclear arms Soviet President Mikhail S. Gorbachev promised 
 to reciprocate. 
1995 Yasser Arafat of the PLO and Israeli Prime Minister 
 Yitzhak Rabin signed an accord that transferred control 
 of the West Bank. 
1997 The 103rd convention of the Audio Engineering Society 
 (AES) was held in New York City, NY. The official debut of 
 the DVD format was featured. 
2000 The U.S. Federal Drug Administration approved the use 
 of RU-486 in the United States. The pill is used to induce 
 an abortion. 
2004 Nate Olive and Sarah Jones arrived at the U.S.-Mexico 
 border to complete the first known continuous hike of the 
 1,800-mile trail down the U.S. Pacific Coast. They started 
 the trek on June 8. 
2015  smiled.

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