Phone call about computer problems 

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Today is Thursday, October 29

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Have FUN!
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Today's Bonehead Award and a Darwin Award goes to a Dopey UCSB Student, who died from blood loss after punching through window Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, October 29, in 1652 The Massachusetts Bay Colony proclaimed itself to be an independent commonwealth. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ The best ideas come as jokes. Make your thinking as funny as possible. --- David M. Ogilvy "Committees have become so important nowadays that subcommittees have to be appointed to do the work." --- Laurence J. Peter ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ More than anything, a young man from the city wanted to be a cowboy. Eventually he found a rancher who took pity on him and gave the lad a chance. "This," he said, showing him a rope, "is a lariat. We use it to catch cows." "I see," said the man, trying to seem knowledgeable as he examined the lariat. "And what do you use for bait?" "City Slickers. Cows love chasing and scaring them." ______________________________________________________ The other night, Joe and his wife were going out for dinner. She put on eyebrow pencil, eye shadow, eyeliner, eyelashes, mascara, toner, blush, lipstick, and then turned to me and a dozen other mysterious concoctions, and then asked: "Does this look natural?" ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD AND a Darwin Award has been earned by Andres Esteban Sanchez, 20, Poway, California
Dopey UCSB Student Dies from Blood Loss After Punching Through Window UCSB student Andres “Andy” Sanchez died in surgery Sunday morning at Cottage Hospital two hours after he punched through a window in his Isla Vista apartment and severely lacerated his arm. According to the Nexus report, which relied on information provided by Senior Deputy James McKarrell with the Isla Vista Foot Patrol, Sheriff’s deputies responded at approx 4:40 a.m. to the 6700 block of Abrego Road after receiving calls of a male subject running down the street screaming for help. When deputies came upon a panicked Sanchez in a nearby apartment complex, three people were holding him down and attempting to calm him. A blanket had been wrapped around his arm, and when the deputies removed it, they observed a “cut approximately three-quarter inches in diameter around his arm.” Witnesses said blood was “literally flying” from the wound. Sanchez, a second-year pre-biology major from Poway, California, was transported to Cottage Hospital but died from blood loss just before 7 a.m. One of Sanchez’s roommates told authorities he had rushed into their apartment earlier in the evening “talking gibberish, and obviously under the influence of drugs” the Nexus reported. At some point he punched through a window and cut his arm on the broken glass.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Francine Re: Phone call about computer problems Dear Webby, You sure saved me some trouble today. I am sure glad I was able to contact you via Skype while I was on the phone with the scammer. You were hilarious! Please tell all the subscribers about our little adventure! You got a much better way with words than I do. Francine Dear Francine OK, will do. Francine got a call from somebody with an Indian or Pakistani accent, telling her that she has problems in her computer, that are affecting her ISP and the Internet. Francine is a pretty smart lady and thought that was not right. So she correctly guessed that my Skype handle is dearwebby, and contacted me, while stalling the scammer. As they usually do, he told her to click on START, type Eventvwr and hit Enter. Eventvwr is some ancient viewer from troubleshooting Windows during developing Windows95, and the "events" shown are totally harmless and of interest only to programmers. A print job, for example, can generate a dozen or more Warnings and Errors, before Windows and the Printer agree on a proper handshake. No big deal. That's how Windows works. The scammer tried to scare Francine about the Warnings and Errors, and I fed Francine smart-ass remarks and dumb questions to sidetrack the scammer. Needless to say, she did not download anything and did not agree to anything. The scammer wanted her to download a program, so that he could reach into her computer and "assist" her in fixing the problems. Yeah, right. Much fun was had by us giving the scammer the runaround. After we tired of that nonsense, Francine told the scammer what to do with a Billy-Goat. If you get a call from anybody telling you that you have problems in your computer, don't download anything, don't go visit any pages, don't agree to anything, and don't give them any information, no correct information anyway. Play stupid, difficult, paranoid, aggressive, whatever. Just don't cooperate. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ On their 40th wedding anniversary, during the banquet, the husband was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration. One in the crowd said, "Tell us, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?" The husband said, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, meekness, forbearance, self-restraint, forgiveness . . and a lot of other disciplines that you wouldn't have needed if you had stayed single." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Uses for Mint Tins I hate to throw away those cute mint tins so I've come up with a few idea's to use them in the car or purse. I put in some almonds/cashews (or your favorite) nuts to keep in the car for when I get a snack urge. Then I don't buy junk often~ I also keep a few of my husband's meds in a tin, then if we are out visiting and stay over, he always has them! I bring along my vitamin supplements that I take. I also bring along chewable vitamins like calcium chews or gummies for adults that we never seem to want to take at home and have them on the road. Then our gummy snack is actually a healthy one! It's a great mini first aid kit and can hold quite a number of band aids, ibuprofen, alcohol wipes, etc. I always keep a $20 bill and a number of quarters in the car as well. You could lose a wallet, run out of gas without your credit card, need toll money. You never know! If you like to take spontaneous hikes or nature walks, a tin with a few additional items like: a whistle, matches (and the relighting birthday candles!) plus a pocket knife, mirror (for signaling if lost) are great to carry along! These are ideas for just the car/purse, in the house the options are endless! So don't throw out those tins! By Donna [291] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ We stopped for a quick meal and the waiter brought us each a bowl of soup. As the waiter turned away to return to the kitchen, Pa stopped him, calling: "Waiter!" "Yes ,sir, is there something wrong?" "The soup. Taste it," replied Pa. "I beg your pardon, Sir?" "Taste it." "But, Sir, I can assure you that the soup is excellent." "Taste it," Pa persisted. "Sir, the soup was made this morning of the finest ingredients." "Taste it!" The exasperated waiter finally relented. "All right, Sir, I'll taste it." Then after a pause he said, "Where is the spoon?" To which Pa replied triumphantly, "Ah ha ... " ___________________________________________________

I GOT this dance!
____________________________________________________ The customer in the Italian restaurant was so pleased that he asked to speak to the chef. The owner proudly led him into the kitchen and introduced him to the chef. "Your veal parmigiana was superb," the customer said. "I just spent a month in Italy, and yours is better than any I ever had over there." "Naturally," the chef said. "Over there, they use domestic cheese. Ours is imported." ____________________________________________________ Noella's Blunders The year was 1974, I didn't have a crock pot or any other modern kitchen doodads. I had just moved into a new apartment and equipping a kitchen was the least of my concerns. As long as the oven made heat and the fridge made cold, I was satisfied. Anyway, a friend was coming over for dinner so I had to draw from my scant culinary skills. PBJ sandwiches came to mind but I was able to fend off the thought. I'd heard that you could put a roast in the oven, turn it on to 200 F (93.3 C), and let it cook all day. Sounded okay to me so in the oven went the roast and I left for work. Eight hours later, I drove up to my apartment (an old house that was divided into units) and as I'm getting out of the car, I'm wondering what IS that odor? The closer I got to my door, the stronger it became. I followed the plume to a white oven that was now several endearing shades of brown. As if the experience hadn’t done enough damage to my ego, I proceeded to open the oven door. I didn't see how any more smoke could be in there, but my judgment was about to take the same beating my ego had suffered. There was a big enough cloud in there to darken all the adjacent apartments and then some! After gaining some modicum of composure, I grabbed a pair of pot holders and blindly reached around for the pan that held my roast. I found it just as I was ready to collapse from smoke inhalation and carried it out to the front porch. I tried to take the lid off but It wouldn't budge. After several minutes of praying and prying with a screwdriver, I was finally able to pop the lid. Once the smoke from inside the pan had cleared, I saw what had happened to my beautiful roast. I poked it with the screwdriver and found that it went all the way through to the air beneath the crust. Ninety five percent of my beautiful roast was billowing out of my apartment windows - the other five percent was in my lungs. It had not been a good day. I later discovered that my oven had one tiny eccentricity. No matter what I set it for, it cooked at 550 F (288 C). If I had gone to my mail box, it would have been done by the time I got back. Those PBJ sandwiches were sounding better by the minute. ____________________________________________________
18 reasons you should never travel to Chiapas.

Today, October 29, in
1618 Sir Walter Raleigh was beheaded under a sentence that 
 had been brought against him 15 years earlier for conspiracy 
 against King James I. 
1652 The Massachusetts Bay Colony proclaimed itself to be an 
 independent commonwealth. 
1682 William Penn landed at what is now Chester, PA. He was 
 the founder of Pennsylvania. 
1863 The International Committee of the Red Cross was founded. 
1901 Leon Czolgosz, the assassin of U.S. President McKinley, 
 was electrocuted. 
1923 Turkey formally became a republic after the dissolution 
 of the Ottoman Empire. The first president was Mustafa Kemal, 
 later known as Kemal Ataturk. 
1929 America's Great Depression began with the crash of the 
 Wall Street stock market. 
1940 The first peacetime military draft began in the U.S. 
1945 The first ballpoint pens to be made commercially went 
 on sale at Gimbels Department Store in New York at the price 
 of $12.50 each. 
1956 Israel invaded Egypt's Sinai Peninsula during the Suez 
 Canal Crisis. 
1959 General Mills became the first corporation to use 
 close-circuit television. 
1960 Muhammad Ali (Cassius Clay) won his first professional fight. 
1966 The National Organization for Women was founded. 
1969 The U.S. Supreme Court ordered an immediate end to all 
 school segregation. 
1973 O.J. Simpson, of the Buffalo Bills, set two NFL records. 
 He carried the ball 39 times and he ran 157 yards putting him 
 over 1,000 yards at the seventh game of the season. 
1974 U.S. President Gerald Ford signed a new law forbidding 
 discrimination in credit applications on the basis of sex or 
 marital status 
1990 The U.N. Security Council voted to hold Saddam Hussein's 
 regime liable for human rights abuses and war damages during 
 its occupation of Kuwait. 
1991 The U.S. Galileo spacecraft became the first to visit an 
 asteroid (Gaspra). 
1991 Trade sanctions were imposed on Haiti by the U.S. to 
 pressure the new leaders to restore the ousted President 
 Jean-Bertrand Aristide to power. 
1992 Depo Provera, a contraceptive, was approved by the 
 Food and Drug Administration. 
1995 Jerry Rice of the San Francisco 49ers became the NFL's 
 career leader in receiving yards with 14,040 yards. 
1998 South Africa's Truth and Reconciliation Commission 
 condemned both apartheid and violence committed by the 
 African National Congress. 
1998 The space shuttle Discovery blasted off with John Glenn 
 on board. Glenn was 77 years old. In 1962 he became the 
 first American to orbit the Earth. 
1998 The oldest known copy of Archimedes' work sold for 
 $2 million at a New York auction. 
2001 KTLA broadcasted the first coast to coast HDTV 
 network telecast. 
2014 The smartwatch Microsoft Band was released. 
2015  smiled.

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