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Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, November 5

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Have FUN!
DearWebby

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Today's Bonehead Award goes to an AZ grandpa arrested after leaving girl in desert with gun to get beer and cheeseburger Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, November 5, in 2009 At Fort Hood, near Kileen, TX, Muslim Nidal Malik Hasan killed 13 people and wounded 30 others. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in getting up every time we do. --- Confucius (551 BC - 479 BC) To punish me for my contempt for authority, fate made me an authority myself. --- Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A major research institution recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. This new element has been tentatively named "Administratium". Administratium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons and 111 assistant deputy neutrons,giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by a force called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Administratium has no electrons, it is inert.However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Administratium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete when it would normally take less than a second. Administratium has a normal half-life of three years; it does not decay but instead undergoes a reorganization, in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons and assistant deputy neutrons exchange places.In fact, Administratium's mass actually increases over time, since each reorganization causes some morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This moron-promoting characteristic has lead some scientists to speculate that Administratium is formed wherever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical Morass." You'll know it when you see it. ______________________________________________________ Q: How can I avoid always being handed other peoples' drooling brats? A: Drop one or two. ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Noella for this picture: ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Paul Rater, 62, Buckeye, Arizona
AZ grandpa arrested after leaving girl in desert with gun to get beer and cheeseburger A man in Buckeye, Arizona, is facing child endangerment charges after authorities said he left his 5-year-old granddaughter in the desert by herself with a loaded gun. Paul Rater, 62, took the girl for a ride in his pickup truck Sunday afternoon in the desert. Family members reported the two missing four hours later. The girl was eventually found by a firefighter who was riding around the desert on an ATV. She was crying for help, Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio told ABC15.com. Arpaio told the station the girl was found with a loaded and cocked .45 caliber handgun. "He told her it was to shoot the bad guys. How does a 5-year-old know the difference between good guys and bad guys?" Arpaio told the station. Rater was found a short time later at a local store. Investigators said he admitted leaving the girl in the desert and went for a few drinks and a cheeseburger, instead, according to CBS News. Rater also told authorities the truck got stuck and he and his granddaughter had to walk for help because he forgot to bring his cellphone, according to KPHO TV. When the girl couldn't walk anymore, Rater said he left her under a tree with the loaded gun. Deputies said Rater came across several people while he was looking for help, but never thought to call 911. The suspect said he asked people to look for his granddaughter because he left her in the desert, according to AZCentral.com. Witnesses at the South Buckeye Equestrian Center said Rater showed up there around 5:30 p.m. complaining about having to walk 10 miles. He never mentioned his granddaughter. Rater's wife told deputies he called her for a pickup an hour or so later, after consuming a cheeseburger and four alcoholic beverages. Rater was booked into a Maricopa County jail on suspicion of endangerment and two counts of reckless child abuse. He remains in custody on $25,000 bond, according to jail records.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Terry Re: Reliable email program Dear Webby, I have tried Outlook and Windows Live, and am not happy with either one. Which email program do you recommend and use? Terry Dear Terry I still use Eudora, and have used it since 1993. Never a problem. Thunderbird is based on Eudora and pretty well the same, just prettier and has a lot more emoticons. Either one is fast asnd reliable. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A new miracle doctor was in town. He could cure anything and anybody, and everyone was amazed with what he can do. Everyone except for Mr. Smith, the town grouch. So Mr. Smith went to this 'miracle doctor' to prove that he wasn't anybody special. "Hey, doc, I have lost my sense of taste. I can't taste nothin', so what are ya goin' to do?" The doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself a little, then tells Mr. Smith, "What you need is jar number 43." Jar number 43? Mr. Smith wonders. So the doctor brings the jar and tells Mr. Smith to taste it. He tastes it and immediately spits it out, "This is gross!" he yells. "I just restored your sense of taste Mr. Smith," says the doctor. That will be $100. So Mr. Smith goes home very mad. One month later, Mr. Smith goes back to the doctor along with a new problem, "Doc," he starts, "I can't remember!" The doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself a little and tells Mr. Smith: "What you need is jar number 43..." Before the doctor finished his sentence, Mr. Smith fled the office. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep Onions Fresh for Months If you keep your onions completely dry, separated, and hanging, they will last you for months. Take a washed or new pair of pantyhose and stack your onions vertically, then store in a cool dark place. Additionally, if you tie a knot in the hose between each whole onion, they will touch each other even less, lasting a bit longer. By attosa [133] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Bubba was arrested for selling home-stilled whiskey. His lawyer put him on the stand and asked the jurors to look carefully at his client. "Now, Ladies and Gentleman of the jury," concluded the lawyer, "you've looked carefully at the defendant. "Can you sit there in the jury and honestly believe that if my client had ANY whiskey he would sell it?" He was acquitted. ___________________________________________________

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____________________________________________________ Two paramedics were dispatched to check on a 92-year-old man who had become disoriented. They decided to take him to the hospital for evaluation. En route, with siren going, they questioned the man to determine his level of awareness. Leaning close, one paramedic asked, "Sir, do you know what we're doing right now?" The old man slowly looked up at him, then gazed out the ambulance window. He slowly turned back to the paramedic and said, "Oh, I'd say about 50, maybe 55." ____________________________________________________ Noella's Blunders Does anybody read my blunder bit? Noella ____________________________________________________
Beautiful landscape photography.

Today, November 5, in
1605 The "Gunpowder Plot" attempted by Guy Fawkes failed when 
 he was captured before he could blow up the English Parliament. 
 Guy Fawkes Day is celebrated every November 5th in Britain to 
 celebrate his failure to blow up all the members of Parliament 
 and King James I. 
1844 In California, a grizzly bear underwent a successful 
 cataract operation at the Zoological Garden. 
1872 In the U.S., Susan B. Anthony was fined $100 for attempting 
 to vote in the presidential election. She never paid the fine. 
1895 George B. Selden received the first U.S. patent for an 
 automobile. He sold the rights for $200,000 four years later. 
1911 Italy officially annexed Tripoli. 
1935 The game "Monopoly" was introduced by Parker Brothers Company. 
1940 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt won an unprecedented third 
 term in office. 
1946 John F. Kennedy was elected to the U.S. House of 
 Representatives at the age of 29. 
1955 The Vienna State Opera House in Austria formally re-opened.
1956 British and French forces began landing in Egypt during the 
 Suez Canal Crisis. A cease-fire was declared 2 days later. 
1963 Archaeologists found the remains of a Viking settlement at 
 L'Anse aux Meadows, Newfoundland. 
1967 In Moscow, the Ostankino Tower opened. It was the world's 
 tallest free-standing structure for nine years. 
1986 The White House reaffirmed the U.S. ban on the sale of 
 weapons to Iran. 
1987 In South Africa, Goban Mbeki was released after serving 
 24 years in the Robben Island prison. He had been sentenced 
 to life for treason against the white minority government. 
1998 Scientists published a genetic study that showed strong 
 evidence that Thomas Jefferson fathered at least one child 
 (Eston Hemings) of his slave, Sally Hemings.
1990 Rabbi Meir Kahane, founder of the Kach movement, was 
 shot to death after a speech at a New York Hotel. His assassin, 
 Egyptian El Sayyid, was later convicted of the murder and was 
 sentenced to life in prison for his part in the World Trade 
 Center bombing. 
1992 Malice Green, a black motorist, was beaten to death in Detroit 
 during a struggle with police. Two officers were later convicted 
 in his death and sentenced to prison. 
1994 Former U.S. President Reagan announced that he had Alzheimer's 
1994 George Foreman, 45, became boxing's oldest heavyweight champion 
 when he knocked out Michael Moorer in the 10th round of their WBA 
 fight in Las Vegas, NV. 
1998 The U.N. announced that the Taliban militia had killed up to 
 5,000 civilians in a takeover of an Afghani town. 
1999 A 12-day conference on global warming, attended by delegates 
 from 170 nations, ended in Bonn, Germany. 
1999 Dennis Rodman (NBA) and Carmen Electra were both arrested and 
 charged with battery and domestic violence in a hotel in Miami Beach, FL. 
1999 U.S. District Judge Thomas Penfield Jackson ruled that Microsoft Corp. 
 enjoyed "monopoly power". 
2001 It was announced that European aircraft manufacturer Airbus and 
 Dubai-based Emirates airlines set up a joint venture specializing in 
 airline services. 
2009 At Fort Hood, near Kileen, TX, Nidal Malik Hasan killed 13 people 
 and wounded 30 others. 
2015  smiled.


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