Keyboard slant 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, November 18

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Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Florida Woman, who Battered Beau Over Sex Position Dispute Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, November 17, in 1477 William Caxton produced "Dictes or Sayengis of the Philosophres," which was the first book to be printed in England. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ Listening, not imitation, may be the sincerest form of flattery. --- Dr. Joyce Brothers (1928 - ) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A porter loaded down with suitcases followed the couple to the airline check-in counter. As they approached the line, the husband glanced at the pile of luggage and said to the wife, "Why didn't you bring the piano, too?" "Are you trying to be funny?" she replied. "No, I really wish you had" he sighed. "I left the tickets on it." -------- No problem nowadays with e-tickets. Just print out a new one at one of those things that look half way between R2D2 and a fire hydrant. ______________________________________________________ The newly-married husband came home from the office to find his young wife in floods of tears. "Darling, whatever is the matter?" he asks. "Sweetheart," she sobs, "the most terrible thing has happened! I cooked my very first Beef Bourguignon for you, and I got it out the oven to season it, and the phone rang. When I came back from answering the phone," she sobbed again, "I found that the cat had eaten it!" "Don't worry, darling," said her husband. "Don't cry. We'll get a new cat in the morning." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Moe for this picture: Go look at it before ISIS blows it up! ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Wendy Luper, 45, Clermont, Florida
Florida Woman Battered Beau Over Sex Position Dispute Wendy Luper, 45, Florida woman was arrested Saturday evening following an bizarre series of events that began with a trip to a storage unit with her ex-husband (with whom Luper has recently reunited). According to cops, Luper and Michael Vaccaro--who were married for 12 years--drove together to retrieve some of his belongings from their storage unit in Bradenton. While parked in the rear of the facility, “Luper got undressed, and asked Vaccaro if he wanted to have sexual intercourse,” police reported. “Vaccaro agreed, and told Luper to lay down.” But Luper, a court filing notes, “did not want to have sexual intercourse in that position and stated no.” It is unclear where the pair was planning to tryst, or the position that was rejected by Luper During a subsequent argument, Luper allegedly struck Vaccaro in the head with a thrown object. As Vaccaro sought to remove some of his belongings from the car’s rear seat, Luper allegedly accelerated the auto “with Vaccaro still half way inside the vehicle.” As Vaccaro “pulled out of the vehicle,” Luper drove over his right foot. When cops arrived at the scene, Vaccaro was bleeding from a head wound and his right foot appeared to be swelling. After being contacted by police, Luper returned to the vicinity of the storage facility. “She was unable to explain” Vaccaro’s injuries, noted police, who added that she “stated Vaccaro wanted to have sex with her.” Seen above, Luper, who works as a housekeeper, was arrested for domestic battery. She was booked into jail on the misdemeanor charge and released from custody yesterday after posting $750 bond. Luper was busted in August for domestic battery after she allegedly punched Vaccaro in the face, neck, and arm after he ignored her request to do laundry. Prosecutors subsequently declined to pursue the misdemeanor charge against Luper.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Bonnie Re: Keyboard slant for laptop Dear Webby, SUGGESTION FOR ANNIE WHOSE LAPTOP IS UNCOMFORTABLE. I ROLLED UP SOME RUBBERMAID SHELF LINER & TIED IT TO SECURE SHAPE WHEN I FOUND THE RIGHT HEIGHT TO PROP THE BACK END OF THE LAPTOP ONTO. GIVES IT A SLANT TO MAKE TYPING A WHOLE LOT EASIER. MAYBE SHE CAN TRY THIS TOO. BONNIE IN NH Dear Bonnie If the slant is the problem, then your suggestion is an excellent idea. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Jane got a speeding ticket and was attending a defensive driving course to have points erased from her license. The instructor, a poice officer, emphasized that being on time was crucial and that the classroom doors would be locked when each session began. Just after one class started, someone knocked on the locked door. The officer opened it and asked, "Why are you late?" The student replied, "I was trying not to get another ticket and was pulled over for being slower than the flow of traffic." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Mango "Ice Cream" I saw this recipe on Pinterest and had to try it. I actually had all the ingredients. It's super quick to make. It's a lot easier than homemade ice cream. My kids can't stop eating it! I love that there is no added sugar. It's delicious! Approximate Time: 5 minutes Yield: about 4 servings Ingredients: 8 oz frozen mangos 1/2 cup cream or coconut milk a splash of milk a pinch of salt Steps: Add your mango to the food processor. Mango "Ice Cream" Pour in the cream or coconut milk and a pinch of salt. Start the food processor on the low setting. Stop the machine and scrape the sides. Mine was a little dry and needed more moisture. I poured in a splash of milk until it was ice cream consistency. Scoop out and eat right away or freeze. It's a little hard when it comes out of the freezer. We let ours sit for a few minutes to soften. Source: Coco's Well Link: cocoswell.com/mangosoftserve By Becky Miles [84] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Ethel is on a cruise ship and wanders up to the bar and asks for a scotch with two drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink she says, "I'm on the cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today." The bartender says "Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink. In fact, this one is on me." As Ethel finishes her drink, the woman to her right says, "I would like to buy you a drink, too." Ethel says, "Thank you. Bartender, I want a scotch with two drops of water. "Coming up," says the bartender. As she finishes her drink, the man to her left says, "I would like to buy you one, too." Again Ethel says, "Thank you. Bartender, I would like another scotch with two drops of water." "Comin' right up," the bartender says. As he gives her the drink he says, "Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity. Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?" Ethel replied, "Sonny, when you're my age, you learn how to hold your liquor. Water, however, is a whole other issue." ___________________________________________________
- Big cats like boxes
Big cats like boxes ____________________________________________________ A local minister had all of his remaining teeth pulled and new dentures made a few weeks ago. The first Sunday after that, his sermon lasted 10 minutes. The second Sunday, he preached only 20 minutes. But, on the third Sunday he preached for an hour and a half. I asked him about this. He then told me "Well, that first Sunday, my gums were so sore it hurt to talk. The second Sunday, my dentures were still hurting a lot. But the third Sunday, I accidentally grabbed my wife's dentures and I couldn't stop talking!" ____________________________________________________ In primitive society, when native tribes dressed up in mismatched colors that hurt the eyes, beat the ground with clubs in an embarrassing manner, and yelled and screamed in ways that hurt the ears, it was called witchcraft; today, it is called golf. ____________________________________________________ Noella's Blunders Note to Self: When making vocabulary, spelling, grammar and formatting corrections to a template letter at your new job, make sure the person you are passing the updates by is not its author. Noella ____________________________________________________
A very touching story in music and memories.

Today, November 18, in
1477 William Caxton produced "Dictes or Sayengis of the 
 Philosophres," which was the first book to be printed 
 in England. 
1820 Captain Nathaniel Palmer became the first American to 
 sight the continent of Antarctica. 
1865 Samuel L. Clemens published "The Celebrated Jumping Frog 
 of Calaveras County" under the pen name "Mark Twain" in the 
 New York "Saturday Press." 
1883 The U.S. and Canada adopted a system of standard time zones. 
1903 The U.S. and Panama signed a treaty that granted the U.S. 
 rights to build the Panama Canal. 
1916 Douglas Haig, commander of the British Expeditionary Force 
 in World War I, called off the Battle of the Somme in France. The 
 offensive began on July 1, 1916. 
1928 The first successful sound-synchronized animated cartoon 
 premiered in New York. It was Walt Disney's "Steamboat Willie," 
 starring Mickey Mouse. 
1936 Germany and Italy recognized the Spanish government of 
 Francisco Franco. 
1959 William Wyler's "Ben-Hur" premiered at Loew's Theater in 
 New York City's Times Square. 
1966 U.S. Roman Catholic bishops did away with the rule against 
 eating meat on Fridays. 
1969 Apollo 12 astronauts Charles "Pete" Conrad Jr. and 
 Alan L. Bean landed on the lunar surface during the second 
 manned mission to the moon. 
1976 The parliament of Spain approved a bill that established 
 a democracy after 37 years of dictatorship. 
1983 Argentina announced its ability to produce enriched uranium 
 for use in nuclear weapons. 
1987 CBS Inc. announced it had agreed to sell its record division 
 to Sony Corp. for about $2 billion. 
1988 U.S. President Reagan signed major legislation provided the 
 death penalty for drug traffickers who kill. 
1993 The U.S. House of Representatives joined the U.S. Senate in 
 approving legislation aimed at protecting abortion facilities, 
 staff and patients. 
1993 American Airlines flight attendants went on strike. They ended 
 their strike only 4 days later. 
2001 Nintendo released the GameCube home video game console in the 
 United States.
2015  smiled.


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