Why would Verizon switch to AOL 

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Today is Saturday, November 28

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Today's Bonehead Award goes to a NJ woman charged with filing false report Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, November 27, in 1520 Portuguese navigator Ferdinand Magellan reached the Pacific Ocean after passing through the South American strait. The strait was named after him. He was the first European to sail the Pacific from the east. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ [Abstract art is] a product of the untalented, sold by the unprincipled to the utterly bewildered. --- Al Capp (1909 - 1979) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ An old Sailor and an old Marine were sitting at the VFW arguing about who'd had the tougher career. "I did 30 years in the Corps," the Marine declared proudly, "and fought in three of my country's wars. Fresh out of boot camp I hit the beach at Okinawa, clawed my way up the bloodsoaked sand, and eventually took out an entire enemy machine gun nest with a single grenade. "As a sergeant, I fought in Korea alongside General MacArthur. We pushed back the enemy inch by bloody inch all the way up to the Chinese border. "Finally, as a gunny sergeant, I did three consecutive combat tours in Vietnam and survived." "Ah," said the Sailor with a dismissive wave of his hand, "just shore duty, huh?" And the fight was on. ______________________________________________________ This one is long, but several people have asked for it, so here it is again: REDNECK TIPS FOR ALL OCCASIONS 1. If you take beer to a job interview, bring some for the interviewer too.. 2. If they are not wearing a game warden's uniform, try to identify people in your yard before shooting at them. 3. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church. 4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets. 5. Don't use the dead fridges in your front yard for sighting in your guns. They are too close. Use your neighbor's fridges for that. DINING OUT 1. When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup, and pour slowly so as not to "bruise" the bouquet of the wine. 2) Except at the drive in it's considered fashionable to take the bottle out of the paper bag. 3. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label. ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME 1. For table centerpieces stuffed animals are a lot nicer than roadkill.. 2. Do not allow the dog to sit on the table...he should sit on a chair or milk crate like everybody else 3) The chair with the most legs is for visitors. PERSONAL HYGIENE 1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys. 2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of beer money. 3. Dirt and grease under the fingers is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods. DATING (Outside the Family) 1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date. 2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago." 3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM; Others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time. THEATER ETIQUETTE 1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has ended. 2. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you. 3) No matter how real a game warden looks on the screen, don't shoot in the movie. It gives the person in front of you a terrible ear ache. WEDDINGS 1. Livestock, is a poor choice for a wedding gift, unless it is yours. 2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot. 3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance. 4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this special occasion. DRIVING ETIQUETTE 1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; Even if the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight. 2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way. 3. Never tow another car using duct tape. Use pantyhose instead. 4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer. 5. Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving. 6. Do not shoot any game while traveling in a funeral procession. 7. It's OK to put the beer in the air-conditioned hearse, but it is tacky to strap the coprse on the roof to make more room for more beer. ______________________________________________________ Moon by Kenny Rogers, published on FaceBook ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ >Reported by Wayne An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Hayley Oates 25, Wayne, NJ photo courtesy of Wayne police
NJ woman charged with filing false report A Morris County woman allegedly made a false 911 call in order to divert police away from the bar where she and a friend were drinking so they could leave and not be caught driving drunk. Police said that Hayley Oates, 25, posted on social media after she called 911: “lmao.. 2 mins later the cop peals out..silly piggies tricks r for u,” Oates was arrested Thursday and charged with filing false reports to law enforcement and creating a false public alarm, Martin said. She was released pending a court appearance. Martin called Oates’ alleged actions “inexcusable and reprehensible behavior,” and said police officers place themselves in harm’s way daily responding to real events. Officer Gregory Halligan and Sgt. Donald Davidson were dispatched to Mother's Ale House around 3:15 a.m. Monday morning after the department received a 911 call reporting “a female being attacked in the parking lot.” The caller told the dispatcher that the suspect was in a blue pickup truck before abruptly hanging up. The officers raced to the bar with their lights and sirens activated and found no evidence of an assault and no witnesses, Martin said. The surveillance cameras in the area did not pick up any assault. Detective Sgt. Robert Simpson and Detective Dave Collins determined that Oates allegedly made the fake call to draw officers to Mother’s Ale House while she and an unidentified man could leave the Grasshopper Too without being stopped for driving under the influence, Martin said. Martin noted that Paramus Police Officer Vincent Brock died in a 1993 car crash responding to a prank 911 call about a shooting.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Hester Re: Why would Verizon switch to AOL Dear Webby, I know all of Verizon's users always bitch and complain about them, but somehow they still stay with Verizon. That is the total opposite of AOL. People bitch and complain about AOL users, but those are always defensive and 100% loyal to AOL, no matter how bad a name AOL has. Why would anybody want to mix those two? Hester Dear Hester Verizon wanted the AOL customer list, like Times-Warner did, before they spit them out again. Verizon has already backtracked about forcing their users to switch to AOL adresses. I guess some of them threatened dire consequences. Next might be an option to use Thunderbird instead of the AOL mail interface. Since Verizon makes more money from texting, AOL Instant Messenger will probably be phased out by summer. It will be more fun to watch from a safe distance, than to be a victim of either of those giants. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ In the high school gym, all the girls in the class were lined up against one wall, and all the boys against the opposite wall. Then, every ten seconds, they walked toward each other until they were half the previous distance apart. A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer were asked, "When will the girls and boys meet?" The mathematician said: "Never." The physicist said: "In an infinite amount of time." The engineer said: "Well... in about two minutes, they'll be close enough for all practical purposes." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Best Bacon Brussels Sprouts The reason why the word "best" is in the recipe is because this dish always converts the brussels sprouts naysayers by first bite. Deconstructing the sprout by serving it in loose leaf form helps those who compare the little vegetable to "mushy alien heads." Mushy alien heads? Yes! That's what I called them for 28 years! Now, cooked properly, I absolutely adore them. And guess what? This recipe has only three ingredients and takes 10 minutes to make. I have served this at Thanksgiving dinner numerous times and even the little ones loved it. Give it a shot! Approximate Time: 10 minutes Yield: 4 sides Ingredients: 6 large brussels sprouts (or 8 mediums) 2 strips of bacon 5 walnuts salt, pepper, and optional sprinkle of sugar to taste Best Bacon Brussels Sprouts Steps: Cut little cone/triangle shapes from the bottoms of the sprouts. Pull off the individual leaves off sprouts and collect in bowl/plate. Chop bacon into tiny cubes and render in a pan on medium heat until crispy. Remove bacon from pan and let rest on paper towel. Leave bacon drippings in pan and add brussels sprouts leaves. Cook for about 5 minutes. If you like your brussels sprouts on the softer, more wilted side, add a teaspoon of water to the pan and cover with lid, cook for an extra minute. I like mine crispy so I don't really do this ;) Chop nuts and add to sprouts. Stir well, add bacon back in. Season with salt and pepper to taste. You wont need much because of the bacon. Sprinkle in a tiny bit of sugar to pull out the caramelized notes, if you like. I do! Serve up and enjoy! By attosa [139] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A loaded mini van pulled in to the only remaining campsite. Four children leaped from the vehicle and began feverishly unloading gear and setting up the tent. The boys rushed to gather firewood, while the girls and their mother set up the camp stove and cooking utensils. A nearby camper marveled to the youngsters' father, "That, sir, is some awesome display of teamwork ! What's your system ?" The father replied, "It's quite simple: No one goes to the bathroom until the camp is set up." ___________________________________________________
Every scene leaves you wanting to see more
____________________________________________________ The drill sergeant making his morning announcements to a group of newcomers in a training camp, stated: "Today, gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. First, the good. Private Peters will be setting the pace on our morning run.' With this the platoon cheered, as Private Peters was a bit overweight and quite slow. But then the drill sergeant finished his statement: "Now for the bad news. Private Peters will be my driver in my new jeep ." ____________________________________________________ (Read this one out loud) Miss Addy asked Johnnie why he was late. You see, at the ranch this here coyote it ate six hens and killed the goat. And last night when Pa heard a noise out in the chicken pen, he grabbed his gun and said, "That coyote's back again! Stay back, he told all us kids, I wouldn't want ya hurt! He was naked as a jaybird- no pants, no boots, no shirt! To the henhouse there he crawled, like an Injun on the snoop. Then he stuck that double barrel, through the window of the coop. As he stared into the darkness, with coyotes on his mind, Our ol' hound Zeke come asneakin'up behind. And cold-nosed Pa without no warnin'. We been cleanin' chickens since three o'clock this mornin'! ____________________________________________________ Noella's Blunders One of the things that I liked to do when feeling a bit down was to get in my car and drive (gas was cheap back in the 70s). At the time I drove a small Opel Kadet and living in St. Louis, I could start out on I-70, and make connecting highways then drive the circle (about 70 miles) around the city. I’d take the circle once or twice and usually felt better. This particular night I decided to take I-40 west just to see where it went, I’d turn around and come back into the city when I tired. It was a little after midnight. Several miles out, I found a small road that I’d never seen before and I decided to explore it. I’d gone quite a few hundred yards down the road when it narrowed and I realized I was was a long driveway. At that point it was too far to back up, and there was no place to turn around, so I was forced to drive on and turn around when I got to the yard which was at the top of a hill. So late at night, I drove slowly up the hill, hoping to not disturb the people who lived there and was in the process of turning around to go back to the highway when out of the dark came at least five or six men. They rushed my car, pounded on the hood several times while at the same time hollering. I was terrified! Luckily my windows were rolled up and the doors locked. One got close to my window and must have seen my fear in my face, because he immediately stopped and told the others to cool it. It seems that they were expecting a friend to stop by and they thought I was he. That cured me of driving down lonely dark roads at midnight. Noella ____________________________________________________
Who would have thought this dead tree could be so beautiful.

Today, November 28, in
1520 Portuguese navigator Ferdinand Magellan reached the 
 Pacific Ocean after passing through the South American 
 strait. The strait was named after him. He was the first 
 European to sail the Pacific from the east. 
1582 William Shakespeare and Anne Hathaway were married. 
1922 Capt. Cyril Turner of the Royal Air Force gave the first 
 public exhibition of skywriting. He spelled out, 
 "Hello USA. Call Vanderbilt 7200" over New York's Times Square. 
1925 The Grand Ole Opry made its radio debut on station WSM. 
1942 In Boston, MA, 491 people died in a fire that destroyed the 
 Coconut Grove. 
1958 The African nation of Chad became an autonomous republic 
 within the French community. 
1963 U.S. President Johnson announced that Cape Canaveral would 
 be renamed Cape Kennedy in honor of his assassinated predecessor. 
 The name was changed back to Cape Canaveral in 1973 by a vote of 
1964 The U.S. launched the space probe Mariner IV from Cape Kennedy 
 on a course set for Mars. 
1978 The Iranian government banned religious marches. 
1979 An Air New Zealand DC-10 flying to the South Pole crashed in 
 Antarctica killing all 257 people aboard. 
1983 The space shuttle Columbia took off with the STS-9 Spacelab 
 in its cargo bay. 
1985 The Irish Senate approved the Anglo-Irish accord concerning 
 Northern Ireland. 
1987 A South African Airways Boeing 747 crashed into the Indian Ocean. 
 All 159 people aboard were killed. 
1990 Margaret Thatcher resigned as prime minister of Britain. 
1992 In King William's Town, South Africa, black militant gunmen 
 attacked a country club killing four people and injuring 20. 
1994 Jeffrey Dahmer, a convicted serial killer, was clubbed to death 
 in a Wisconsin prison by a fellow inmate. 
1994 Norwegian voters rejected European Union membership. 
1995 U.S. President Clinton signed a $6 billion road bill that 
 ended the federal 55 mph speed limit. 
2010 WikiLeaks released to the public more than 250,000 U.S. 
 diplomatic cables. About 100,000 were marked "secret" or 
2015  smiled.

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