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Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Florida man,who was arrested and didn't remember driving SUV off showroom floor, through glass doors Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, November 30, in 1700 8,000 Swedish troops under King Charles XII defeated an army of at least 50,000 Russians at the Battle of Narva. King Charles XII died on this day. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ A waist is a terrible thing to mind. --- Jane Caminos Some people like my advice so much that they frame it upon the wall instead of using it. --- Gordon R. Dickson ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Two die-hard golfers saw some kids fishing at the lake. One said to the other, "Look at those idiots fishing in the rain!" ______________________________________________________ Just after the maid had been fired, she took some steaks from the fridge and threw them to Fido, the family dog with the words: "Thanks, Fido. I never forget a friend. This was for doing the dishes for me every day!" ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Noella for this picture: ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ >Reported by Wayne An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Vantice Beshears, 46, Ocala, Florida
Arrested man didn't remember driving SUV off showroom floor, through glass doors A man arrested Thursday told police he did not remember going to Honda of Ocala and taking two large screen television sets and putting them in a SUV on the showroom floor, driving through double glass doors, driving into another vehicle or abandoning the vehicle at the entrance of a subdivision. Vantice L. Beshears, 46, faces six charges, including grand theft over $20,000 and commercial burglary. He remained at the Marion County Jail on Friday, with his bond totaling $23,500. Early Thursday, Ocala Police Department Officer Ashley Stinehour was told that a black 2014 Toyota 4-Runner had been involved in a hit-and-run crash in the 2800 block of Southeast 31st Street and had pulled into the Devonshire subdivision. Stinehour found the sport utility vehicle parked just outside the subdivisionís front gate. The lights of the vehicle were flashing as if someone was using a remote to lock the doors. The officer saw Beshears walking on the opposite side of the entrance and called out to him. At first, Beshears ignored Stinehour, bur then walked over to her. Beshears, who appeared intoxicated and had a bottle of Aleve in his hand, told the officer he was visiting a friend, but could not give a name or address, according to an OPD report. Stinehour, joined by other officers, discovered there were warrants from Marion and Lake counties for Beshears' arrest and he was taken into custody. He was first taken to a hospital for an evaluation but became aggressive and was taken instead to the jail.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: a few Re: Link to Extra characters not working Dear Webby, When I tried that link, I got the response, "that link is not valid." Is there a different link available? Dear Yes, there is. Try Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ If you get to thinking you're a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else's dog around. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Coffee Maker for Soft Boiled Eggs I use my coffee maker to cook egg. I put the egg at the bottom, water and turn on. Since water does not boils, eggs are kept softer. My coffee maker takes about 15 to 20 minutes. You just have to figure out how long it takes to get your eggs the way you like. By zelda [3] You will probably have to use an old-fashioned percolator type coffee maker with the coffee tower pulled out. If you use a camp fire or stove top percolator, use plenty of water, bring the water with the eggs in it to a rapid boil, and move it off the fire. The eggs will cook themselves in about 5 minutes. Rinse in the creek or lake, and peel immediately. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A policeman was patrolling a local parking spot overlooking a golf course. He drove by a car and saw a couple inside with the dome light on. There was a young man in the driver's seat reading a computer magazine and a young lady in the back seat knitting. He stopped to investigate. He walked up to the driver's window and knocked. The young man looked up, cranked the window down, and said, "Yes, officer?" "What are you doing?" the policeman asked. "I'm reading a magazine." Pointing towards the young lady in the back seat, the officer then asked, "And what is she doing?" "She's knitting." "And how old are you?" the officer then asked the young man. "I'm nineteen," he replied. "And how old is she?" asked the officer. The young man looked at his watch and said, "Well, in about twelve minutes she'll be eighteen." ___________________________________________________
funny baptisms
____________________________________________________ Jake and Paul are two old retired widowers who reside close to each other and do constant welfare checks on each other. One day, as he drinks his morning coffee, Paul opens the morning paper and turns to the Obits page. He gets the shock of his life when he sees his own obituary in the column. He realizes that the query for info on him by the local newspaper several months earlier was in preparation for this event. He correctly surmises that it is a mistaken entry from their database, premature and erroneous.. It still excites and rankles him, so he calls Jake up. "Jake, are you up yet?" Jake sleepily answers, "Yeah, but I'm only now starting my coffee." "Jake. open the newspaper to page 31." The paper rustles for a few seconds, then a long silent pause ensues. Finally, Jake comes on the line quietly and fearfully, "So Paul, where are you calling me from right now?" ____________________________________________________ Where is THAT hospital ? I think I have a fever. While making her rounds, the Head Nurse noticed a young female patient missing. Pressing the intercom, she said "Lori, where's the patient in 340?" "Oh!" came the reply. "Well... she was complaining of severe chills, so I put her in bed with Mr. Johnson in 328 who was running a high fever." ____________________________________________________ Noella's Blunders Thanks to James: So this guy's blunder was in just waiting too long! When they were kids he and his brother fought constantly. Dad would come home and pictures were rearranged, coats were hung in weird places around the room - to cover up holes knocked into the walls. They'd just gotten boxing gloves and were battling it out. James knocked his brother into the closet, but he didn't come back out. After about five minutes, James got worried that maybe he'd really hurt his brother. He walked over to the closet and slowly parted the clothes and out came a fist - right into his mouth. And THAT's how he got that chipped tooth. True story James Noella ____________________________________________________
Whew! I'm so glad I don't have to drive any of these roads!

Today, November 30, in
1700 8,000 Swedish troops under King Charles XII defeated an 
 army of at least 50,000 Russians at the Battle of Narva. King 
 Charles XII died on this day. 
1782 The United States and Britain signed preliminary peace 
 articles in Paris, ending the Revolutionary War. 
1803 Spain completed the process of ceding Louisiana to France. 
1838 Three days after the French occupation of Vera Cruz Mexico 
 declared war on France. 
1853 During the Crimean War, the Russian fleet attacked and 
 destroyed the Turkish fleet at the battle of Sinope. 
1858 John Landis Mason received a patent for the first pepper 
 shaker with a screw-on cap. 
1875 A.J. Ehrichson patented the oat-crushing machine. 
1897 Thomas Edison's own motion picture projector had its 
 first commercial exhibition. 
1936 London's famed Crystal Palace was destroyed in a fire. 
 The structure had been constructed for the International 
 Exhibition of 1851. 
1939 The Russo-Finnish War began when 20 divisions of Soviet 
 troops invaded Finland. 
1949 Chinese Communists captured Chungking. 
1954 In Sylacauga, AL, Elizabeth Hodges was injured when a 
 meteorite crashed through the roof of her house. The rock 
 weighed 8Ĺ-pounds. 
1956 CBS replayed the program "Douglas Edward and the News" 
 three hours after it was received on the West Coast. It was 
 the world's first broadcast via videotape. 
1966 The former British colony of Barbados became independent. 
1986 "Time" magazine published an interview with U.S. President 
 Reagan. In the article, Reagan described fired national security 
 staffer Oliver North as a "national hero." 
1988 Kohlberg Kravis Roberts and Co. took over RJR Nabisco Inc. 
 with a bid of $24.53 billion. 
1993 U.S. President Clinton signed into law the Brady Bill. The 
 bill required a five-day waiting period for handgun purchases 
 and background checks of prospective buyers. 
1995 President Clinton became the first U.S. chief executive 
 to visit Northern Ireland. 
1998 The Deutsche Bank AG announced that it would acquire Bankers 
 Trust Corp. for $10.1 billion creating the world's largest 
 financial institution. 
2001 For the first time in it's history, McDonald's teamed up 
 with a retail partner on its Happy Meal promotions. Toys R Us 
 provided plush figures from it's Animal Alley. 
2015  smiled.

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