Laptop sound 

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Today is Friday, December 4
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Today's Bonehead Award goes to a British rapist bully, who got the crap beaten out oif him Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, December 4, in 1812 Peter Gaillard patented the power mower. History ______________________________________________________ Against logic there is no armor like ignorance. --- Laurence J. Peter (1919 - 1988) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The Los Alamitos, California, police log reports that a caller called police to report hearing a man screaming, "I am going to kill you!" which turned out to be the man "addressing his computer." No charges were filed, of course, as the actions were deemed to likely be appropriate. ______________________________________________________ In a small town in the US, there is a rather sizable factory that hires only married men. Concerned about this, a local woman called on the manager and asked him, "Why is it you limit your employees to married men? Is it because you think women are weak, dumb, cantankerous...or what?" "Not at all, Ma'am," the manager replied. "It is because our employees are used to obeying orders, are accustomed to being shoved around, know how to keep their mouths shut and don't pout when I yell at them." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Noella for this picture: ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ >Reported by Lillemor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Johnathon Holmes, 35, Sheffield, England
Sex attacker left beaten up after woman fights back A violent sex fiend was left bruised and bloodied after trying to rape a woman who courageously refused to go down without a fight. Johnathon Holmes, 35, jumped the woman on the streets of Sheffield, England, last month -- but ended up having to escape his own beastly attack with two black eyes and numerous gashes to his face, The Mirror reported. On Tuesday, the Sheffield man pleaded guilty to the Nov. 1 attack and was sentenced to four and a half years in prison, according to The Mirror. The woman testified in court that he followed her in the early morning hours for over a mile before pouncing on her and knocking her into some bushes. Fortunately for her, she realized she was being followed and prepared herself by placing her car keys in her hand as a potential weapon, she testified. She had also pulled out her phone to call her partner. As Holmes forced her on her back and climbed on top of her, he told her, “you are going to enjoy this,” she said. He then thrust his tongue into her mouth, and she chomped down on it as hard as she could. When he relaxed his grip she maneuvered herself on top of him and, with her keys pressed to his neck, continued screaming for help, and just generally beat the crap out of the big bully, she told the court. Two passers-by heard her cries and likely prompted his attempt to flee, Prosecutor Rachael Harrison said, according to The Sheffield Star. But as he jumped over some railings, he injured himself some more.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Denise Re: Laptop sound Dear Webby, I got a laptop for the anniversary, with that wonky W10 on it, but I used your Classic Shell to get the W7 look and feel again. I am not stupid. However, the sound is still very crappy. I can do better with a comb and some parchment paper. How can I fix the zilly Kazoo? Denise Dear Denise You can't. With the cheap little squeakers in there, what you hear now is the best you will ever get out of that machine. To get decent sound you have to add external speakers, preferably amplified ones. there are amplified speakers, that are made to work with computers. Logitech makes some very good ones. You can also go to the local Pawn show and see what they got. Look for a boom box or living room stereo, that has AUX input lugs or sockets, originally intended for record player or external tape decks. Then ask for a cable to connect from the GREEN socket of the laptop, 1/8" stereo, to the boom box or house stereo. Connect, adjust the volume way down to minimize damage to your fine crystal, and you are all set. Unlike the cheap squeakers in laptops, quite often the built in microphone is good enough so that the Microsoft and the CIA can hear every whisper in the room, and is plenty good enough for video conferencing. You CAN attach a head set or boom microphone. That cuts off the CIA snooper and gives the focus to the external microphone. If you don't want the CIA and Snowden to record what you do with the postman, put the external microphone in front of the radio. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ The above joke reminds me of this fact: Giant Canadian/US retailer Home Depot has issued a company policy that no store is to do any more business with the US government or its representatives. Why? They prefer to hire people with experience in construction and building trades or their spouses who generally know as much about hardware, people who speak the local language fluently, and people who are physically in good enough shape to be able to assist customers with loading their purchases. However, if they sell above a certain amount of stuff to the US government, they fall under contractor or supplier status and have to employ according to government regulations. Right now that would mean firing a lot of women and hire more men, even if they are in no shape to lift a bag of cement that is as heavy as a kid, or don't know what cement is. They would have to fire local people who live within walking distance of the store and hire a certain percentage of new immigrants, etc., etc. Therefore, when they had to choose between customer service as usual versus government style, they decided to tell the governement to go shop elsewhere. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Double Chocolate Toffee Cookies Ingredients: 3/4 cup cocoa 1 tsp baking soda 1/2 tsp salt 1 cup butter, softened 2/3 cup granulated sugar 2/3 cup packed, brown sugar 1 tsp vanilla extract 2 eggs 1/2 cup chocolate chips 1/2 cup toffee bits Steps: Preheat oven to 350º F. Combine flour, cocoa, baking soda and salt in medium bowl. Beat butter, granulated sugar, brown sugar and vanilla extract in large mixer bowl until creamy. Add eggs, one at a time, beating well after each addition. Gradually beat in flour mixture. Stir in chips and toffee bits. Place by spoonful on greased baking sheets. Bake for 9 to 11 minutes. Link: By Rae G. [20] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ On her way back from the concession stand, Sally asked a man at the end of the row of seats, "Pardon me, but did I step on your foot before?" Expecting an apology, the man said, "Indeed you did." Sally nodded, "Oh good. Then this is my row." ___________________________________________________
juggling at the White House
____________________________________________________ Gina was trying to get her eigth-grade history class to understand how the Indians must have felt when they first encountered the Spanish explorers. "How would you feel," she asked, "if someone showed up on your doorstep who looked very different, spoke in a strange way that you don't understand, and wore weird and unusual clothes? Wouldn't you be a bit scared?" "Nah," one girl answered, "That pretty well describes Bozo, my sister's boyfriend, and I've beaten him up three times already." ____________________________________________________ The FBI issued a warning, in a Lancaster County, Pennsylvania newspaper, that they suspect a terrorist may be hiding in the Amish community here. This photo provided the first clue that triggered the investigation: ____________________________________________________
Some beautiful, some amusing snow and ice art in Japan.

Today, December 4, in
1812 Peter Gaillard patented the power mower. 
1918 U.S. President Woodrow Wilson set sail for France to attend 
 the Versailles Peace Conference. Wilson became the first chief 
 executive to travel to Europe while in office. 
1942 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt ordered the dismantling 
 of the Works Progress Administration. The program had been 
 created in order to provide jobs during the Great Depression. 
1942 U.S. bombers attacked the Italian mainland for the first 
 time during World War II. 
1943 Baseball Commissioner Kenesaw Mountain Landis announced that 
 any club was free to employ black players. 
1965 The U.S. launched Gemini 7 with Air Force Lt. Col. Frank 
 Borman and Navy Comdr. James A. Lovell on board. 
1973 Pioneer 10 reached Jupiter. 
1977 Jean-Bedel Bokassa, ruler of the Central African Empire, 
 crowned himself emperor in a ceremony believed to have cost 
 more than $100 million. He was deposed 2 years later. 
1978 Dianne Feinstein became San Francisco's first woman mayor 
 when she was named to replace George Moscone, who had been 
1980 The bodies of four American nuns slain in El Salvador two 
 days earlier were unearthed. Five national guardsmen were 
 later convicted of the murders. 
1983 U.S. jet fighters struck Syrian anti-aircraft positions 
 in Lebanon in retaliation for attacks directed at American 
 reconnaissance planes. Navy Lt. Robert O. Goodman Jr. was 
 shot down and captured by Syria. 
1984 A five-day hijack drama began as four men seized a Kuwaiti 
 airliner en route to Pakistan and forced it to land in Tehran. 
 Two American passengers were killed by the hijackers. 
1987 Cuban inmates at a federal prison in Atlanta freed their 
 89 hostages, peacefully ending an 11-day uprising. 
1988 The government of Argentina announced that hundreds of 
 heavily armed soldiers had ended a four-day military revolt. 
1990 Iraq promised to release 3,300 Soviet citizens it was holding. 
1991 Associated Press correspondent Terry Anderson was released 
 after nearly seven years in captivity in Lebanon. 
1991 Pan American World Airways ceased operations. 
1992 U.S. President George H.W. Bush ordered American troops to 
 lead a mercy mission to Somalia. 
1993 The Angolan government and its UNITA guerrilla foes formally 
 adopted terms for a truce. The conflict was killing an estimated 
 1,000 people per day. 
1994 Bosnian Serbs released 53 out of about 400 UN peacekeepers 
 they were holding as insurance against further NATO airstrikes. 
2000 O.J. Simpson was involved in an incident with another motorist 
 in Miami, FL. Simpson was accused of scratching the other motorists 
 face while pulling off the man's glasses. 
2001 O.J. Simpson's home in Florida was raided by the FBI in an 
 ongoing two year international investigation into drug trafficking, 
 satellite service pilfering and money laundering. Some satellite 
 equipment was taken from Simpson's home and no drugs were found. 
2015  smiled.

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