Better sound for laptops 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, December 5

In Austria, where I grew up, tonight is the night when 
St Nicolaus and a devil come around, read the kids the
riot act about what they have to stop or start doing,
praise them for what they did right, and leave them some
goodies.

All during Grade and High School I had been threatened 
quite frequently to be sent to Jagdberg, a former castle
converted to a Juvenile jail school with very high stone 
walls. 
While going to University a professor conned me into being
Santa at Jagdberg. 
Picture me in Santa clothes on my motorcycle riding twenty 
miles to Jagdberg. When I got there they gave me two shots
of Schnaps to ease my stage fright, and handed me a big sack
full of little ones, and a big old book with a hand written
page for each boy inserted between the pages.

My speeches to the first few boys were a bit awkward, but 
then the stage fright medicine started to work, and I quickly
got the hang of it. After a few classess I was even told to
shorten my speeches and be a bit less dramatic.

Eventually I finished with all 640 inmates and started on 
the guards and teachers. I had no papers on those, but faked
their sins and achievements quite nicely. By that time I
was on a roll!

Then they gave me coffee and a very nice sandwich with cold 
cuts in it, and shoed me out. By that time it was about
11 PM and snowing. So I stopped at my girlfriend's place and
gave her the baggie of treats that they had given me for my
effort. By the time I got out of there it was almost getting 
light. I made it home in time to change clothes and ride off
to University. 

Good old days!
Have FUN!
DearWebby

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Today's Bonehead Award goes to Michigan men who robbed and beat up a cerbral palsy victim and posted the beating on their own and his FaceBook page. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, December 4, in 1492 Christopher Columbus discovered Hispaniola (now Haiti). History ______________________________________________________ The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity. --- Dorothy Parker (1893 - 1967) The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready. --- Henry David Thoreau ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ On an airplane, I overheard a stewardess talking to an elderly couple in front of me. Learning that it was the couple's 50th wedding anniversary, the flight attendant congratulated them and asked how they had done it. "It all felt like five minutes..." the gentleman said slowly. The stewardess had just begun to remark on what a sweet statement that was when he finished his sentence with a word that earned him a sharp smack on the head: "..underwater." ______________________________________________________ Sam made an appointment with a urologist, famous for his work in the field of impotence. The doctor examined him and said, "You're in remarkably good condition for a man of 85. Why are you here?" Sam replied, "My friend Max says he has sex twice a week. I can't do that." The doctor shrugged. "Yes you can. You can certainly SAY you have sex as many times a week as you like." ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ >Reported by Lillemor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Nikey Dashone Walker and Shadeed Dontae Bey, both 20, Pontiac, Michigan
Cops: 'Cowards' film beating of man with cerebral palsy Documented in some of the most graphic videos ever released by the Oakland County Sheriff’s Office, two men were charged Tuesday with the vicious beating of a 23-year-old Pontiac man who has cerebral palsy. In the video — filmed by the man’s attackers and posted on their Facebook page, according to police — the victim can be seen lying on the concrete floor of an apartment building’s stairwell while his assailants kick and pummel him while shouting profanities and calling him the "n" word. "Preying on those in our community who suffer from disabilities will not be tolerated and furthermore, to have the audacity to post their actions on the victim’s page is beyond belief," Oakland County Sheriff Michael Bouchard said in a statement, adding: "I am proud of the deputies at the Pontiac substation and the excellent investigative work that was completed in order to bring these two cowards to justice." According to police, deputies responded to the Phoenix Place Apartments at 8:30 a.m. Monday, after a caller said an injured man was lying in front of the building. Officers determined that the victim "was robbed of his cell phone while he was inside his apartment and, after following the assailants, he was beaten by them inside a stairwell," said a news release from Oakland County Undersheriff Mike McCabe. "Detectives learned that the suspects had filmed the assault using the victim's cell phone and then proceeded to post the video to the victim's Facebook page as well as their own personal pages," McCabe said in the release. A few hours after the beating, police arrested the suspects and the pair was arraigned Tuesday in 50th District Court in Pontiac, McCabe said. Authorities have not released the name of the victim, but Frankie Santana, a resident at the complex, told WJBK-TV that he was the man who was assaulted. "Why would they do that and put it on Facebook? That's how you are going to get caught real quickly," Santana said. Santana said the men spit and stomped on him, injuring an eye, but that "nothing is broke." He said he had seen one of the men before. Investigators say they believe they followed someone to get inside the building and then walked into the victim's unlocked apartment. "I crawled through the hallway and knocked on someone's door and that's how I got help," Santana told the TV station. Nikey Dashone Walker and Shadeed Dontae Bey, both 20 and residents of Pontiac, were charged with home invasion, unarmed robbery and assault with intent to do great bodily harm less than murder; and Judge Michael Martinez assigned $25,000 cash bonds to each, McCabe said. Walker has a prior conviction for auto theft and Bey for larceny, trespassing, possession of stolen goods, resisting police and a drug charge, McCabe said in his release. If convicted, they could be sent to prison for 10 years.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Denise Re: Laptop sound Dear Webby, I got a laptop for the anniversary, with that wonky W10 on it, but I used your Classic Shell to get the W7 look and feel again. I am not stupid. However, the sound is still very crappy. I can do better with a comb and some parchment paper. How can I fix the zilly Kazoo? Denise Dear Denise You can't. With the cheap little squeakers in there, what you hear now is the best you will ever get out of that machine. To get decent sound you have to add external speakers, preferably amplified ones. there are amplified speakers, that are made to work with computers. Logitech makes some very good ones. You can also go to the local Pawn show and see what they got. Look for a boom box or living room stereo, that has AUX input lugs or sockets, originally intended for record player or external tape decks. Then ask for a cable to connect from the GREEN socket of the laptop, 1/8" stereo, to the boom box or house stereo. Connect, adjust the volume way down to minimize damage to your fine crystal, and you are all set. Unlike the cheap squeakers in laptops, quite often the built in microphone is good enough so that Microsoft and the CIA can hear every whisper in the room, and is plenty good enough for video conferencing. You CAN attach a head set or boom microphone. That cuts off the CIA snooper and gives the focus to the external microphone. If you don't want the CIA and Snowden to record what you do with the postman, put the external microphone in front of the radio. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ One afternoon, two doctors from India were having an animated discussion. "I say it's spelled 'W-H-O-O-M'," said the first Indian doctor. "No, it is 'W-H-O-M-B'," said the other Indian doctor. An American nurse passing by said, "Excuse me, you are both wrong. It is spelled 'W-O-M-B'." "Thank you nurse," said one of the doctors, "but we prefer to settle this argument ourselves. Besides, we don't think you are in a position to describe the sound of an elephant passing wind under water." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Decoupaged Photo on Wood This is an easy way to place a photo on wood. Approximate Time: More than 24 hourslazy Susan with photos Supplies: One photo printed on "regular" copy paper. Do NOT use a photograph printed on anything but copy paper! wax paper Martha Stewart Decoupage (There is one for light surfaces and one for dark surfaces. Choose according to what you are placing your photo on.) Rustoleum Ultra Cover Clear Gloss Steps: Print out your photo. Cut photo and lay right side up on wax paper. Spread decoupage evenly over the surface of the photo. Turn upside down (decoupage down on wooden surface) If you use something with a word, take this into consideration! Decoupaged Photo on Wood Wait 24 hours. Use a sponge and water to wipe off the paper and the photo will appear. Spray the clear Rustoeum over the wooden surface. I would suggest trying this on a scrap piece of wood first. You will be pleased with the results of even your first attempt. As you can see, I used a lazy Susan and will be a welcome gift. Source: This is a Martha Stewart Product By Sandy [48] If you have a Laser printer, or if a friend has one, you can simply put the picture upside down onto smoothly sanded wood and iron it. The picture will transfer to the wood. Pinning the picture will keep it from moving during the ironing. Some types of wood will need two applications. In that case mark the outline with a pencil. You can erase that before you spray the clear coat on it. For smooth wood pieces check at the Dollar store. They have lots of wood plaques with pious or smart-ass sayings painted on the front, and smooth wood in the back. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Two men were sitting at a bar recounting their dreams. "I dreamed I was on vacation," one man said fondly. "It was just me and my fishing rod and this big beautiful lake. What a dream." "I had a great dream too," said the other. "I dreamed I was in bed with two beautiful women and having the time of my life." His companion looked over and exhorted, "You dreamed you had two beautiful women, and you didn't call me?" "Oh, I did," said the other, "but when I called, your wife said you'd gone fishing." ___________________________________________________
juggling at the White House
____________________________________________________ An attractive young woman who had just had surgery performed on her asked the doctor, "Will the scar show?" The doctor replied, "That's entirely up to you." ____________________________________________________ "Arthur's wife convinced him to sign what's called a living will. It's a document that gives her the right, if he becomes attached to some mechanical device, to terminate his life. So, yesterday, while he was on his new exercise bike, with the heart rate monitor, the blood oxygen monitor, the breathing rate monitor and the temperature monitors attached to him. . . ." ____________________________________________________
Some beautiful, some amusing snow and ice art in Japan.

Today, December 5, in
1492 Christopher Columbus discovered Hispaniola (now Haiti). 
1560 Charles IX succeeded as King of France on the death 
 of Francis II. 
1766 James Christie, founder of the famous auctioneers, held 
 his first sale in London. 
1797 Napoleon Bonaparte arrived in Paris to command forces for 
 the invasion of England. 
1812 Napoleon Bonaparte left his army as they were retreating 
 from Russia. 
1848 U.S. President Polk triggered the Gold Rush of '49 by 
 confirming the fact that gold had been discovered in California. 
1876 The Stillson wrench was patented by D.C. Stillson. The 
 device was the first practical pipe wrench. 
1904 The Russian fleet was destroyed by the Japanese at Port Arthur
 during the Russo-Japanese War. 
1908 At the University of Pittsburgh, numerals were first used on 
 football uniforms worn by college football players. 
1913 Britain outlawed the sending of arms to Ireland. 
1932 German physicist Albert Einstein was granted a visa making it 
 possible for him to travel to the U.S. 
1933 Prohibition came to an end when Utah became the 36th state 
 to ratify the 21st Amendment to the U.S. Constitution. 
1934 Fighting broke out between Italian and Ethiopian troops on 
 the Somalian border. 
1934 The Soviet Union executed 66 people charged with plotting 
 against Joseph Stalin's government. 
1935 In Montebello, CA, the first commercial hydrophonics 
 operation was established. 
1936 The Soviet Union adopted a new Constitution
1944 During World War II, Allied troops took Ravenna, Italy. 
1945 The so-called "Lost Squadron" disappeared. The five U.S. 
 Navy Avenger bombers carrying 14 Navy flyers began a training 
 mission at the Ft. Lauderdale Naval Air Station. They were 
 never heard from again. 
1951 The first push button-controlled garage opened in 
 Washington, DC. 
1956 British and French forces began a withdrawal from Egypt 
 during the Suez War. 
1958 Britain's first motorway, the Preston by-pass, was opened 
 by Prime Minister Macmillan. 
1961 United Nations forces launched an attack in Katanga, Congo, 
 near Elizabethville. 
1971 The Soviet Union, at United Nations Security Council, 
 vetoed a resolution calling for a cease-fire in hostilities 
 between India and Pakistan over Kashmir. 
1977 Egypt broke diplomatic relations with Syria, Libya, Algeria, 
 Iraq and South Yemen due to peaceful relations with Israel. 
1978 The American space probe Pioneer Venus I, orbiting Venus, 
 began beaming back its first information and picture of the planet. 
1979 Sonia Johnson was formally excommunicated by the Mormon Church 
 due to her outspoken support for the proposed Equal Rights Amendment 
 to the Constitution. 
1983 In west Beirut, Lebanon, more than a dozen people were killed 
 when a car bomb shattered a nine-story apartment building. 
1984 Iran's official news agency quoted the hijackers of a Kuwaiti 
 jetliner parked at Tehran airport as saying they would blow up the 
 plane unless Kuwait released 14 imprisoned extremists. 
1988 Jim Bakker and former aide Richard Dortch were indicted by a 
 federal grand jury in North Carolina on fraud and conspiracy charges. 
1989 East Germany's former leaders were placed under house arrest. 
1998 James P. Hoffa became the head of the Teamsters union, 
 23 years after his father was the head. His father disappeared 
 and was presumed dead. 
2001 In Germany, Afghan leaders signed a pact to create a temporary 
administration for post-Taliban Afghanistan. Two women were included 
 in the cabinet structure. Hamid Karzai and his Cabinet were planned 
 to take over power in Afghanistan on December 22. 
2008 The iTunes Music Store reached 300 million applications
 downloaded. 
2010 NASA's Mars Odyssey spacecraft became the longest-operating 
 spacecraft ever sent to Mars. The Odyssey entered orbit around Mars 
 on October 23, 2001. 
2014 NASA's Orion Multi-Purpose Crew Vehicle (MPCV) debuted when 
 it was launched for a four hour test flight. It landed on target 
 in the Pacific Ocean. 
2015  smiled.


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