Why ignore the bottom part of a graph 

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Today is Monday, December 8

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Today's Bonehead Award goes to an Illinois man, who punched his girlfriend, hid in vacant apartment, blocked jail cell toilet and masturbated Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, December 7, in 1926 The gas operated refrigerator was patented by The Electrolux Servel Corporation. History ______________________________________________________ A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing. --- Joey Adams ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ During the cold war we had a series of radar sites known as the "Distant Early Warning" system or "DEW" line, a string of big huge radar stations in Northern Canada, powerful enough to microwave a goose at 5 Miles, advanced enough to look over the North Pole into Russia, accurate enough to tell the difference between a thrown rolling pin and a missile. Gradually the satellites took over the surveillance job and the DEW line got abandoned and just sat there rusting away quietly. Only recently some contractors were sent up there to dismantle the sites and bury or cart away the remains. One mechanic stationed there asked his buddy at home to arrange a date for him when he got leave. The buddy did so, but told the girl that she'd better be careful, as the guy had been working on the DEW line for 6 months. She replied, "No problem. I've been working on my 'DON'T line' for six years." ______________________________________________________ Larry's barn burned down and his wife, Susan, called the insurance company. Susan told the insurance company, "We had that barn insured for fifty thousand and I want my money." The agent replied, "Whoa there, just a minute, Susan. Insurance doesn't work quite like that. We will ascertain the value of the barn just before it burned, and provide you with a new one of comparable worth, up to a maximum of fifty thousand dollars." There was a long pause before Susan replied, "In THAT case, I'd like to cancel the policy on my husband RIGHT friendly NOW!" ______________________________________________________ Aetna smoking without a permit ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ >Reported by Lillemor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Matthew Campus, 23, Wilmington, Illinois
Illinois man punched girlfriend, hid in vacant apartment, blocked jail cell toilet and masturbated A Wilmington man started Thanksgiving morning by punching his girlfriend and hiding out from the cops in an empty apartment, then blocked up his holding cell toilet with clothes, masturbated, tried to escape from a moving squad car and bit an officer, police said. By early afternoon, 23-year-old Matthew Campus had ended up in the Will County jail. He appeared in court Friday morning but his bond information was not available. Officers were sent to Campus’ County Road home and spoke to his girlfriend, who reportedly said he punched her several times “during an argument over alcohol.” Campus’ sister witnessed the attack, police said. Campus hid out in a vacant apartment in his building, police said, but he was hunted down by two officers. The cops carted Campus off to the police station but once he got there, he “started threatening officers and their families with physical violence,” police said. “While being placed into a holding room Campus spit on the officers. Once in the holding room Campus removed his clothing and began to masturbate and continued to make threats to the officers. Campus then packed some of his clothing into the toilet of the holding room and attempted to flood the room.” At this point, the cops loaded Campus into a squad car so they could take him over to the county jail. “While being transported, Campus attempted to escape by breaking a portion of the prisoner transport partition and trying to climb to the rear storage area and door hatch on Route 53 in Elwood,” police said. “The Elwood Police Department responded to assist.” At the jail, “Campus continued to threaten officers and deputies,” police said, and he was taken to Presence St. Joseph Medical Center. “Campus continued to be aggressive towards paramedics and medical staff, using profanities and spitting on them and officers,” police said. “Campus damaged equipment at the medical center and bit a police officer.” Campus was returned to jail after a brief stay at the hospital.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Lynn Re: Why not show lower 130 in graph? Dear Webby, Who told you about my lower 130? Just kidding. I don't understand why deduct the 130 and not show it in the graph. What is the reasoning behind that? Wouldn't that distort the graph? Lynn Dear Lynn There is no change in the lower 130, so we can ignore that. It is as if you were simply covering up that part of the graph and only looked at the top. By only looking at the changing tops, and stretching the colums in the graph so that the few pounds of change are stretched the full height of the graph, you see the actual changes greatly and equally emphasized. 4 - 5 pounds change are a tiny wiggle of 150, but a significant jump of 20. That is all we are doing. We justb cover up the bottom 130 and zoom the upper balance to the full height of the graph. Unlike what the Gullible Warming grant recipients do, who can't predict next Tuesday's weather but claim the polar ice caps will melt in 2050 unless they get more grant money, you simply zoom onto and visualize the changes. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ How can you tell if people are married ? "You might have to guess based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Very Easy Poached Egg This is a very easy way to poach an egg in one minute that turns out perfect every time. Approximate Time: 90 seconds Yield: 1 serving Ingredients: 1/2 cup water 1 egg Steps: Put water in a glass cereal bowl. Add 1 egg. Cover and microwave for 1 minute. Pour water off the egg through a slotted spoon. Source: Myself By CaroleeRose [4] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ The teacher asked: What do you think your mom and dad have in common? Little Johnnie: "Both don't want no more kids." ___________________________________________________
Sent by Lillemor: When the lights go out
____________________________________________________ Arthur goes into the travel agency and proclaims, "I've seen your ad about a $49.00 trip to Hawaii, and I'd like to go." The travel agent says, "Listen, friend, this is my first day here, but I know about all the details of that crumby $49.00 offer, and believe me, you DON'T want it. Take the next best offer, which is only $1,399.00." "Oh, no you don't," says the Arthur, "you're not going to catch ME with that bait and switch. The ad says `$49.00 to Hawaii,' and THAT's what I want." "Okay," says the agent, who takes his money then grabs a baseball bat from under the desk and hits him on the head. Arthur wakes up a few hours later, on a raft out in the Pacific Ocean! He looks around, and there's NOTHING, only he and another guy on the raft. "What are we going to do?" cries our hero, "surely they'll send a ship for us. Do we get meals and booze?" "I don't think so," responds his new-found travelling companion, "they didn't last year, and if you don't have any booze in your back pocket, you are out of luck." ____________________________________________________ The tough businessman was feeling very ill and went to the doctor. The medical man examined him and backed away, saying: "I'm sorry to tell you this, but you have an advanced case of highly infectious rabies. You must have had it for some time. It will almost certainly be fatal." "Could you give me a pen and paper?" said the businessman. "Do you want to write your will?" "No, I want to make a list of all the people with overdue invoices, and then I am going out for a few bites." ____________________________________________________
The ring dance.

Today, December 7, in
1431 In Paris, Henry VI of England was crowned King of France. 
1907 At London's National Sporting Club, Eugene Corri became 
 the first referee to officiate from inside a boxing ring. 
1925 Swimmer Johnny Weissmuller set a world record in the 
 150-yard freestyle with a time of 1 minute, 25 and 2/5 seconds. 
 He went on to play "Tarzan" in several movies. 
1926 The gas operated refrigerator was patented by The 
 Electrolux Servel Corporation. 
1941 Pearl Harbor, located on the Hawaiian island of Oahu was 
 attacked by nearly 200 Japanese warplanes. The attack 
 resulted in the U.S. entering into World War II. 
1946 A fire at the Winecoff Hotel in Atlanta killed 119 people. 
 It was America's worst hotel fire disaster. The hotel founder, 
 W. Frank Winecoff, was also killed in the fire. 
1971 Libya announced the nationalization of British Petroleum's 
 assets. They never forgave them for that.
1972 Apollo 17 was launched at Cape Canaveral. It was the last 
 U.S. moon mission. 
1972 Imelda Marcos, wife of Philippine President Ferdinand E. 
 Marcos, was stabbed and seriously wounded by an assailant. 
 The man was then shot and killed by her bodyguards. 
1974 President Makarios returned to Cyprus after five months 
 in exile. 
1980 General Antonio Ramlho Eanes was reelected president of 
 Portugal. His right-wing opposition was thrown into disarray 
 by the death of Premier Francisco Sa Carneiro in a plane crash. 
1982 Charlie Brooks Junior, a convicted murderer, became the 
 first prisoner in the U.S. to be executed by injection, at a 
 prison in Huntsville, TX. 
1983 Madrid, Spain, an Aviaco DC-9 collided on a runway with 
 an Iberia Air Lines Boeing 727 that was accelerating for 
 takeoff. The collision resulted in the death of all 42 people 
 aboard the DC-9 and 51 on the Iberia jet. 
1987 43 people were killed when a gunman opened fire on a 
 fellow passenger and the two pilots aboard a Pacific Southwest 
 Airlines jetliner. 
1988 An estimated 25,000 people were killed when a major 
 earthquake hit northern Armenia in the Soviet Union. The quake 
 measured 6.9 on the Richter Scale. 
1989 East Germany's Communist Party agreed to cooperate with the 
 plan for free elections and a revised constitution. 
1992 The U.S. Supreme Court rejected a Mississippi abortion law which
 required women to get counseling and then wait 24 hours before 
 terminating their pregnancies. 
1993 Six people were killed and 17 were injured when a gunman opened 
 fire on a Long Island Rail Road commuter train. 
1993 Energy Secretary Hazel O'Leary revealed that the U.S. government 
 had conducted more than 200 nuclear weapons tests in secret at its 
 Nevada test site. 
1995 A probe sent from the Galileo spacecraft entered into Jupiter's 
 atmosphere. The probe sent back data to the mothership before it 
 was presumably destroyed. 
1996 The space shuttle Columbia returned from the longest-ever 
 shuttle flight of 17 days, 15 hours and 54 minutes. 
1998 The U.N. evacuated 14 peacekeepers that were trapped by fighting 
 between army and rebel forces in central Angola. 
2002 In Mymensingh, Bangladesh, four movie theaters were bombed 
 within 30 minutes of each other. At least 15 people were killed 
 and over 200 were injured. 
2015  smiled.

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