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Today is Saturday, December 12

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Today's Bonehead Award goes to a California man arrested after he car jacks FedEx truck, but did not know how to drive it. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, December 12, in 1792 In Vienna, 22-year-old Ludwig van Beethoven received one of his first lessons in music composition from Franz Joseph Haydn. History ______________________________________________________ When we ask for advice, we are usually looking for an accomplice. --- Marquis de la Grange (1639 - 1692) ______________________________________________________ A realty salesman had just closed his first deal, only to discover that the piece of land he had sold was completely under water. "That customer's going to come back here pretty mad," he said to his boss. "Should I give him his money back?" "Money back? Are you crazy???" roared the boss. "What kind of salesman are you? Get out there and sell him a houseboat." ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A knight and his men return to their castle after a hard month of riding. "How are we faring?" his king asks. "Sire," replies the knight, "I have been robbing and pillaging on your behalf all month, burning the towns of your enemies in the west." "What?!" shrieks the king. "I don't have any enemies to the west!" "Oh." replies the knight. "Well, you do now." ______________________________________________________ Rina puts a book on the librarian's desk and says, "This book has no story and way too many characters." The librarian says, "Thanks for bringing the phone book back!" ______________________________________________________ Heirloom Big Book Of Classic Christmas Stories 2nd Edition with more stories and pictures $10 instant download ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ >Reported by Wayne An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Albert Luna, 19, Coachella, California
California man arrested after he car jacks FedEx truck, but did not know how to drive it. A 19-year-old man is behind bars today for allegedly trying to carjack a FedEx delivery truck. Albert Luna was being held in lieu of $60,000 bail at the Riverside County jail in Indio, where he was booked on suspicion of carjacking. The attempted carjacking was reported about 3:45 p.m. Saturday in the 85000 block of Araby Avenue, sheriff's Sgt. John Clark said. A delivery driver was parked in front of a home, unloading packages, when Luna allegedly got into the truck and demanded the keys, the sergeant said. The driver gave the suspect the keys and ran to a nearby home to call authorities, Clark said. The suspect, meanwhile, allegedly started the truck, but didn't know how to drive it, so he ran away, the sergeant said. Luna was identified and arrested during a follow-up investigation on Sunday, Clark said.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ron Re: Book printer Dear Webby, Once upon a time you mentioned a printer utility for printing big PDF files in paperback format for easier reading on airplanes and buses. Do you still have that link? Ron Dear Ron Yes, of course! ClickBook is a fantastic tool that is indispensable. With Clickbook you can print in any format you can dream of. I use it to print in paperbook size (Half page) It shuffles things and tells you to hit GO, then it prints one side. Then it tells you to drop the output into the Input tray without turning anythging. Then it runs the back sides. After that, you drive some staples through the center, and fold it.All pages are in proper sequence, printed front and back. Book is ready. You just glue a cute cover around it, and it is done. It boggles the mind how it shuffles the pages so that they all are in proper sequence front ant back, when they are folded. Clickbook has over 170 different layouts to choose from. You can even do tri-fold brochures and CD case inserts. Have FUN! DearWebby A man with a heart condition inherits a million dollars. His family, concerned that the shock might trigger a heart attack, asks his minister to tell him about the windfall. The minister goes to the man's house and, after pleasantries, asks him, "What would you do if you inherited a million dollars?" "Well, pastor," the man says, "I think I would give half of it to your church." At that, the pastor keels over dead. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Peeling Boiled Eggs Years ago when I cooked a lot, I read a tip for preventing eggs from cracking while being boiled. The method was simple; punch a hole in one end of the eggs with a pin before dropping them into the water. This method works very well. Note: I always peel my eggs under running water. Once water gets between the shell membrane and the egg, the shell slides off easily, sometimes in as little as three or four large pieces. By likekinds [113] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A little boy returning home from his first day at school said to his mother, "Mom, what's sex?" His mother, who believed in all the most modern educational theories, gave him a detailed explanation, covering all aspects of the tricky subject. When she had finished, the little lad produced a soccer enrollment form which he had brought home from school and said, "Yes, but how am I going to get all that into this one little square that has only room for one letter?" ___________________________________________________
Snowball fight
____________________________________________________ Two young men are speculating on how long they might live, and one says he thinks he has a long life ahead of him. "After all," he says, "my grandfather lived to be 96." "Ninety-six? What finally got him?" the other man asks. "Liquor and women." "Well, that just goes to show you," snickers the friend, "both will get you in the end." "Well actually, no, it's not what you think," says the first man. "Toward the end, Grandpa couldn't get either one, so he just laid down and died." ____________________________________________________ Two highway patrolmen stop a driver for speeding on the state highway in Waxahachie, Texas. As they are writing up the ticket, one trooper turns to the other and asks, "How do you spell Waxahachie?" The other one replies, "I don't know." "What are we going to do?" the first one asks. "If we spell it wrong, the judge will dismiss the charge." "Well," says his partner, "why don't we just let him go and stop him again when he gets to Waco?" ____________________________________________________
7 Day Forecast

Today, December 12, in
1791 The Bank of the United States, also known as the First Bank, 
 opened for business in Philadelphia, PA. 
1792 In Vienna, 22-year-old Ludwig van Beethoven received one of 
 his first lessons in music composition from Franz Joseph Haydn. 
1800 Washington, DC, was established as the capital of the US. 
1896 Guglielmo Marconi gave the first public demonstration 
 of radio at Toynbee Hall, London. 
1899 George Grant patented the wooden golf tee. 
1900 Charles M. Schwab formed the United States Steel Corporation. 
1901 The first radio signal to cross the Atlantic was picked up 
 near St. John's Newfoundland, by inventor Guglielmo Marconi. 
1915 The first all-metal aircraft, the German Junkers J1, made 
 its first flight. 
1917 Father Edward Flanagan opened Boys Town in Nebraska. The 
 farm village was for wayward boys. In 1979 it was opened to girls. 
1925 The "Motel Inn," the first motel in the world, opened in 
 San Luis Obispo, CA. 
1937 Japanese aircraft sank the U.S. gunboat "Panay" on China's 
 Yangtze River. Japan apologized for the attack, and paid 
 $2.2 million in reparations. 
1946 A United Nations committee voted to accept a six-block tract 
 of Manhattan real estate to be the site of the UN's headquarters. 
 The land was offered as a gift by John D. Rockefeller Jr. 
1951 The U.S. Navy Department announced that the world's first 
 nuclear powered submarine would become the sixth ship to bear 
 the name Nautilus. 
1955 It was announced that the Ford Foundation gave $500,000,000 
 to private hospitals, colleges and medical schools. 
1955 British engineer Christopher Cockerell patented the first 
1963 Kenya gained its independence from Britain. 
1983 Car bombs were set off in front of the French and U.S. 
 embassies in Kuwait City. Shiite extremists were responsible 
 for the five deaths and 86 wounded. Total of five bombs went 
 off in different locations. 
1984 In a telephone conversation with U.S. President Reagan, 
 William J. Schroeder complained of a delay in his Social 
 Security benefits. Schroeder received a check the following day. 
1985 248 American soldiers and eight crewmembers were killed when 
 an Arrow Air charter crashed in Gander, Newfoundland after takeoff. 
1989 Britain forcibly removed 51 Vietnamese from Hong Kong and 
 returned them to their homeland. 
1989 Leona Helmsley was fined $7 million and sentenced to four 
 years in prison for tax evasion. 
1991 At the Stanford Linear Accelerator Center (SLAC) in California, 
 the first web server outside of Europe was installed. 
1995 The U.S. Senate stopped a constitutional amendment giving 
 Congress authority to outlaw flag burning and other forms of 
 desecration against the American flag. 
1995 Two French airmen shot down over Bosnia arrived home after 
 almost four months of being held captive by the Bosnian Serbs. 
1997 Ilich Ramirez Sanchez, the international terrorist known as 
 "Carlos the Jackal," went on trial in Paris on charges of killing 
 two French investigators and a Lebanese national. He was 
 convicted and sentenced to life in prison. 
1997 The U.S. Justice Department ordered Microsoft to sell its 
 Internet browser separately from its Windows operating system to 
 prevent it from building a monopoly of Web access programs. 
2000 Timothy McVeigh, over the objections of his lawyers, abandoned 
 his final round of appeals and asked that his execution be set 
 within 120 days. McVeigh was convicted of the April 1995 truck 
 bombing of the Alfred P. Murrah Fedal Building in Oklahoma City, OK, 
 that killed 168 and injured 500. 
2001 Gerardo Hernandez was sentenced to life in prison for being the 
 leader of a Cuban spy ring. His conviction was based on his role in 
 the infiltration of U.S. military bases and in the deaths of four 
 Cuban-Americans whose planes were shot down five years before. 
2001 In Beverly Hills, CA, actress Winona Ryder was arrested at 
 Saks Fifth Avenue for shoplifting and possessing pharmaceutical 
 drugs without a prescription. The numerous items of clothing and 
 hair accessories were valued at $4,760. 
2002 North Korea announced that it would reactivate a nuclear power 
 plant that U.S. officials believed was being used to develop weapons.
2015  smiled.

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